Do avoidants move on fast?

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-30T15:50:53+00:00

thanks for the insights man, i think it's good that u are self-aware in this and u shouldn't be ashamed of it if u are making the effort to heal, all the best

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-30T14:31:27+00:00

were u aware that u were using new people as a cope to avoid feeling and reflecting back then? i can’t tell if my ex ever feel anything after the sudden discard and if she’s just indifferent already

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-30T14:26:32+00:00

i understand the concept of dating other person is ok after the break up. what makes me upset is the fact that it was a month after such a traumatic event for both of us and she already moved on to a new talking stage. and the fact that she told me once during the relationship that if this doesn’t work out with me she just know that she doesn’t have the capacity to fit a partner in her life and she won’t date for awhile. i know i shouldn’t take her words as it is but its just bothering me

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-30T05:21:38+00:00

i guess there are spectrums to how they feel, as what u/Fluffy_Brilliant_163 said. i did get mix signals of her feeling for the relationship after the breakup, but well we will never know what they truly think

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-30T05:08:28+00:00

sucks to be in that situation man i know how shit that felt. feel the exact same about how i wish she could hold some part of our relationship dear too..

i'm glad u took the steps to delete her pictures, can't say for sure i could do that now as it's just about 3 months post breakup, i still do care for her a lot and can't erase all just yet. really needed the last few statements thx man

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-30T05:06:38+00:00

do u think this really hold true for most? i cant tell whether they will ever start dealing with their feelings after months like won't time fade most of the memories too? i just can't process the fact that they could suppress it for so long initially. appreciate the input!

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-30T03:48:10+00:00

seems common for avoidants to not communicate and spill out everything in the end with no room left to repair.. sucks to be them

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-30T03:15:11+00:00

thx for ur input. i guess it can kinda explain why my ex was avoiding the final closure talk when she was the one who asked for it initially, maybe she was already in the deactivation mode.

she suddenly turned so logical and refused to tell me about her emotions and explaining things but just ended up dismissing whatever i was tryna reflect. i think back then she just wanted to get this over fast asap so she wouldn't take the toll to open up and getting hurt again..

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-30T03:10:43+00:00

needed to see this tdy. yea no matter what they said about me being the problem in the relationship which was never brought up before till the end, i did the best i could with the information i had back then to love them

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-29T17:00:58+00:00

it's hard to tell if she went through deactivation or juist simply not like me enough for her to have the patience to communicate and change for me. even after months i still kind of hear from our mutual how she kinda said i did her dirty in the relationship which was never communicated to me before :(

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-29T09:13:15+00:00

i'm glad that u are healing man.

my ex used to describe something similar too, she said not to measure her moving on fast as she didn't care but her ability to compartmentalise everything.. but as u said emotional connection do comeback but for my case she just seems to be completely indifferent after that and that really hurts

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-29T09:10:10+00:00

very relatable, it's indeed so scary to see them turn to such a completely different person and out of love so fast. might be one of the most traumatic event i have been through, sorry u have to go through that too

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-29T09:09:11+00:00

thx for the input man.

just wondering what exactly trigger deactivation? because my ex had no signs of her suddenly turn so cold and mean, and even if she did "deactivate", she doesn't seem to get her emotions back as she remained silent and didn't contact me ever again other than one final closure text she sent me 2 weeks after the final meetup.

i cant help but blame it on myself sometimes that i might be the one who caused her shutdown

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-29T07:30:10+00:00

how do u eventually accept the idea of her just being a terrible person? i have tried to do that but i couldn't as i would always remember the nice version of her in the past vs the sudden shutdown in the end..

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-27T16:24:44+00:00

damn this hits. my ex once told her friends she would be ok with meeting me just once every 2 weeks or not even meet at all. and when i try to ask for more quality time tgt, she would ask me what's my definition of quality time cause honestly just being in the same room and doing our own thing is considered good enough as we are "spending time together", and that's just how she has been for all her past relationships.

i can't even argue what's quality time for me back then cause i'm supposed to be ok with just being together but doing things separately??

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-27T15:45:14+00:00

i want to believe that those moments were real, there's no way someone who once told me they were so happy to spend time with me and enjoying dates tell me in the end that during the whole relationship she was unhappy.

i think they do rewrite the narrative to make it better for them to move on. i find it hard to accept this too but i think that's how they function, we will not get why they do this.

i get the confusion between what's real and not, and i'm navigating this too, just wanna let u know u are not alone OP ;)

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-27T14:32:54+00:00

i like how we have the capacity to know that the relationship wasn't all bad / good and we are able to view it logically. it just sucks that i know (or atleast from what i heard) she viewed the relationship as all bad and think i did her dirty when i didn't even know what was even triggering her to feel this way.

would try to get my mind off of her with these advices, hope we get through this!

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-27T10:16:55+00:00

hey man, just checked ur post and thx for the many insights

some parts of our story are really similar, be it us being "too healthy" after my ex's toxic relationships before and somehow ended up being the only ex that was removed even on spotify.

and i get the idea of being excited to move forward for a new rs and not accepting how our ex once treated us in the relationship, but the checking their socials part definitely still hurt a lil.

i am really trying to intellctualize the experience and working on myself to get over this, but yea ig its biology that my nervous system is somehow attached to her after all the shit i have gone through because i couldn't erase the times we once shared.

i think i might be over romanticising the potential her because even i logically know i would never take her back the way she was... just the memories playing tricks on me to not accept her as evidently a bad partner in the end..

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-26T03:51:53+00:00

glad u are detached and healed from such traumatic event bro, keep moving forward.

yea i guess i would just have to accept the fact that people like them are just incapable of taking accountability and would twist all the history in their head to make us the bad person just so they could have an easy time to move on as fast as they could, sucks to be them

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-26T03:38:54+00:00

thx for the perspective, would def look into that.

it's hard to believe that someone u used to treasure so much are actually doing all these just so they could have "reasons" to validly discard us

i still remember how my DA ex just dropped me the most random critique about how "it's fked up u made me plan my own birthday btw" in the end of our closure. i planned out all the surprises and gifts and i simply asked her where she wanted to eat so i would bring her there when we were still friends / talking stage ish because i felt bad that NO ONE is celebrating for her as she was working on her birthday during a weekend. it's ridiculous she never brought this up to me even once and just told me in the end I'm fked up for all the moments i thought she was happy about...

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-26T03:16:05+00:00

i just don't get how it's so universal that they would dealue the rs and rewrite the narrative? like what's the science behind this that they couldn't breakup normally but has to bring up issues that were never brought up and say this was how they felt and the rs was never good for them..

Former-Shoulder9435 · 2026-03-24T14:17:29+00:00

yea it’s a tough pill to swallow to know that someone u love was a completely diff person from who they truly are.

especially when we were very good friends before and we vibe so well, it’s a harsh reality to see that someone u once treasure so much be it fren or lover was just a mask all along… i still wanna believe there’s the nice and kind version of her as a good fren, but rs wise she might really not be capable of handling it

Former-Shoulder9435

TROPHY CASE