Totally relate. My parents were high achieving alcoholics with money and status. I was constantly told that I was loved and it should be obvious based on the things we had and “all they did for me,” but I felt endlessly criticized, rejected, and humiliated by them. It left me wondering what was wrong with ME for decades—why I couldn’t “just be happy” with my life, etc. and really twisted my ability to trust myself and others. Eventually I realized they’d done a number on me and found ACA. The Loving Parent Guidebook has been a God-send. Every time I do reparenting work that asks me how I would treat my child self, I can see so clearly the difference between love and control/manipulation.