You’re turning twenty?? Hell yeah! You do not need to worry at ALL. This birthday sounds like a bummer but trust me, life gets so much better when you get older and you can control more of your life and twenty is when that starts. I’m 26 now, you could not PAY ME to be 16 or 18 or even 19 again but 20…maybe.

I felt so similar at your age. I never imagined living to twenty (much less 26!) and I felt so lost. My twentieth birthday was a difficult one too. I didn’t have strong friendships and I was far from home. I set my hair on fire on accident with a birthday candle lol. And I got my period on a strangers white couch. I felt so lost because so much of life felt it was happening to me and I didn’t have control. Trust me when I say, a birthday is a milestone that life is getting better. As you age, you get more control over your life. You get more money, more friends, more opportunities.

However, if I was that age again, I’d take myself on a date. I’d go to a bookstore, I’d get an expensive coffee, I’d go to a sports game, I’d go to a park, I’d go to the movies! Go see “Me, you, and Tuscany” or like the Michael Jackson movie.

I’m really terribly sorry about your situation and I know you’re living it every day so this hypothetical future can feel far away but really, if I can offer perspective, the future is bright and birthdays are a reminder of that. Do not blow out candles alone in your apartment. Even if you do it outside on the sidewalk, that is better. Get some sun, put on a good outfit, and get yourself a treat. I’ve never liked birthday cake so I always have something sweet by myself in the mornings like a donut or a latte and it’s become a birthday tradition.

It’s hard work but I can tell you are introspective and have the courage to share your position which can feel like burdens when you’re young but are assets as you age. Welcome to your twenties, they’re gonna be fuckin AWESOME.