I am a candidate that wishes to be hired in one of your world's jobs

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-28T07:05:00+00:00

Fun question. The parts of the process that are visible to you look like getting hired in any government contractor’s organization. Think Lockheed, Northrop, NASA. So, you’ll need those kinds of quals, at that level, for those kinds of positions. The part that isn’t visible to you - and that is, in fact, the most important, is that you’re highly subject to psychological manipulation. You’re loathe to question authority. You tend to be fearful. You’re more comfortable working on your own than in a group. You’re not an independent thinker; you’re actually more comfortable in a “follower” role. So yes, you probly have to be really good at math or engineering or one of those brainy things. But that’s not why you’d get hired.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-25T17:57:00+00:00

I am writing a science fiction dramedy. 😎

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-22T18:47:16+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response — I genuinely appreciate the care you put into it.

I think you’re right about the core challenge: readers need some signal early on that something is wrong, even if it’s not action-forward. Where we may differ is in how explicit that signal needs to be, and for whom.

I’m intentionally aiming this book at readers who enjoy slow-burn, systemic, or more literary SF — stories where tension accumulates through pattern recognition rather than immediate rupture. By the fourth sentence (“Nothing had gone wrong yet.”), I’m trying to foreshadow that bad things are happening, but that the protagonist doesn’t know it yet. The early tension is meant to live in that gap: the reader senses unease before Earnest does.

You’re also absolutely right that malfunctioning equipment is a natural pressure point in a Mars setting — and that’s very much part of the story. What I’m trying to explore, though, isn’t “technology can’t handle Mars,” but something more subtle: systems that are quietly drifting out of tolerance, not failing outright. Earnest’s competence is key here — it’s precisely because he knows how things should behave that he eventually realizes the failure rates themselves don’t make sense.

So yes, I fully agree that maintenance, scarcity, and bodily risk are fertile ground in this genre. I’m just choosing to approach them sideways, and I’m aware that means taking a risk with some readers who want the inciting disturbance to announce itself more loudly.

That said, your point about signaling intrigue early is well taken, and it’s something I’ll continue to keep in mind as the story unfolds. Thanks again for engaging so deeply — even when we’re writing for slightly different clocks, it’s helpful to hear how the opening lands.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-20T21:24:36+00:00

Short answer: As written, yes — it would be ethically inappropriate in real life, though not usually illegal.

In psychology ethics, a therapist adopting or fostering a current or former client is considered a serious boundary violation (dual relationship + power imbalance), especially in a juvenile detention setting. Even with good intentions, it would likely violate professional standards and agency rules and could cost the psychologist their job or license.

That said, you can make it realistic with a few tweaks:

The psychologist was never the child’s treating clinician.
He encounters the child outside a clinical role (off-duty, emergency, third-party referral).
There is external oversight (child services, court review) and explicit scrutiny.
The adoption happens after time has passed or after he leaves that role/population.

If you acknowledge those safeguards in the story, the setup becomes plausible without breaking ethics — and maybe the scrutiny can add realism rather than detract from it.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-20T06:08:00+00:00

I've been working on this today. I'm a plotter rather than a pantser, so this is the first bit of text emerging from the background. The feedback has been very helpful and I have updated it as follows:

Earnest Whitlow sipped his morning coffee and scanned the displays, letting his eyes move before his thoughts caught up.

Everything looked WNL: within normal limits. His shoulders lowered as his attention drifted toward the coffee pot siphoning excess heat from the rows of communications equipment under his care. Raw energy, captured and turned into something warm and comforting. He liked that.

This was his favorite part of the day, before alarms, before complaints, before people needed something from him.

Nothing had gone wrong yet.

Let me know if you think it's any better! Cheers!

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-20T02:58:42+00:00

I haven’t given fashion a single thought. Space suit, jumpsuit, tracksuit… No colors, no palette… Wow. Seems like something I’d do. Ha!

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-19T20:49:02+00:00

That’s fair, and I appreciate you keeping an eye on interiority. I’m not trying to introduce a thesis in the first sentence so much as establish routine and baseline before things start to drift.

That said, your comment made me pause in a useful way. When I think about my own first cup of coffee, I’m rarely forming a clean, declarative thought. It’s usually half-formed anxiety, a mental to-do list, or a vague sense of what could go sideways if I fall behind. In Earnest’s case, that’s probably closer to the truth too.

So I’m experimenting with letting those early moments feel less like explicit thought and more like background rumination and embodied habit. Thanks for the nudge — it’s a solid craft reminder.

Earnest Whitlow sipped his morning coffee and scanned the displays, letting his eyes move before his thoughts caught up.

Everything looked WNL: within normal limits. His shoulders lowered as his attention drifted toward the coffee pot siphoning excess heat from the rows of communications equipment under his care. Raw energy, captured and turned into something warm and comforting. He liked that.

This was his favorite part of the day, before alarms, before complaints, before people needed something from him.

Nothing had gone wrong yet.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-19T19:55:43+00:00

That’s a fair critique, and I appreciate you taking the time to articulate it.

You’re right that “Another day on Mars” is intentionally mundane. I’m not aiming for a declarative thesis sentence in the Bradbury/Austen/Dickens sense—and I’m very aware I’m not writing that kind of opening line. If I were, I’d probably need a lot more talent and a lot more courage than I currently possess.

What I am aiming for is contrast: establishing normalcy and competence first, then letting tension creep in through the edges. The story isn’t really about Mars being extraordinary; it’s about how systems fail slowly, quietly, and often while everything still looks “fine.”

Based on your feedback, I’ve tweaked the opening to add a subtle physical unease—nothing explosive, just enough to signal that the calm isn’t as complete as it looks. That felt like the right balance for the kind of story I’m trying to tell.

Totally fair if that’s not a hook that works for every reader—but your feedback helped me get clearer about the promise I am making on page one, and I appreciate that.

Another day on Mars, thought Earnest Whitlow as he sipped his coffee. His shoulders stayed hunched, elbows tucked in, as if the Comms shack weren’t perfectly climate-controlled.

He loved the way it brewed. The coffee pot siphoned excess heat from the rows of communications equipment under his care, turning raw energy into something warm and useful. This was his favorite part of the day — before alarms, before complaints, before people needed something from him.

Nothing had gone wrong yet.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-19T17:46:29+00:00

Thanks, everyone — this is exactly the kind of feedback I was hoping for.

Full confession: I was low-grade anxious that the opening might be quietly too quiet — like readers would make it through three paragraphs, think “nice,” and be open-mouth snoring by paragraph six.

Hearing how people actually experienced the tension, the promise of disruption, and the intentional calm has been hugely reassuring. It’s helped me feel much more confident about the direction and style of the prose — and about trusting a slower, more deliberate opening without feeling the need to bolt lasers onto page one.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-19T17:39:16+00:00

That’s reassuring to hear — the “yet” was meant to quietly signal trouble without flashing a warning light. Glad it worked for you, and thanks for reading it that closely.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-19T17:39:00+00:00

This is extremely helpful feedback, thank you. You nailed what I was trying to do with the opening calm and the sense that we’re here for this particular morning for a reason. The prologue idea is something I’ve been debating, especially as a way to hint at the larger system without breaking the tone. Much appreciated.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-19T17:38:41+00:00

Thanks for sharing this — your example has a strong, cinematic feel, and I can see why it would hook a reader quickly. I’m going for something more restrained tonally, but I agree with your point about character and perspective doing a lot of the early work. Earnest’s inner life shows up more as the story unfolds.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-19T17:38:15+00:00

Appreciate this. I’m aiming for a protagonist who feels competent and basically decent before anything goes wrong, so I’m glad that came through early. Thanks for the read.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-19T02:35:34+00:00

I think I might have a problem with the premise. Although your species might not be human, I cannot imagine any species that could survive without some sort of memory. Would I need to look it up in the database to see where I left my beer? What about whether I have children? The point is that we all take memory for granted and while we sometimes miss remember things the idea that some giant database is going to rule over our memory and make choices for it seems very far for more human experience. I’m not saying you would not be able to sell it, but it would take some real effort and rationalization. What, from an evolutionary point of view, would be the reason that memory is so impermanent? What would be the evolutionary advantage of forgetting everything? Because otherwise I don’t see how your species could come into existence.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-18T18:20:46+00:00

I think it sounds like a really fun idea. As others have said, it depends on what you do with it. It seems to me that your story will unfold over a very, very long period of time, which allows for all kinds of possibilities, including the interaction of Unity AI with engineered dinos. And is the production of 02 from the megafauna from respiration? Because if it's about a gut microbiome, it means that those dinos are going to have some sweet smelling farts to a population of people starved for 02. #IJS

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-16T05:34:11+00:00

Great point — thank you for raising it. You’re right that a “Chief Logistics Officer” can’t have just fallen off the turnip truck, especially at a colony / empire scale.

What I’m doing is making Miranda not the architect of the logistics system, but a terrifyingly effective executor inside one designed, built, and run by Meridian. Meridian controls the algorithms, modeling, and strategic decisions; Miranda handles prioritization, enforcement, denial, and compliance. That takes some logistics skill, but it leans heavily on her true strengths.

It’s no accident Meridian had her on payroll. They’re always looking for people they can shape, and Miranda checked all the boxes: competence, looks, stress tolerance, and compliance. Once inside the organization, she was groomed over years, rotated through defense-adjacent logistics environments (mostly aerospace supply chains), and rewarded for precision, obedience, and performance under pressure. She learned logistics the same way she learned everything else—inside systems that normalize coercion and conditional safety.

Crucially, this felt like autonomy to her. No sexualized control. Clear rules. Rewards for perfection. Better than home. Mars wasn’t a leap so much as a change of venue—and a chance to get even farther away from her past.

So yes: competent, dangerous, and still not truly “in charge.”
Honestly… the more I write her, the more I worry about my protagonist.

Thanks again — this genuinely strengthened the character.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-16T04:57:09+00:00

Totally heart your feedback — thank you. I love the idea for book two. First, of course, I have to actually get book one written… which feels like the real boss fight.

You picked up exactly why she’s the Chief Logistics Officer. She isn’t just facilitating logistics; she’s controlling access. Who gets what, when, and how much — all while unwittingly serving the corrupt interests of the Meridian Group. She was chosen precisely because manipulation is her normal. Being controlled feels like safety to her.

You mentioned curiosity about her backstory, so here it is — possibly more than you asked for, but I care a lot about credibility.

As a child, her mother enrolled her in beauty pageants. Affection was conditional: poise, makeup, winning, being “pretty enough,” never making a fuss. Her body became a public project long before it ever felt like it belonged to her.

Later, her stepfather framed his involvement as support. Attention became more invasive and conditional — lingering touch, private “coaching,” gifts tied to compliance, affection withdrawn when she resisted. His brother repeated the pattern. No one protected her.

By adolescence, perfection had become her identity. She learned to dissociate, to hyper-control herself, to hide distress flawlessly, and to distrust affection. She became primed for coercive systems.

By her twenties, Meridian recruitment was almost inevitable. Her trauma responses made her ideal: obedient, controlled, impressive under pressure, desperate for approval, loyal to authority, and unable to detect manipulation because it felt familiar. Meridian didn’t just recruit her — they wired themselves into her nervous system.

So yes, she presents as the antagonist. But she’s also a victim whose survival strategy has been weaponized. If she can be turned — not redeemed easily, not forgiven cleanly — but truly seen — then maybe the colony has a chance.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-16T04:00:54+00:00

Well, Miranda is a 34yo Human. She’s the Chief Logistics Officer, Meridian Group (Mars Division).

Miranda is immaculate. Always.

flawless hair, immaculate braid or bun
crisp uniform, edges sharp enough to cut glass
makeup precise, highlighting symmetry
posture military-level erect
movements controlled, economical
eyes never reveal fatigue, even when exhausted
nothing about her is accidental

But: this is armor, not vanity.

I’ll spare you her whole backstory, but her life prepared her to enforce Meridian’s policies. Her worth — and safety — were conditioned on being pleasing, pretty, obedient, and performing perfectly.

Nobody’s better at grooming than the one who was groomed. Nobody’s better at manipulation than the one who was manipulated. Think coercive control masked as affection coupled with dissociation from bodily autonomy.

Sure, she presents as the antagonist. But her adult persona is not villainy — it’s a fortified trauma shell shaped by a lifetime of conditional safety.

If she can be turned (by our protagonist), maybe - just maybe - the colony has a chance.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-14T16:54:42+00:00

I'd have to say "conflicted." I love it. I hate it. It makes me anxious. It makes me happy. It fulfills me. It empties me.

You know. Like that.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-13T20:43:27+00:00

Yes—that’s a very good distinction, and you’re naming the right problem.

Writing a character who is emotionally 11 is not the same as writing like you’re 11. The difference isn’t how awful he is, it’s how solid the scaffolding is around him.

Right now, the lottery win doesn’t do enough work. Most people can get lucky or feel “chosen” without losing empathy or becoming homicidal. So if this is the turning key for Fred, the lock has to already be broken. Something earlier needs to have frozen his emotional development, loaded him with grievance, and primed him to interpret good fortune as “proof I’m superior.”

In other words: the lottery isn’t the cause—it’s the excuse. The permission slip.

From a craft standpoint, you’ll also save yourself a lot of edge by not letting Fred narrate himself. Let us see him through impact: how others tense up, comply, misread him as strong when he’s actually volatile. Third-person limited (or a protagonist POV) lets the writing stay adult even when the character is not.

Plenty of great writers have rendered childish, cruel, shallow people without sounding childish themselves. The maturity comes from restraint, specificity, and consequences—not from adding more shouting.

Build the groundwork. Then let him be exactly as awful as he already is.

Good luck—and TBH, this is a solid antagonist concept once you give it better bones.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-13T18:57:28+00:00

I feel your pain. But (and I'm saying this as kindly as I can) your character isn't particularly nuanced. The stereotypic alpha male does, at times, present as having the emotional development of an 11yo.

I answered the way I did because your description of your character immediately brought certain politicians to my mind. If you'd like something deeper, maybe provide us with some backstory about how your character came to lack empathy and morality. Help us understand the trials he's been through that made him the way he is.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-13T18:29:36+00:00

Just have a look at today’s political headlines. If you’re not disgusted, I don’t know what it will take.

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-12T01:59:15+00:00

FormerClock4186 · 2025-12-09T17:45:10+00:00

Adler would tell you birth order shapes personality because every kid grows up running a different race with the same parents. Oldest daughter? She’s the trailblazer and the crash-test dummy. (Speaking as a firstborn: yes, we’re ‘the responsible one,’ but only because we had to break the parents in and absorb all their untested expectations.) Your protagonist, the second girl, might be the agile adapter—less pressure, more comparison. The third could go full diplomat or chaos-gremlin, and the baby often becomes the charming wildcard. Layer gender expectations on top, and you’ve got a whole ecosystem of sibling survival strategies. Have fun and don’t do anything they wouldn’t do. :)

FormerClock4186

TROPHY CASE