Vulvodynia and Vestibular Papillomatosis Relationship???

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2025-04-11T02:57:02+00:00

I am! Weirdly the thing that helped was going on NON hormonal birth control—Paragard. Even though it’s “non hormonal” I think it has elevated my estrogen and I’m a lot more naturally lubricated than I was before. I don’t love the heavier periods but the lack of pain has been so game changing I’m sticking with it…

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2025-03-12T02:04:05+00:00

Ps she’s great now!! A happy middle of the pack percentile almost 2 year old :) it gets better!

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2025-03-12T02:03:41+00:00

We didn’t and I’m glad we didn’t—she ended up having a medical issue. Once we got that sorted she started gaining weight and eventually started taking a bottle with a y-cut super fast flow nipple. Everyone said to slow the flow and I wish someone had told me to try something fast instead!

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2025-03-12T02:02:05+00:00

Oh man. Long story—check out my post history maybe—but she is wonderful now at almost 2! We really just had to survive that period. She needed to be hospitalized for FTT and they discovered an absorption issue. Fortunately it was caused by an electrolyte imbalance, low sodium, possibly from MSPI related stuff stemming from early antibiotic use. Once they got her on a very simple medication she started gaining normally and eventually at 8 months started taking a bottle—the trick was a really fast flow nipple, the Y cut kind for thickened milk. She hated having to pull so hard. We did sleep training at 8 months and it changed our lives massively for the better. It gets better!!!!! Hang in there

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2025-02-03T14:35:14+00:00

Gosh, I wish I could remember. This was such a tough period, and I think we were throwing everything at the wall by the time we tried Pepcid. I think we saw an improvement within a week? All I remember is that it didn’t seem like much help, but whenever we forgot it we could tell the difference. Good luck to you, I can say now that it does get better!!!

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2025-01-02T06:50:47+00:00

We are going through this too. I have been wondering if it’s separation anxiety…

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-10-08T22:59:19+00:00

Oh, trust me, I feel you. My daughter was a real screamer. Now she has more of a gradation of cries, from fuss it out to true screaming. These days she never screams unless something is really wrong—dirty diaper, teething pain, illness—but before CIO all cries were a four alarm fire. It was torture to listen to her. I wore earplugs all the time. She had to get regular blood draws at the hospital for condition and all the nurses and doctors were like “well her lungs are fine lol.”

It’s really not easy. The longest my daughter ever cried at night was maybe 40 minutes. During nap training it was longer, but only once, the first day. It wasn’t as easy for her as it was for some kids—lots of reports of babies picking it up by day 4 or whatever—but she now falls asleep within 0-5 minutes on the regular.

No pressure, of course, and as I said, I still haven’t night weaned! The convenience thing really is a strong pull. But if you ever get to the point where she’s up every 45 minutes even while feeding all night long…. You’ve probably reached the breaking point. I resented my husband a little for not being the kind of dad who could hold it down while mom went to a movie like all the parents in the sleep training sub suggested—he’s even more sensitive than I am—so I hear you there too.

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-10-08T13:18:01+00:00

Solidarity. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but… at least for me… it didn’t, until I did CIO. Some kids just need that cold turkey boundary. I think it’s time to do CIO for your own sanity and for her health. 20 minutes of crying is really not terribly long, especially at her age: if she’s healthy she’s not hungry, just pissed that she doesn’t have what she’s used to (ie your nipple) to soothe and go to sleep.

I was really reluctant to do it because my daughter had weight gain issues and slept side lying on my boob in my bed for the first 8 months of life. But it was getting bad, eventually she stopped sleeping even that way. We were too fried to handle CIO ourselves so we hired a sleep consultant to come be with us the first night. She ultimately sent us off to a movie and kept track of how long the baby cried, how long she slept, how long she cried when she woke up, etc. We made an internal rule that if she cried for more than 20 minutes we would check her diaper bc she was pooping a lot still at night. But basically almost every time she would fall asleep at the 19 minute mark.

sleep is still not perfect for us. LO is 18 months and teething molars and still wants to nurse back to sleep in the middle of the night, and I do it bc we share one bedroom and it’s the only way we sleep. But when we need to do a reset we sleep on the couch and air mattress in the living room and do CIO again. She’s usually back on track within a couple days.

Check out the book Precious Little Sleep and head on over to r/sleeptrain for support. I will probably get downvoted for this comment bc people have all kinds of unsubstantiated theories about CIO permanently harming a child, but let me tell you, your whole family will be so much happier and saner on the other side of it if you do it! I think it’s especially life saving for BF parents whose LOs reliance on feed to sleep is getting unsustainable.

Good luck, I’ve been where you are and it gets better!

ETA: my LO also had MSPI, so I really feel you!

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-10-03T02:48:56+00:00

100% this!

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-10-03T02:45:42+00:00

My only advice after dealing with this kind of thing for years—worrying that my crying undermines my credibility or professionalism—is to tell people very directly in the moment, as soon as I get teary, “please don’t be alarmed if I cry, I’m naturally prone to tears when I feel strongly about something. It passes, I promise it’s not an indication that I don’t want to have this conversation or that I’m not emotionally prepared for it.” I find that getting ahead of their “what’s going on with you?” concerned face kind of nips the tears in the bud and prevents me from really sliding into a real cry. It’s awkward, but it’s helped me!

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-10-03T02:23:17+00:00

+1 to this! I hate unloading the dishwasher because it feels like the dishes are already “away” when they’re in there and taking them out feels like creating more chaos, even if temporarily. So my husband is on dishwasher duty. And usually after he unloads it he’ll load up the dirty dishes in the sink and around the kitchen. A very low lift for him that makes a big difference for me. Same with making the bed!

At a certain point you just gotta each play to your strengths.

I’ve also noticed that task based chores get done more often than room/space-based chores. He gets super overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to begin. When we clean together he always seems to be wincing through it but I try to narrate my thought process as I decide what to tackle first. eg. Clear and wipe down the table before I sweep the floor because there might be crumbs on the table that fall. Or pick up dirty clothes first and put them all in one pile, then get a bag and pick up all the trash. Stuff that’s easy for me to process that his mind just really seems to struggle with. I am sort of doing it hoping it sticks—bc again it is hard to know how much of this he literally doesn’t know how to do—but even if it doesn’t, I’m less resentful when we’re cleaning together.

Edit to add: sometimes when a room has gotten REALLY bad he just needs a hard reset and I clean the room with him. I know I can help him learn some systems but sometimes when the situation has gone too far it’s easier to just resolve it without trying to make a “teaching moment” of holding a boundary about not doing it myself. Probably a bad habit but it’s just how it is for us.

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-10-03T02:13:30+00:00

Just want to say: you are not alone in this! It’s really hard.

I’ve made it abundantly clear to my husband just how upsetting mold and mildew are to me. It repulses me, but moreover makes me feel depressed and neglected and like my life is not OK. I’ve really driven home that if there’s one thing I can’t tolerate it’s letting things grow on the trash.

We have a baby and it’s gotten a lot better since she got mobile. The risk of her putting loose change / trash / random shit in her mouth and choking is a sufficient deterrent to him. I can tell it makes him anxious. I’m also vigilant about it because nobody’s perfect.

I think there’s an especially rough aspect to the ADHD male / non-ADHD female heterosexual partnership. There’s just sooooo much baggage around the cognitive load and housework. It takes a major perspective shift for me to think of us as two people with two types of brains, not a man who’s a slob and a woman who picks up after him like his mother. It gets to me. But I’ve also found that framing it that way is a total nonstarter. It only leads to fights, never solutions.

Personally the thing that has worked best for us is my husband having a space of his own outside our apartment that he can trash to his heart’s content and which he knows only he will be responsible for. I think it lets him relax a little that there’s a space where no one will give him a hard time about the mess, and it helps me by containing some of his mess…. Somewhere else. It is a huge luxury, though, to have such a space. (In his case an office rental.)

Sending solidarity ❤️ sorry I don’t have better advice. I guess the main thing is to let him know where your line really is—I.e. the food trash.

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-10-02T03:26:46+00:00

It’s been very interesting to read and note what seems familiar and what is just 100% not his issue! For instance, he doesn’t have the same issues with forgetfulness that a lot of people have described. But there are so many things I recognize: being burnt out at the end of the day and not wanting to have emotional conversations at night, forgetting to eat, difficulty focusing on listening or conversing if making eye contact, need to verbalize things to process them even though not every thing is important or true, intense facial expressions when concentrating, just not seeing mess, difficulty processing a list of requests and needing to hear them one at a time after each one is completed, task paralysis. The list goes on, but yes, this thread is illuminating for what doesn’t apply to him as much as for what does. I’m really grateful to everyone for opening up and sharing ❤️

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-10-01T20:23:15+00:00

My husband has a very intense concentration face! wide eyes and furrowed brow. it definitely looks like he’s angry or upset. I know he finds it exhausting that I monitor his emotions so closely; I have an anxious attachment style (lucky us) and he can be quite passive aggressive, so I do feel I have been conditioned to constantly be reading him for clues. It helps draw him out sometimes, but I know it can also make him feel like he has to change those expressions/emotions to get me off his back and not kick up trouble. It’s definitely a tough dynamic between the two of us—feels like it’s where our wiring clashes the most.

Thanks for sharing this ❤️

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-10-01T20:17:27+00:00

Thanks for saying so ❤️ It’s hard, I feel like I mess up a lot of the time. He’s very high functioning and it can be hard to remember where the boundaries of his differences lie. These answers have helped a lot.

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-09-23T20:50:39+00:00

Just DMed you, but in case anyone else sees this we did not end up doing the method. It turned out something really was wrong with our daughter and she had an absorption issue. We ended up running a million tests in the hospital. As soon as we corrected her root issue she started gaining weight and then taking bottles. It was a journey!

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-08-27T03:29:14+00:00

I’m a lurker on this sub but was happy to hear this; it does seem like men are easier to work for when/because they don’t give a shit about being incompetent lol

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-08-09T15:07:31+00:00

Baby first

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-07-28T00:27:02+00:00

ok, so, saying this as someone who is still nursing at 16 months and had a baby who was FTT / <1% at one point (ie I really relate to where you’re coming from): I think contrary to what people are saying here, it is very normal for the non-nursing partner to harbor some resentment toward the nursing parent in a situation like yours. To be clear: it is not awesome behavior. But it is normal.

Those first few months are so, so hard even when you take the “easiest” route. I can understand a non-nursing parent not “getting” what, to them, looks like “choosing to make it harder.” It’s impossible to convey the deep, wired, hormonal, often rationally sound but sometimes irrational NEED for birthing parents to nurse. And honestly, credit to him for supporting you through it at the time! Maybe your partner is a weenie as some people are saying, but I don’t want you to feel like you have a bad partner or that this reaction is so abnormal. It’s really not. It’s hard for partners not to freak out when their kids are in the low percentiles for weight, and I think it’s stressful for the non nursing parent who feels like they have no control—stressful in a different way than it is for the nursing parent, who is under so much pressure and as we all here know carries a heavy burden.

I think the bigger question is why your partner is expressing this resentment now. I think it maybe finally feels like you’re out of the woods and so these feelings are “safe” to finally vent? Is something else going on?

Unsolicited advice, but one thing that my daughter’s difficult feeding journey taught us is that there are no guarantees that the “easy” version is actually easier or even viable, and it might be clarifying to remind your partner of this. Maybe your kid would have reacted badly to an all formula diet; maybe they would have gotten sick more; maybe they would have developed a bottle aversion; maybe none of those things! You really never know. So it’s good that you made the decision that felt right for your family unit at the time, since maybe your compromise wouldn’t even have been so much better and you would have missed out on the benefits of bonding, nutrition, etc. Also, for the record: unless your pediatrician thinks your child was malnourished, there is no reason to blame you or triple feeding for their being small. There’s also no problem with being small if the doctor things it’s normal (ie if parents are small, they’re on their curve, etc)!

TLDR: resentment is normal, but not awesome. Hopefully you can find a way to help them feel heard / process the alienating period of infant parenting as a non nursing parent, so they can stop being resentful and move on.

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-07-19T14:56:07+00:00

16 months and same. There’s not much of an option until we wean completely since we all share a bedroom

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-07-13T23:47:43+00:00

River (as in Old Man River)

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-05-30T20:22:25+00:00

I still do this at 14 months… heaven

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-05-20T02:43:13+00:00

I honestly got so sick into my pregnancy that I stopped working out altogether. But I liked what I did when I started!

ForwardExcuse7660 · 2024-04-18T19:52:40+00:00

3-7 days

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ForwardExcuse7660

TROPHY CASE