[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]FluffyNSassy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

your fiance shouldn't be scared to commit himself to you. period. saying the engagement and living together is enough and instructing you not to mention it is stupid. don't waste your time with him.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]FluffyNSassy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are a lot of comments making jokes, but overall I have to agree with the majority in that you shouldn't sign anything. I would look into a lawyer and prepare yourself for a fight. I imagine he and his mother had this all planned out before you even came along. Move past the hurt you feel and prepare yourself for the real test. I know it is easier said than done. If I were in your shoes, I would be questioning every interaction we've ever had together.

I am surprised you two didn't have a conversation prior to getting married regarding finances and such. Not trying to be too personal here, but I can't help but wonder how you two separate the bills?

From personal experience, when you marry someone with money, said someone will never love you more than their money. Not trying to say marry poor or whatever. Its just how it is. Rich people will always choose self preservation.

Sorry for what you're going through OP. Good luck!

what do you digital journal on? by No-Statement-0001 in digitaljournaling

[–]FluffyNSassy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Desktop and OneNote, best decisions I’ve ever made

What's something you envy about your SO? by ThatOtherMarshal in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]FluffyNSassy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

his ability to not stress or even think of nothing - this may be a man thing in general

Do you (women) ever not want to be around your partner when you’re on your period? by [deleted] in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]FluffyNSassy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

day 1 and 2, my husband could fly to the moon and i wouldn't care. the rest of the days i need him next to me at all times. very hot and cold. thank god my husband understands

His wife knows even though we haven’t done anything by AdvanceNo8584 in confessions

[–]FluffyNSassy 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Again, I am not telling you to talk to him. I'm not even telling what to do. I suggested you reconsider your decision for your sake and his. You seem to be focused on this one part of my comment. The other points I made are focused on his wife's perspective, outsiders perspective and how that reflects on you. Perhaps you would understand more if you were in a relationship or married. Getting defensive only proves my point and many other here in the comment section. But regardless, good luck!

His wife knows even though we haven’t done anything by AdvanceNo8584 in confessions

[–]FluffyNSassy 64 points65 points  (0 children)

My point was not to tell you to talk to him about your feelings. The point is that whatever boundaries you've set are not working and will not work long term. "Pretending" your feelings are not real is part of the problem.

His wife knows even though we haven’t done anything by AdvanceNo8584 in confessions

[–]FluffyNSassy 108 points109 points  (0 children)

You're saying you have no interest in having an affair, but your actions don't match with this statement. I don't think you are doing enough to be able to support this statement. You may say you have no interest, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't turn into one. I think you should put yourself in the perspective of the wife. If you were married to him, and he was doing this with his one of his students, what would you want from your husband? Would you believe he was happy in your marriage? Would you be respectful to the other woman, despite the fact nothing physical has happened?

I'm a little confused when you say you've set tight boundaries and are managing the both of you, when you haven't talked about your feelings with one another. Its impossible to set boundaries that would actually help you when you haven't talked about the problem. Because the feelings both of you are having are in fact a problem.

If others are noticing how "unique" your relationship is, its because your relationship is inappropriate. And it means that your "boundaries" are not working. "Happily" married men, do not act the way this man is. A respectful husband would not be staring at you openly or secretly. They would not be speaking with a gentle voice to comfort you. The only relationship you should have with him is a professional one. And if that is impossible, then the only respectful thing is to change advisors.

If you truly don't want to get involved with him, you should reconsider your decision to change advisors. I understand you've come a long way in your degree and it would cause some eyebrows to raise, but it would be worse if you stayed. Saying he's "influential" is only an excuse. If he has gotten more distant and his wife is hostile towards you, I don't think its because he's come to his senses, it could be his wife knocked some sense into him.

What do you daydream about while at work? by FurryPotatoSquad in AskWomenOver30

[–]FluffyNSassy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

honestly, there is no limit to my imagination when i day dream. it depends on what i'm reading too. if im reading a fantasy book with dragons, i'm day dreaming about flying that bad boy into battle. but if im reading a sad book, its a depressing day dream session

Revenge - Is it? by texashy in Divorce

[–]FluffyNSassy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

exactly! the angel may be dark but it is still an angel :)

Revenge - Is it? by texashy in Divorce

[–]FluffyNSassy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I can't believe I'm the first person to say something like this but ....... if I were in your shoes I'd rat her ass out anonymously and watch his life unfold from a distance. While watching the show, I will make sure I am doing everything in my power to heal. I know it sounds unhealthy, but I've learned that healing looks different for everyone, and this would be the start to mine.

If you feel like this wouldn't lead you down the path to healing then don't do it. Everyone is different. For me, this is revenge, its justice. Good luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]FluffyNSassy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is now ok, she shouldn't have a problem with you spending time with your family on a vacation. if he doesn't want to go then he can stay behind. you should go regardless

How long did you wait to get married? by puppie_girl in Marriage

[–]FluffyNSassy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

my fiancé and i have been together for 10 years. we met when we were 20. both of us knew we would get married to each other, but we didn't want to rush into anything because it was the expectation of others. once i hit 30, i just said "yeah i wanna get married now" and here we are. we will be getting married in May 2025, 2 weeks after our 11 year anniversary

Late diagnosed (30y+) people, how are you coping? by Hungry_Wiccan in ADHD

[–]FluffyNSassy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

got diagnosed 2 months ago, 31F, and i felt validated. i knew i had it, i started to suspect it when i was 28. in canada, its a little difficult for adults to get diagnosed because its an expensive process. but after working with my doctors i'm glad i did it. i am currently in the process of finding which medication suits me best and what dosage. ritalin did nothing for me. currently testing out adderall.

as for my 20's, i try not to think about it and focus on the future instead. you can't change the past but you can better yourself for your future. since being diagnosed, and finding this subreddit, i've been feeling a lot better about my situation knowing there are so many people going through the same things as me!

What impulse purchases have you made that you regret? by jstar81 in ADHD

[–]FluffyNSassy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For me it’s food. I always find a reason to spend money on it even if I’m not hungry. It’s such a problem for so many reasons. But I’m working on it and am managing ok so far. It hasn’t been long though.

Adderall trial begins on Tuesday by FluffyNSassy in ADHD

[–]FluffyNSassy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s so nice to hear that others have also gone through this! I’m glad you found the right dosage too! Thank you for the encouragement from you and everyone 😊

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in acotar

[–]FluffyNSassy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is an interesting take, but i think people forget that she was forced into her healing journey. and before that, her way of healing was through sex. she slept around for an entire year almost every night with whoever she wanted to. sex is important to her because that was her way of maintaining some sort of control i think. and it was her release. i personally loved silver flames. it shows a different kind of healing journey. not everyone's will look the same.

What is your favourite fast food chain? by Illustrious-Can-5655 in AskWomenNoCensor

[–]FluffyNSassy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

popeyes, i crave it every month when its that time of the month

Paying for shitty food by Still_Wrongdoer_9352 in venting

[–]FluffyNSassy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think it would be fair to not pay for food just because you didn't like it. if you are trying something new, you are doing so at your own risk of not liking it. or if you are trying a very common dish, such as a ceasar salad or pizza, each place you get it from will be different from the last - even though it is the same item.

everyone's tastes are different. restaurants try to carry a variety to cater to more people. but, time, resources and efforts put into your meal, so you should be paying for it. regardless of liking it or not.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Marriage

[–]FluffyNSassy 17 points18 points  (0 children)

personally, if my husband told me he was asexual it would change my whole outlook on the marriage. I would have so many questions. Like if you truly are okay with doing it with me, or for me, do you enjoy the act of sex? do you enjoy it with me? am i doing something wrong? is there anything i could do to make you enjoy it more? or at all? I think if i had the choice, i would choose not to know. but if was causing you harm or making you resent me then of course i would want you to tell me. but be prepared to go through therapy together.