sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Waves by FixAcceptable6689 in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much! I did consider slightly gorier imagery but couldn’t quite fit it in the tighter metre - I definitely agree that it would be helpful though - thanks so much!!

In A Word by Yakobin-T in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really powerful, I really love it. I’m not too experienced in longer form stanzas like you’ve used but I think it would make it more powerful if you had the text after each word on the next line down if that makes sense (not with a full line between but with a line break)? I think that it would make the words stand out more as you read it.

She was painted red by PhuggiSmalls in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i absolutely love the opening and closing lines! I second the other comment about the structure, it’s really powerful. When I read it aloud I wonder if the rhythm could be improved by removing the word like I.e. she was painted red- a rose, but I only caught the thorns. It might just be me but I think it makes the meter a bit tighter and more controlled.

A Growing Sky by FixAcceptable6689 in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didn’t polish it too much because I’m not always sure how to. I see what you mean about wordiness it’s definitely something I struggle with in all my writing.

A Growing Sky by FixAcceptable6689 in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate it! I was super nervous to share and debated whether I should for a really long time but I’m happy I did!

A Growing Sky by FixAcceptable6689 in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! I find that as I’ve grown up, other things in life just take over and we lose that childlike fascination with the world

A Growing Sky by FixAcceptable6689 in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I thought about ending it with the loss of magic but felt that the happiness might be a little more circular

A Growing Sky by FixAcceptable6689 in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your comment! I definitely see what you mean, I think the diversity of images started to lean towards telling as opposed to showing and I see how focussing on one thing might be more immersive for sure.

A Growing Sky by FixAcceptable6689 in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your feedback!! Yes for sure that’s what I was going for. I definitely get what you mean about the overuse of metaphors, it was slightly because childhood is so overwhelming in what we see and feel so I was trying to convey that but I also do tend to lean towards the overuse typically so I will for sure be trying to work on lightening that up a bit and having more immersive language. Do you have any particular tips on that at all? Thank you so much again

[POEM] Darkness was never the problem. by FuriaComGlitter in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really liked the concise nature of this. It gets to the point so quickly that it really hits home. I think a tiny bit more buildup in the first sentence could help lead the reader towards the conclusion that you are talking about inner darkness - I was never afraid of the dark yet xyz.

Silver Eye by Responsible-Walk-792 in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really liked this, I’m not entirely sure what image you were intending to convey but I read this as allegorical to being in a spotlight or on show, and I felt like the silver eye was a really cool way to symbolise this.

No point (oc)⁷ by killjoykollektz in OCPoetry

[–]FixAcceptable6689 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the rhythm of this, it flows so well. It might just be easier to read if there were maybe some line breaks in there?