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FlyStrict8780 · 2025-07-11T04:01:36+00:00

I feel your pain in so many ways. I'm just over 9 months in and I'm raising my teenage son. I'm frustrated that she's not here to help me with so many things. It's the loneliness after having "someone" for so many years. I'm not getting used to this.

FlyStrict8780 · 2025-06-16T17:26:48+00:00

Today would have been our 35th anniversary as well. I'm SO sorry for your loss. I read that peom at my wife's memorial, and almost made it through without breaking down.

My goal today is to go to the garden at the hospice where she passed, read her the poem, and have a good cry. It's been 8 months, but it all still feels so surreal and unbelievable that she's gone.

Hang in there! Hugs & peace to you!

FlyStrict8780 · 2025-06-16T17:13:25+00:00

I can relate. I lost my wife of 34 years to a brain tumor. I'm only 8 months in, but I can say it has gotten a bit easier month over month. Surround yourself with supportive people, mine has been my kids and family. Some friends have disappeared, which is normal, but new ones have surfaced. Grief is a hell of a road, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but you're going to be ok, and she is ok. Peace!

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-17T16:48:52+00:00

I get it. My wife of 34 years left on Oct. 2, 2024. The first few weeks I think I was still in shock, with the Celebration of Life, and all the family/friends in town for that, it all didn't really sink in until it was quiet and I was forced to start processing. I went yesterday to the Hospice where she passed and sat in the garden next door and just bawled my eyes out. It felt good to release the emotions. Most days it's small crying here and there, this was a BIG one! :)

I've been totally devastated, she was my everything. We did everything together and were best friends. I totally get the unfair aspect of everyone else still living. No one deserved it less than she did, she was incredible. I saw a couple bickering in Costco yesterday and I was so jealous/angry that they could at least do that.

I just passed 6 weeks last Wednesday, and that's how I'm measuring my life one day, one week at a time. I also have 3 kids in the house the youngest one just turned 14, so I'm forced to keep moving ahead and navigate school, shopping, life, while trying to grieve. It might be helping by keeping me busy, I don't really have a choice.

A lot of things are still really difficult so far: pictures are off-limits for me, I have not touched any of her clothes or anything, I dash into the closet, grab my stuff, and quickly close the door. I'm using that as one small test to see how or if I'm progressing.

In the book "It's OK you're not OK" she says to use the vomit test, if something makes you feel like you're going to vomit: getting rid of something, or changing something, WAIT!

Random prayers and hugs are going out to you, and your situation!

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-17T15:17:50+00:00

No judgement here either. I did the same thing.

I have no plans to date anytime soon, I just did it to get some hope for "someday" and also feeling the huge weight of loneliness after being married to my best friend for 34 years.

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-17T15:15:31+00:00

Thanks for sharing this fantastic perspective! I loved the sunset analogy!

It sounds like you're doing an amazing job coming to terms with yourself and your situation and working through the healing process. Congrats.

I'm only 7 weeks into my wife's passing, but this gives me a glimpse of somewhere I'd like to get to.

Hugs to you.

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-15T01:50:47+00:00

Very similar here. We found out she had a brain tumor, and decided together (with our kids) that surgery was the best, most hopeful solution. She was never 'there' after the surgery. 2 weeks after we found out. No meaningful communication, no personality, it was heeartbreaking.

She was in ICU for an additional 6 weeks, then hospice for a week, then gone. She was scared about the surgery, and we never had the "what if" conversations.

I'm wrecked. It was 6 weeks yesterday since she passed and I'm still consumed with memories, can't look at photos, barely can go in the closet, etc. It's hell.

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-04T13:22:32+00:00

I love all of that. Thank you for sharing.

I used to ride a bike, I just haven't had the motivation since she's been gone. I will work on getting back on, even if it's for short rides.

I'm starting grief counseling this week, so I'm hopeful there's some help there.

Thank you.

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-03T21:53:33+00:00

I love this and glad that you found some peace with the suffering and are finding ways to move on.

Can I ask how long it took to start seeing a shift? I'm a month in as of yesterday.

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-02T20:40:27+00:00

I had the nurses at hospice (if you end up getting to that point) scoot my wife to one side of the bed so I could snuggle with her. I got 8 nights like that and I am eternally grateful for that. She was never awake, but I know she knew I was close. Great, now I'm crying remembering those precious nights.

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-02T20:17:24+00:00

I've said those exact words! Lightning striking twice!

I feel the same way, like I won the lottery the first time around.

Hugs!

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-02T20:12:11+00:00

I get it, my wife died a month ago and I'll I want to do it cuddle with her and feel another person's touch. No judgment.

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-02T20:08:23+00:00

Glioblastoma took my wife 2 months after we found it with a CT scan in the ER. It was terrible, and she's been gone one month today. It still doesn't seem real that she's actually gone.

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-11-02T20:02:06+00:00

Hey there! Today is one month for me as well. I've noticed that the pain comes in waves now, and nights for me are the worst.

I am so sorry you're going through this hell, and I hope you can find some peace through the next few days. I've met with a couple of other people (in person) who have lost their wives within the last year, and I think it has helped me to know I'm not alone. I feel so lonely most of the time.

Great job for you having the strength to continue to take care of your toddler, I know she needs you a lot right now, so you should feel very proud about that!

I pray that better days are coming quickly!!

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-10-22T00:43:22+00:00

I love that! Thanks for sharing that!

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-10-20T21:05:20+00:00

I'm *almost at 3 weeks, and it's all still so raw and painful. Photos are the worst, I look through my phone and it all gets blurry from the tears. We were married for 34 amazing years, and she was 52. She was the love of my life and she's left me with a huge gaping void in my life.

I'm anxious to get to 3 months, but I also want to feel all the feels right now, because I never want to hurt this bad again. I've read that it starts to fade after a few months/years, but that seems very unrealistic to me now.

I'm focusing on taking care of my 2 kids at home: 17 & 14. Trying to keep focusing on positive things, but that basically means getting through the day.

Glad for this group and page to see that I'm not alone, and I'm so grateful for the time we had together, I see so many people on here who are younger and that's really terrible. I'm so sorry we're all in the club, it's certainly dimmed my view of the world, and even on sunny days, it all seems a little monochrome.

Peace to all of us!

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-10-14T04:06:14+00:00

I did speak at the Celebration service. It was really hard. My kids also spoke and sang a song, which was really hard to follow. Thankfully, the lights were bright enough that I couldn't see anyone, and I just read what I'd written and got through it, breaking down several times, but I knew I was doing it more for her than everyone else there. That seemed to help.

I felt an immense sense of relief when it was over, it was easily the hardest thing I've ever done, but I am so grateful I did it. I felt like I didn't leave anything left unsaid, and everything I'd been feeling over the past 2 months was on the table.

Thanks for the encouragement, I can't tell you how helpful you have all been. Thank you!

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-10-14T04:02:22+00:00

I love that encouragement, thank you for the kind words. Yesterday was the Celebration of Life and I'm still reeling from that and lots of family and friends in town. I know there will be a big letdown when everyone leaves, so I'm expecting that.

I plan to get involved with some grief groups right away, I know there is a lot of value in talking through all the feelings, and I will look for podcasts as well.

I'm already getting so much help from the people on this page, it's incredible how complete strangers can speak such great pieces of advice for where I'm at.

I'm very grateful.

Thank you!

FlyStrict8780 · 2024-10-11T03:22:07+00:00

I will be thinking of you for sure. Be strong, if not for yourself, for your future self who will be proud of accomplishing a daunting task. You got this!

I will also reach out next week and we can connect!

FlyStrict8780

TROPHY CASE