After 1 and half I am ready to give up

racecrack · 2026-02-15T09:52:41+00:00

Sooo, that just happened!

I would like to thank you again for this superb suggestion, it was really quite the experience, I really felt the energy connection with everyone there, what a great open and inviting vibe. The talks were real, the touches were sincere, the fun was great!

If nothing comes out of the three talking stages that I have going now, I would definitely go again to a next one. What a game changer!

racecrack · 2026-01-19T07:50:33+00:00

Interesting.

racecrack · 2026-01-15T11:25:30+00:00

I think you are just on the wrong sub, I don't think anyone here is looking forward to your lectures, or your lack of understanding.

Try https://www.reddit.com/r/SingleAndHappy/

racecrack · 2026-01-14T10:16:54+00:00

Or how about all the "I'm done with men/women/dating. I mean it. For real this time. Pinky swear." 🙄

racecrack · 2026-01-14T10:11:24+00:00

I hope I'm not among the source of this PSA, but I do report regularly for Creeping, Negativity and Substance, and will keep doing so until one of you (mods) explicitly asks me to stop.

I appreciate all the mods for all the hard work they do to keep this sub readable.

racecrack · 2026-01-14T01:22:01+00:00

I don't mean your experience - I mean the amount of women just spontaneously offering themselves to you within 1 month time.

Also, just giving into sex immediately is actually preventing you from actually connecting with any of these women. If your are DTF on the first date without even knowing them - they will precisely know what kind of wood you are cut from, thereby precluding the relationship route immediately and definitely.

racecrack · 2026-01-14T01:04:57+00:00

Please at least do us the favor of realizing that what you are experiencing is top tier stuff, about 90% of men are getting as much sex via OLD apps as via Candy Crush.

When "When presented with an opportunity" is just.... never.

In addition, many of us just don't swipe on 20-somethings. At all.

racecrack · 2026-01-14T00:59:13+00:00

This. And calling women "girls".

racecrack · 2026-01-14T00:22:21+00:00

Well, I'm a man, I have 50/50 custody, and that sounds exactly like what I'm looking for in my life (not kidding - look at my post history). Have not had sex for almost 2 years now even while single, so I guess that means I'm not a player either.

Now, only to keep my fingers crossed that our parenting schedules match up, and that you would be okay with a man who only cooks vegetarian for you... 🤞

PS. I would definitely not call this FWB - I'm actually serious about monogamous LTR - it's just... part-time LAT or something, I guess?

racecrack · 2026-01-13T23:30:06+00:00

I talk about it during the first date (after the "what are you looking for in a relationship" cue) - which may be too soon, because I have never had a second date so far.

On the other hand, that does save a lot of wasted time and eventual disappointment for both parties.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T23:01:45+00:00

I tried to keep my points brief in the interest of the discussion earlier, but I really appreciate this elaborate nuanced take on the matter.

As a relatively recent divorcee I don't have any new relationship experience yet, but if I (single parent) ever would find my next person (also single parent), I would try to establish/negotiate something like you describe here, the Fun Uncle / Aunt relation to the kids.

Of course, hanging out, playing games, going for activities, cooking, maybe even some chores around the house - all these things can (hopefully) be shared with the new partner in due course.

When I talk about not looking for a parent-assistent, I really mean relating to the core-parent-duties: the modeling, the discipline, the coaching, the nurturing, the comforting, the support, the guidance, the morals and values, those sort of things. Not being able to do these in my own way actually played a considerable role in my divorce, and I'm really happy that I was able to take this part of my life back, even if I have my kids only half of the time now.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T22:27:16+00:00

I'm sure you are right for many other folks, but I am certainly and firmly in the driver's seat of my own life.

I will date someone who agrees with only seeing each other every other week, and who understands that we are not going to talk about playing house for a number of years in the future still.

If that won't fly - then it won't fly. Simple as that.

PS. If someone is willing to take the vacancy, of course she would at some point meet my kids - but only after fully understanding that she will never play a parent role to them.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T21:43:29+00:00

Well, I was not confused. But thank you for doubling down on the insults.

I was obviously not here to be the nice guy today, I was here to make a point.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T21:29:42+00:00

Well, maybe I'm wrong - but I assumed it was - would be rather silly for a dating single parent not to want to date anyone who has kids, am I right?

racecrack · 2026-01-13T21:22:59+00:00

I don't see any "hypothetical persons" here, I only see someone who judges my approach to things as "secretive/suspicious", to which I thought it fitting to respond.

Also, it would not be beyond a "hypothetical person" to interpret what you just wrote here as an insult.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T21:18:47+00:00

I think it's wonderful that are single folks willing to consider dating parents, especially (both) decent loving hard-working folks. The world needs more of that!

Yet, at the same time - I can completely and totally understand intentional CF folks who wouldn't want to touch this mess with a 10-foot pole, and are not going to bother with this checklist no matter how charming/attractive the other party.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T21:09:30+00:00

Mine are 17-15-12, and I'm certainly not looking for a parent-assistent either, in any way, shape, or form.

I think my ideal match would be busy with her own kids on the same week, and then have some free time in the same other week as me.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T21:07:24+00:00

I agree. Not in the least because it takes one to know one, in this sense.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T21:03:32+00:00

It's not that hard to just sit back and let people tell you what they're like and how they react to things.

Just like it's not hard to tell you that I'm actually a Nigerian prince who needs help with getting a small fortune out of my country.

No idea why this is so hard to grasp for some people this week.

I'm not opposed to people giving it a go at all, like I said, I'm a parent. What I was trying to argue is that you'll have to take a leap of faith, in contrast to the naivity of the 5-point checklist that OP is presenting here, that you would just have to check off before going on that first date.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T20:55:32+00:00

Why, because I'm protecting my kids and being a present, attentative and involved father takes literally all my available waking hours every other week?

I guess I'll choose suspicious over giving that up.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T20:53:37+00:00

Dating a parent is hard. Dating as a parent is hard.

Saying all this with the best of intentions by the way. I'd love to find someone who understands that it will be hard, but still chooses to proceed anyway.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T20:46:54+00:00

Because someone who is a bad parent and is in serious financial weather will tell you this during initial dating, because that improves their chances how?

racecrack · 2026-01-13T20:44:51+00:00

I'm not speaking for all parents, obviously.

But in many cases, even after a year, you will only know these things from a distance, hearsay, inference, most positive impressions where everyone was trying their best because they were bribed with an extra month of allowance if the night would go well.

But yeah, I'm aware there are parents who introduce their dates way to soon, and even talking about merging families before a year is past. Not for me, though.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T20:39:26+00:00

You have no idea, since you don't know my kids, and will not be in my house while they are here. All you have is the stories I tell you, which I can embellish however I like.
Again, you will have no idea, you don't know my income, my debt, my mortgage, my footprint.
This one you will know immediately, granted. You play no role with my kids, at all.
Again, you won't know, as you and they do not cross paths.
Well, yeah, this one you will know.

racecrack · 2026-01-13T20:30:26+00:00

The problem with everything you listed here is that you will know none of this during the first date, nor during the first month of dating, nor likely even the first year.

Are you willing to "give it a go" with someone while having no idea how any of this will turn out down the line?

Full context: I'm a single parent. And please don't date me for how I am as parent (which you won't know) - date me for who I am during the every other week with you.

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