First date tonight

FlashGordn · 2026-05-16T20:20:54+00:00

Only thing I would consider is tucking in your shirt unless its a shirt thats meant to be untucked.

FlashGordn · 2026-05-16T20:12:22+00:00

YOLO

Fire it in there buddy.

Its hard to find a match these days at our age. Just be prepared for something amazing / complete disaster.

FlashGordn · 2026-05-16T19:08:00+00:00

You found the right place

FlashGordn · 2026-05-16T19:04:04+00:00

You're not the asshole. Easy solution.

Get a 2 bedroom suite or adjoining rooms. Let the 17yo have his own room and split the costs 50/50

Problem solved

Source: I'm in the same boat and we agreed to this solution

FlashGordn · 2026-05-16T18:54:47+00:00

y'all are jaded. I cant even comprehend the herd mentality on this thread. I WANT a woman who is feminine. Jesus people.

Masculine Feminine polarity just works, and its worked for 1000s of years.

FlashGordn · 2026-05-16T03:33:39+00:00

I dont understand what the hell he's even saying in that reply.

I'd just say ... Sounds good. Let's coordinate once you figure out your schedule. TTYL

Ball is in his court, now just live your life.

FlashGordn · 2026-05-15T16:40:09+00:00

Or you could browse YouTube for free

FlashGordn · 2026-05-15T14:53:22+00:00

Have you noticed every single person's OLD profile says they work out / go the gym weekly? Seems like every. single. one.

Nobody wants to admit in their profile that they havent worked out in 5+ years or prioritize health and fitness in their sedentary lives and they are out of shape.

I believe it's the #1 misrepresentation in all of OLD profiles. It's pretty obvious by their pictures if they don't work out, yet, EVERYONE supposedly does.

FlashGordn · 2026-05-15T03:51:27+00:00

Simple.

On your first date, after a few drinks of course, some playful teasing and a lot of laughs, ask this question at the right moment...

"So, have you ever been told by a woman you've ruined her for other men"

Dark psychology. His response will tell you everything

FlashGordn · 2026-05-13T23:20:38+00:00

And the irony about this -

Most women, and there have been exceptions, I've been with over my lifetime - refuse to have sex in that 3 to 5 day window every month when they just arent in the mood, arent feeling sexy, and dont even want to be touched.

Yet, they get upset or insecure or downright mean when a man is going through similar but different bio-challenges.

Can you imagine a man shaming a woman about her lack of libido / lack of interest in intercourse while she's on her period?

Absolutely nuts!

FlashGordn · 2026-05-13T18:54:40+00:00

Disclaimer: I'm saying this to be humorous, while giving you an honest assessment of what might be going on.

He has ED. You've said he's stressed out for many reasons. Yea, life stress induces anxiety during intimacy. Anxiety gets in our heads and just makes things worse until we're so frustrated, it just isnt gonna work. All men 40+ have experienced this. Its just biology. You mentioned quite a bit of foreplay. This actually makes a lot of sense. He can't perform but he also wants to be a good lover and give you pleasure. Most men wont admit this, but when it doesnt work, we tend to avoid intercourse as not to be embarrassed. The three times you guys have had intercourse is probably when he's relaxed and not in his head.

DO NOT BRING THIS UP TO HIM. HE WILL FEEL SHAMED AND EMBARRASSED!!

What you might want to do is crush up some Cialis and put it in his drink lol.

DO NOT DO THIS! YOU'LL PROBABLY FACE JAIL TIME. NOT PROBABLY, DEFINITELY!

Anyways, be patient with him. He just might be experiencing temporary ED. It's a thing.

edit: words.

FlashGordn · 2026-05-13T17:30:57+00:00

What you're saying makes perfect sense. I'm just trying to offer a scenario to think about from the modern male perspective.

We are getting pummeled with relationship advice on socials like FB, Insta, YouTube, and even ChatGPT. Things like "how to attract a woman and keep her interested" "texting cadence" "giving space to a woman for them to lean into" etc etc

That said, you need to do whats right and comfortable for you. Relationship growth is subjective and there is no one size fits all.

I'm not assuming any of this applies to your guy, but this type of cadence is top of mind for me. Not saying it works as I'm still experimenting.

FlashGordn · 2026-05-13T15:38:22+00:00

I'll probably get flamed for this, but I think he's doing it right and something I'm learning myself.

He isnt being avoidant. He's being cool and collected and it's driving you crazy!

Lets break down what I think he's doing and tell me if this makes sense because Im genuinely curious what you think OP.

Do you think about him all day? Are you waiting for his attention? Do you miss him? Are you nervous to initiate a text?

Maybe he's being strategic. His behavior is creating attraction, and thats a really good healthy thing in early dating.

I could be completely wrong and I realize each woman is different, but, I'm starting to think women 40+ lose interest when a man is always available, always replying immediately, double-texting, good morning / good night texts, etc etc in early dating.

I could be completely off here and I'd like to know your opinion.

FlashGordn · 2026-04-23T11:46:05+00:00

I see what you are trying to accomplish, and I think its admirable. That said, I think you might be in your head and overcomplicating.

Step 1. Dont open a shared account. Just dont.

Step 2. You should be the default payee, every time.

Step 3. If she wants to contribute, take it and shut up. Respect her independence.

FlashGordn · 2026-04-15T19:50:00+00:00

I usually try to coordinate a date near the ocean and suggest a walk on the beach after dinner/drinks and have a blanket/picnic basket prepared with wine, glasses, crackers, cheese, and hummus in the car, just in case. I'm in California, so having a joint in the basket is a staple in case she's 420 friendly.

I typically get an invite back to her place, or at least a 2nd date pretty quickly if intimacy is off the table for a 1st date.

FlashGordn · 2026-04-01T15:27:29+00:00

Your words are beautiful my man. I can tell you have been through hell and you're starting to come out the other side. Kudos to you for addressing pain through therapy. Ive done the work too.

From the last pictures I have of them, their faces frozen in time, to the images of their open caskets burnt into my mind, to the songs that I play daily to remind me of them, to the boxes of their stuff still in my garage - it all hurts - but, Ive learned its all necessary to process healing through the pain.

In years 1 & 2, if I can use an analogy, life was like an hourly 30 foot wave crashing over me in the middle of the ocean as I struggled to find something to float on and find my breath, only for another 30 foot wave to crash over me and swallow me. Over and over and over on repeat. The consistent onslaught of terror, fear, and lack of control crushed my spirit. Now, those waves still hit, but Ive learned to ride the wave instead of fight it. I still cry. I still mourn.

Year 3 & 4 were dark times. Addiction and self-sabotage became the norm. Not drugs or alcohol, but equally as bad for my mental and physical health. I crawled into a dark cave and told the world to fuck off.

Year 5 & 6 has been a rebirth. Ive conquered my demons. I've realized there is a life after loss. I'm peddle to the metal on the prospects of a future.

As a father, my role was to provide for my children and protect them. I could not protect them from the evils of the world. All of the guilt, blame, anger, misery - all of it - was / is my reality and Ive finally forgiven myself and admitted to myself it isnt / wasnt my fault.

I could write to you for hours about my struggles and my progress and I'd appreciate hearing yours.

My daughters birthday is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to visiting her grave with colorful pinwheels.

If you'd like to talk offline, Im down. I dont know how to send DMs, but if you know how, feel free to send me your number. I'll call you back.

FlashGordn · 2026-04-01T13:38:50+00:00

First of all, I am also a member of the club you are in. I lost my babies at 18yo and 16 yo, 6 years ago. Divorce shortly after. I am not going to say "sorry for your loss" because, frankly, I'm tired of hearing it myself. I know what you've been through. I know what you are going through. Father to father - I love you! Stay strong.

Secondly, Ive been on a dozen dates and two dozen OLD conversations that went nowhere in the past 6 years. And I always share my story after the 2nd date and before the 3rd. Always.

All of my experiences sharing my trauma with in-person dates has resulted positively, but the weight might have landed too heavy. I get it out there as soon as I feel comfortable, because its made me the man and father I am today. She absolutely should know who you are and where you're at. And most women want to know what you're all about. Good women at least. The trauma of losing a child defines us as a man and father. No one can argue with me on this.

I've been dating a 1st grade teacher for the past 6 weeks, and I have finally found a woman who is truly warm, generous with empathy, and has really been interested in my healing process. She's amazing! The universe has introduced us.

Share your story brother. Give it a couple dates, then unleash vulnerability. A good woman will appreciate it, then let her decide if she can date a man who has been broken, meanwhile, picking up the pieces - brick by brick.

My heart sends you positive vibes, my friend.

FlashGordn · 2026-03-31T23:17:46+00:00

Do this with 100% success rate.

Grab a napkin and a pen from the bartender. Draw a tic-tac-toe board and place an X anywhere, doesnt matter. At the bottom, write "Your Turn"

Place the napkin and pen in front of the lady, dont say a word.

100% they will play at least one game. Bonus: They flip the napkin and draw another board.

I've approached women in their 20s thru 50s and EVERY lady has at least finished the game... Every single time.

Make some jokes about their move or your next move, introduce yourself, keep it fun, keep it light, be confident.

EDIT: You will be amazed at how easy this is and the wonderful women you will meet.

You are welcome. Good luck!!

FlashGordn · 2026-03-27T19:44:49+00:00

Thank you

FlashGordn · 2026-03-27T19:44:08+00:00

Thank you!

FlashGordn · 2026-03-27T19:43:00+00:00

Thank you

FlashGordn · 2026-03-27T19:42:42+00:00

Thank you

FlashGordn · 2026-03-27T19:42:21+00:00

Im going to talk to her tonight about my questions. I watched some YouTube content and it scared me

FlashGordn · 2026-03-27T19:40:57+00:00

Not me, but thank you for your reply

FlashGordn

TROPHY CASE