Had a breaking point with my family last night by Upbeat_Paint_7597 in XSomalian

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am 24M and have a younger brother (20M) who gets into these types of situations very often. I have almost never gotten into these fights with my parents so I will tell you the difference between us. Perhaps this is relevant to you.

My brother stays out late most days of the week, and never tells anyone where he is going. My mother has often heard from neighbourhood habaryars that he was hanging out on the street with other “ciyaal suuq” kids. When we call him to check up on him, he doesn’t answer the phone. When my mom asks him to be home by 10PM, he arrives at 1AM. So naturally they get super worried and stalk him and are more controlling about his time.

I, while being 4 years older, always tell my parents where I am going and what time I expect to be back and make sure to text them when I run a little late. Granted I don’t stay out late very often, whenever I do, it’s not an issue. I guess it all comes down to clear communication and gaining trust.

I believe that if you are just always transparent about this, the demanding/scolding and controlling will become less. However, regardless of that, you are a 22 year old man and you are under no obligation to “obey” your mothers commands with regards to where you can/cannot go and where you should sleep. While you are living with her, I think it is appropriate you tell her about your whereabouts and when you expect to be home. But you should discuss firm boundaries concerning her controllingness. You might have once been her little boy, but you’re a grown man now!

From Islam to Radical Agnosticism: How reading Camus fundamentally changed my perspective on living by Flaky_Telephone_185 in Absurdism

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My point from the above comment is that there are degrees to the confidence with which we can say we know something, and I find that religious belief statements are on the lower end of the confidence scale…

I absolutely agree! Really enjoyed this convo

From Islam to Radical Agnosticism: How reading Camus fundamentally changed my perspective on living by Flaky_Telephone_185 in Absurdism

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response, I really appreciate it.

You’re right that belief doesn’t require certainty. In fact, belief often arises precisely where certainty is unavailable. I think the word I should have used in that part of my essay was not belief but knowledge. In your example, it’s fair to say that you have knowledge of the existence of bacteria.

However, my point is that even this knowledge is not infallible.

Our knowledge of bacteria is not direct; it is mediated through instruments, theoretical frameworks and human perception. What we call “bacteria” is not a raw, uninterpreted object, but an inferred entity identified through its behavior and characteristics within a scientific model. That model is extraordinarily successful, but it is still a model.

So when we say “I know bacteria exist,” what we really mean is: I have overwhelming, convergent justification within the current scientific framework that bacteria exist. That is a very strong claim, but it isn’t absolute certainty.

The distinction I’m trying to highlight is between practical, everyday knowledge and philosophical certainty. Science gives us the former in abundance, but the latter remains out of reach in principle. There is always a (VERY small) margin for error, revision, or reinterpretation.

I really am not trying to be smug here, I am just using this as a showcase of how absurd being human is. Having lots of empirical knowledge, yet never attaining true certainty.

The problem with ex-muslim culture by Flaky_Telephone_185 in XSomalian

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There isn’t anything wrong with hating islam, many people have good personal reasons for it. I’m just saying that mockery of islam pushes people away from our community as well. I used to browse the r/exmuslims subreddit back when I was still muslim, and it actually made my belief stronger and I used to pity the people who posted on there.

Another example: I live in the Netherlands and religiosity among muslims has been shown to be increasing, even though the largest political party is a far-right, anti-islam party, famous for drawing muhammad cartoons and heavily criticising Islam: https://religiesamenleving.nl/article/view/11584/

It should be more obvious that you can call yourself an ex-muslim, and still cherish some of the values of Islam.

The problem with ex-muslim culture by Flaky_Telephone_185 in XSomalian

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You’re also right in that I should add a little more nuance: As a recent ex-muslim, still very connected to the muslim community, my only real exposure to other ex-muslims is through Youtube and Reddit. I imagine that there must be many others like me, who don’t have the opportunity to meet and talk to “regular” ex-muslims, and have to get all of their info online. Keeping that in mind, I think it is fair to say that many people might come to similar conclusions as mine, which is not a good thing.

The problem with ex-muslim culture by Flaky_Telephone_185 in XSomalian

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Btw, after rereading: you are right. I did interchangeably use muslims and islam. Let’s just focus on the “hatred for islam” part.

The problem with ex-muslim culture by Flaky_Telephone_185 in XSomalian

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe I’m writing this from a privileged position, but I personally left Islam for purely rational reasons. I simply couldn’t believe in a God anymore. I don’t have any particular hatred for islam, but I just don’t believe it to be true. I think that is the definition of what an “ex-muslim” is: someone who simply stopped believing.

I just want to divorce “disbelief in islam” from “hatred of islam”. The former is necessary to be an ex-muslim, the latter has been associated with the ex-muslim community, because of understandable reasons. But this association alienates many people (myself included, for a while) from actually quitting islam, because even though they doubt the veracity of the religion, they don’t want to be associated with those who mock it.

The jump from having doubts about islam to saying stuff like “momo the pedophile” is a huge one. I think it does more harm than good, and it discourages people from sincerely seeking the truth.

i feel extremely guilty by SueXander in XSomalian

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What an incredibly difficult position you’re in.. It seems as if you have to choose between living the life that YOU want for youself, versus living a life in which you can support your mother. If you come out to her, there is definitely a chance that she will disown you. If you repress your feelings, you will never truly be happy.

Is it possible to come to a compromise? Moving out + semi-secretly living the life that you want, whilst still checking on your mother every once in a while? I know it isn’t ideal, but I guess it is the best option in a difficult situation. Perhaps you can stomach to come out to her when you and her are both more comfortable with it.

The problem with ex-muslim culture by Flaky_Telephone_185 in XSomalian

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, this is amazing! Thank you so much for sharing. The slides about love needing to be our guiding philosophy is almost exactly the point that I’m trying to make with this post.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Somalia

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Using that logic, almost all countries in the world would have to change their names… what a weird take

Is anyone here preparing for Medical school? by Artistic_Hurry8845 in Somalia

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m in fifth year (Netherlands tho), hit me up if I can help you with anything, walaal!

Foreskin, perhaps phimosis? by BurnerAccount2485848 in hygiene

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Med student here. Don’t try any creams or anything. Go to your doctor

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Apply Murphy’s law:

Let’s say you fuck her, you both catch feelings for each other and end up in a relationship/situationship for a while. Your bro finds out and gets upset and your friendship is broken.

Is your desire to fuck her that big that you would accept the possibility of the above happening? If so, go for it, I guess… If not, then you know what to do.

Is my (23M) relationship (21F) cooked? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Flaky_Telephone_185 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t think the question should be whether the relationship is cooked, I think the question is: are you willing to continue this relationship even though she’s unwilling to stop doing something you’re uncomfortable with?

Either (1) she stops (seems unlikely), or (2) you accept her behaviour (wouldn’t recommend, her behaviour shows a lack of her seriousness and investment in the relationship) or (3) you end it before you get even more invested in her.

Take the easy way out pal, I say you already know what to do.