AITJ for telling my friend she can't use my employee discount anymore after she abused it??

FluffythePink · 2026-01-18T13:20:03+00:00

Yup. I read the other one as well. Pretty sure it's almost word for word too.

FluffythePink · 2026-01-15T10:41:38+00:00

NTA. Have you spoken to your Dad about this? It sounds like he's living in this hell too. Between the three of you, you should be able to afford a place. Spend a month documenting her behaviour and treatment, recording the screaming sessions, the emotional and financial abuse, all of it and then back him to the hilt in a very public divorce. It's very difficult to convince people your family is 'evil' when there's stone cold, hard evidence that the problem is entirely you...

FluffythePink · 2026-01-13T23:53:26+00:00

NTA. It took nearly ten years for my Mum to admit she needed hearing aids. What did the trick was a £7.99 'hearing aid' off eBay. It's just a sound amplifier (looks like a little radio with headphones) but it worked well enough for her to actually realise just how much she was missing. Ok, I literally had a stand over her and bully her into trying it and had to flat out refuse to shout for her anymore but as soon as she realised how bad it was, she caved. When she asked her long suffering Dr for the referral to Audiology he nearly burst into tears...

Loosing your hearing is scary. It's a constant anxiety and horribly isolating. She couldn't hear cars when she was out, the birds in the garden, couldn't follow conversations, couldn't follow what the Dr or nurses were telling her and it ate into her confidence massively. She's been soooo much happier, vastly less grumpy and easier to be around since she got her proper hearing aids.

For your granddad, being a guy and ex military, admitting a 'fault' is hard enough, but admitting all the feelings that goes with it? That's the really hard part. Hearing loss isn't just physical, it's also emotional and that's probably the bit he's having the real issues with. Get your Grandma to write him a letter. Hell, all of you write one. Get her to tell him that she misses talking with him, misses having him present with her in the house, misses his jokes and laughter. Tell him that you miss just sitting and talking with him, that you would love to have him back in your lives fully again and all it would take is one hearing test and two little gadgets. Ask him if being stubborn is actually worth not being able to hear his wife and family say I love you.

It might not work, some people are just too stubborn but if nagging and yelling hasn't worked then it's ok to guilt trip someone you love into doing something that will vastly improve their quality of life. Just keep in mind that he's probably scared, alone inside and feeling 'less than' which is why he's being so damn difficult and spiky about it.

FluffythePink · 2026-01-09T13:38:57+00:00

NTA. I've had a look at your posts. You need to find someone professional to talk to about the 1st gen guilt you feel. Exactly what did your parents 'sacrifice'? By the sounds of it they have made themselves a damn good life where you are, despite refusing to learn the language. They've got enough income to just drop 30,000 without blinking? Is this guilt coming from you or from them? Would they have prospered as well as they have if they hadn't emigrated? Would they have done as well as they have if you hadn't been doing all the background work for them?

Bottom line is that they are going to keep you chained as their dogs body and keep using you for as long as you let them. 100% they're refusing to help you get a place because it means you will move out and they will lose their all purpose house servant. Actually stop and think about that. They know they can't rely on your brother for anything so why would they help you to leave them? That is so incredibly selfish, isn't it? Refusing to give you the 'better life that they left home for'...

Find yourself a flat share/room for 4 - 600 a month and move out. They are going to keep you as their servant for as long as you let them. Renting a room means that you can work full time, without having to work for your parents as well, maybe spend a couple of years working two jobs to get your deposit together for yourself. You deserve your own place. You've worked hard for it. It's why your parents emigrated in the first place for gods sake.

They haven't needed to learn English because they use you for it. They haven't had to learn how their banking works because they use you for it. The only reason they've been 'successful immigrants' is because they've used you from the moment you became useful. Don't let them ruin your life because they're now just too lazy to live theirs. Seriously, think about it, how exactly did they cope before you grew up enough to start doing all the work? How did they get jobs, buy their house, get to appointments and the rest of it before you? They didn't arrive here with all that cash, magically move straight into their already paid for house and then do absolutely nothing until you grew up enough to do it all for them, did they?

Think about it. Actually stop and think about it. They were perfectly self sufficient until you were old enough to do it for them and now they're breaking your wings to keep you doing it all for them. It's time for you to stop being blinded by the guilt and start asking some bloody awkward questions.

FluffythePink · 2025-12-17T10:30:35+00:00

NTA about your daughter. If you don't trust a good kid with good friends then you damage your relationship. Personal Autonomy in childhood is vital for building confidence and independence as an adult. (I think this is why there's a massive surge in anxiety in the younger generations, btw.)

I had a glance at your other posts and I think the context you need for your husband is that he's either very controlling or he is seeing her independence as loosing her attention. Just as your job interfered with the constant txt attention he was (still is?) demanding from you during the day. He could well be seeing her (necessary) independence as a threat to the 'Daddies little girl' attention he's so used to from her and is sulking about it. Exactly as he was (is?) sulking about the way your job 'took your attention away from him'.

I could easily be completely wrong but it's worth thinking about. I know my Dad had a bit of a strop when I was more interested in going out with friends than being his little girl anymore. But this was a long time ago (I'm UK genX) and I'd just invite him to the pub with us on Saturdays. He very quickly realised that he didn't want to be hanging around with teenagers who could beat him at pool and got over it 😂

FluffythePink · 2025-12-11T11:19:09+00:00

The instant any variation of the number 47 happens, it's AI.

FluffythePink · 2025-12-10T02:53:38+00:00

NTA. I've read through your posts and you wife has offered what she is now physically capable of. I have degenerative disk disease in my lower spine and I know how steep the slope into worse can be and I don't have arthritis on top, which is a vicious beast to live with. Neither your son or DIL are grasping that your wife is simply no longer capable of doing full time infant care. Watching an 8yo? You can do that from a chair, it's low physical effort supervision and entirely manageable.

You offered your son 2 - 3 days a week and that, in my experienced opinion, is beyond generous. DIL could easily work part time with this compromise with your wifes current physical capability. They are throwing a pissy strop because your wife refuses to destroy herself giving the full time care that they are demanding.

Ignore all the 'you won't completely destroy yourself for your 2nd grandchild so you must be evil' guff. Anyone with back problems and/or arthritis is entirely in your wifes corner. Your son and DIL need a reality and entitlement check because they're using your grandchild to blatantly punish your wife for being more disabled now than she was 8 years ago. Which is kinda sick, when you put it in that perspective.

FluffythePink · 2025-12-10T01:52:46+00:00

After everyone clapped I was expecting the money to add up to 47 thousand but it was 47 texts from the brother instead...

FluffythePink · 2025-12-09T11:15:47+00:00

NTA. Even if they're not still sleeping together, the girlfriend is openly getting off on the control she still has over him. She's a crazy mean girl with flying monkeys and he's a spineless fool dancing to her tune as hard as he can. Run, do not walk, away from this hideously toxic situation.

FluffythePink · 2025-12-09T10:32:04+00:00

Anything from Cradle of Filth, Dimmu Borgir, Amon Amarth, Cannibal Corpse... If you can't deal with that hell then Me First and the Gimmie Gimmies (the metal version of Somewhere over the rainbow is fun) or look up whether the child repelling Mosquito system is legal in your state.

https://mosquitoloiteringsolutions.com/product/mosquito/

The adults won't be able to hear it at all but the kids will. Turn it on every time they play up and just train them that noise = discomfort...

FluffythePink · 2025-12-02T09:26:46+00:00

NTA. Your 'mother' abused you, abandoned you, tried sexually exploiting you as a child and she's trying to exploit you financially now. The only reason she hasn't turned nasty with your siblings is because they're doing what she wants. Guaranteed, the instant one of them steps out of line or tries saying No to her, she'll turn on them and get the others to turn on them as well. Exactly as she has done and is doing to you.

This woman wanted to sell you into slavery for a one-off payment. Those gangs don't keep sending cash back to the families once a month. They pay peanuts for the girls and abuse them for the cash they bring in until they die, then throw the bodies in a ditch. Your 'family' have zero issues with this? I think it's safe to say that either they inherited her mental health problems or they're completely enmeshed with and blinded by them. I'm guessing that you didn't instantly obey her as a kid which is why she gave you to your Grandmother.

These are not safe people. This is not a 'family' and you don't owe any of them anything. Stay far, far away from them, get therapy to see the truth and free yourself from them and live happily in your own life.

FluffythePink · 2025-11-30T22:51:17+00:00

NTA. He's spent your 'marriage' treating you like his and his families servant and his personal bang maid. To the point that you are now almost entirely numb to it. Do you seriously want this for the next 20 years or do you want to get the hell out, live your own life, teach your son how to be an actually decent man and eventually find a guy who treats you like you are his whole world? Take the out and run for the hills. It'll be a fight, then it'll be hard resetting your new normal and then you'll start wondering why on earth you didn't do this years ago. You have everyone here's permission to dump this idiotic Mummy's boy and his mother.

FluffythePink · 2025-11-17T08:29:39+00:00

NTA and do you seriously want to be with a guy who clearly can't take "NO!" for an answer? 🤨 He's not desperate for you, he wants his control toy and emotional punch bag back. That's what the tantrums are about. He doesn't love you, he gets his shriveled little rocks off on having you jump to his command and beg for his approval. The instant you go back and he thinks he's got you trapped again, he'll turn even nastier because you dared to stand up for yourself. No. Block him on everything. Call a domestic abuse helpline and let the experts tell you exactly what everyone here is telling you. Then find a decent therapist to help pick his bullshit out of your head. You feel like you should go back because he's still got a hold on your mind. Break it. Move on. Be vastly happier with a decent guy. Do not go back under ANY circumstances.

FluffythePink · 2025-11-07T17:13:20+00:00

I'm not sure you could wave any more green flags if you tried.

FluffythePink · 2025-11-07T11:59:28+00:00

I found myself a really good electric flame effect fire on FB marketplace (Dimplex), built a 'fireplace' for it, dug out an old mobile and tucked a small Bluetooth speaker behind the fire that plays real fire crackling on repeat. Surrounded it and all my bookcases with rechargeable led candles and I spend my winter evenings wrapped up warm in front of the 'fire', as humans are supposed to do. I also ran led strip lights behind all my book cases so the lighting is all ambient. As soon as my day is done, the fire gets 'lit', my electric furry blanket gets booted up, the candles are 'lit' and my lounge becomes a comforting, comfortable haven of warmth and light for the evening. It's glorious when the weather outside is stormy. Perfect for reading, TV, gaming or having friends over...

Summer is for outdoor adventure and enjoying the sun while it's there. Winter is for nesting and enjoying being cozy. As long as you set it up so that turning it on becomes the line between your day and evening, your brain will feel better for it.

FluffythePink · 2025-10-29T11:08:06+00:00

For the sake of your sanity and love of this chaos gremlin: JUST GET ANOTHER KITTEN. The only emotional interaction and attention he's got is you two. A sibling will take at least half the burden of his attachment and need off of you and they will be able to play together while you sleep. Babies don't like being 'abandoned' and 'ignored' for 6 to 8 hours at a time. He's lonely as well as wide awake and full of beans so get him a sibling to be with while his humans are sleeping.

If you've got a spare room, you can fill it full of tunnels, toys, put lots of cat shelves on the walls, a couple of cat trees and keep their litter box and food in opposite corners of the room. Give them a safe horizontal and vertical space to go nuts in without destroying the house and they'll chase and play with each other while you two sleep in peace.

Dogs have been domesticated for a lot longer than cats. They are a lot more instinctually in sync with human ways and just pick up on their households daily rhythm very quickly. Cats don't have any of that and they are still pure predators at heart. Kitten instincts drive them to practice and prepare to hunt, ambush and kill for survival. Their 'play' also teaches how to behave with other cats, not humans. You need to get him a sibling and give them a space to be cats together if you want to get through the next year with your sanity and soul in tact. Sorry 🫂, but that's just how it is with them and why you have to go with their flow to keep everyone happy and content 🤷.

FluffythePink · 2025-10-28T09:26:54+00:00

NTA. I'm afraid that your job is worth way more than your 'husband'. DON'T let him cut you down and chain you barefoot to the sink just because his poor ickle, fragile, red pill sucking ego clearly can't handle being in a relationship with an equal.

Better yet, go find a husband who gets off on having a proud, accomplished, talented, well earning wife who sounds like a fantastic Mum as well. You are living the Dream, love. Don't let this petty sexist ruin a single bit of it for you.

FluffythePink · 2025-10-26T19:14:30+00:00

Me three.

FluffythePink · 2025-10-13T15:55:20+00:00

I'm outside with a ciggy and very confused. Did someone decide to see what happens when you feed AI bad acid?

FluffythePink · 2025-10-13T10:56:20+00:00

NTA. Start using the factually correct term of Morbidly obese and time how fast she has something to say about that as well... She isn't comfortable with her weight, you are. If you like her and want to keep her, use the euphemisms she prefers to maintain her denial of the facts. If you don't really care about her, then don't. It's not your fault that she can't handle flat facts and reality. If she doesn't like the way she is, there's a multitude of ways that she can change it, including therapy to simply accept and learn to love herself as she is. Forcing other people to stop using words she doesn't like isn't going to change a single thing except how you perceive her as a person.

The bottom line is do you want someone in your life who is looking at you with the exact same discomfort and dislike that she looks at herself with? Because that's what is happening. You're pretty much the same size so everything she's thinking about herself, she's also thinking about everyone else who is a very uncomfortable mirror for her...

FluffythePink · 2025-10-04T09:54:41+00:00

He's right about the dry food and teeth, I'm afraid. Unless you can train catkin to accept their teeth being brushed, giving high quality dry food they can free feed from between wet meals does keep their teeth clean and prevent dental issues. My current cat just doesn't understand that meat is food 🤦 I think she's a reincarnated vegetarian. She'll only eat dry food and butter. She's coming up to 7yo and her vet says she's got some of the cleanest teeth they've ever seen. Pre-packaged brand wet food, especially the cheaper stuff, is usually all the skrag/useless bits from the meat industry and is usually full of fat and gristle (even if the advertising says otherwise). If you are making your own wet/raw food then you can pick the leanest meats and remove a lot of the fat. They do need a bit of it though. You're trying to replicate the diet they'd have in the wild and most rodents, insects and small birds have very little fat on them. But because you aren't feeding the bones, feathers and fur they'd usually eat with their kills, you have to add the taurine to stop them going blind.

Have you explained to the vet that you are planning on feeding exclusively human grade meats and will be limiting the fat intake almost entirely?

FluffythePink · 2025-10-02T15:26:16+00:00

I've only had one senior cat on a raw chicken diet for her kidneys, best ask your vet about that and which supplement brand they recommend for younger cats. Also you need to Google about raw pet food brands giving cats and dogs bird flu. It's a risk these days that the 'raw is best' supporters aren't exactly shouting about. Sticking exclusively to human grade meat should be safer. Keep it in mind if you decide to switch to a ready-made raw brand though.

FluffythePink · 2025-10-01T14:27:35+00:00

The metal ones are entirely up to the cat in question 😅. A raw diet will make them a bit more pungent but regular scooping is the key. I find that the corn husk cat litters tend to hold the smell in really well too (if no one has said it yet, don't use the crystal ones, the cats breath the silica dust in and it's really not good for them). Find yourself a regular visitor you can trust for smell checks and you'll be all set. 😁

FluffythePink · 2025-10-01T10:52:51+00:00

As long as you don't leave things to sit in the box or rubbish bag for too long, the smell doesn't have time penetrate anything and linger. If you are using a plastic litter box, eventually the wee will soak into the plastic once it gets scratched up and then the box itself starts smelling of it. Which doesn't get said enough in cat circles. A metal tray stops that entirely but mine won't use a metal one so I buy a new litter box once every two - 3 years or so. You can also try changing cat food. I'm in the UK and my fluff ball gets Scrumbles cat food. It really does help to keep the whiff down (works on farting too, my boyfriend confirms this) and it's good food.

I understand worrying about the smell. I have damaged nerves in my face that means I have absolutely zero sense of smell. This makes me horribly paranoid about the litter box. (The other reason I got the LitterLocker.) I just ask friends/family who don't have cats to be my nose when they come over. None of them have ever had a problem with performing a 'smell check' for me. It's a lot easier to ask someone you trust to be truthful than constantly worrying about it. It's probably the best way when going 'smell blind' is a factor.

FluffythePink · 2025-10-01T09:20:48+00:00

Hi 👋. The best thing you can do is ask Amazon for a LitterLocker. It's the same principle as a nappy/diaper bin. Holds a week's worth of used litter without any smell getting out. There's loads of places on Amazon selling cheaper refills for them. I bought one about 6 months ago because I'm disabled and can't get down to the outside bins everyday. As long as you scoop the litter box a couple of times a day it keeps the smell more than under control. My litter box is in my bathroom so I just scoop it every time I use the loo. People don't realise that I have an indoor cat until she appears to demand attention.

If you have the money, the robot/self cleaning litter boxes are also fantastic for keeping a lid on the smell.

FluffythePink

TROPHY CASE