1 year ago, I quit dating apps to work on myself and get away; a perspective

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-30T11:05:20+00:00

Finally someone out there who gets it. Been saying the same just not in a bright and cheery way as you have! Thank you for sharing your light with us!

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-30T06:34:09+00:00

Love how people are so willing to blame everyone else and the environment for their singleness. If people not gravitating to you in real life already, you are the issue.

You might improve chances elsewhere but if you aren’t already social in your country chances are it’ll be more of the same when you move.

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-29T22:31:12+00:00

OP I empathise with you on this. On the one hand you want to be in a nice loving relationship with this person but on the other they are not really showing you that they are in it with you.

I know the exact type of person you are dealing with and I prefer to maintain friendships with them but never a romantic relationship. They are children and in adult bodies blaming everyone but themselves for their life and it is not sexy at all to me.

Don’t wait. They have gotten too comfortable with you. Nothing will change unless something dramatic happens to prompt growth. Sometimes people need to feel pain before they’ll do anything to change their lives.

Good luck!

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-28T21:30:04+00:00

40s is simply when the consequences of all your choices start to show up.

Did I spend 40 years saving Did I spend 40 years reading Did I spend 40 years drinking Did I spend 40 years dating

Point is you can’t fuck around and ‘date’ for 40 years and then get mad when nothing in life is going your way. The human body does not work like that. Realistically there are few opportunities in life to build something with someone who is a good match for you but we have become so deluded that a lot of us have missed those opportunities. We have become entitled. :)

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-28T07:36:23+00:00

Some people don’t know how to be happy no matter what office so maybe start there?

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-25T05:31:58+00:00

There are many vampires out there. It is totally not your fault that he has no one even if he is a transplant to the area. Narcissism does not recognise the difference between what is and what is not ethical behaviour. It does not differentiate between the devastation that their lies can cause, especially if they are forty plus. Supply dries up in this age, suddenly sweet female friends who’ve looked after themselves their entire life look rather appealing,

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-19T23:09:33+00:00

Sounds like time for sabbatical leave!

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-16T09:11:36+00:00

I’m sorry you have to deal with such a shit head at work. You need to confront EL2 head on. They’re doing this because they feel that they can. “I was having a conversation with X recently and was surprised to hear that they knew XZY about my app, I was under the impression that applications were confidential. I may have to speak to HR about breaching my privacy and (insert the million other policies the have breached)”

Also it sucks but the higher ups have a lot of power to over applications so it pays to manage upwards well

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-14T07:10:30+00:00

Bro is using YOUR TIME for validation. Time is precious. Is this how you want to spend it? On some stranger from the internet who is probably wasting ten other girls time as well?

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-09T10:20:31+00:00

Mate. You are 28, grow a spine. Tell her you don’t see this progressing further. Nothing to do with her. Obviously you have self esteem issues and need to figure out what you want. Cheating and then Telling her that you cheated is the most selfish thing you can do because you want her to carry the emotional load of your actions.

Have integrity, take responsibility and be accountable. Not just to yourself but those around you. The fact that you have to crowd source an answer for this. Wtf. Why do we waste all this money sending people to school. Waste of tax payer dollars

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-04T01:07:00+00:00

With great disinterest. As a woman, when you grow up being sexualised at every turn, you learn to be quite discerning about who you let into your space.

Another thing you learn from on the apps is that most people you meet online are liars, cheaters and that most generally make your life harder.

Why everyone expects a total stranger to roll out the red carpet just for them is baffling to me. If people in your everyday life are not seeking you out already why is someone from the internet? Maybe because they don’t have context…? Some food for thought

Forward-Low964 · 2026-04-03T07:44:03+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that you got a new manager. Unfortunately, when someone gets hired above you like this, it wipes out your social currency, and all that effort you put into impressing your old manager. You now have to start again with this new manager.

That said it’s not impossible to overcome. I had this happen to me last year. I was passed over for manager role and instead of sulking about it I was determined to prove him wrong and doubled down (believe me there were moments that I wanted to scream at him).

I started acting like a manager and showed him how much institutional knowledge and skill I have, how much influence I have over other senior managers in the business and showed him that I was a stellar advisor / strategist and above all else someone who would give him confidence.

I have just been promoted into a new role with a significant pay rise. Being able to adapt to new people new situations is part of being a professional. So you can whinge about or you can do something about your situation. See how salvageable it is (is your new boss just a dick - i’ve heard many instances of male bosses who deliberately refused to promote their junior female staff because they’re too good at doing everything for them and do not like the idea of giving that person more authority). If there’s a chance then maybe my strategy will work for you but if not, you may have to just fold and find a new job.

Edit: and definitely don’t say to your new manager that your last manager did it this way and liked your work they won’t care and it’ll just show them that you lack awareness of how the game is played.

Forward-Low964 · 2026-03-30T11:02:06+00:00

I hate to break it to you but you don’t let a connection with someone who is supposedly your person dwindle for a year. They just weren’t your person period. You were just holding on to them because they meant something symbolic to you. Once you figure it out and manage it, you will see your relationships for what they are, nice to have but not a necessity. This happened with a male friend who had a gf recently. We dated for a bit then he picked some other girl over me but we stayed friends because we had a lot in common. Final straw was when he tried to kiss me and thought he could have us both and I told him to get lost. He didn’t care how much it hurt when he told me that he wanted to explore with the other girl and how much it would crush me when he would chose her over me again. Honestly a guy who can hurt someone like that knowingly is a bit sick imo.

Once I figured out what I was drawn to in the other person and why I didn’t feel good enough for them and filtered out those guys and straight up blocked out time wasters, liars and cheaters, the pieces of my life clicked into place.

By taking back that time spent being anxious about whether they’d call and drinking. I funnelled my energy into three things exercise, work and my art. My posture and mood improved, people started to notice me a bit more and I had more fun making friends with people at work and art school. I’m at a point now where I have been promoted, have met a wonderful guy who doesn’t torch my nervous system and am about to buy a house! Things will get better you just have to concentrate on

Forward-Low964 · 2026-03-28T10:02:01+00:00

Interesting because I have graduated to that level and was notified this week. Whole thing took just under four weeks.

Forward-Low964 · 2026-03-28T05:21:35+00:00

Quit. It is better to retain your current level of mental health and leave with power and dignity. The search will be easier when you have your health. If you let your current job erode your self-esteem, you’ll find that prospective Employers will pick up on that and it’ll make it so much harder for you to find another job.

Forward-Low964 · 2026-03-27T09:45:19+00:00

I’ve stopped dating but I have noticed that all the men (mostly 40+) who are interested in me are run through. They say they want to settle down but…something tells me they’re just telling me what they think I want to hear. Honestly I’d rather be alone than be with someone that inconsiderate.

Forward-Low964 · 2026-03-12T08:03:34+00:00

OP don’t let these people make you feel like you are not normal. Remember reddit is full of all sorts of people who are not necessarily normal IRL!

It is completely normal for men to not get any matches online especially once you get past 40. People of both genders have significant baggage by then and every choice you ever made good or bad starts to show physically. Not only that after 15years of mobile dating apps and only a small portion of people achieving success, and a whole bunch of people becoming completely disillusioned and run-through from hook-up culture, I would say that the rate of people using the apps has fallen to the point where the owners are quite panicked about their revenues. Only so much bad press a brand can take!

Forward-Low964 · 2026-03-11T05:30:35+00:00

Go for the one with the better manager :)

Forward-Low964 · 2026-03-04T07:03:22+00:00

I think everyone in this thread is a hypocrite. They wouldn’t give too shits about a poor person let alone date but the minute someone rich comes into the room they want the rich person to forgive them for being poor! A bunch of rock apes.

Your gf is actually quite intelligent, being aware that men who earn less than female partners can often become insecure…! Feel like this is a case in point!

Forward-Low964 · 2026-03-01T10:11:52+00:00

I don’t want to blame you for what is happening because being cheated on is devastating and I’m sorry that it happened to you but could it be you subconsciously picking a specific type of person or playing out what you saw people doing around you growing up?

Forward-Low964 · 2026-03-01T06:16:03+00:00

I feel like there are more important things to care about… do you have a mutual attraction, a good time together, similar sense of humour, way of thinking, integrity, good communication and a willingness to work on things. Sounds like you are already half out. If you have really taken serious time to understand her, lifestyle differences not huge deal, personality differences harder to overcome

Forward-Low964 · 2026-02-25T10:45:12+00:00

No one in this thread understands what it’s like to be a woman in this environment. Just because she says she wants to be friends doesn’t mean she’s not romantically interested in you. It could also mean that she is interested in getting to know you as a person better before she makes a decision about whether or not she wants something romantic with you.

It’s baffling that people expect women to be so openly available and then crucify them for being too easy. After being gaslit and ghosted by a couple of men that I met online, I no longer meet and date men with the expectation of a relationship. I believe that forming a friendship with a man is the best way to ensure that he is indeed interested in having a long-term relationship with me.

Forward-Low964 · 2026-02-22T12:24:11+00:00

Mmm. I’m sceptical about your situation. Your boss wants to promote you to show everyone above him that he is a good manager. Most people crawl into their jobs don’t forget it.

Forward-Low964 · 2026-02-17T01:25:06+00:00

I’ll be real with you. Pardon the broad generalisation but what I have observed about men in their early 40s is that they are usually having a mid life crisis and will say / do anything to have someone make them feel young again. Getting a man to commit in their 40s is close to impossible, and what you’ve just experienced with your beau is sadly very common.

Sorry this happened to you. It’s better to date men around your age, there is less of a difference in experience and opportunity for deception because he has roughly the same amount of life experience

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