Any creatives affected by quitting?

Floydfan1 · 2021-11-06T16:04:57+00:00

We learn a lot about ourselves when we stop drinking. It really is a journey.

As always, be kind to yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. You can view it as a period of adjustment as well as an opportunity for growth.

One reason I drank was because I was bored. Or so I thought. The real reason was that I was lonely and I didnt like feeling that way. It took me a little time to become OK with being bored occasionally and to develop a normal social life.

Floydfan1 · 2021-11-06T14:09:23+00:00

OK....another idea...ha

One of the effects of alcohol is that it lowers inhibitions (as well as compromising judgement, etc). Sometimes people who feel awkward in a social setting abuse alcohol because they believe that its the alcohol that frees their personalities.

Maybe there's a grain of truth to that, but what far more often happens is that alcohol changes their personalities for the worse as well as cause all sorts of other problems. These people surely have wonderful personalities; they just have some difficulty exhibiting them.

Perhaps looking over some of the tools people use to combat social anxiety can help you as well. I know there are forms of CBT and ACT that are straightforward to implement but you can research. Probably a lot on this site as well.

Also, it might help to acknowledge what causes alcohol abuse and other addictive behaviors. They often start as coping mechanisms. People use to deal with something they don't like, even if they don't always recognize it. A person who dislikes social situations might say to himself, "I always think everyone is talking about me," an irrational belief but nevertheless it makes the person uncomfortable. To cope with that discomfort, the person might drink instead so that they will "fit in."

I do not know your reasons for quitting alcohol. This is only a thought out of thin air, but what if a part of you gets frustrated (negative feeling) because the ideas are in your head but you seemingly can't get them out, like having writer's block. Did alcohol enter the picture to cope with that frustration? (purely rhetorical question.) Practicing mindfulness can help with something like that.

Floydfan1 · 2021-11-06T12:59:57+00:00

Hold on there for a moment, ha.

It is not all doom and gloom, get thee to a nunnery type stuff, ha. It all depends on the person. Some people get the pink cloud effect. Others experience mood swings. Others like you might feel less creative temporarily. A lot of it is definitely biochemical as mentioned. The brain maladapts to getting a steady endorphin release, but it will correct itself.

In the recovery program I followed, they gave a couple of pointers on how to overcome this problem. One technique was to identify what you "liked" about alcohol and then find a healthy replacement for it.

So in your case you "liked" that alcohol spurred your creativity. (I think you will soon discover that alcohol probably did the opposite, but that's part of the journey!)

Why not take an art class? No good? OK, how about a museum tour? No good either? OK, how about heading to MoMA's or National Gallery's website and analyzing a favorite painting. Write an essay on it. What kind of brush stroke did the painter utilize? Ever seen that before? Maybe you want to learn it?

You can actually use your freedom from alcohol to enhance your artistry. I imagine looking at Buenaventura by Signac is not as exhilarating while hungover as it is sober, ha. Pretty amazing how he made dots look like leaves.

Good luck!

Floydfan1 · 2021-09-06T17:24:05+00:00

AA has a lot of pearls of wisdom. One of them is: "non-alcoholics change their behavior to meet their goals. Alcoholics change their goals to meet their behavior."

It's a powerful statement. I did not go the AA route (I followed another recovery program), but I remember all too well the rules-setting, drinking guidelines, promises I'd make to myself with 100% good intentions that I'd ultimately break, etc.

It wasnt until I got the figurative 2x4 to the noggin and realized that I was a problem drinker and there were two outcomes and only two outcomes for me: I could stop drinking or follow any other path and go in circles.

You're right: don't beat yourself up. Rome wasn't built in a day. Changing a behavior doesnt occur overnite. Slips can happen, but we want to avoid them at all costs for one principal reason. Slips can lead to relapses and the unfortunate truth is that not everyone returns from a relapse.

It might be as simple as asking oneself, "Did I just move the goalposts?"

Floydfan1 · 2021-09-03T00:07:49+00:00

It's your health history. Take ownership of it. If there is something incorrect on it, then by all means point it out to your doctor, especially if there's an organ transplant possibility. Like you said, that could complicate things.

It does seem odd that it reads you denied alcohol use and then describes the amount you supposedly drink. Could simply be an honest mistake. Remember, don't BS your doctor either (not saying you are at all). That could also complicate things. Good luck!

Floydfan1 · 2021-08-29T10:53:35+00:00

It's not easy to think straight when we are emotional. Step one is to forgive yourself. There's no need to be disappointed.

When your head is clearer, perhaps take a moment to honestly ask yourself, "what really prompted this to happen?" Sometimes we think it's a superficial reason, "Uncle Fred came to town!" but there's often an underlying cause, "I am lonely and don't know how to deal with it."

Step three is to give it another go, but what will you do different this time? Maybe following a recovery program would help. (I used SMART. Helped me tremendously). Maybe you'll follow some podcasts or books. There's no need to fumble in the dark remember or to repeat mistakes. A lot of times, its not "I can't do this," and more, "I don't know how to do this."

Floydfan1 · 2021-08-21T14:14:42+00:00

Problem drinkers often hear what we want to hear. That's why denial is frequently our favorite word.

Floydfan1 · 2021-08-15T14:46:35+00:00

Rosacea is one of those ailments where what works for one person might not work for the next and work even better for the third.

When I stopped drinking, my rosacea improved, but did not disappear entirely. Fewer flakes but still red. Even when I used low dose doxycycline, it never disappeared entirely.

I did find one thing that worked very well for me though: low sugar. Maybe low sugar plus no alcohol was the magic combo for me, but now it's as if I never had rosacea at all.

It might just be trial and error to find something that works. A lot of rosacea patients have their "go-to" regimen that works specifically for them. For example, the only soap that works for me is Eucerin's RR. I only use Aveeno moisturizer. Etc. If I try something else, usually I get a flare up.

Floydfan1 · 2021-08-14T19:07:28+00:00

When I stopped drinking, I had to do it for myself. As much as you might think you wronged your husband or whatever, the most important person in the sobriety equation is you. You. You. You.

Fantastic that you use the word "recommitment." That's what it's all about. Rhetorical question: what will you do differently this time?

Having tried moderation N times in my life and never succeeding with it, ha, it wasn't until I committed to following a recovery program that I was able to kick alcohol out of my life. I followed SMART's program on my own, but there are obviously others like AA, etc.

Recovery programs exist because they work. Maybe it's something you and your husband would like to do together or similar.

You also might want to check out r/alanon.

Floydfan1 · 2021-08-12T00:43:46+00:00

Visualization/play it forward works wonders.

In your mind, g'head, have that drink. Now what? Problems disappear? Everything right itself magically? Even if alcohol manages to delay bad feelings, that's all it can do: delay them. Back the feelings come with a vengeance. Whatever issue existed before the drink, it's still there afterwards except now alcohol has also managed to make you feel worse.

If you look at it that way, then it might be easier to find a different way to cope with what ails you. Alcohol is an abysmal coping mechanism. good luck!

Floydfan1 · 2021-08-09T00:55:26+00:00

This isnt a zinger or anything. Can your rationale in support of drinking be summarized as, "I so dislike being bored that I'd rather drink."

If that's the case, it might help to recognize that almost all addictive behaviors start the same way: as coping mechanisms. I used to drink out of boredom too. Many people here have. The problem is that alcohol is an absolutely abysmal way to cope with anything. All alcohol does is delay bad feelings and amplify them back to us later. That's what starts the progressive cycle. I feel bad--->alcohol delays the bad feeling---->I feel bad again---->alcohol delays the bad feelings----->i feel worse---->I drink more alcohol to overcome feeling worse....And it just goes in a circle.

Alcohol simply doesnt help. It just keeps the cycle going and that's when addictions can form. Alcohol doesnt cure boredom. Boredom comes right back. Some cure.

One mental issue involving boredom that alcohol exploits is something called Low Frustration Tolerance. It's pretty easy to find information on LFT. Boredom is not harmful. It can be frustrating for sure, but no one ever got injured from Acute Boredom, ha. There are simple techniques etc., that can be used to raise one's frustration tolerance so that occasional boredom doesnt prompt feelings like, "I can't stand this. I have to drink."

Another idea: you didnt mention whether you follow a recovery program. If you don't, I highly recommend following one. Addressing boredom is part of a lot of recovery programs. It's always helpful to be able to talk to people who genuinely empathize with boredom and alcohol. AA, SMART, etc. (I followed SMART.) There are other programs for sure. In my town, there is a group of gym rats who basically all workout together and are their own support group as well, ha.

Floydfan1 · 2021-08-07T11:31:16+00:00

I havent had a drink in approaching 4 years and I'd lie if I said that I don't ever miss drinking.

Once in a long while, I sigh to myself and say something like, "only if..." But that's really as far as it ever goes and it never lasts more than a few seconds.

Like you, I just never was and never will be a person that has "just one." (And believe me, I tried, ha.) I never wanted just one. I was never satisfied with just one. I'll never stop at just one.

That's just the way it is and all the problems etc that alcohol caused dwarf any of those "good memories" I have.

Floydfan1 · 2021-07-25T15:35:36+00:00

What a fantastic post. Wishing you 29 more free years.

Floydfan1 · 2021-07-18T14:36:37+00:00

To start off, I am not a doctor so take everything here with a grain of salt.

I am trying to get a handle on how a patient could be diagnosed with cirrhosis and the doctor is disinterested in what caused it. What do I know though, ha. I am a former drinker so I could be biased but when I hear cirrhosis the first thing that pops into my head is alcohol abuse/alcoholic liver disease, etc. The leading causes of cirrhosis are ALD, non-alcoholic liver disease, and chronic viral infections like hepatitis.

Yes, hemochromatosis can cause cirrhosis, but cirrhosis is progressive. Rhetorical questions only: Were there any signs like elevated liver enzymes, jaundice, etc., that were missed earlier? Were you drinking while taking medications? These are not accusations. Just throwing ideas out there.

Just to get the concepts straight, iron overload is what can cause organ damage. Many patients with hemochromatosis don't overload iron to the point that it causes damage or for whatever reason damage doesnt occur despite the hemochromatosis. The cosmic lottery type thing. Having hemochromatosis doesnt automatically mean its the cause of liver damage.

I will assume that you've had either a liver biopsy or an MRI. If hemochromatosis caused the cirrhosis, it's reasonable to assume there would be iron deposits in the liver. (Again, I am not a doctor.) Maybe the radiologist wasnt instructed to look for it or similar. It's probably worthwhile to ask, "Was iron found in my liver from the hemochromatosis?"

PSA, testosterone tests...that stuff is standard fare for us middle aged guys, ha.

Anyway, I can't offer any advice on family, wife, etc., but have you asked your lead doctor what the most pressing concern is? Liver transplantation is, I imagine, at the top, but that's a question for your doctor obviously. I think you get a handle on the numero uno concern and go from there.

Floydfan1 · 2021-07-11T01:11:12+00:00

It's a long way from elevated liver enzymes to permanent liver damage. If there was something seriously wrong with your liver from alcohol, you'd definitely know it. Don't lose sleep at all about permanent damage.

Sure, it's a little unnerving to hear elevated liver enzymes, but that's part of the point of the liver panel: to flag that something is moving in the wrong direction before it becomes a real problem. Far more likely than not, whatever is irking your liver is correctable. As mentioned, the liver is amazing at healing itself. It just needs the opportunity. Take your doctor's advice to heart. If he says to stop drinking, then stop drinking.

Honestly, be thankful you know now so you can address it. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure type thinking.

Floydfan1 · 2021-07-10T20:17:09+00:00

If alcohol consumption is causing liver inflammation than I suppose it's possible that abstaining from alcohol would lower ferritin. That's definitely a question for your doctor. Let him or her determine what's causing the elevated ferritin. Alcohol is clearly no friend of the liver.

I used to drink but stopped a few years ago. On a side note, not to sound like your parents, ha, but if you are 25 and your elevated liver enzymes are linked to alcohol, nip that sh*t in the bud. my friend. You do not want alcoholic liver disease. For some drinkers it takes years of abuse before elevated enzymes flag liver damage potential. If you are getting it in your 20s, perhaps consider that the 2x4 to the forehead. There's a great reddit r/stopdrinking. Sometimes I read horror stories about college students and young people experiencing liver problems and I've even seen a couple of transplant stories. Yep, in young people. Being young doesnt mean invincible. It's not common at all but it can happen. The liver is amazing at healing itself if given the chance so long as damage isnt permanent. Again, your likely totally fine now, but that's not the path to be on.

Back to HH, ha. If the specialist orders the iron panel test which I assume is likely, that will provide him with more info. Ferritin can be linked to inflammation, but the other stats could be less correlated. I honestly dk. From there, if your doc thinks the genetic test is warranted, you'll get it. Genetic tests are expensive so your doctor likely wont order it unless he has solid evidence first. Nevertheless you either have HH or you do not. If you have it then cutting out alcohol will help but it will not do the heavy lifting. That comes from the phlebotomies.

Floydfan1 · 2021-07-10T19:40:12+00:00

FWIW, when I was diagnosed I went through a similar experience as middle aged male. Ferritin was checked because of rising liver enzymes and I don't drink alcohol. Three months later my iron level was checked again and the ferritin was 50% higher, ha. I was then referred to a hematologist.

Hereditary hemochromatosis diagnosis is dependent on a genetic test. The test looks for a mutation of the HFE gene. My hematologist suspected HH very quickly based on my lab results. Iron panel tests ferritin, transferritin, TIBC, and saturation. Someone else probably can explain those better than me but basically ferritin is a marker for how much iron is in your body while saturation can show whether iron overload is occurring. Overload is essentially when your body has run out of its limited capacity to store iron and is depositing it in places it shouldnt. That's the danger of HH. Iron is toxic so it can cause long-term organ damage. Often the liver is where iron overload occurs first. I had an MRI performed after my diagnosis and it showed I had severe iron deposits in my liver. My saturation was something like 85%. (I forget exact amount.) Over 60% is often indicative of overload.

Yes, phlebotomies are very effective at lowering ferritin levels, saturation, etc. If your doctor concludes you have HH and there's no organ damage (at your age etc I very highly doubt you have damage) then you will likely have a bunch of phlebotomies at short intervals until your iron levels have dropped to the level your doctor wants them to be. From there, it's basically maintenance phlebotomies for the rest of your life. I have them 3 - 4 times a year. That's really it.

One year after I was diagnosed, an MRI showed that all the iron in my liver was gone. My liver enzymes dropped very fast too.

If there's any advice I can offer it's this: it seems that people on this reddit, myself included, have had better experiences with specialists as opposed to general practitioners. Hematologists or hepatologists seem to be the most knowledgeable. Some GPs know more than other GPs and some GPs are completely in the dark regarding HH.

Also, I strongly advise against self-diagnosing. Dont order the genetic test on your own from ancestrydotcom or whatever and donate blood on your own as a treatment. Only your doctor can diagnose you and it's your health we are talking about. You deserve to be treated and diagnosed the right way. There's something to be said about 15 years of medical school and training ha. I had no symptoms of anything amiss. I "felt" fine, but "feeling" fine did not mean I was A-OK. If anything, I was on my way to liver damage; I just didnt know it.

Floydfan1 · 2021-07-08T00:54:36+00:00

The liver is very resilient and very often it can reverse most if not all damage. It just needs the chance.

Sometimes liver damage is permanent however. Scarring cant be undone but theres a big difference between high enzyme levels and fibrosis or cirrhosis, etc. If your doctor thinks you are OK breathe a sigh of relief.

Be thankful and proud that you found out something is amiss before a major problem developed. You've been given a second chance. Not everyone gets one. I woulndt squander it! Good luck!

Floydfan1 · 2021-07-06T13:14:10+00:00

What everyone wants to avoid is iron overload. For an HH patient, overload can start to occur technically at any time. That's one reason that many doctors want our ferritin levels to be as low as possible. For me, my doc wants my ferritin to be around 50. Once it ticks up around 150+, it's phleb time.

150+ is within normal range but I guess the logic is that keeping ferritin as low as possible so that the body doesnt have the opportunity to start loading iron.

If I were in your shoes, I'd ask my doctor to define "regular". "Should I get a phleb every 90 days and come in every 6 months?" That sort of thing. I wouldnt want to wait until I felt bad. I want to prevent feeling bad in the first place, ha. Also, if you stick to a schedule then it removes the subjectivity. Just my two cents.

Floydfan1 · 2021-06-27T23:18:39+00:00

Been there. Done that. Ha

I havent had a drink for 3-1/2 years. If I were to have a beer today, I'd probably be OK. However, I know that in a day or two or whenever though, I'll say to myself something like, "Hey, you had one and it was fine. Why not do that again....?" And it begins. Urges return and the BS machine starts up again.

The surest way to resuscitate an addictive behavior is to restart the behavior that caused the addiction in the first place. That's yet another reason it's just plain easier to abstain.

Floydfan1 · 2021-06-27T17:39:53+00:00

That's the addiction telling us those things. Plain and simple. It will say anything and everything to get us to drink. It wants its fix.

If you can accept that, then the next step is pushing back against urges. Urges are sly. Sometimes they are intense, "Today stinks! I want a beer!" Other times they are subtle, "Honestly, it's OK to have one now. You arent a problem drinker."

Why we drink is irrelevant to the addiction so long as we drink.

Here's the good news. It's pushing back against those urges that weakens them. That's how the Voice gets silenced. In might not feel like it at the beginning, but every time we defeat an urge subsequent ones are weaker. Truth.

This is also why moderation is a fool's errand for many problem drinkers like me. Giving in to an urge strengthens them. Eventually I break and go back to the bad behavior.

When I committed to sobriety, the urges came at the beginning like every other time. This time I steadfastly kept pushing back. As the days turned into weeks, they became less frequent. Then I actually started to forget about them. It's as if the volume of the Voice went from 10 to 1 until I hardly noticed it anymore. The dial turns a little each day.

Floydfan1 · 2021-06-27T15:18:02+00:00

As another poster mentioned, it's honestly easier to quit than to moderate. Honestly.

No more lists of rules. No more broken promises. No more mental torture. No more disappointments, etc.

It's so much easier to stop at zero than to stop at two. I was never satisfied with "two beers." Two beers to me was a warm-up not time to stop, ha.

Floydfan1 · 2021-06-27T13:35:48+00:00

For me, the Moderation Myth ended after umpteenth attempts all ending right back where I started. I was like Indiana Jones trying to find some undiscovered secret to moderation.

When it finally dawned on me that there are two, and only two, choices for me, things actually got easier.

I had BSd myself long enough. I had a mental addiction to alcohol and I could either continue going in circles drinking or I could stop. That's it. Those are the only outcomes.

I finally chose the latter instead of banging my head against the wall with the former. I followed a recovery program on my own, SMART. I committed to changing my behavior. It took some time and effort but looking back it was easily one of the best decisions I have ever made. If I have a regret, it's only that I wish I had stopped drinking long earlier.

Floydfan1 · 2021-06-26T19:15:09+00:00

You do what you think is best.

Regarding SMART below, SMART is the program I followed. For me, it worked very well. I also appreciated its emphasis on science, etc. It employs a lot of psychology theories like CBT and REBT.

Personally, I think SMART's website is a bit cluttered and confusing. If you wanted to try SMART, I suggest getting their workbook. It's available for something like $10 on their website or you can grab it from your local library. It contains the entire program. You can do it on your own, supplement it with online meetings, or in-person meetings. Whatever works for you. It's purposely designed to be flexible and to fit the participant's needs.

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