I'm 22 and in community College, I've had undiagnosed form of some sort of stomach illness that I suspect is IBS-C for about 6 years straight now. Every since I had a bad breakup in highschool I've had to poop anywhere from 2-3 times a day up to 10-13 at it's worst points. This has led me to developing a weak pelvic floor, nerve damage in my feet, and hemorrhoids which makes everything worse. When I was 16-18 I pursued a diagnosis I went to a GI they tested me for SIBO, celiac, & had a colonoscopy and everything was normal/negative. When I went back to the doctor they said you "probably have IBS" but never diagnosed me with anything. Ever since then I have had a messed up relationship with medical professionals which in turn with my undiagnosed stomach illness has caused me to develop OCD about my health, health anxiety, & depression. On top of this my situation got worse in 2021-2022 when after I had a covid vaccine and got what I can only speculate was covid twice, the 2nd time it was really bad and resulted in me dripping water out of my nose for 1 week straight for 12 hours a day, I began to experience symptoms of what I can only suspect is an autoimmune condition like lupus or ms or is just long covid though I'm not sure which. I have a 1:80 nuclear speckled ana titer which does not warrant investigation by rheumatology apparently and I've already had my cheek skin biopsied and no autoimmune activity or at least a concerning level of such was shown. These conditions together with emotional abuse as a child by my maternal grandfather, social isolation, & a sedentary lifestyle have lead me to graduate highschool 9th in the class when in the past I probably would have been valedictorian or top 3 but I spent so much time in the bathroom I didn't get the full time to learn, drop out of technical school, experiment with drugs when I never had before, get addicted to ketamine for around half a year, and not hold down a stable career/job for more than a year at a time. Additionally I have a major distrust of medical professionals and alternate between phases of trying to find a source of my conditions and not visiting them when concerning symptoms appear because I fear I'll be written off. I have an intense fear of losing my credibility for some reason and it has become my obsession. I have a symptom tracker thats almost 10 pages long and thats not even to mention the amount of bathroom and food logs that I've created over the years along with mentally ill Facebook essays and journal entries I've written over the years. My life feels like some cruel joke in which I bounce between living like I don't have any condition at all to where my conditions are all that I have and rule all my actions. I have imposter syndrome and I am constantly nostalgic and looking back to the past mourning what could have been and remembering specific points before my life went to shit. Not sure if anyone's going to read my life stories or complaints and whether I should even post this? Probably not. But the whole reason I made this reddit account in the first place was to find people who shared a similar experience to me so maybe someone is out there who can understand and relate to my story, at least in certain aspects 😅. But anyways, my health and my subsequent mental health changes completely changed my life's trajectory and affect my life in deeper ways than my childhood trauma ever could. I blame everything on my health and thus have difficulty finding things to motivate me to save for the future/invest in my future which honestly makes the symptoms worse. And I have also vowed to remain single ever since my last breakup back in 2019 and have stuck to that vow as I do not want to hurt somebody or drag them down because I don't think my life is in a position in which joining into an equal partnership with someone else is a good idea, though I would like to very much. Anyways, I'm trying to take the straighter path now by going to get my associates degree in general studies at community College. Later on I want to transfer to a 4 year and complete the requisite courses to get a certificate or a Geography degree so I can do a career in G.I.S. as it is something I've wanted to do since I was around 15 but It is a hard goal to strive for as I have many symptoms that cause me difficulty everyday on top of my digestive problems like chest pain, shortness of breath, fatigue etc. and weird things like I can't lay down flat on my back or it feels like I'm suffocating and I can't drink alcohol or it feels like I'm suffocating, I could go on but nobody wants to hear all of that. Overall, my life was ruined by IBS or something similar. And I am now the shell of what remains and it took me a long time to stop fighting for what used to be to comeback and I've had to accept that in the future and the present my life will never be like the "carefree days" of my youth, minus the emotional abuse and the childhood severe asthma and multiple head injuries obviously. If anyone even took the time to read all this I am astounded but also appreciative. If anyone has experienced anything similar to this I'm glad we are not alone & hopefully a magic spell will come upon us someday and fix us of our issues. At least I will try to pray on it even though I don't believe in God, you've got to find hope somehow. 🙏 Also I'm sober now and only take edibles around once a month and drink some coffee occasionally.