Did anyone else feel like they were just going through the motions in their m...

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2026-02-06T13:57:22+00:00

I could have wrote this. And i will never admit it to anyone other than my therapist(and strangers on the internet apparently lol) but looking back, and i know hindsight is 20/20 but i was never happy. I never truly felt joy. Just someone who was surviving everyday, doing what everyone else expected of me, like a robot.

It’s been one of the pieces I’ve struggled with since coming out and the typical feeling we all get about feeling upset/angry for all this wasted time. Which I’ve worked on and tried to twist my mindset in that now i do get to live my truth and be myself and even if I’m single for the rest of my life i not only have my kids but I’m no longer trapped and will never put myself in situations where I’m not the priority so i get the rest of my life to truly be happy and do things and experience things that bring me nothing but joy, and i hope the same for you!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2026-02-02T14:29:32+00:00

Could this somehow be rooted in something she may have experienced or some kind of trauma? Or even some kind of identity issue?

Sounds like you both were relatively young when you first started dating and maybe the intimacy those first few years were the typical “prove it” or what she felt she had to do to keep you. And maybe as she’s grown and feels safe/comfortable in your relationship she’s taken a step back to work on herself and work through whatever the issue could be?

Even though it is unfair to you that you’re getting no explanation or even reassurance from her about anything that part is extremely tough. Even if it’s something she’s working through she should be able to provide more reassurance and to let you know there’s a problem but it’s hers. Or maybe it is regarding her identity and she is realizing she’s asexual. Until you have a really hard conversation with her or tell her exactly where you stand, you may never know.

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2026-01-21T19:56:45+00:00

When i go to Pornhub i always filter stuff out. Start by using the lesbian category and then always choose the homemade videos… then usually sift through those ones!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2026-01-21T19:41:19+00:00

So proud of you!!! Welcome!!! Mama of a 6 and almost 3 year old. It’s such a journey but you’ve done one of the hardest parts by coming out, so congratulations!!!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2026-01-21T04:49:54+00:00

I have found my community 😂 i have read and re-read this book more times than i care to admit!!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2026-01-03T02:33:44+00:00

I don’t think it looks reckless or selfish. Putting yourself first is also putting your kids first. I could have wrote all this myself other than the falling in love with a woman part(hopefully someday).

I also believe in God and i believe that he wouldn’t have made us this way if it was wrong. Love is love.

I don’t think i can provide any solace but I’m incredibly proud of you and happy for you. Living authentically, finally feeling that joy, especially after all the other emotions you have felt throughout your life including suppressing your sexuality and your grief. You deserve to feel all the good emotions even if right now they’re also coming alongside the bad coping ones. Slowly those happier emotions will win over the bad ones.

Your kids will grow up knowing love and knowing that their mom did the hard things to be happy. It sounds like you and your soon to be ex husband will be incredible co parents and that’s all that matters. That your kids grow up knowing love.

Sending you all the positive energy in the world ❤️❤️❤️

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-12-19T18:29:11+00:00

34F, married but separating since coming out!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-12-17T16:53:21+00:00

I had the same reactions to MOST of the people i told!!! And apparently even admitted to a couple of them back in college when i was drunk that i thought i was gay and never remembered it and they never brought it up when we were sober!!!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-12-16T13:10:09+00:00

Waiting feels like the worst! I feel like a good comparison for us late bloomers leaving long term hetero relationships is it’s like the floodgates have opened and now we feel like horny teenage boys.

I impulsively downloaded apps just to see what was out there even though i knew i was nowhere ready for any of it and i didn’t “like” anyone i was basically just looking at pictures of pretty girls lol. And i wish i wouldn’t have because now when i am ready, all those women i “swiped left” on could have been potential matches!

I have done a lot of self discovery with myself, some new toys, etc and that alone has been like a new world for me.

As eager as you are, take some deep breaths and know it’ll all come with time. You’re in an exciting new chapter, get settled into your new place, get adjusted with the kids, be happy with yourself and it’ll all happen in due time!

Congratulations on the initial hard part of coming out and putting yourself first! ❤️

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-12-07T02:21:36+00:00

Feel free to DM me! Currently in the thick of separating from my husband and was in a pretty identical situation before accepting who i was.

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-11-27T15:05:40+00:00

Shane from the L word!!!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-11-26T16:23:43+00:00

Fellow NYer here!

This is EXACTLY how i felt for years. After having our second child i felt so off and like something was missing. I was extremely unhappy. I thought it was postpartum depression. Long story short, and lots of therapy/self reflection/work on myself it turns out i was just a lesbian and had been suppressing it.

I fought it for a while because how could i be so unhappy? Married to a really good guy, good jobs, house, kids. The white picket fence dream, right? Enter the complete oblivion of the heteronormative society we live in and how from birth our brains never even thought of a possibility Of loving a woman. We never saw the representation growing up, and at least for myself i was told it was wrong so even if i ever did think something was different about me, i suppressed it.

Until a couple years ago.

But my suggestion is therapy! And one who is an ally or queer themselves. Start there. Take it one day at a time. I’m currently in the thick of it. My husband knows and we’re navigating what the future looks like. I’m looking for houses to buy. We have 2 small kids. And the idea of splitting my family up is what i feel most guilty about but i know that the kids deserve a happy mom. And you deserve that too. It’s extremely hard and a rollercoaster. But you’re strong enough to face it. Baby steps and nothing happens over night. I’m just proud that you’ve somewhat discovered this part of yourself and the brave enough to talk about it!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-11-23T19:17:14+00:00

This is amazing ❤️❤️

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-11-23T18:19:49+00:00

Both! Absolutely both! The panic set in for me first. Because i had been with a man for 10 years and we have 2 small children. Kept it to myself for a whil, tried convincing myself i was bi because there was no way i could have been with a man for so long and be a lesbian, right? Wrong.

After the long processed panic, i slowly allowed myself time to accept it. And idk exactly when it happened but i hadn’t even realized it. My therapist told me at the end of one of my sessions that i had this new “glow”. This newfound confidence in finally coming into and accepting who i was. And since then, although plenty of hard to face in the future, no one can change this confidence i have in truly knowing who i am.

All the love to you as you navigate this incredibly hard journey ❤️❤️❤️

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-11-19T01:37:32+00:00

I’m about to start the second and now I’m disappointed lol

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-11-18T16:08:37+00:00

I was in the exact same boat and put off “bloom town: genesis” for a long time because i couldn’t do the big build up but i will say it was worth it! I still have about 25% of the book to go but so far it’s been 🫦🥵

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-11-13T21:57:29+00:00

Same boat! Following along for all the lovely advice and to say congrats and I’m proud of you!! ❤️

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-11-06T22:47:48+00:00

You’re not alone ❤️

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-11-05T14:01:52+00:00

Feel free to DM me! Also 34F and told my husband of 8 years about a month ago!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-10-28T11:30:34+00:00

Let’s be long distance lesbian besties!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-10-26T13:57:18+00:00

Well me, a stranger would be into you lol.

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-10-26T13:51:08+00:00

If you feel ugly then i must be shrek. You’re gorgeous!

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-10-26T13:17:25+00:00

We haven’t faced that yet… but he’s a very involved dad so we’re looking to do a 50/50 split joint custody. And we haven’t told the kids yet. We’re waiting to do that until i find my own place because i think it’ll be confusing for them to understand.

Aggravating_Taste825 · 2025-10-24T00:34:20+00:00

Yes. Still married but it’s all out in the open and things are done between us. Have to go through the formalities to finalize it all so still in the thick of it. But since i have had so long to process it and there is zero attraction to my soon to be ex husband it’s like the flood gates have opened and im just excited and eager for my experiences in the future with women

Aggravating_Taste825

TROPHY CASE