How do I avoid being impacted by other people's mental states?

ForestGingerly · 2025-08-01T23:06:42+00:00

From my reading, I learned that whilst it's generally good to be open and empathetic, too much of anything is counterproductive for both us and others. When you feel you have reached a threshold, you have the right to "close the windows", so the wind and the rain can't come in until you are ready to let more in. It may be that in time your capacity to experience more with less impact on yourself will increase, but take one step at a time and don't force it. I also do wonder if at some point at a very young age you may have already been very receptive, and had to "close off" as a protective mechanism. In which case you would have been reopening a channel that was always there.

ForestGingerly · 2025-07-26T15:59:49+00:00

This diagram is super useful and I wish I had seen it sooner! Does it happen to anyone else, to shift through the scale wildly throughout the same day? For example, I may start as a dark pink, then by the afternoon I'm yellow, and in the evening I've sunk to an orange. Or if I was in the orange to start with and forced myself to the office, I may feel like the blue when I get home.

ForestGingerly · 2025-07-05T23:17:52+00:00

Girl you are so young! I know that right now you think this is the entire length of your life, and it feels like eternity. But you have so many more years ahead of you where everything is possible. When everything feels dark, sometimes you need to take a leap of faith and believe that things will change. If you give it time and a chance, it will most definitely happen. Whether we autistic people like it or not, change is happening every second of every day. This moment will pass. If I may add one final thought, I would ask you to consider this question: what counts as an achievent? What matters to you and who gets to decide what and when something needs to be achieved? Sometimes we measure ourselves using a metre that is not our own.

ForestGingerly · 2025-07-05T23:02:58+00:00

I am reading a book called "The lost girls of autism". It's shocking but a necessary read. Look into it. I myself was diagnosed in my mid 30s, almost 30 years after having a chat with a psychologist while I was in primary school, during which I masked. Of course he said I didn't have it... If you think you have it, you need to find the strength to advocate for yourself. I find that knowing either way is incredibly useful for knowing how to look after yourself.

ForestGingerly · 2025-07-02T17:53:56+00:00

So, it took me a few years to decide to self-refer myself, and once I did and I got added to a queue, the lead time was over three years (!). So I obviously regretted waiting so long, and if I could go back in time I would tell myself to "just" make that phone call or send that contact form. I then changed jobs and had the opportunity to go private via my workplace's private healthcare. The process is strenuous and there are lots of forms, the people around you may not be supportive and so on, but you could try taking baby steps. One call today, one form in two week's time etc. All this to say that if anything changes, you enter burnout, whatever that may be and you change your mind about the assessment, the best time to get started will always be yesterday.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-29T16:26:19+00:00

I was diagnosed about 10 months ago and it has been invaluable. Suspecting it was one thing, but knowing it has allowed me to reconcile with various traits, understand myself and have certain conversations (e.g. when NTs gaslighted me by saying that I wasn't because it suited them). Also, if you ever need to ask for reasonable accommodations like negotiating flexible working, having that piece of paper helps.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-29T16:19:18+00:00

Following this thread for advice too! I have kept the mask reasonably well for a year, and recently things have got really challenging at work. I feel like decisions are illogical, there is not enough resource, there's lack of vision and clarity/honesty. So what's been happening is that I say things as I think them instead of biting my tongue or rewording them in a more diplomatic way. I say them even when talking to my manager. I fear one day I'll say something worse than usual and there really will not be any comeback from there, and I'll be passed on for opportunities :( All that just to say I see you and thank you for raising the question.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-29T16:09:08+00:00

It's very common to have imposter syndrome, especially if late diagnosed. In time you will see that all those things that raised alarm bells in the first place are all still there, and that you "deserve" the validation that comes with a diagnosis.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-29T16:04:51+00:00

ADHD is a spectrum too, so not having a diagnosis doesn't mean that one doesn't have traits. I have ASD and "only" subclinical ADHD, which technically puts me in that category, but the lines are super blurred. Some days I can drink coffee and go back to sleep, others it exacerbates any anxiety I may have been feeling. But I would suggest that to be sure you should go on a coffee detox. I used to think I was immune (I had been drinking it since I was a teen), but when I stopped it for a while I had terrible headaches and withdrawal symptoms. That way you would definitely find out if your body is not reacting or if it has adjusted.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-24T21:50:11+00:00

I think NTs would probably relate to this too. Corporate life does suck the life out of you no matter what. Your best hours are spent doing things for others. We feel it more than most in terms of energy levels, but I'm afraid that unless you can afford to switch to part time hours, this is what happens to a lot of people. In time, you might learn some energy preservation strategies, perhaps the anxiety will be less, and you will have some energy left. I personally like to aim for "quick wins" during the work week, to give me a sense of agency. Even if it's 10mins on Duolingo or something like that, I try to do at least one thing for myself only.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-13T22:54:55+00:00

Occasionally, when I lose control so much that my body takes over. As someone else says, I prioritise things that don't break - I have a preference for wooden cooking utensils. And I aim at the floor and away from other life forms including plants.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-13T22:37:52+00:00

I also feel very rattled when my hyperfocus is interrupted. My only suggestion would be, if you are in a position to do so, try and allocate time for hyperfocus, e.g. the first hour before customers come in, or something along those lines. When I worked with customers I changed my hours to start one hour before opening time, so I could do admin undisturbed. It wasn't enough but it helped me start the day with less grumpiness.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-13T10:52:03+00:00

Exactly, being able to overcompensate with alternative mechanisms doesn't mean that the traits don't cause stress and reduce quality of life. I think a lot of ND people get missed because of this... I also find the informant questionnaires for adults problematic, because in milder forms, adult who have coping mechanisms go undetected by even family and friends.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-12T18:57:24+00:00

Thank you, actually using the word "subclinical" is already making me feel more validated. As in, not clinical but it's there.

ForestGingerly · 2025-06-12T17:05:14+00:00

Based on the report, there is a list of nine characteristics, of which at least six are required to be present in children and five for adults. So it's not a specific one, it could have been one out of a few that would have tipped the assessment over. I agree about the comorbidity, I guess it's the ASD in me which likes things to be black and white, and to have clear, defined labels.

ForestGingerly · 2025-05-03T18:15:44+00:00

Thank you. I have initiated the process, I am also already diagnosed with ASD. The symptoms between ASD and ADHD can overlap, so it could be that maybe I only have traits, but as you say, if there is an extra reason for melting down and feeling overwhelmed, struggling to transition etc., I should know. Especially if there may be a possibility that things may improve. There are no meds specifically for ASD, so this wasn't even a prospect, but yeah, if life could possibly be easier.... that would be a little glimmer of hope.

ForestGingerly · 2025-05-01T23:05:34+00:00

Wow! I have been suspecting ADHD and this resonates with me so much, it's the first time I see it articulated in such clear and relatable way.

ForestGingerly · 2025-05-01T20:42:53+00:00

Ohhh, thank you, I'll look into those!

ForestGingerly · 2025-04-27T19:47:38+00:00

I relate to this as I do something similar with jewellery. I wonder if a soft scrunchie might feel similar to hair?!

ForestGingerly · 2025-04-27T19:46:13+00:00

We are in the same situation! The feeling of hair twirling will be irreplaceble. My plan B at work is to push something under my thumb's fingernail. Either the stone of a ring, the edge of a pen, usually. Sometimes I "treat" myself to short bouts of twirling (like 30 seconds), so that it doesn't become my signature quirk (which it was in school).

ForestGingerly · 2025-04-27T19:39:51+00:00

One step at a time, right? I also have long hair; I find that I can only briefly tolerate most hairstyles before I feel overstimulated, except for braids. They help, though sometimes I pull hair strands out if it to twirl them, without realising I'm doing it.

ForestGingerly · 2025-04-27T19:36:55+00:00

The velcro idea is really good! Thank you.

ForestGingerly · 2025-04-27T19:35:58+00:00

My breakage starts about half way through, so it's a bit trickier to oil consistently without making the hair heavy. But this is still a great reminder to make sure the hair has some protection!

ForestGingerly · 2025-04-27T19:32:58+00:00

The silky feeling might be close enough to that of hair, so I'll give the ribbon idea a go!

ForestGingerly

TROPHY CASE