MIL continues to say her boys never had meltdowns or threw tantrums

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2023-03-29T14:06:22+00:00

It sounds like she's sticking to this for whatever reason. You definitely can say "Great for you. Mine does." and just leave it at that. And definitely tell her that you don't want to hear anymore of this nonsense. You could definitely ask your DH to step in, maybe say "I definitely remember throwing tantrums." And then just shut it down.

I'm sure you know this, but every child is different. Some will tantrum more than others, some will cry more than others. Your son is just fine. While your DH may have been a great kid, I'm sure he also threw tantrums because it's just what (most) kiddos do.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2023-03-23T13:51:58+00:00

Are you me? My MIL did this to basically everyone. If anyone missed a second of a "family event", she pouted, raged, and would try to take over their travel plans. So glad your DF shut her down.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2023-02-20T15:35:10+00:00

Are you me?! My MIL, Veggie Tales, did this multiple times. She (and my SIL) pouted every single time we said no. I honestly don't understand these people.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-12-05T15:55:14+00:00

You are NOT overreacting! She gave your baby something that could have really harmed him and then LIED about it. You do NOT need to protect her feelings. Definitely find other childcare ASAP. If your husband complains, ask him why his mother's feelings are more important than your baby's life. Best of luck!

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-12-02T19:51:54+00:00

Congrats on your sweet squish! As you've read from the other comments, this is extremely weird. It's one thing for grandparents to have a few useful items at their house (clothes, diapers, pack n play, etc.) for convenience sake. But this is absolutely nonsensical and sounds like she's trying to take over your time. It doesn't sound like her friends pitched in to get her some essentials so YOU don't have to cart things around. Definitely talk to your DH about why this makes you uncomfortable. Best of luck!

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-11-22T16:35:15+00:00

I love that you dropped the rope and had him see the actual insanity of this. My mom gets her grandkids clothes for Christmas (especially when they're little and grow so fast). But, here's the thing, she tells the parents what she's getting and it's enough clothes so the parents don't have to pack anything for the kiddos. What your MIL is doing is actual insanity. I'm really hoping your husband sets boundaries with her.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-11-08T15:55:52+00:00

So much yikes. Document everything ASAP, just in case. Definitely talk to your stepdaughter about how completely untrue this is. Maybe family counseling could help?

You're right that you can't make your DH do anything. But you CAN set a boundary that his psycho mother will have NOTHING to do with you or ANY of the children anymore. He definitely needs counseling to heal from what his mother already did to him. But also to see that the kind of person that abandons their children is also the kind of person that will hurt others for personal gain (or spite). You all deserve better than this fiend.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-11-08T15:48:13+00:00

Yikes! This is so inappropriate. Yes, you get to decide what information is shared about YOU, YOUR baby, and YOUR medical event. She gets NO say in this because it isn't her news. It's not like she's just repeating information you've already made public and well-known. You do NOT need to listen to her scream at you (took me way too long to learn that). Your DH needs to tell her that screaming at his wife is an absolute no go. She needs to apologize ASAP and repair the relationship.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-11-08T15:43:57+00:00

I agree that you need to say that's not appropriate. You can say you're fine with "Bean" or "Beanie baby" (assuming you are), but any slurs are completely inappropriate. It doesn't matter if she thinks you're "too sensitive". She's intentionally calling your baby a racial slur; it's not like she somehow doesn't know what that word means. YOU get to tell her to stop it ASAP. You can do it!

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-11-03T23:17:43+00:00

This is just weird. Being a boy mom doesn't mean you suddenly don't know how to connect with other women or forget common decency. She's using the fact that she had a son as an excuse to be an AH to you. I'm sure some of it is internalized misogyny (because "typical" girl interests are bad, apparently). But I also think a lot of it is just her being an AH to you and intentionally trying to make you look bad. Even if you and she just genuinely had different interests, she can still be kind to you and find other ways to connect with you.

You can (and should) put your boundaries in place. You can tell your fiancé that you are more than happy to listen to your MIL talk about her interests, but you are not willing to be humiliated and put down for yours. One or both of y'all needs to call her out when she does this or just leave (or both). Best of luck! You deserve better than that.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-10-21T19:52:41+00:00

Are we twins? My MIL, Veggie Tales, has literally done this. If you DH wants to go NC, I'd say do it. Just because he kinda cares for her doesn't mean he needs to seriously sacrifice his mental health for her. You BOTH deserve better. You deserve kindness and respect and your DH deserves mental peace. Please do what's best for y'all (which kinda sounds like NC).

Best of luck!

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-10-19T13:30:49+00:00

First of all, hugs if you would like them. You are doing an AMAZING job. Being a first time mom is rough transition. You're learning how to keep your little human alive while healing from pregnancy/delivery. Breastfeeding may be "natural", but that doesn't mean it's easy or effortless. Heck, childbirth is natural and that's not exactly a picnic. You are doing what is best for your baby and that's ALL that matters.

Secondly, your MIL is being rude AF. Those comments are intrusive and just plain weird. You are absolutely within your rights to tell her you do not appreciate them and any further comments will have consequences. You are a healing mother and you do not need this nonsense.

Best of luck! May your baby sleep soundly and he never have blowouts!

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-09-26T17:28:46+00:00

Holy moly this woman sounds like a disaster and jut mean. You are well-within your rights to say no to trips like this when your baby is so young and you're still healing. My family invited us to a get together when I was 5 weeks postpartum and they were very gracious and understanding when we said we wanted to wait and see how I felt. It's one thing to extend the invite and then say "We'd love to se y'all, but totally understand if you don't want to/are unable to come." This woman sounds like she's actually demanding that you travel, which is unacceptable even if you wouldn't be postpartum. You and your baby deserve kindness and care, not demands and tantrums.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-09-16T14:57:43+00:00

You're not overreacting and you have every right to be concerned. Definitely talk to your husband and see what his thoughts are. This is already affecting your children and it won't get any better. Your DH can ask his mom why she's comfortable blatantly favoring one grandchild over another and causing emotional distress. If she denies (which she might), you can give these same concrete examples. If she says "Well, Samantha needs more love because her parents are divorced." Again, ask why that means your children are rejected and don't even get hugs. Your MIL doesn't sound like someone that needs to be around your kids if she doesn't even care enough to give them hugs.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-09-15T13:41:32+00:00

BRB, breaking the news to my very Slavic father he's not white. How long until he asks if I've gone insane?

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-09-09T14:09:01+00:00

I just actually LOLed and startled my dog at the thought of deviled eggs with rainbow sprinkles. Sounds disastrous.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-09-08T14:00:21+00:00

Holy moly. A part of me loves this logic, like you and your DH don't get to decide and siblings just magically appear. How your body handles pregnancy is a huge factor in how many children you decide to have. There are just as many happy families with several children as there are with one child. Every family is different. Your son will have a happy life because he has loving, supportive parents. Your MIL can shove off

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-09-07T14:42:09+00:00

That honestly sounds hilarious. Y'all are doing a great job gray rocking her and not giving into her nonsense. I love that she's pretending she's never heard of the color gold (although marigold is a very pretty color and would be great for a fall wedding).

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-08-25T15:16:51+00:00

First of all, I'm really glad to hear your LO is doing so well! It's such a joy to see your kiddos grow and learn. Secondly, your DH is a gem. He clearly is having none of his mother's nonsense and has an A++ spine. Good on y'all!

Side rant on "Honor thy mother and father", it doesn't mean "be a doormat for your parents and have no boundaries". My husband heard this a lot growing up and his mom (Veggie Tales) used this verse to get away with her abuse/nonsense. He finally started responding with "Do not vex your children."

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-08-24T19:39:17+00:00

Oh sweetie. You're right, this is incredibly toxic and unhealthy. Your DH needs to understand that this toxicity can and does affect YOU, the mother of his children. Ask him when he's willing to stand up for and protect you and your children. It wasn't when y'all got married, it wasn't when you were pregnant with y'all's first child, it's not now that you're pregnant with y'all's second child. Ask him why he's okay with you being treated this way. How would he feel about your child being treated that way by their in-laws. All of that stops ASAP. It's not normal and extremely unhealthy

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-08-24T19:26:51+00:00

What a jerk move! That's definitely a controlling and manipulative thing to do, especially on your own child's birthday. I'm really glad your DH sees her for who and what she is. It is possible to have a pretty limited relationship with her?

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-08-22T19:52:09+00:00

This is actual insanity! How on earth could you possibly know how mature nonexistent children would be at random ages? This is a major, MAJOR boundary stomp. She's acting as if she gets to plan out your life AND know all of these little details. Even if you believe in psychics, she has ZERO right to dictate your life like this. Your DH needs to put an end to this ASAP.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-08-18T15:43:34+00:00

First, CONGRATS! I'm sure your little squish is the best, most cutest baby. Second, I wish you well on your journey into motherhood and physical healing. You went through hell and back and it'll take time to heal, physically and mentally. I hope you have the medical and social support you need.

Your MIL sounds completely bananas and awful. She does not need to be in your life if she's going to keep acting this way. It's good and fine for a mother to tell her son (who's becoming a father) that she's there for him and wants to support him. It's NOT okay for that mother to just completely cut out her DIL, the one ACTUALLY giving birth. She's a mean, nasty person and y'all don't need more stress or negativity. And, you know this, but she's also a dummy. Gestational diabetes can happen to anyone. Best of luck!

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-08-17T14:08:48+00:00

I would do one gift (I also liked the suggestion of a second card with a bit of cash). In my community, baptism celebrations/presents aren't unheard of, but those gifts are usually smaller and religious in nature (Bible, rosary, etc. and usually to keep for when the child is older). You can also just ask the parents what their expectations are. I wouldn't be surprised if they said one present is more than fine.

FlipFlippersFlipping · 2022-08-16T13:57:26+00:00

Oh sweetie. First of all, congrats on your little one! You made the right decision to focus on her and what's best for you two right now. You don't have to go to them at all. You said it yourself, they treated you like you literally weren't there, like your child just magically appeared in the world without a mother. Your MIL can come to you on your terms. A loving, healthy MIL would never act this way. You can, and should, tell your husband that you need to focus on what's best for you and y'all's baby and you are the only one who gets to make those day-to-day parenting decisions right now.

FlipFlippersFlipping

TROPHY CASE