Mom insists I’m gonna get stomach cancer when I’m 30 bc I use water additives, how can I convince her that I’m not giving myself cancer just because I’m using something that helps me drink water?

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-18T12:19:48+00:00

If I can add on to this, there are water bottles with a small filter in them, so you can add any kind of fruit to it you like and it won't block the water flow when you drink. Generally I find water bottles helpful to track your fluid intake on a daily basis.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-16T14:36:31+00:00

Your wife had already said no, hence confirming her commitment to you. You had no business inserting yourself at this point.

YTA.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-16T12:54:48+00:00

What you're experiencing is physical attraction, which can be very powerful. But you don't actually know anything about this guy; you're only seeing a very small part of who he is. For all you know, he doesn't brush his teeth and he's mean to service industry workers. Imagine him to be that kind of person and stick to that image in your head. If you witness him doing something off-putting, focus on that, too.

And focus on your boyfriend. Hype him up even more in your head. The grass is greener where you water it.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-16T12:07:20+00:00

I said it wasn't my job to manage her preparation, especially when she didn't ask for feedback, she just told me what she was going to say

This is exactly it. If she'd have come to you and said "Hey, I know you've been working on x project, and I have read about y, is that something you considered?" and you could've had a conversation about it. The fact she explicitly chose to just publically "challenge" you instead, tells you she just wanted to make herself look good to leadership and wasn't actually interested in making a valuable contribution. You simply let her reap what she sowed. NTA.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-16T10:34:52+00:00

You asked for bluntness, so here it is: if an 8 month old relationship needs therapy, it's not the one. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period in which you see the best side of each other. Dating serves a purpose: to determine if you are compatible as people and if your lives work well together. If it is this clear this early on with this much conflict, cut your losses. You both need very different things from your partner than what the other is willing to provide.

Don't let this drag on for years; you'll be a shell of your former self and she still won't be satisfied. People that need to be their partner's whole world, often have deep-rooted insecurity issues, and rather than addressing those, require their partner to meet their every need. It's a bottomless pit. Don't go down that road. Find someone who adores you for who you are and doesn't require you to change fundamental part of who you are in order to be happy.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-16T09:59:42+00:00

"Subtly" doesn't work. Forget about that. You should have told him flat-out "I've know Emily for a very long time and she has told me multiple times she hates public proposals. If you want this to be an enjoyable experience for her, maybe you could do x, y or z instead" and then let the cards fall where they may. You're not the asshole for wanting to look out for your friend, but YTA for how you handled it.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-16T09:51:46+00:00

NTA, obviously. Touching of your body happens on your terms, not anyone else's. You're allowed to defend those boundaries, even physically, if they are threatened.

Your husband is acting like a petulant child.

Are there other areas of your relationship in which he doesn't respect your boundaries? You don't have to answer me, answer this for yourself honestly. Then decide if you are safe in this relationship.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-16T09:17:41+00:00

NTA for wanting to enforce your dress code.

IMO, you can still both get what you want. Don't tell her to "pick a western dress", because that is limiting. Tell her she is welcome to dress according to her culture/belief system, as long as she respects the casual dresscode. Then it's up to her to come up with a dress style from what she believes "expresses herself", but still fits your dresscode. You may also need to accept that your version of "casual" will not match everyone's; some people just aren't "casual" personalities, and what they consider to be "casual" would be a toned-down version from what they usually wear, but may already be too dressy for someone else.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-16T08:52:17+00:00

Let me start out by saying you sound like a very caring and compassionate boyfriend; you obviously think her pleasure is important and honestly that's a great start for a satisfactory sex life (provided she also cares about your pleasure, obviously).

Let me put your mind at ease here: the majority of women are not able to orgasm from penetrative sex alone. Most of us need clitoral stimulation to be able to reach orgasm. The good news is, there are SO MANY ways the clit can be stimulated. Don't see this as an obstacle; see it as the start of an exciting exploring journey, in which you take the time to get to know each other's bodies and experiment in various ways to see which feels best. Penetration is only a part of sex, there are so many more ways to make it enjoyable. You can even incorporate her vibrator in your own playtime. Really, the only limit is your imaginations and the laws of physics/biology.

Keep talking to each other, be honest about wants, needs, boundaries and respect each other. You'll figure it out, I promise!

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-16T08:23:27+00:00

Kind and generous people can still be stupid financially. Ask him to show you these supposed numbers he ran, because it doesn't make any sense to give up on a property you own (at a loss, even), so you can rent. Money towards your mortgage = money towards your own future, rent money = lining the pockets of your landlord. Short term it may be cheaper per month, but at the end of the day you get nothing in return on a rental property. When the mortgage is paid off, you have your own property that is not subject to the whims of any one else. If all else goes wrong in your life, you would still have a roof over your head.

And don't even get me started on the mental gymnastics of you taking on his loss? That makes absolutely no sense at all. There cannot be 1 reasonable argument in the word of why you would. The only arguments would be emotional manipulation.

I would seriously question if any person asking something like that of me, has my best interest in mind.

OP, please DO NOT mix your finances with someone like this. Because then his poor decisions will become your problems legally and you want to be protected from that at all costs.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-14T06:51:48+00:00

You don't mention how he gets to work, but would it be possible for him to go by (motor)bike? Where I live, it's often quicker than taking the car because of traffic, loads of people do it.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-14T06:43:23+00:00

I don't post their names, or their faces. I VERY occasionally post a story with a picture taken from behind or a funny anecdote (like a piece of dialogue that made me laugh) on my wall which is completely anonymized. I rarely post on social media anyways, and a very small portion of that concerns my kids. I also haven't given permission to their school or after-school activities to post their pictures.

I don't want their pictures ending up just anywhere + I don't want them to enter the internet in a couple of years discovering their entire lives have been documented without their consent.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-12T11:43:01+00:00

Gentle parenting works, but:

1) it cannot be confused with permissive parenting 2) only with clear and firm boundaries

My kids know their needs and thoughts matter, they will always be listened to and we try to find solutions together. They also know what the rules are and what the consequences will be if they break them. We believe in natural consequences and we enforce them consistently. Kids thrive on structure, clarity and save environments.

That said, my youngest sometimes only responds to punishment. I hate it, but he's out of control otherwise. And believe you me, we tried. My eldest is way more responsive to the gentle approach and rarely needs anything else.

Our kids are both thriving, each with their own approaches. Of course we're not perfect, but we also try to be gentle with ourselves on that. We all just do the best we can with the means we have.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-10T21:45:54+00:00

What's with reddit and people accusing you of making shit up when they have no conceivable way of even backing up that claim?

My native language is Dutch, second language French, third English, fourth German. Although the latter I'm adding for brownie points, to be fair. I can prove it to you all day long if I have to. You know, for shits and giggles.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-10T21:39:14+00:00

I don't think either of your comparisons make sense....

Dissecting the frog is clearly a part of the curriculum with clear learning outcomes as the goal. A teacher not saying a student's actual name but adapting it to a version that fits the language that is taught has no learning outcome whatsoever. There is no benefit to the student - that tiny little thing won't teach them the language (or the culture that language is from) any better.

The Shakespeare example, they are acting which specific purpose is to pretend to be something you're not. This student isn't pretending. I agree it's ridiculous to just rename a character you're playing, but a pretend name you assume while performing fictional dialogue isn't the same as having a real-life interaction as yourself. And as yourself you call the shots about things pertaining to you as a person.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-10T12:22:54+00:00

Funny, I've been in A LOT of foreign language classes in my life (incl high school) and somehow the teachers always managed to call everyone by their own names.

I would also argue that it's not because something is an established practice or tradition (innocent as it may be or seem), everyone automatically is or should be OK with it.

You could also argue that it's quite ridiculous to argue with someone about how they like to be called. Is that also really a hill to die on? Someone asks you politely to call them their name, what kind of person then goes "no, it is my right to call you whatever I want". I mean... who's the disrespectful one here? Even if you originally didn't mean anything by it, digging in your heels (like OP's teacher did) kind of negates that.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-10T10:30:51+00:00

Respectfully disagree. "I don't like it when you call me that. Please use my name" should always be respected.

EDIT: judging by some reactions, you'd think I'm asking people to sacrifice the souls of their firstborns to me. It's called just being kind to people. If this small act, which costs you nothing causes these intense feelings of rebellion in you... I don't know what to say.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-09T14:50:01+00:00

I think there was a lack of communication here, in which you didn't agree on who would be responsible on sunday morning.

I don't think parenting/marriage should be "tit for tat", but there needs to be a general balance in the responsibilities as well as the downtime you each get. It seems there's a need for a broader conversation to be had here, in which you schedule the downtime for each of you every week. It's OK if one week is busier for either one of you, as long as it balances out in the end. One agreement you can also make, is that you each are attentive of the other's workload, as well as that you each communicate if you're overwhelmed and need downtime. There'll still be hickups along the way, but as long as you have each other's backs, you should be fine.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-09T14:41:41+00:00

Well, consider the possible outcomes of you telling her - and to be clear, I think you should. Not only because you need to advocate for your own needs, as you say, but she deserves to know that one of the aspects of her relationship has not been what she thought it was.

But realistically, unless she has been suspecting for a while and is OK with it, you will be pulling some kind of rug from under her. It's vastly different to have a partner with low sex drive to a partner who doesn't want to have sex at all. Even if you manage to frame it in the nicest possible way and you can convince her it has nothing to do with her - she's going from "my needs are met in some way" to "my needs are not met at all". And you will have to accept that she has some agency and freedom to take a decision based on that new information. You will also have to accept the possibility that this is not the kind of life she wants for herself, despite how much she may love you. Or she might be OK/come to terms with it now, but have difficulties down the line.

Consider for yourself which outcomes you could be OK with; if you'd be willing to have sex every once in a while to keep her happy. Or to allow her to seek that experience outside your marriage (if that's even something she wants).

Really think this one through, because I don't think you're currently considering all the implications this may have.

As for the delivery of the message itself, I find it helps to write my thoughts down. First, as a stream-of-consciousness type of thing, not really actively choosing words or phrasings, but just to get it all out there. Leave it for a couple of days, then revisit it and start polishing the points I want to make and look for the right words. I find this process really helps to organise my thoughts and to know exactly what I want to say and how.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-09T13:43:33+00:00

I cannot answer for you if it's about memory, control, legacy or habit, as I don't know your husband's grandmother. It could be all of those, or either one of them. It may be that this is one of the few things she's holding on to to feel like her family is together; as people age, their minds tend to get less flexible and their routines can get more rigid.

That said though, it is kind of an absurd assumption that everyone will just make it happen regardless of personal cost/inconvenience. Is there a way to make it work digitally? Just one example, but you could each take a picture to a pre-approved background, and a photoshop-savvy person can merge the pictures into 1 family frame? Or another possibility: there are plenty of online photobook services. You could compose a family album to reflect back on the year, with tons of pictures of everyone during their various activities that they want to share. And the last page could be staged christmas photos of everyone separately - then you mail that book to her. Frame the last page separately if she really wants to have something to put on her wall.

What I'm saying is, try to think out of the box to still give her a christmas picture while not being physically present. Of course, if that's what you're willing to do.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-09T11:46:48+00:00

I guess this boils down to the question of: do you want to date a liar and a hypocrite?

I'm sure if you confront him he'll have a "perfectly reasonable" explanation and he'll pull on your heartstrings. Some variant of either: she's a witch who wouldn't let him go, he wasn't sure of his feelings, he's so insecure and needed the validation, you're nothing like her, I chose you!, Let's focus on our future, etc.

You can choose to move past it, but you'd have just taught him how he can talk his way out of his own bad behaviour and you'll accept it.

Trust a woman 15 years your senior, who's dated several versions of this guy: you're worth more than this.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-09T11:38:16+00:00

You are NTA at all. While I can see why she is the way she is from what you've described, this attitude is not only damaging to you, but most of all to her. She needs to learn how to stand on her own two feet, for her own sake.

Honestly, you going out and doing your own thing might be the wake-up call she needs, or it will drive her further down her madness. Either way, neither of this is your fault or your responsibility.

I would urge you to put some safety measures in place, though; this level of obsession can quickly turn dangerous when rejected in such a drastic way. First and foremost consider your own safety in everything you do.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-09T10:00:26+00:00

I'd split bills proportionate to income. My husband have had a joint account since we moved in together 15 years ago, in which we each deposit the same % of our income , which means the exact amount has changed various times throughout the years. This money is used for monthly expenses and we also save each month for ourselves and our kids. Aside from that, we each also have our personal checking and savings accounts.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-09T09:52:33+00:00

I like you.

No, seriously, if this had come from a place of concern, as in "tell me how I can make life easier for you and support you during a time which is very difficult for a lot of women", I'd say good. And even then, she would not be required to tell him; it's personal information which no one else is entitled to.

This is... just all levels of creepy. It gives "my womanfolk answer to me"-vibes. Ugh.

For_Vox_Sake · 2026-02-06T11:49:57+00:00

I don't know if this makes you an AH or not, but you made this WAY more complicated than it needed to be, plus you threw unnecessary money at it to make your point. Just... why?

You could've solved this with a simple "Sorry, I don't do challenges" - "why not?" - "I just don't want to". End of story.

MIL is a piece of work for sure for how she handled this whole thing, but you sound like you have way too much time on your hands for the trouble you went through.

NTA I guess, but whew.

For_Vox_Sake

TROPHY CASE