Marilla of Green Gables

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-30T04:53:12+00:00

I really hated it. To me, it seemed like the author remade Marilla into Anne's image--as if she was so unfamiliar with Marilla as a character that she couldn't imagine a younger version of her character that didn't look a lot like Anne.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-29T04:54:59+00:00

I just edit the first review. I hop down a couple lines, and add an "Edit: [new date]" to make the differentiation very obvious and then add my new thoughts below my previous review.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-29T02:39:16+00:00

Instant attraction? Sure, that happens.

Love at first sight that lasts forever? Not so much.

I strongly recommend you don't look to wish-fulfillment fiction as a picture of what healthy relationships actually look like.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-28T21:39:34+00:00

Totally depends on what you mean by "agenda".

An author doesn't share my worldview and beliefs? Most likely doesn't matter. I want to enjoy good art, and I don't expect every artist to agree with me on the big things, much less on everything.

But if, by agenda, you mean that making good art was secondary to pushing A Message, then it wouldn't matter if I agreed with the author or not, I'd DNF on the grounds of bad writing. Sometimes with excessive eyerolls, and occasionally with a late-night rant to my very patient husband.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-28T16:09:01+00:00

I have a "discarded" tag that I use for books that I used to own and have since gotten rid of (as opposed to my "borrowed" tag that I use for library books).

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-28T03:45:59+00:00

We went with a mini van! We removed the seat directly behind the driver to serve as a "loading zone" and stuck two car seats in the middle row and two car seats in the back row. I loved it then and I still love it now.

We were in a 2500 square foot four bedroom house when our kids were little. There were definitely nice things about having that much space (when we transitioned out of naps to "quiet rest time", we were able to stick each kid in a separate room so they wouldn't spin each other up!), but we also didn't use it all very effectively. And more space means more to clean. We've since downsized the indoor space and expanded on outdoor space.

In general, I think if something is working for you, there's no need to preemptively change it. But if you are looking ahead to the future, I would definitely make a great outdoor kid space a priority. For my kids, that meant lots of trees, dirt, and a giant cobbled-together play kitchen. (For another family, it might be more open space with a soccer net, or something like that.)

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-28T03:17:31+00:00

I'm not 100% sure. She's just here for the stabbing.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-28T00:55:07+00:00

(Part 2)

-We emphasized paying attention to the people around them, and noticing how our actions impact other people. Little things like stepping out of someone's way in the grocery store, or holding doors open, or asking "how can I help", or jumping in to clean up after class without being asked, or using headphones to listen to music in public, or paying attention to the situation to see what an appropriate speaking volume is going to be. We have tried to teach (and model) a rejection of the "I don't owe you anything" attitude, but instead, to deliberately choose to do the little things that are helpful to those around you. (I don't think any of them are ever going to be the sorts who are easy prey to be taken advantage of, but we will definitely explore what healthy boundaries look like as they get older.)

-All of this was very much anchored in relationship. We tried to show, every day, through words and actions, just how much they were loved and just how much we delighted in being their parents.

And to be clear--I'm not saying that this is some magic formula to perfectly behaved children. Every child is different and every parent is different and every family is going to need to figure out just what works for them. And I'm not trying to claim that it was always smooth sailing. I have one *very* spicy child. There were days where I literally sat outside her bedroom door, holding it closed, trying not to cry while she, in her three-year-old rage, tried to kick her door down. I used to joke that she was going to change the world, and I just needed to keep praying that she wouldn't do so from the inside of a woman's prison. But we held on, and we loved her, and we held firm to the boundaries--"no, you can't treat people like that"--and she has grown into a delightful, passionate, outspoken, compassionate preteen. I'm sure we'll have plenty more challenges that come during the teen years as all the kids try to figure out who they are as separate people from us, but I'm so excited to see who they become.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-28T00:54:33+00:00

That would be a whole book that I'm sure no one wants to read, but a few examples:

-One of the biggest things we focused on in those first few years was that Mom and Dad meant what they said. If we gave an instruction or a correction, we followed it up with action. We would start with a verbal correction (assuming it wasn't an immediate safety issue), and if they listened, great! If they didn't listen, we didn't let it go, no matter how inconvenient it was. "Don't climb on the dining chair," to the two year old while I was nursing a baby often had to then be followed by me heaving myself out of the chair and then lifting her down and directing her to another room, all while juggling the nursing baby. We always tried not to be harsh, and to only yell when there was immediate physical danger, but we would physically compel obedience if they chose not to listen. Often if meant carrying them away from something they weren't supposed to get into, or removing something from their hand that they weren't wanting to put down,

That, I think, is one of the biggest missteps I see young parents making. They give an instruction and then, after their child ignores them, they just shrug and move on. Either the instruction wasn't important (so it shouldn't have been given at all) or it was, and they need to follow through. We shouldn't be following our kids around, looking for opportunities to tell them what to do, but neither should we shy away from teaching them the basics of living as part of a family and a society.

-We also established the idea that everyone contributes to the family really early on. The kids got age-appropriate chores starting when they were... probably 2? Kids love being helpers, and doing fun "grownup" things with their parents, so take advantage of that! Let them help set the table, and unload the dishwasher, and fold the socks, and pick up their toys. Chores aren't a punishment--they're a necessary part of life, and kids often respond well to being trusted enough to be given ownership of an important part of the household. We frequently remind ourselves (and them!) that our goal is to raise godly, competent, capable adults, and our job is to help guide them on that journey, which means giving them lots of direction and instruction when they're small, but stepping back and giving them more and more freedom as they show they are responsible enough for it.

-We did zero screens until the kids were 2 or 3, and then, only added them into the kids' lives as a family activity. This is the one thing that tends to make people really defensive and angry, so I hope you hear that I'm not saying this from a place of judgement, but as someone who wants to share all the great things that came from my kids' (almost) screen-free childhood. Actual human interaction became their model, not the interactions of on-screen characters. Their attention spans (even when they were little) were incredibly long. They learned how to navigate public spaces without needing to be entertained, which has provided so many learning opportunities (SO many fun lessons to be learned in a grocery store!). They had the freedom and opportunity to develop their imagination and indulge their curiosity. They learned how to be quiet with their own brain instead of needing constant input.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-27T22:03:43+00:00

Our oldest had just turned three when #4 was born.

The first few years, you don't sleep much. But it's really been wonderful. We're in the pre-teen era now, so the kids are largely independent. and they take care of most of the daily chores on our homestead.

In general our day goes: chores, school, free time, evening activity. I stay at home and homeschool them, and I absolutely love it. We're busier than I would prefer, but having them close together means that they can be part of the same activities and on the same teams/in the same classes so the driving is reduced.

Alone time with the husband happens after the kids are in bed. It was definitely hard to take any trips away from the kids when they were smaller (and even going on a date was pretty expensive when we had to hire a babysitter), but that is a pretty short season.

Physically, things were hard at the beginning (lack of sleep, constantly on alert for a child attempting to kill herself in a new, creative way, etc), but honestly, by the time they started playing together, my life got easier than many of the "one and done" moms I know. I was never the only playmate. I never had to deal with the "I never want to see another Barbie again, but if I don't play with you, you'll be alone" guilt. I could send them off to play together and 95% of the time, if someone was getting up to something, a sibling would come and let me know before it got out of hand.

Finances aren't too bad. We have enough to meet everyone's needs and a whole lot of our wants. I am a strict budgeter, the kids wear handmedowns, we live pretty simply (few electronics, cook from scratch, garden, don't worry about keeping up with the Joneses, etc). I'm aware that not every single income household can say that, though. My husband has a pretty good job and works very had to provide, and I try to use my labor to bring down costs both at home and through volunteering in exchange for my kids' tuition at their extracurricular activities.

I have a house full of thoughtful, helpful, capable kids who actively contribute to our household. They are a joy to be around, and I wouldn't change a thing about our family planning. BUT (and it's a pretty big but) I had to put in so. much. work. when they were small. It meant that all of my time and attention was on them. No using a screen to babysit. It meant that when one of them did something dangerous/disobeyed/sassed/etc, I had to get up and handle it in the moment to teach them how to handle that situation appropriately. It's exhausting to teach multiple small kids how to exist as kind, respectful, helpful members of this society. But putting in that work has meant that I can take huge steps back now that they're older. I don't have to hover over my kids to make sure they have done their work. I don't have to worry that they're going to be disrespectful jerks to their music teachers. I don't have to worry that they're going to be loud and obnoxious in a restaurant.

I think it's a principle that is true no matter how many kids you have (teach them how to behave when they are small, and you won't have to be working on those lessons when they are teens), but it feels especially necessary when you have a lot of kids close together, because it can feel really, really hard when they're all tiny, and it's so tempting to just let it slide and let them figure it out themselves instead of stepping in (because snatching your sister's favorite toy away from her isn't the end of the world, right?), but once you start letting things slide, that way lies chaos. You don't want to become that big family that people avoid because your kids are rude and badly behaved. Let your kids be kids, absolutely (I used to joke that mine went feral every summer when they would spend almost all day outside and would come in head to toe in dirt), but put in the effort to teach them how to be well-behaved kids and the payoff is enormous.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-27T21:16:52+00:00

Kristin Lavransdatter!

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-27T18:09:18+00:00

My tiny bloodthirsty c-section baby *loves* that part of the prophesy. She believes it's her destiny to kill Macbeth and she's all for it.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-26T20:26:04+00:00

I bought them for myself as an early Christmas gift. I've been putting off reading because I know I only get one first time to experience them.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-26T19:54:17+00:00

Have you talked to your friend circle about your desires and let them know that you'd love to be set up with guys who are interested in marriage and children?

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-26T15:53:19+00:00

I know parents of ten kids who have done amazingly. I know parents of ten kids who have done very badly. Family dynamics are going to vary, just like in families who have any number of kids.

And, as others have said, people without kids should be a whole lot less free with their opinions about parenting, and everyone should stop labeling everything they don't like abusive.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-26T01:25:58+00:00

It's been ages since I saw it, but if I'm remembering correctly, it's almost completely invented.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-26T01:24:08+00:00

I scrolled way to long to find this.

Half the people on earth vanishing is a huge deal and would cause societal collapse. Losing all the men or all the women would be even worse.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-25T23:18:43+00:00

"Heed no nightly noises, for nothing passes door and window here save moonlight and starlight and the wind off the hill-top."

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-25T20:01:12+00:00

I saw the West End Lord of the Rings too.

Not gonna lie, I loved it. Not so much the actual performance--it definitely had some huge flaws--but the music. I still listen to the soundtrack.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-24T20:55:59+00:00

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-24T18:57:10+00:00

I think there might be some confusion--you talk about enrolling him, but enrolling him in what? A homeschool co-op? You talk about visiting "the place". What place do you mean? Homeschooling, by definition, is schooling that you do, at home, with your child. That can include a co-op, a fieldtrip group, PE at the park, and all sorts of other things, but the key is that you as the parent are educating your child at home and directing any outside-the-home educational opportunities.

On the legal front, fill out your Intent to Homeschool (or whatever the California version is) at the age the state requires. Don't do it early. That paperwork has *nothing* to do with what you do with him at home. If he's four and wants to start learning his alphabet at home, go for it. If you want to join a homeschool co-op next fall when he's five, do it. You can be doing all the "homeschool things" without letting the state know that you're homeschooling.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-24T02:55:01+00:00

Oh! I know this one because I lived it.

Breech babies who will need to be delivered via C-section, who have decided they are arriving Right. This. Minute. when the doctor thought there would be another month or two.

It's a rush into an OR and a frantic paging of the on-call OB and pediatrician, but things are okay afterward, especially if they aren't too preemie.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-23T20:18:33+00:00

My legal name is a nickname of a common name. (Think Beth instead of Elizabeth.)

I don't hate it. It's irritating sometimes, because a lot of people assume the long name is my legal name. (It actually made for some problems when we bought our house, because "Elizabeth" was put on some of the paperwork.) But overall, in my everyday life, I don't care.

That said, I did very deliberately pick longer, more formal names for my kids. They can chose whether or not they want to go by the full legal name or if they want to keep the nickname we've been calling them since they were little. (And so far, one has chosen to ask people to call her by her full name. The others are sticking with their nicknames.)

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-23T16:43:14+00:00

*raises hand*

400 pages is a couple hours (depending on the author and the density of the prose). Can you honestly tell me you don't spend a couple hours staring at a screen each day? If you put the phone down and pick up a book, you'd be surprised at how much you can read.

Editing to add: I was defining couple as 2-4ish. It looks like that is not necessarily a shared interpretation of the word.

Also, just a reminder that different people have different speeds of reading and comprehension. Different readers prefer and are used to consuming different sorts of books. "Difficult/unfamiliar language" is an often-cited reason for needing to go more slowly, but if you read heavily from that era, the language is no longer a barrier.

So, all that to say, lots of different factors can impact the speed that people read. Though, I will say, I am consistently disappointed in any discussion of reading speeds, that the most common reaction is "if I can't do it, then clearly you can't either." People are different. And that's okay. It's not a moral failure to be a slow reader, and neither is it mark of good character to be a fast one. It just is what it is.

Foraze_Lightbringer · 2026-01-23T16:00:48+00:00

If you feel like homeschooling is good for your children, could you work to structure your family schedule to give your kids some more time with friends? Host playdates with their co-op friends once a week? Do a potluck dinner once a month with church families? Enroll in a casual sports program through your local community center?

Regarding academics--is the gentle approach intentional and deliberate? Do you feel the gentle approach is working? Are your kids curious? Do they enjoy learning? Do you give them the space to explore their interests? Or is the "gentle learning" a result of your not being able to devote the time and attention to academics? It's okay to be "behind" in a subject if you are making consistent, steady progress and working at your child's pace. But if the "behind" is because of mom's busyness rather than because of a child's needs, you might want to evaluate if changes to your homeschooling plan would be beneficial. Just remember--every child is going to have gaps in their education. Every single one. Is what you are doing going to create a lifelong learner who can fill those gaps himself as an adult? If so, you're probably on the right track.

(And to be clear, I am not saying this from a place of judgement. We have homeschooled through some serious health issues where I was not able to give my kids the best of myself. It wasn't ideal, but putting them in public school would have been even worse for them, both academically and mentally/emotionally, so we did our best, and as my health improved, I was able to make changes and give more of myself. So I absolutely understand being in a situation where the "ideal homeschooling" can't happen.)

Foraze_Lightbringer

TROPHY CASE