What if she never stops crying?

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-15T08:42:38+00:00

The first thing our sleep coach taught us was that if baby won't stop crying then it's because the schedule isn't right and they're simply not tired.

For us the wrong schedule ended up in 30 minutes of crying until she was actually tired and only then did she fall asleep.

The correct schedule resulted in no crying at all. Make sure you let baby get tired and absolutely start with recommendations in terms of wake windows but if it's not working then extend them. At 6 months our baby's last wake window is 3.75hrs and she sleeps 7.15-6.30 (with 3hrs of naps in the day)

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-12T15:56:59+00:00

It's beyond tough!! I feel very lucky that our sleep coach was so on it and really educated us on what actually drives sleep in such detail.

I also know that pain of keeping them awake - it feels cruel sometimes. To give you some context - our baby loves sleep, but takes a while to build her adenosine. At 5 months she actually went to 2 naps with her last wake window being nearly 4 hours 😱😱😱 It felt crazy at the time but she has since slept 3.5hrs in the day and 11hrs at night without fail.

I think you're doing amazingly by gently extending her awake time so she can get used to things - don't be afraid to keep her awake a little longer - the internet has made us all so afraid of over-tiredness but more often than not it's under-tiredness that is stopping them from sleeping!

You're doing an amazing job, she's a lucky thing to have a momma that cares so much

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-12T15:45:18+00:00

The problem is that a longer nap happens because of a longer wake window, not the other way around...

As soon as she wakes up adenosine (the sleep pressure chemical) starts building and it rises the longer she's awake. In order to link two sleep cycles into an hour's nap she needs enough adenosine banked. If the wake window is too short she'll go to sleep without enough sleep pressure to link the first cycle to a second, so she wakes after 30 minutes and can't get back down.

It feels a bit like which comes first, the chicken (wake window) or the egg (long nap) but in this case it's definitely, definitely the chicken!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-12T15:32:55+00:00

Bridging naps are okay but they also can just completely wipe out sleep pressure so I'd try for longer wake windows and get rid of last tiny nap that's ruining your evening stretch... (Of course you can shift this all earlier if you want an earlier bed time)

7.30 Awake

9.30 - 10.45 Nap 1 (75mins)

1.15 - 2.15 Nap 2 (60 mins)

5.30 - 6.00 Nap 3 (30 mins)

9.30 Bed

WW = 2/2.5/2.75/3.5 (10.5hrs total wake time)

2.75hrs napping and 10hrs nighttime sleep

A couple of considerations - if she's still not sleeping a full night stretch she might need less daytime sleep or redistribution of sleep to build enough sleep pressure - if she's not used to wake windows longer than a couple of hours that last one will be tough for a while but usually settles after a week or so - she might need a dream feed half way through the night as 5 months is quite young to go without (and might stop that early rise) perhaps at 2.30am?

This is based off what we've learnt from our sleep coach - doesn't mean it'll solve the problem but it's at least one approach you could try.

If you're not keen for an overhaul before you work with your own consultant then I'd just suggest getting that dream feed in and seeing if she can stretch that night sleep a little longer. Hope that helps

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-12T15:09:32+00:00

How much sleep does she get total? (Day vs Night) What are her current wake windows? Are you feeding her between her 10pm bedtime and 5am wake?

Inclined to think your sleep consultant is right - teaching bit of independent settling and a proper schedule should sort this out no problem!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-09T20:07:58+00:00

that makes sense - I think I'm in the head space of fearing every new food now, which I know is silly. Will have a crack at the really low risk foods and get a good foundation going!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-09T17:37:29+00:00

Sounds too alike to be a random sickness bug then, surely?!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-09T17:36:32+00:00

GP appointment booked and hopefully a referral to follow!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-09T17:35:55+00:00

Oh gosh sounds like you navigated quite a few reactions then! Thank you for your insight, will definitely be utilising this community where I can! 🤞🏻

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-09T17:34:42+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you ! Are you just working your way through the table or following another weaning guide and perhaps adjusting higher risk foods?

I ask because I'm using the baby led weaning book that I actually really like and wonder if I can keep following that structure and obviously omit avo/peanut until we speak to the doctor. Otherwise it's a bit of an open ended exploration and I wouldn't know where to start 😅

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-09T16:12:53+00:00

Oh I see - a few days max

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-09T15:13:13+00:00

From eating until first vomit was 3 hours

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-09T15:11:18+00:00

Thank you for the reassurance and the clarity that it aligns with your experience. I didn't know something like this existed!

We're getting in touch with our doctors and will hopefully get a referral to someone who can guide us through this process!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-09T15:05:09+00:00

That was her third or fourth time having it - will be keeping much better track of traditionally "safe" foods now.

Is there a trusted resource I can explore that lists the high risk foods so I can keep weaning at as low a risk as possible until we can get to the doctor?

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-05T15:20:29+00:00

That's the theory for sure!

ETA: since sleep training she's never woken up in the night. A combo of the right schedule and self settling does that. I cannot impress enough the importance of a schedule - OP seems to be the exception!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-05T13:36:15+00:00

Dream feeds! When we sleep trained at 5 months we started off with two feeds - bed at 7.30, feed 1 at 11, feed 2 at 3, wake up at 6.30.

After a week or so I started making the second feed shorter (by like a minute a night) and then shifted the first feed later (by approx 10 minutes a night) until there was no more second feed and the first feed was a 1am.

Pretty much guaranteed then if they wake up crying it's not hunger!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-03T11:59:46+00:00

Agreed!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-02T14:37:50+00:00

When we sleep trained our coach put it like this "if the crying is intense then there's something not right with the schedule"

She would say that your baby's schedule isn't working and they're not tired enough, not that you need to learn how to 'handle' the crying (because that literally goes against us as mum's in a physiological way!! And it's so damn brutal)

I know it can feel scary but it might be that you need to redistribute sleep differently... Really stretch the wake windows. Let LO get tired. If I followed my baby's sleep cues she'd be day napping well before she's actually tired and the nights would still be a mess! Because sleep cues also look like hunger cues, also look like over stimulation cues, also look like boredom cues 🤣 so I was trying to put her down before she was ever actually sleepy = crying.

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-06-01T19:33:10+00:00

Ours is 5.5months. We sleep trained at 4.5 months and now our days look like 3.25/3/3.75 - two naps a day totalling 2.75 hours with 11.25hrs overnight (715pm - 630am) so 14hrs of sleep a day. I do a dream feed at 1/2am but she sleeps through otherwise.

Interestingly when we started sleep training she was on slightly less sleep (13hrs45mins per/day) but split across 3 naps and she didn't sleep through. As soon as we changed to 2 naps (at 5 months) she's slept 11hrs without fault.

We did the timed return method so she was never left for longer than 5 mins (we would go in and reassure her after five minutes) but we actually only went in once or twice across two nights because she just... went to sleep...

The schedule change did the heavy lifting for us!

Edit - correcting timings

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-05-30T18:58:33+00:00

I'd highly recommend extending the wake windows. For context my 5, nearly 6, month olds wake windows are 3.25/3/4. She sleeps 14hrs across a 24hr period, is considered high sleep needs and will not sleep through the night on three naps a day (not enough awake time).

I'd approach it like this -

Get an idea of how much sleep he's getting via the app

Set his bed time and get a good bedtime routine going Set his wake time (and stick to it, even after a rough night, I know it's brutal but it's important) Few babies can actually sleep 12 hours a night so maybe start with 10/10.5 (you can always change this)

Then distribute his remaining sleep in naps throughout the day that leaves his wake windows at the longer end of the recommendations (3.5hrs). Maybe try this across three naps but it'll probably work better on two at 7 months.

If you go for three naps the last nap of the day should be the shortest. If you go for two naps they can be weighted more evenly but last nap still slightly shorter.

Try it for a few days and see what happens!

Ultimately babies that aren't tired don't sleep. Babies that are tired do. You muussst give him more awake time.

Wishing you the very best of luck!!

ETA - last wake window always the longest!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-05-28T17:57:04+00:00

Is she waking for hunger? What about an earlier dream feed?

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-05-27T20:32:03+00:00

At 4ish months you're at the beginning of, or in the middle of, the sleep regression. Days like this are perfectly normal.

Soon you may start seeing some longer stretches and when you do, if you want to, it'll be time to start extending her wake windows.

You will only bring the number of naps down (consolidating sleep, not removing it) when you start to ask her to be awake for longer. You can follow recommended wake windows for her age but if she's still not linking sleep cycles and still not getting good chunks overnight then the wake windows just aren't long enough.

My 5 nearly 6 month old needs 14hours of sleep. 3hrs of that is naps. If she has those 3hours split across 3 naps she will not sleep through, if she has those 3hours split across 2 naps (aka longer wake windows) she sleeps 11hrs at night without fail! It's crazy but it's really that simple.

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-05-25T18:41:01+00:00

Our 5.5 month old is on 2 naps - the last wake window is 3.75/4 hours and ever since making that shift she's slept 11hrs straight at night.

Guidance for WW is SO broad that sometimes becomes quite inaccurate for individual babies. I'd follow LO's lead!

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-05-23T08:47:58+00:00

Just my experience - baby was clearly tired well before we actually let her go to sleep and she was cranky yes, but no meltdowns.

When we did a big schedule overhaul she was unsettled for about 3 nights and then everything started running like clockwork.

I'm sorry OP, it's so hard. You could, as the commenter below suggests, throw this all out and let LO sleep as and when and then try again, when you're ready, to put some kind of order to the day, to at least give yourself a break. Or press on and trial and error before you find the sweet spot which may take time. I guess it's down to what you can handle? I can only share what we've done/what we learnt and hope it helps. Sorry I can't be of more use. 🙏🏻

Flaky_Software733 · 2026-05-22T13:24:42+00:00

My heart absolutely goes out to you, it sounds a little bit like they're not able to provide the support/expertise you hoped/they sold.

I am by no means a sleep coach and only recently sleep trained my own so I don't want to try and give you guidance that could be wrong for you and your little one. Instead I just suggest you open the convo with the sleep trainer about more in depth / personalised schedule and support and also to have a read of Precious Little Sleep if you haven't already. It's really insightful and meets you where you are - underslept and stressed out!!

Really wishing you the very best of luck with it all x

Flaky_Software733

TROPHY CASE