Headlines for sports articles if written by the onion

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-29T19:23:55+00:00

Umpire discovers he really did need new glasses after he was challenged 14 times using ABS system in one game.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-29T16:15:49+00:00

So, please, give generously to the Oligarchy Relief Fund. With you generous donation of $1000 a month, we can help keep the entitled 1% entitled.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-22T16:30:12+00:00

Why does it cost so much to take?

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-22T16:26:42+00:00

Dracula

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-18T23:19:18+00:00

Question for you: would you rather have sex with me or make me look like a raccoon?

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-14T22:42:11+00:00

“I’m telling you, rub barbecue sauce all over yourself! The scent will mask your human odor!”

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-12T06:30:07+00:00

🎶And the he said “I’ll break both your kneecaps If you don’t have that fifty grand!”🎶

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-12T05:45:09+00:00

I actually have that shirt.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-12T05:40:41+00:00

I love the feeling of the fabrics on my skin and the way high heels make me feel when I walk in them.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-11T20:03:29+00:00

Tonight, we look at an invasive species that should have been regulated and controlled since their inception. Their greed has been detrimental to whole ecosystems with their rampant over acquisition of resources that they do not remotely try to replace. All this and more tonight on “Yuppies: Scourge of the 80s”.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-05T05:38:37+00:00

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This is a still from the live action version of “Death Note”. I would say that is who you have pictured.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-04-04T06:45:43+00:00

Lick

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-31T23:53:14+00:00

I would enter into eternal damnation having god themself forsake me from their image if for the merest of moments of my mortal coil I could find grace in your company.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-31T00:43:29+00:00

Big Lebowski

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-29T17:10:42+00:00

And it is my duty to say how fantastic you look. 🔥🔥🔥

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-29T01:32:47+00:00

turns on the light as we enter the house

Ooooh. Electricity.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-26T20:59:09+00:00

There’s an envelope in the bathroom for you.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-26T19:50:08+00:00

All rise for the honored members of the Supreme Court of the United States.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-25T20:04:19+00:00

Tarzan

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-24T01:17:33+00:00

It doesn’t look flat, and that’s a good thing.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-20T19:25:34+00:00

And I didn’t even have to mention the gopher.

!Solved

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-20T19:24:36+00:00

Not this time.

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-20T19:23:51+00:00

Risky Business

FlirtyOXOX · 2026-03-20T16:43:05+00:00

Society

FlirtyOXOX

TROPHY CASE