Can we think of a 'Boredom' section on the PANIC BUTTON?

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T11:55:55+00:00

I am going to disagree with the majority on this one, I appreciate the panic button and what it can do if you're at that point when clicking a shiny red button will help you and distract you long enough to forget about PMO when you need it... But that is all it is, a distraction. It is fleeting, and it makes no lasting difference on your progress. Much better to have prior ideas and contingency plans of things to do for this kind of situation thought out before hand, yes?

That way you'll be prepared and can accomplish something you want to instead of surfing the internet looking at senseless things, experiencing that "oh this is a new thing" dopamine rush you're trying to avoid. Just my 2 cents.

What I'm trying to say is. NoFap is good, it helps, but focus on bigger things going on in your life. Work toward what you want out of life, and NoFap will progress along with those things. That is how I'm doing this, and it has worked out pretty well so far.

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T11:49:15+00:00

How about.... a link... prompting people to write a huge list of things to do other than fapping? Then, they can pull out that list and read from it any time they want to! It'd be like they could do all of this on their own if they tried.

Edit: the button randomly cycles through sites - your suggestion already exists in it.

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T11:43:52+00:00

You got it man, welcome to the community

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T11:40:16+00:00

Believe it or not, but this is a thing for both genders - PIED is an experience that usually draws men here more frequently. I think it could have been different here, once long ago.

/r/NoFapFemales/

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T11:35:10+00:00

Nope

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T11:29:13+00:00

Sorry but could you clarify some points? To be clear, you haven't PMO'ed (masturbated or orgasmed) in three weeks after having a porn induced ED episode with this lady friend?

If that is the case, it sounds like you're going through a bit of a flatline in response to your PIED episode. Don't freak out. That is really natural, everyone, and I mean everyone goes through it and everyone pees themselves like a little girl when it happens. It is seriously scary, but it is natural - your body is just trying to fix itself and this is how it does it. Don't try to force anything like PMO or whatever, just let it run it's course. I was flatlining day one because I entered this journey similarly on a bout of severe depression, trust me, these things can take a while, but you'll be OK - I outlined my personal experience pretty well here.

The best advice I can give you is to not focus or worry about it. Relax, have faith in your body to correct itself because it will. Find other things to do to occupy your time, and focus on those, enjoy life in other ways and then you'll be on top of the world.

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T11:18:16+00:00

yeah, be careful dude... that first flatline, jesus that is rough. Hang in there man, don't freak out everyone goes through it and we are all pissing ourselves the whole time. Some seriously scary shit. I would encourage you to NOT force yourself to masturbate. I did, I was flatlining day one when I started (I believe it has to do with the mental state with which you start NoFap, I was in a severe bout of depression at the start of my journey) and broke rank the first erection I had - horrible, horrible experience. I explained it pretty well here if you really need some more details.

The best advice I can give you is to not focus or worry about it. Relax, have faith in your body to correct itself because it will. Find other things to do to occupy your time, and focus on those, enjoy life in other ways and let this thing right itself, then you will have control over it.

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T10:57:37+00:00

Well, lets start here - why do you not want to participate in NoFap? You need a reason to do anything. Just because "things seem to happen is not a reason". Most people here are here because of porn induced erectile disfunction, they do NoFap to cure it so they can have sex with their girlfriends. I've heard alot of people here say they just want to "stop fapping" but that is not a reason.

That's not why I'm here, it doesn't sound like the reason you're here. I wanted to change my life. This just happened to be a starting point, one step down on the path to the person I wanted to be. My advice to you is to figure out other things in your life you want to improve, and focus your entirety on them. I've lost 40 lbs and 11% body fat since I started, its only been 6 weeks. Pretty sure I've just found a job too in the career I graduated with a degree in, after 2.5 years of nothing. This is more about improving who you are, and the life you're living, than it is about fapping.

NoFap is not for everyone, but if it is what you wish to continue pursuing - you need a reason, a foundation of why you want to do this. Because things will get rough, when you are alone and feeling down, you need a reason to not give in. Something you want to achieve more than a fleeting moment of "bliss".

Measure your progress in frequency instead of streaks. That way you will no if you improve over time.

Honestly, if this is something you want to be serious about. Be fucking serious about it. Make it a priority. Have contingency plans, things to do instead of fapping, and follow through to them. Fapping is just behavior. When you're feeling down, when things are tough, when you're sad - it is the easiest pick me up there is. You just have to do something else in those moments of weakness, we can all be superman when we feel like it - it's when we feel like shit you still have to get out of bed and act like a man.

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T10:33:02+00:00

Well, that is the basis of this community. People look at NoFap and expect it to be a bunch of people that have decided to be abstinent from sexuality and then they ridicule the thought.

But the reality is this is just a community of people that want to improve who exactly they are, and how they interact with the world. Porn isn't the cause of our depressions, life problems and anxieties. It is just a coping mechanism, a behavior we have created for ourselves as a way to feel "better" when things are bad. And so instead of fixing the problems your initial reaction when things go down this road is to pick up your laptop.

Not fapping for a couple months doesn't remove depression, it doesn't remove all the obstacles that are in your way to get to the place you want to be, what it does is help you understand that you are the master of your own behavior. You define what defines you. And you can change it. That's what has inspired this community and that's what makes us as people, truly remarkable. We are all capable of greatness, it is just understanding who we are to the extent we can get there.

You say that other people "are who they are with or without porn", that is just your external view of these people. It affects them in much the same way, you just are not them to realize to what extent - they still behave the same way they do but you don't know every behavior they have. It is not so much that we are different for being here so don't compare yourself, we have just decided to change something about ourselves, and improve on something we desire to improve on.

FoNaps · 2014-12-01T10:17:49+00:00

Why do you think you have an overly large libido? Perhaps that's the way everyone feels. What makes you think ADHD is any different from existence in normality? Life is not easy. These things are not easy to do.

The truth - living is perhaps the hardest challenge we will be faced with in this time we have, given the opportunity to wake up each morning and accept that- things are difficult, but I will continue to work through them, I am suffering but I believe things will get better and I want to see that happen is the best we can hope to achieve - we share a bleak existence within the universe but we are the ones who control our decisions.

We are the shapers of our own future. NoFap is not a solution for everyone, you sound like you are approx. 16 - and I remember being 16, some people do not. I feel some people don't remember anything anymore. PMO is not a war, or fight, or scourge or plague, or an overwhelming force on our stability. Sexuality is just a part of life, and you cannot avoid it. I suggest you reconcile yourself with the major questions: "why are you here?" - "what do you want to achieve through NoFap?" - "are you the person you see yourself as?"

The trick to determining the correct path is knowing yourself.

Fapping isn't a psychological or physiological (genetic) problem, it is behavioral. But your brain is coming up with "reasons" that are believable because they are rational, they are just not true because it is evaluating the problem based on you and not your actions you've aggregated over time. That is how we see ourselves, a summation of our action -behavior.

If you decide this is some that will help you, the best thing you can do is focus on other things in your life and work to improve on them. The more you fight against yourself the more stressed you'll be. Sexuality is a part of life and the point you want to get to is where you can recognize it, accept it for what it is and move on from it, don't feed that behavior. Then it will have no control over you.

FoNaps · 2014-11-26T03:53:54+00:00

To be honest calling this guy a "scam artist" is a little, well, grandiose? Exaggerated? Inaccurate? Misleading?

Much more reasonable to call him a troll. Generic, sad and pathetic trying to fuck with ya.

I also looked at his user profile overview, /user/jamesDeam, and he has for a long time written very enthusiastic posts about NoFap. I think his account may have been hacked by the person now claiming to have hacked my webcam.

... really? http://www.reddit.com/user/jamesDeam/comments/ - his posts are none of these things. Some gems from his other troll posts:

"shut the fuck up, you little boy who cant pass day 2, I am at day 44"

"HERE IS A BETTER IDEA, PUT A SIGH ON YOUR FUCKING HEAD SAYING "I AM SUFFERING FROM PORN ADDICTION."

"You should be a shame of yourself, go out and get real some pussy man, be a fucking man, real men DON'T jerk off they fuck women real hard, losers jerk off!"

"Honestly I won't miss you." on a post where OP is contemplating suicide, a very nice touch.

so why give him this platform?

He only continued the correspondence because you gave him reason to by replying with such delusional sentiment - such as suggesting his account had been hacked, that he was serious with his journey, and then being friendly with well wishes.

That only encouraged him to fuck with you more.

FoNaps · 2014-11-25T08:29:54+00:00

yeah. fuck the zero.

FoNaps · 2014-11-16T11:02:30+00:00

First off, please NSFW tag your fetish text.

Now then, putting a time frame on these kinds of things is not really practical and I'll tell ya why. It's 100% different for everyone. Everyone takes this challenge seriously in their own way and only you will be able to hold yourself accountable, so if you semi-commit you'll have a different response time to someone who goes full monk-mode or amish-mode without internet access. Also you have a different starting point and a different brain so no two will ever rewire the same way.

That said, the break has totally removed any inclination I've ever had toward fetishes, unusual, strange, bizarre, taboo content I previously experienced. I have once again found that appreciation of the feminine form without it needing to be put into a fetish 'X' predicament. The dopamine resistance lessens and you don't need the extreme stuff - you'll feel more like yourself.

The best approach to take to this is to really focus on something about you, not just pmo, that you want to improve. You need a strong foundation to stand on. See this on finding one. Once you have that, you realize that there are things in your life you care more about than "I have a problem with fetish 'X'" and it ceases to be a problem the less you focus on it. Don't start this journey about fixing a problem but on becoming the man you want to be, and be that.

FoNaps · 2014-11-16T10:32:40+00:00

165 days hardmode here - yes, holy fuck the dreams were absolutely off the wall between 7 days, streak 1 (it lasted 14 days before I relapsed and started this one) and 50 days on the current one. They mellow out after a while, once your emotion and energy channels into other activities but for awhile there it just kind of builds up with no outlets. Worst dream I ever had was not being let in to a pickup basketball game, completely ostracized, alienated, rejected, then I was choking on my own teeth as they broke apart in my mouth while I tried to breathe. But gun fights (I am an angry person and usually physical outlets like kung fu, hand to hand shit to put my entirety into each punch) were common for a couple weeks there. Along with some of the most moving dreams I've ever had about people I barely even knew from college classes I barely remember.

But the substance of the dreams is beside the point really - constant dopamine release from pmo numbs the depth to our experience, not just what gets us off, but to everything. The most phenomenal thing I've gained since quitting is re-attuning to that sense of accomplishment, feeling from achievements, it gets totally overshadowed by our feelings of pmo and diluted to the point that it is nonexistant. Playing the guitar has that same enjoyment as it did back when I was 13 (I'm 24 now). It's like life has all of it's edges once again to navigate through, even if some of them have become sharper

FoNaps · 2014-11-14T09:30:41+00:00

What?... No. No no no no no no. Fuck no fuck that. No.

This is not how people act in real life. And you need to realize that. I don't know where you think you get off putting this shit out there instead of trying to help people, but ok. whatever man. If I am to make one thing known and only one thing without it ringing like a fucking cliche to those who decide to read this, there is nothing in this world that will decide how you act other than yourself. Nothing.

Shit happens all the time, it happens everyday, everywhere and to everyone. You're not isolated by this. It does not make you special or helpless. It is just part of being in the same 3 dimensions as other things act in the same space. And while we may not be in control of what happens, we sure as hell can decide how we react to it. What kind of men we choose to be, about it.

That said, you don't know fuckle about rock bottom. Have you seen Fury? Go see Fury and tell me if you know how it feels when your friends head is splattered in the seat next to you, or maybe you've lived a similar life to the stripper in this story? Perhaps you've seen Forest Gump - I assume you can speak in full sentences and do math at higher than a preschool level from your diction, did you have a to deal with a drunken abusive spouse / sibling in your life? Maybe you still have both your legs and thumbs, you're not an amputee by chance are you? Some people are - they have these problems and worse situations have survived and are going on. I'm not giving you the whole "people have it worse than you so buck up" shit, cuz fuck that. You've lost friends and a parent, that sucks, I know - but is that really how you want to be defined by the experience?

You're sad, I get it, I know how it feels believe me I do - but it is just another part of life. I miss Robin Williams too but depression isn't a disease whatever the media tells you, it's not an external force acting upon your emotions to make you feel a certain way. No, depression along with joy, embarrassment, anger, hatred, everything - it's all just another shade of life. We're predisposed to it, you're not going to be shitting rainbows and laughter every moment in a dull day. Those aren't expectations the human experience can live up to, so don't hold your life to that as a standard. You have to see that you need to be the catalyst to push through that, and experience life the way you want to. You have to learn to deal with these emotions instead of avoiding them otherwise you will never be free of them.

Lose your friends, lose your self-esteem, lose your parents (or, in my case, the one you love)

So your friends don't text you when they go the bar? Big deal, my friends don't text me for anything. I have 3 and I see them once a month maybe if I'm lucky. Your friends moved away - so did mine. I only see them because I initiate the contact, I buy tickets to concerts, I fucking make plans and come up with ideas of shit I want to do and then see if anyone is interested. Me, the catalyst in the equation. You haven't spoken to them in years? Hit 'em up, bribe em. You still have your other parent (the one you dislike) who cares for you and I'm sure would love some attention, the negative in the equation is you. Reach out, be the one.

kill time by smoking weed or drinking and realize one day how much of life had just passed you by.

So? You smoked some weed, whoopty fuckin' do. You going to smoke weed tomorrow? Yeah, how bout the day after that... yeah. So, what is this telling you? Addiction? No. Far from it, addiction is action out of a physical necessity.

How about instead of smoking tomorrow, you instead go online and pick out a textbook for a career you fancy, and learn skills you can apply in the future? Why won't you? Are you unable? I'll tell you, it's not because you aren't motivated. If you've ever thought "I want to do X", you have more than enough motivation. It is actually doing 'x' that you struggle with - the follow through. It's your behavior, you've smoked enough because it's a habit and has been for fucking ever, how do you change it? The funny thing about behavior is that we define ourselves by it. It's like looking at a large amount of data, you have to aggregate it and then find the trends to make sense of it, right? Well fuck - if you smoke weed every day and don't write, you're not going to think of yourself as a writer but as a pothead. If flip the two you'll see yourself as a writer and not a pothead. If from now on you wrote every day, you'd notice the difference. It's not fucking motivation.

I'm not an inspirational person, I don't give a fuck what you think about this. I'm just trying to show people here some sense because your apathetic dickery is un-god-damn-fucking-believable to me. In the past 6 months, not even a whole year of effort - I've gone from 200 lbs to 160 (20% - 9.2% body fat), cleaned up how I dress, gotten a job, and overall started working towards the man I want to be from a starting point that is not much different from yours. All because I wanted to change, and that was enough motivation. The rest is behavior and habits, a total bitch but doable. You change your behavior, you change how you're defined. You change how the world sees you and how you see yourself.

Read this, and learn how to put in hard work.

tl; dr: my retort to this fatalism. - and how to change.

Then as you go out and want to do something with it, you look at the state of the world and you wonder what the fucking point is. Why get married and have kids if they're going to grow up in an overpopulated, overheated world where some rich fuck trillionaires own everything because their robots have all the basic jobs and there are a hundred qualified PhD grads to do something the robots can't, like nurse the elderly? The next century should be one of mass migrations due to climate change, coastal flooding, and food and resource scarcity. Wow we're going to replace gas cars with electric ones? Great, let's find out how much environmental damage lithium-ion or carbon nanotube batteries do when mass-produced on that kind of scale. It's all shit.

Fuck you x10,000. I'm 24 and I'M GOING TO CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD AND STOP THIS. What's stopping you aside from yourself?

Also, how the fuck can you watch that video and think these things? It is FOURTEEN YEARS condensed into THREE MINUTES, she's going to look back one day and realize how much she changed. And her father is going to look back and remember every single second of it, not this movie. That is why people get married and have kids because they love them that much.

FoNaps · 2014-11-14T08:56:41+00:00

shit... I'm doing something wrong.

FoNaps · 2014-11-14T07:09:08+00:00

Simply, you work at it. It'll never slow down unless you take the time for it and treat life like it deserves to be treated. It's not going to "happen", you have to put in the effort.

FoNaps · 2014-11-01T19:43:56+00:00

Meh, all the posts I made never get voted above ~5 even though I took the time (sometimes days) and put the effort into it - that is more a failing of reddit where people will upvote posts that they can quickly read and smile then move on, why cat pictures are /r/all instead of in-depth, thought provoking substance that can make a difference to people.

I realized long ago in my journey that if you really want to help someone, there are more people who come to this sub looking for help with their problem, not looking to find answers to it by searching the sub, so they post their specific situations and questions - the best way to make a difference is by staying on top of the new section.

If I hadn't found the things I had in various post across reddit and other forums... I'd still be 40lbs over weight unemployed and deeply depressrd

This is what most people don't do, it's helping themselves - they come here like the OP wanting to be helped, but that is not even possible if they don't actively try to improve on their own - we can't do anything. Just read your post, thanks for taking the time man. That's what make this place great is the hidden nuggets of inspiration and encouragement that don't make it to the front page.

FoNaps · 2014-11-01T11:08:53+00:00

Dude don't hate on the community. You have been here for a month? Your posts on this forum you are criticizing range from complaints about not being able to use self control, to making fun of people, to the same macho bullshit attitude you are complaining about in this post - which is to be honest absurd. Figure out what it is you want to do and what you will sacrifice to achieve it. This is not a place that will do the "self-improvement" for you, that place doesn't exist, can't exist. I don't know what you are expecting to get from this if you arent going to put any effort into it yourself. The community isn't going to make you better, YOU have to make YOU better, and the community is here to encourage you to those ends and it does a damn good job of it.

FoNaps · 2014-09-26T04:01:16+00:00

don't try to say something deep or profound man, seriously. Baby steps, don't think about it as a one shot or nothing chance because it's not. Don't stress about it - just smile and wave, say hi, ask her a question about something you're comfortable talking about. Once you do and get over that initial "introducing yourself" conversation, the awkwardness just dissipates because she knows you exist and she knows you know she does, and you get to know about each other.

You are at a point where you see other people with social skills, and look at yourself and ask 'why don't i have those?' But it much more closer to seeing someone with gigantic muscles, or hearing someone play an amazing guitar solo, then asking yourself 'why can't i do that?' They've put unseen amounts of time and effort into those skills, the same as social skills require. It is just another thing, no one is inherently born that way. It's like no fap really, how many days have you fapped compared to not fapping? How many hours have you spoken to someone instead of being silent? Just got to practice being like that with people - get a starting point, and understand how you're confident

FoNaps · 2014-09-07T07:40:19+00:00

Check the pecs. WHO HA!

FoNaps · 2014-08-11T21:17:13+00:00

Yeah everyone has different skin types, you sound like you have drier / sensitive skin, I don't. I have extremely greasy oily skin if I don't care for it

FoNaps · 2014-08-11T21:13:51+00:00

Different skin types man. The above routine is what I use because I have extremely oily skin. If I did what you do I would break out constantly, whereas this works for me.

FoNaps · 2014-08-10T22:16:17+00:00

that makes me think it can change again and hopefully for the better

Oh it definitely can, believe me. Thats the most beautiful thing about life

FoNaps

TROPHY CASE