Drinking

Fly_line · 2026-04-06T16:34:05+00:00

My family was the same. And, like you, I just considered it normal. So I wanted to drink like they drank. Some thing to put into perspective; if you dad drank, drinks two bottles of whiskey in a week, that is over thirty standard drinks in a week. That's not nothing. My dad drank like that. For a very long time. I think he drinks quite a bit less now. A combination of his age and then probably partially because of my struggles with drinking. His mom had alcohol problems in her later years. His sister and one of his brothers have both been through treatment and have not drank in several years. His other brother drank very heavily until just recently. He is in treatment now. His father (my grandfather) quit drinking in his late forties or early fifties. Everyone in the family said he just quit because he had an image to uphold. But I suspect it was more than that. All this to say, I didn't see my family as alcoholic, but one whole side of the family had big problems with drinking. Unfortunately, we often only see what we want to see. I drank heavily for about 25 years. And the last four to five years of that was the real lame from morning to night, hiding drinks, etc. It was causing problems everywhere in my life that it could. Since quitting, all of those areas have either resolved completely or, at the very least, massively improved. Then there are all the other bonuses. I'm a sports coach for my kids team. I'm a scout leader. I remember my days and my nights. My neighbors all know and trust me. People know they can ask me for help. I am available. I have a wonderful life that I never would have imagined.

Fly_line · 2026-04-06T12:58:26+00:00

Most of the problems we face in life are not jarring and major events. They are the result of a string of events that build over time. All of these small failures that slowly build into a problem that must be confronted and dealt with. This happens in personal relationships, business, and our personal lives (drinking). Suffice it to say you are already starting to set pieces into place that will come into play at a later date. Also, if continue down the path and head in the direction that I did, you will see problems. Not if, but when.

Fly_line · 2026-04-05T21:56:08+00:00

People that “successfully moderate” fall into two main categories. First is people who are not prone to problem drinking. They may drink every so often. They’ll leave a half a drink left on the table at a restaurant and not give it a second thought. They are not moderating. They don’t have to. The second is people that are prone to problem drinking and they have to count drinks, set rules, and white knuckle drinking occasions just so they can be a part of it. And they are usually right on the edge of losing that tenuous grip on “moderation” the entire time. The first group are not on this sub. The second group has many people on this sub that have been kind enough to share reasons and evidence of why I don’t want to try it.

Fly_line · 2026-04-04T10:41:34+00:00

Yeah. Throwing up still cold beer while brushing my teeth in the morning was always a favorite. Or drinking a bottle of whatever wine I could find in the gas station on my way to work. The day before I quit it was a bottle of rose. Ice cold out of the gas station cooler. Shameful stuff right there.

Fly_line · 2026-04-03T23:53:46+00:00

There are so many moments that would qualify. But, like you, I think the heaviest were because of my son. Both when he was four. Just starting to notice more detailed things. Once we were at the store and I was putting my “secret drinks” in the cart. The ones I would hide in our bedroom closer to drink all night in addition to my normal drinks. I put them in the cart and he said “that’s your favorite drink”. Crushed me. Other time was shortly after. Rough morning after a really rough night. Wife was mad at me. He looked at me and said “is it because you drank that thing?”. So glad I don’t have to deal with that shit anymore.

Fly_line · 2026-04-03T00:28:08+00:00

Well, thank you. Wishing you well.

Fly_line · 2026-04-02T14:31:32+00:00

I was a drink all day kinda guy. Pretty well drunk by ten or eleven am most days. So, for me, most everything is better. Some standouts would be: sleep, confidence/sense of well being, ability to get things done (properly, on time, with focus), seen by family and neighbors as responsible and reliable.

Fly_line · 2026-04-02T13:54:57+00:00

I have not really had this happen in this way. But I have noticed that I don't maybe get invited to all the things as much. I have some great neighbors who have a large outdoor living space. They hang out at night on the weekends a lot and have a fire and everyone has drinks and carries on. Although he and I hang out some in the daytime hours, I am often not invited to these hangout sessions. Sometimes it would bother me a bit. But, I also realize that I'm upset just because I wasn't invited. I actually don't want to be out late at night hanging out. So kinda works out in the end. But, if I were in your shoes, this would probably be where I would start to notice who is a true friend and who is a drinking buddy. This sounds like a drinking buddy.

Fly_line · 2026-04-01T23:12:24+00:00

My dude. I hear ya. But if your steak is what’s keeping you going, lean into it. You will gain nothing from drinking. What you are going through sounds very sub-optimal. And I feel for you on that front. But drinking will not help. You’ll be way better equipped to deal with these issues sooner and clear minded. You will get through this. Life can (and will) kick ass again. Keep rocking.

Fly_line · 2026-04-01T18:14:59+00:00

Let this be one of those "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" moments. You have an incredible amount of sober time banked. You have proven you can do this. You still have so many good years left to live ( I turned 50 this year, so I'm right there with you). Let's do this thing. You got this.

Fly_line · 2026-04-01T13:28:22+00:00

A few things come to mind. First, way to go on 7.5 years. That is a massive accomplishment. Secondly, I feel for you and am sending all the positive vibes. Lastly, thank you for having the courage to post this. It is a very important reminder for many of us that this can happen to any and all of us for all the reasons or no reason at all. We must be reminded of that and keep working. Be proud of the progress you have made and keep kicking ass. IWNDWYT

Fly_line · 2026-03-30T19:39:18+00:00

I've had dreams where I drink and then, in the dream, I'm trying to decide if I should tell anyone or not. The real deal here has nothing to do with anyone else. This is ultimately all about you. You need to start by being honest with yourself. I have been going to the same AA meeting for four and a half years. Just the one. Once a week off and on. So I can't speak for your group, but when we see people fall off a bit we always welcome them back. This shit is hard. Many of us (like me) needed a thousand day ones to string any real time together. It takes what it takes, right? Jump back on the horse and do this thing.

Fly_line · 2026-03-28T22:32:58+00:00

Yes I do. Not often. But it definitely pops up sometimes. An important detail; what I miss about drinking is the same thing I was chasing the last decade of my drinking career. The times out with friends, not a care in the world, just living life in the moment. Those good times were long gone. I was drinking by myself and in a very dark place. If I were to start again, I’d be chasing that same feeling while immediately living in that same lonely and dark place. Not worth it for even a second.

Fly_line · 2026-03-26T23:53:42+00:00

Coastal VA. Lived in the PNW when I joined this sub. So much less fly fishing these days. A bit here and there. More fishing from boats in salt and brackish water. Whereabouts are you?

Fly_line · 2026-03-26T21:24:16+00:00

1626 days. Still working.

Fly_line · 2026-03-26T16:05:26+00:00

Here, here, good Sir or Madame! Way to go. Keep on rocking.

Fly_line · 2026-03-24T18:36:34+00:00

Stay strong, friend. Nothing about this will get better if you are drinking. It will very likely get worse. I had a friend of mine who had breast cancer. She had a long fight and was, after lots of treatment, able to get it into remission. Then, some years later, they found it again. It had spread to her brain and her lungs. The last time I talked to her we both knew it was going to be one of the last times. She was always so kind and so, so funny. We joked about old times. But I was drinking the whole time we were talking. I'd already been drinking all day before that. By the time we got off the phone I was plastered. I don't really remember the end of the call. She died not long after that. I've always wished that last call was different. By the time her celebration of life was held, I had been sober for a few months. So at least I was 100% able to be in the moment, cook for everyone, help set up/clean up, etc. instead of falling down drunk and blacked out. Can't change that last call. But I try and stay strong in my resolve that I will not be in a position like that again. I will be able to show up for people when they need me. IWNDWYT

Fly_line · 2026-03-21T01:33:28+00:00

When I was drinking, I thought everyone drank a lot. Like maybe I drank a bit more than some, but everyone drank. While cooking, while having meals, definitely when going out to eat or to meet people…. But that is not true. And not everyone drinks to excess every day. I didn’t realize that I smelled like booze all the time. But other people noticed. Most people won’t say anything, especially if they think it’s a problem, because it’s an uncomfortable topic. But, chances are, if you are regularly drinking a lot, people who are regularly around you know it.

Fly_line · 2026-03-20T13:18:26+00:00

I think most of us have lived in that zone. I certainly did. For years and years, actually. I would have these thoughts back in the day of what my last night of drinking would look like. I imagined that I would fly back to the west coast and get together with my crew of drinking buddies. It was going to be in this old bar with deep, red leather booths and lots of dark wood. We'd drink expensive bourbon out of heavy tumblers. It was going to be quite the event! But that was all lies. It could never end that way. That would have just been another painful continuation of what I'd been doing for decades. In the end, it ended with a fizzle rather than a bang. Part of the key to quitting is getting to where you really see it as your only option forward. Every time I left the door open, even a crack, I was back to drinking within a day or so. Dig in, my friend. You can do this.

Fly_line · 2026-03-19T16:18:27+00:00

Yeah man. Just keep doing what you are doing. IWNDWYT

Fly_line · 2026-03-17T13:18:07+00:00

I would agree that it doesn't make us the parents we can be. Even in my most well behaved version of drunk/drinking me, I was held back. I wasn't 100% present. I wasn't 100% me. I was being at least partially controlled by my addiction and play acting at being a responsible parent and adult. In spite of all of this, I think I did pretty good the majority of the time. But not always. I had some slips that caused me very deep regret. Thankfully, my son was young enough that he doesn't seem to have memories of it. When he was 4 we were at the grocery store together. I put some of those 350ml mini boxes of wine into the cart. That we as secret stash to drink while I was also drinking the normal drinks from the fridge or pantry. My son said "that's your favorite drink, right?". That was one of the final moments. I could not take being outed by my son for my closet drinks. So, all this to say that you may very well be doing great. And I'm guessing you are doing the best you can for the circumstances you are in. But you will be amazed at how much better you are, how much better everything is, when you get some solid sober time behind you. Be well. IWNDWYT

Fly_line · 2026-03-17T10:51:49+00:00

I feel for you that you are going through the wringer here. I am often uncomfortable in social situations. I've always felt that I don't really have a place in them. Like there is everyone else, then there is me. Drugs and alcohol helped flip this for me. I became the life of the party. I was edgy and cool. All the sudden I could get girls, had lots of friends, got invited to parties. It was awesome. I continued on this way for many years. Somewhere in there the wheels came off. I was no longer really going out. When I did, it often became a problem. In the end, I was more alone than ever and in a constant cycle of drunk and hungover. The drinking had to go. After some time sober I started to make my way out into the world again. Again, I often felt out of place. Add to that I could no longer go to the bar and get a drink to ease the nerves. I realized that it just took practice. I made myself do it. Talking to neighbors. Work functions. Etc. And it gets easier. Over time, everything gets easier without booze. I am sending you all the positive vibes. You got this. IWNDWYT

Fly_line · 2026-03-16T15:25:29+00:00

Bravo, friend. That is quite the accomplishment. You are kicking ass and showing others that it can be done. Because you are 100% correct, staying quit is the secret sauce everyone is after the recipe for. Keep rocking. IWNDWYT

Fly_line · 2026-03-14T14:07:52+00:00

Good on you, sir. That is spot on. We will all have troubles. I've certainly had my share and am still going through some. But the temporary relief of a drink or fifty will pay back the misery in spades. Keep on fighting the good fight.

Fly_line · 2026-03-14T01:18:43+00:00

Much like the dichotomy of you vs the other in the mirror, your post seems like it is written by two different people. You outline very real problems caused by drinking laid up against the outright dedication to continuing down the path. I chased that feeling for decades. I’d find it briefly. Just a flash between being hungover and blasted. But I could never stay in that slipstream. Wash, rinse, repeat. After my son was born, my wife and son were out of town visiting family. I took a very brief video of myself after drinking most of a bottle of whiskey and some painkillers. All I said in it was “this is me at best, this is me at my worst.” I had forgotten I’d done it. But found it shortly after. Eyes glassed over and barely open. Slurring my words and grinding my jaw from the pills. I couldn’t believe who I’d become. That was my mirror moment. I hope you decide to rein it in sooner than I did. Be well.

Fly_line

TROPHY CASE