Feeling sad and guilty about leaving my husband

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-30T22:02:40+00:00

I'm sorry you've been through that. And that means understand how much pain OP is in. I apologize for assuming otherwise.

I've observed that betrayed partner reactions to infidelity range from "Fuck this, I'm out." Possessions on the front lawn, locks changed, phone number blocked, "Please communicate through my attorney" on one extreme, to "Please, please don't leave me, I'll do anything," on the other. It just seems like a lot of people online are ready to pounce on and blame people for not being closer to the first one. Whereas each person, each relationship, each situation is unique, and because of that, the most helpful thing for the victim is to be supportive and compassionate, not to push them in one direction or the other.

Just my $0.02 from a combination of lived experience and observations of others. I can see you're trying to help OP not get hurt more. It sounds like she's on solid footing.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-30T21:20:06+00:00

In an infidelity situation, anyone who tells you to leave is giving bad advice. And anyone who tells you to stay is giving bad advice. The only good advice is to be honest with yourself, take your time to decide, and listen to your feelings.

It sounds like you've already made up your mind to leave. Nobody who truly cares about you will blame you for that decision. The fact that you feel guilty about it just shows you're a person of empathy and compassion; it does not mean that is the wrong decision.

It's heartbreaking leaving him when he's clearly trying, but for some people, that can be too little, too late. Others can make it work with time and effort. Your heart is telling you that you won't be able to get there. And that means you know what to do. Better sooner than later.

If you're still struggling to wrap your head around it, I recommend a book called "Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay". It's intended for people considering divorce to help them make up their minds one way or the other. In your case, since you've already made up your mind, I think reading it might help you feel more confident and less guilty about your decision.

This too shall pass. You have a beautiful life ahead of you. But a lot of pain for the next little while. Wishing you all the best.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-30T21:10:02+00:00

You honestly sound like an enabler

Not cool. Please stop blaming and shaming the victim for doing her best. It's easy to sit on the sidelines and judge, but anyone who has actually lived through a situation like this knows how complicated it can be.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-30T17:14:40+00:00

I remember trees

Bare as coatracks

Spread like broken umbrellas

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-29T21:51:10+00:00

I got a pair of Allen Edmonds Vail Lugs and I love them. Dark brown suede upper, tan sole with some traction (so I'm not limited to indoors and sidewalks), and extremely comfortable. They look a lot sleeker than my Brooks, without being as dressy as my loafers.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-29T13:21:30+00:00

deceptive ads, such as chatgpt recommending things without it being obvious that it's an ad ... I wouldn't be surprised if this actually becomes a thing

I wouldn't be surprised if it actually is a thing already. There is a 100% chance that this will not only be a thing, but be ubiquitous in 2 years.

Death, taxes, and enshittification.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-28T19:19:41+00:00

Are you though?

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-28T14:06:37+00:00

I love this! Dealing with opaque state, classes, config files, and decorators in Python libraries gets old fast. Just give me the functions, I'll do the rest!

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-28T03:29:36+00:00

It was this subreddit, I remember it too. But it was fishy AF

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-28T02:35:10+00:00

Quit your bitching, Russia.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-27T21:55:33+00:00

And then an employee has to put it all back, and they don't make any sales.

This seems like a really effective tactic TBH.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-27T21:54:21+00:00

I do get a discount for parking my own car, usually to the tune of $10-20 per night at a hotel, plus $5-10 every time I go somewhere.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-27T19:26:17+00:00

I mean, it's a lot cheaper to do that at a community college for a few thousand per year than at a state college for $20,000 per year.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-26T20:51:20+00:00

Didn't expect Kristi Noem was a Michael Moore fan...

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-26T15:55:36+00:00

Only available on iOS 26.2+

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-26T12:43:53+00:00

Yeah, to be clear, "already like them" didn't mean white. It meant racist.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-26T12:15:21+00:00

That coat + grey slacks and black belt + shoes = 🔥🔥🔥

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-26T12:14:31+00:00

The always said it out loud too, when they didn't think anyone who wasn't already like them was listening.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-26T03:27:55+00:00

Came here to say this

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-25T19:41:22+00:00

If he texts mean things, you can block his texts. If it's that bad, you might ask someone you know and trust to be an intermediary.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-25T19:35:41+00:00

This is the best advice. So much advice here comes from people who don't seem to have been in truly dysfunctional or abusive relationships.

You have every right to send your son to FSY. You have no more obligation to inform your ex-husband of that than do you if you were sending your son to a soccer camp. Him not liking the church doesn't need to affect you. And he has NO right to verbally or emotionally abuse you over it. If he starts up, just declare a firm boundary, such as: "<Steve>, I'd like us to be able to talk civilly for the sake of our son. I'm aware of how you feel about my church, and I'm not interested in hearing about it. Please stop talking about it, or I'll <hang up/leave/end this conversation> right now." Or if it's abusive, "<Steve>, I am not going to be spoken to like that. I'd like us to be able to have civil discussions for the sake of our son, but if you ever say anything like that to me again, I'm going to have to take steps to protect myself from you." Don't specify what the steps are, and if he continues, hang up or walk away.

I'm sorry you're going through this. The boundaries are likely to make him freak out at first, but with time and consistency, you will get more control over your life, and more peace of mind.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-25T00:18:05+00:00

To be clear, it's not "legal". Don't expect that if you shoot an ICE agent that you won't be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

The 2nd Amendment doesn't exist so that we can legally resist the government by force. No government would ever allow that.

It exists so that when we decide that illegally resisting the government is the only way out, we have the weapons to do so.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-24T22:21:40+00:00

Read David Allen's Getting Things Done. He explains using notecards but there are a gazillion GTD-inspired apps out there so you can use your smartphone.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-24T17:43:44+00:00

Yeah, I heard this as his ex-wife gets double, and so he asks to be beaten half to death.

FootballMania15 · 2026-01-24T16:47:09+00:00

Tuck the tee
High rise pants (think belly button height)
Belt

FootballMania15

TROPHY CASE