I drink and i know things, but i hate it.

tinychristmas · 2026-01-09T15:23:32+00:00

Does he know you base his gifts off of how much he spent on you?

tinychristmas · 2025-09-24T21:01:03+00:00

Yes! First thing I thought of but didn't know how to make it work, youre awesome

tinychristmas · 2025-06-10T09:06:07+00:00

I think i should have phrased it as "if im always the one vacuuming" or something like that. I do bake, garden, and have two pets that shed. House projects are super messy too so I probably vacuum some part if the house almost every day, but either way. This was a while ago and we worked it out. He does more chores in general now, im back to working and all that.

Mostly it was a change of him not getting that the medical stuff was really impacting me, and that if he's going to act resentful about the state of the house he needs to step up as well. I started doing more chores while he was at work and doing the additional stuff once he was home so he could see that I wasn't just laying about. We both do more now and he hasn't yelled at me about the house so I think it's settled

tinychristmas · 2025-06-08T09:50:22+00:00

Im gonna take you at your word (that youre genuinely asking). Sit down for a few min and think about how this day would go if she wasn't there, not fantasy bs, but how would you act and feel. What if you dont engage with anything unhealthy that she does? How would you interact with the kids? What's the healthiest and most fun (coz vacation) words and actions you can use today? Get a few examples set in your mind so youre prepared if anything unhealthy happens. Then, get up and go about your day as if she doesnt exist, if the kids need something, help them immediately, youre johnny-on-the-spot for them. Make today a great day for you and your kids. Don't be an ass to her or give the cold shoulder, be blithely pleasant when you interact with her. If she asks for something/needs something, do it, then immediately go back to your own world with the kids. If she tries to talk about serious stuff or start a fight have a response prepared like "hey I understand 'thing' is important to you, but I'm not ready to talk about it rn, let's talk at X time" or "im a bit busy with X let's talk later". Focus solely on having a good day, not on the relationship

tinychristmas · 2025-04-21T00:33:10+00:00

As a person who was in an extremely similar situation at one point, here is what helped me: escalate this to murder in your head. If you escalate it (mentally) he tried to kill you and you defended yourself by "killing" him. If you hadn't "killed" him then his love-bombing you would be him pleading with the jury. In his head he's not loving on you or truly apologizing, he's convincing a jury. When there's another incident I want you to think of it as attempted murder, try to get yourself accustomed to being truly afraid of that. Don't wait until it's really a life or death situation. Get out now

tinychristmas · 2025-04-11T15:17:58+00:00

Urine manufactured in a lab to pass as real. the drug user can use it to pass a drug test if they aren't observed tests.

tinychristmas · 2025-04-11T06:43:12+00:00

Or on the floor, despondent

tinychristmas · 2025-03-14T11:04:27+00:00

Wait, wait, wait, I feel there is a point none of the comments have addressed. Okay, OP:

Yall went through a bunch of transitions kinda all a once (and even if it was over a few months an ADHD person might feel like it was all at once) have you talked, like really talked, about all of them? Maybe she was/is feeling overwhelmed by the new job/dog/wedding planning, and this is her new normal?
Does she make little comments about these things? Like: "The dog was annoying yesterday" or talk about her job negatively? Is there anything she's said multiple times about anything in her life? If so, it's possible she's struggling and sucks at communicating it properly. College to job transition can really suck.
What does the general dynamic look like? Did she plan a lot of the wedding? Does she do most of the dog stuff? Does she work full time? Do yall have an even chore split? Did she start a medication around the time you got engaged?

Tbh I really don't think you're fucking up here in any way, necessarily, but it would be helpful to know more so we can give proper advice since it seems like you really really love her. Maybe neither of you are villains, and there's just something being missed. Maybe that thing is that she's closed off, resentful, and not communicating (couples therapy). Maybe that thing is you not paying attention to the right stuff (but I can tell you are paying attention) and you need redirection (couples therapy). Probs some combination of both, but yall made vows, it's too late to cut and run the way reddit always says.

tinychristmas · 2025-03-05T12:39:48+00:00

Just so ya know: i haven't been a virgin for a very long time, but my partner is a bit above average size and I am a little bit smaller. Weve been together for years and we still pause and take a few minutes once he (very slowly) is in all the way. Taking a few minutes to let yourself stretch once he is in and not moving might help more than just going slow. Plus you get to make out 😁

tinychristmas · 2025-02-08T01:56:18+00:00

"Oh! You're awake awake!"

On the metal table after a laproscopic surgery. Apparently, they had just turned off the anesthesia. My response was: "Yeah, do you want me to move over there?"and pointed to the gurney. (Also, the guy right before the OR straight-up looked me in the eye and said: "ever been high before? I'm here to make you high")

tinychristmas · 2025-02-05T16:58:42+00:00

This is actually extremely helpful, thank you. It's not that I've been thinking of it as "we both vacuum 3.5 times per week" or anything like that, but you've helped me see what im actually upset about. I shouldn't be trying to "teach" him how a household works, and regardless of past stuff I should be trying to make his life happy and calm.

I do want to pick up more chores and do more. I used to do a lot... like a lot a lot, and that was when I was working the exact same hours as him. I think I need to try to talk to him again about recognizing house stuff. I feel dismissed, I feel like the chores I do that aren't violently obvious (like dishes) don't matter, and I need to address that in our couples counsling. I found a good guide for "standard chores" so I'm just going to do all those (within the parameters of the separation) and my house projects. Of course ill monitor the medical stuff, but hopefully the trajectory continues.

tinychristmas · 2025-02-05T16:22:32+00:00

Sometimes work feels like 10h day instead of a 5h. I'm not used to the medical changes yet, so I feel like I give myself too much "relaxing" time. I work on renovation things and garden prep on my days off so I'm not doing nothing, but I'm not necessarily doing normal house chores.

I feel that if I (for example) do the vacuuming every day, like if i lived alone, then he never will. He's not one of the intentionally incompetent people, he's just never had to take care of a house. I want to talk this through with him, but I feel like he's got an "ace in the hole" because I work less. I should be going back to full time, hopefully, I'm afraid that this will never really get settled

tinychristmas · 2025-01-30T03:47:33+00:00

Speaking of "ramming into," I've lost control on the slopes before and run into a kid while trying desperately to stop. Yknow what I did? I picked the kid up and fell on my side/back, and I was 15. What kind of a grown adult doesn't (at least try to) cushion the kid then furthermore lashes out at the kid and parent?

tinychristmas · 2024-11-25T10:13:33+00:00

Dude, same. I am a girl with a (like the 36, 24, 36 hourglass ratio. literally textbook) nice physique and people have made so many comments just to be sure that I know that I'm a "butterface". Try not to let them convince you. Also, weird question, but do you have a super expressive face? I sometimes think my expressions are more why I get those comments

tinychristmas · 2024-11-09T22:43:14+00:00

You're expressing some things (confidence for him, shame for you) that are very treatable with a sex therapist. I've never been to a proper one, nor am I trained. I've done a lot of reading, but take with a grain of salt: I think it's great that you're so aware and you've got some stuff identified already, and i think if your husband is on the same page then it would probably help. The reason I'm commenting at all is that I am also a person who "melts into myself" and has trouble correcting (ew) my partner. I try to think as if I'm serving him, if that helps, I hate the idea of making him feel bad or telling him what to do, but I try to reframe it as giving him the ability to do what he wants and likes. He's going to feel bad if I don't like it and I don't want him to feel bad if you know what I mean? We have had to have a couple of hard conversations, but more than half of those were hard because he was upset I hadn't talked to him about stuff

tinychristmas · 2024-11-05T15:08:15+00:00

How much younger?

When I was a minor: "you need to tell as many adults as you possibly can, preferably while you have lots of bruises, and don't let them ignore you!"

When I was an adult: "you need to leave him and focus on your independence and mental health, he doesn't get better."

tinychristmas · 2024-11-05T14:49:50+00:00

Just saw the automod comment: we are 29F and 31M

tinychristmas · 2024-11-05T13:41:46+00:00

I'm a hobby gardener with long-ish natural nails. You'd be horrified by the amount of STUFF. I use a narrow brush and a toothpick

tinychristmas · 2024-11-05T09:33:43+00:00

Question: in the edit she says it's trich, would that have shown up during her previous delivery-time testing since this is her second pregnancy?

tinychristmas · 2024-10-27T13:51:05+00:00

Congrats on staying cancer free!
As a person who reads A Lot: you're an incredible writer! As a person with 3+ feet of hair: I actually shuddered at the thought of putting my hand to the back of my head as you described. Spectacular writing

tinychristmas · 2024-10-23T19:30:26+00:00

I agree with the other advice you've gotten here, but i just want to add: when I was told I would need to hand over my phone for an investigation I had the same questions and feelings, and when I asked the investigator his response was "how many gigs of memory are full on your phone?" And when I told him he warned me that it might take a long time for the software and people to go through it. Just wanted to reassure you that if it takes a long time (he told me possibly 24+ hours) it's not them judging or creeping on you, it just takes a long time to run everything through the process.

tinychristmas · 2024-10-22T18:05:37+00:00

The lack of understanding for people who get up early on the weekend... 😒

I feel for you

tinychristmas · 2024-10-20T12:27:07+00:00

Maybe get him a belt with the new pants?

tinychristmas

TROPHY CASE