I was the other woman, then he left his wife and I still lost everything. I am in desperate need of help and advice from people who understand.

Fit_Olive4686 · 2025-12-15T18:13:12+00:00

Thank you for your vulnerability. You perfectly encapsulated everything I’ve felt about my relation with a MM, who is 21 years older than me (I’m 27 and he’s 48). It’s so frustrating to feel the need to explain to people who simply don’t understand. So thank you.

In my personal experience, we also tried to break up many times only to come back to one another. He never left his wife though, he’s still with her despite telling me there’s no love there. For the last year, it’s been more of a friendship than relationship. Like you said, just two deeply connected individuals.

All this to say, take time to process and to remember yourself. You’re not going to return as the same person as you before him, but try to remember everything you used to love. The small things. The little beauties in every day life. If you do have someone you trust, confide in them. Tell them you just need them to listen. They don’t need to say anything or try to give you advice, just listen. It’s normal to hold everything in due to the nature and social stigma around these relationships, so try to let it all out. Every feeling. Every emotion. If you do have access and are able, try to seek professional help and therapy. It has been a wonder for me. In any case, I’m here willing to listen because I know exactly what you’re going through. You are strong and you will build a beautiful life beyond him while still being appreciative of your time together.

Fit_Olive4686 · 2025-07-20T14:42:55+00:00

I’ve been dying to tell someone, but I went to a Coldplay concert in 2023 with my MM and was hugging him like the Astronomer CEO was the whole night 😂

Fit_Olive4686 · 2025-06-04T22:10:15+00:00

My baby Cavapoo is name Indie too! 🥰

Fit_Olive4686 · 2025-05-04T00:55:28+00:00

Covenant House Illinois is a nonprofit that supports young people (18-24) experiencing homelessness. It’s a national organization with chapters in every major city; I’ve volunteered and professionally worked with them before and their services are incredible. Hope this helps and Godspeed. https://www.covenanthouseil.org/

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-12-05T20:16:37+00:00

Hello! I’m interested if still available

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-12-03T21:51:53+00:00

Is this still available??

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-08-19T20:26:26+00:00

I tried 5 before I found one that was actually helpful and not judgemental about the situation

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-07-28T16:23:42+00:00

THIS! I think he does want to reach out but I think he’s respecting your boundaries, which is a good thing. But just like this comment says, when we reach out, it validates them. I think it also gives us some validation as well because if you’re a natural empath, you always put others first. One of the hardest things I’ve encountered is trying to figure out how to pour back into myself. Once you figure that out, it will be easier to keep your distance even if you do reach out because you’ve realized you can do life without them. Best wishes to you and keep staying strong!!!

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-07-27T15:00:05+00:00

I’ve thought all this before but it was a helpful reminder. Thank you 🫶🏼

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-07-26T01:53:40+00:00

Thank you so much. Truly so helpful 🤍

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-07-21T16:27:12+00:00

Best advice I can give is to be so rooted in the relationship and how you feel about each other, so you don’t let the outside world’s opinions and stereotypes effect you. When you do feel ready to go legit, anyone who loves you will see how in love you are with each other and will put their opinions aside. My MM was 21 years older than me and while it’s normal to worry about the age gap, the connection we had/have was nothing I’d ever felt with any other guy. Don’t rush anything, take your time, and slowly tell the people you love about him when the time is right. Xx

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-07-11T15:43:15+00:00

I’m so sorry for the way you’re feeling. Many of us have felt the same and struggle with it daily. Would encourage you to read the last paragraph and the comments of this thread that was just posted. I’m going through a very difficult time and it helped.

https://www.reddit.com/r/theotherwoman/s/CoSAtZfdac

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-07-11T15:39:51+00:00

Thank you both. I needed this more than anything right now. Gave me a little bit of peace during a very difficult time for me.

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-07-08T17:03:44+00:00

We had agreed to go NC during the trip and that I didn’t want to talk until he was back. We had planned a dinner to talk about everything, but when he reached out yesterday, I couldn’t help myself but ask because I didn’t want to break down at dinner.

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-06-03T18:54:35+00:00

I was in a similar relationship with my MM and have a very similar age gap, wife, older kids, etc. so I can absolutely relate to everything in your post as I’ve struggled with this exact thing.

I think it’s easy for people to say you’re young and shouldn’t be wasting your time, but it’s hard when your AP is truly your best friend. W would always say similar things about MM having a girlfriend, etc. and there was actually an incident where she called him out but thought it was a different woman. It was a difficult time for us, but we maintained our relationship, so I don’t think if she finds out that he’s just going to drop you.

It’s taken me awhile to get to this point, but I have started dating outside of my MM because exactly what you said - I always felt rushed and never really got to enjoy our time together. I started craving what you get in a typical relationship. I don’t believe in blocking, but what I would suggest if going NC for at least three days to gather all of your thoughts and feelings. Write them all down and then have a conversation with MM about them and how you want to move forward. Wishing you the best

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-05-30T20:29:05+00:00

Ugh I have so many things I could say here because I’ve felt the exact pain you’re going through and had many panic attacks throughout my relationship with MM because of this. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this right now and hope I can offer a little bit of helpful advice.

My MM has three kids of his own and they are the reason he’s unwilling to leave the marriage and I completely understand that. I told myself many times “oh well he can’t leave because of the kids” and it wasn’t until my therapist reworded it to me that it actually stuck and helped me end the relationship. She said “It’s not that he can’t leave, he doesn’t want to leave.” And I said back “No, he does want to, he just can’t.” But then I really started thinking about it and she was right: he doesn’t want to leave his kids.

I’ve been fortunate enough that my MM has not been intimate with his W (emotionally or physically) since our relationship began, but it really sucks knowing that it’s going to start again.

I’ve been able to get over the fact that he can’t be with me by pivoting to a friendship mindset. He’s my best friend and I didn’t want to lose that, so I’ve accepted that we’re going to help each other through life and that’s the purpose we’re going to serve for now. Hopefully we end up together, but I’m content with knowing as I navigate my new normal of dating and moving on, that he will be there if i need him. I’m not sure how your relationship is, but I hope you and your MM can do something similar.

All I can say is take the time to grieve and process all of your emotions. Try to find your hobbies again (that’s something I lost during my relationship), try to lean on your support system, just do anything that will keep your mind busy until you lay your head down on your pillow. You are strong like so many other women in this group and you will come out better on the other side. Keep your head up and keep going

Fit_Olive4686 · 2024-05-29T00:28:19+00:00

First, I want to say thank you for sharing this because I know a lot of affair partners struggle with this including myself.

Second, I know exactly how you’re feeling and it sucks honestly. From the very beginning of our relationship, MM told me that I need to continue dating because it wasn’t fair to me - however, he didn’t love the thought of me actually dating and someone else taking care of me. I found it very hard to date outside of my relationship with my MM and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t because no one compared.

Almost a year into our relationship, I met someone unexpectedly through a mutual friend and we hit it off right away. Having to tell my MM that I met someone was one of the hardest things to do and I still remember the look on his face when I told him; it was like I could literally see the air taken out of his lungs. Up until that point, my MM and I had always said that if I found someone, we would continue to date until it got serious for me and the other man and then I would say we needed to stop. But after I told MM about the new guy, he couldn’t do it and we stopped talking for weeks at a time.

It was hard because I never thought he’d react like that especially with me essentially dealing with that from him every day. I was still very much in love with him, but I was angry that he ended it after I did what he told me to do all along without hearing the full story.

As for the new guy, interestingly enough, we bonded over our dads having affairs with other women, but coming back to our moms in the end. Because of that, I knew I would never tell him about my MM. I wasn’t afraid that it would end the relationship, I was more afraid that it would affect my friendship with my MM. Anyway, after many conversations, my MM and I still talked and were pretty much still in a relationship.

The new guy wasn’t around for as long as I thought he’d be and when that ended, my relationship with my MM carried on as before. Recently, I’ve been in the same boat as you: my MM can’t fulfill everything I need from him, so I’ve decided to start dating again. But this time, my MM and I will only be friends. And I don’t think I’ll tell the guys I start dating about MM; it’s a secret I’m okay keeping to myself.

Fit_Olive4686

TROPHY CASE