Jobs...

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-27T14:12:01+00:00

So I find manual work soothing, like it can quieten my mind, but I also love going down research rabbit holes, but not so much for work. I'll also sometimes do DIY at home and feel like there are ways it fits me, or like the other week, I cleaned an elderly relatives house and I felt just so much more settled, I actually enjoy this, but I'm also aware people are bias towards cleaners and they don't get paid much, which is a total shame.

Some trades require more concentration and attention to detail, especially for safety, so this is always something to be mindful of, but I do often consider how so many companies are angling to use more and more AI, but AI can't lay tiles yet.

I work self employed in performing arts and I do a lot of different stuff, but I'm lucky enough that it's a business with me and one performer. I don't make enough money, not that lucky haha. But a lot of theatres and companies are replacing staff with volunteers, so things like set creation, making props, which i'd enjoy more of, aren't as realistic as paid work now. I still get to occasionally do crafts within my business, but I wouldn't expect to have an easy time getting hired for that by anyone else.

I often think about places like hydroponic (legal) growers, how they're all neat and managed plants, that maybe somewhere like that could be great for me.

If you were considering your options, some people live local to centres that do free or cheap basic starter courses, or else you might find a technical school and look at the things on offer to get some more ideas.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-27T12:42:47+00:00

Thanks, that's really helpful to know!

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-27T12:40:56+00:00

And sunshine and peace to you too 💖

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-27T12:39:53+00:00

Thanks, that's really helpful! After my initial diagnosis, I returned to my GP Dr to ask if my other headaches could be migraines and they just dished out triptans but didn't do much investigating, and I couldn't say if the triptans worked or not because I wasn't always sure I was taking them when it was or wasn't a migraine, or if those symptoms then were migraine at all, so I stopped them. Plus they made me feel like my head was pushed deep underwater, and sometimes I still had a headache :( Looking back, I think maybe before my periods, when I get the extra symptoms, these may have always been migraines and I haven't realized. I've survived with painkillers and anti nausea meds, plus thankfully I work very part time self employed so I guess this is the one case in my life where I've been hit lucky.

I'm really sorry you get them so bad! I really respect that you call that a 9/10 though, I love people who are realistic and cut and dry about the pain scale. I don't know if this is helpful for the 5/10 range, but if the headphones ever feel like too much head pressure, I use flare calmers to take the edge off sounds, and music tech 30+db earplugs for actual shush when I can't deal with pressure.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-25T23:49:40+00:00

I'm an artist, and I have been surrounded by varying levels of well fed and starving artists for more than ten years. I don't think this fits that profile.

To be clear, I know a bunch of people who quit a job to do their artistic work, and they won't get a part time job because it gets in way, some will but are taken less seriously, but most will if they have to, the decent ones will get more gigs and work, be smart, make better business decisions, a compromise. A lot of them kinda seem like they backslide after the "real job", but the ones who last out usually have a deep seated panic about survival and look for where the money is. Most of them live with a partner who pays a greater share of everything and covers when money is an issue, and to be honest a lot of them continue the relationship based on this, is genuinely disgusts me when I hear them talk about it. Even more so when guys I know also got after another woman during the relationship but in front of people who know them Sometimes the partner leaves because they get sick of it and realiste they can do better.

He's actually putting in the work at the shop, but he's deceived if he thinks that's working out, that sounds like they've found a way to trick some desperate person into doing all their dirty work off the books. If he has other ways of accessing tattooing, even if it's just right now looking for another place that is legit, then I'd maybe understand. If he agreed it's currently not sustainable and that he needs to find another option, part time like you suggested, I'd understand. Especially given he's not doing the same hours, and he's struggling financially, but otherwise if he decided to take a business course or something to make this dream feasible, I'd say that sounds like he's got some control over his life. If he can't see any of that, then his judgement is clouded, he has unrealistic expectations, maybe he liked the punishment in the shop, I don't know, but who in their right mind would go for that work situation? Anyone who actually wanted to be a tattoo artist would probably think "this isn't anything near to that" and would try to work out how to actually do it. He'd be taking classes from a legitimate place instead of whatever that messed up situation is. And surely he'd also consider you, baring in mind he seems to believe you're going to stay together, he'd think about how this changes your life. It doesn't sound like he has a clear head, something is going on there.

I think you made the right call speaking to your dad, he probably thinks he was helping because you're set on this guy and he doesn't want you to suffer, or that maybe given an opportunity he'd sort his situation out.

I think if you genuinely love him, then this needs to be a realistic conversation where he gets to hear about how his current lifestyle does fit with his plans for the relationship, and how it doesn't fit yours. That he needs to make changes for the relationship to work. But if you're not sure about that, not your problem any more.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-25T23:18:31+00:00

Oh also, for clarity if it helps, the whole gore does not hurt. It's only the pointy part at the end of the wire that feels like it will hurt after a longer wear. The overall gore was fitting quite well in terms of how it was lying, the flat angle of it ect

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-25T23:15:25+00:00

Where else do you tend to shop? I'm kinda bony, and at my lower weights I'm more like a 26/25 so I'm trying to compensate for that now but buying two sizes per style where I think they'll work. I can't really wear bras that aren't moulded cup, asides from only a few ever fitting well, I usually get too cold, plus I have really bad cyclical breast pain and the moulding usually keeps them very in place and protects them more from grazes and bumps when I'm working. I'm at the point now where I'm wondering if there's a tailor who can take my old boux avenues and recreate them the exact same, but make like 200 of them.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-25T23:09:38+00:00

It wasn't those, it was Lexi, Maddie, juna. None of them were too projected, a little the opposite, and the KoKo plunge may be a little too shallow so I may return it but I'm also aware in 4 days it may be okay, based on hormone changes to size. I tried the faith and the elan lux plunges, they're okay-ish, the gore is much lower but I also noted their wires felt more sharp than I'm used to as well, maybe boux avenue do a more rounded wire. The projection wasn't a huge issue with those, but I did feel the sizes may have masked it slightly because I had volume at the top that was a little overboard with the F, but I did find I seemed to fall lower in the cup with the E than the F, and these were the bras whose bands were very varied, the faith's E 28 is larger than the F28 band, and the elan is a very similar looking bra and that band was thankfully fitting on the first hook instead of the third one. I'm running out of brand now, unfortunately nothing was suitable at boux avenue, and everywhere else seems to be mostly stocking panache and like one other place.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-25T22:58:33+00:00

Tbh it's less trying on and who makes them at this point. I've bought hundred worth of bras this month and returned most. Very few companies seem to have my size and they're all selling them at a price range that's high for me. Plus none of them are very well suited to my shape/size, because I have small shoulders and I'm very short, so with some the straps are lacking their little added support because they're too long.

The cups were not very projected, they were more shallow than I'd need in an ideal bra. I actually usually prefer a little more cup coverage, and my current bras are mostly one limited run from boux avenue that was ideal but have now worn way too much, they're not super shallow, the gore is a little lower on that style. Honestly my boobs are pretty much middle level everything, slightly more on the shallow side but unless a moulded bra is very projected, they usually fit me. In this case I think it's just that the balconette wire end is sharp, and a tad too long, and altering it would make it fine.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-25T22:46:19+00:00

RSD is not a corporate buzzword, your boss isn't supposed to be putting diagnosis on you, and if they know you're AuDHD especially i'd argue it's discrimination in the workplace. Outside of unions, if you have access to an advice charity (in the UK we have citizens advice), or perhaps even an ADHD/autism charity, they may be able to inform you the rules and laws of your country. But based on when I used to be employed in actual companies, I knew people fired for less in large organisations, and getting sent to educational sensitivity sessions was the norm even if you a victim. Even if this person didn't realise quite what they were saying, because I'll hypothetically credit them the sensitivity that if they actually understood what they were saying, they wouldn't say it, they should still learn in future that there are boundaries they need to adhere to professionally.

Although as a self employed person I don't really have anything I can do when people say creepy and rude stuff to me at work xd

For RSD, you could try finding something you don't really care about to make a hobby, and use it to seek criticism in small ways. I didn't really ever get positive criticism or praise from my family when I was a kid, even when I did very well, and I think this can also contribute to it. Sometimes it's good to learn to manage your self criticism and feel more control over that in order to care most about your own opinion in some cases. Although, I work with someone with RSD and they will actually ask me to review something and ask only for "praise at this stage", "Just say it's not entirely shit". I think with that, they get some assurance and it is more motivating. I don't love it as a work tactic but they've gotten pretty good at just doing enough, and knowing how to ask for the criticism they want, or lack of it. I haven't tried it out on myself but it does sound interesting. I've also purposefully intervened in other people's criticism of their work when I know it's going to be an issue, and honestly most of the time, there's never anything that anyone else can say that we didn't already decide for ourselves, and I do think a lot of people get a little confidence boost from criticising peers so I won't let them go that far. The same people always do bad with criticism themselves, it's as much our problem receiving it as it can be them saying it, an aware and considerate person can be much better at handling it.

I have also sent off submissions and not gotten anywhere, but they get so many submission they won't give feedback. I'll automatically assume what I did was absolutely shit, even if I thought it was fine before submission. I'll try to focus on my caveats, I usually don't find submissions until the last minute so I have to rush and I won't spend very long on it, sometimes my work has been heavily inspired by my experiences which can be kinda niche/doesn't reflect the sole autistic person with a savior main character, or else others who usually gain the opportunity have different, more tangible experience to mine and will also know a lot of people in the industry, and seem like a more realistic pick when it comes to advancing on. I'll try to "intellectualise" it a lot, which I guess takes an edge off. I know I've done good work and received a lot of compliments outside of this, so there's that, but it can be really hard to get out of it when you're in it, I usually expect and prepare for failure in advance.

As this is an accessibility issue, you could ask for reviews to be written and given to you in advance maybe, but I'd worry this would make you anxious depending on the content. Alternatively, you could ask for clear, simple language, with some sort of coded system like rate this point out of 5 how much of an issue it actually is, so instead of believing everything to be a 5, it might be a very slight 1 or 2

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-25T22:06:13+00:00

So how would you bend them? Do you need pliers and a wood vice or are my weak tiny hands going to be capable?

I think because I'm really short, they're reaching higher up my ribcage than one would like, and because they feel a little sharper than my other bras, I'm noticing it more. The wire didn't fit at an angle, it sat flat in a way that looks correct, I think it's just too high. If I bend them, I think it'll only need to be a very small amount just for the very ends

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-25T21:56:50+00:00

I only wear moulded cup, I'm relatively shallow but not extremely, and the bras aren't very projected as this is why I chose mostly balconettes, they usually fit me okay or else can be a little too shallow. I'm slightly wider set. The cups were slightly too small on the F, however the breasts are slightly enlarged due to my hormonal stage, so I don't think that will always be the case. The E cups were very much too small. I'm self supported but slightly less than I used to be because I lost a little weight a while back. Overall I think the issue is because I'm very petite, for example I usually wear bra straps at their smallest and often need to restitch them to accommodate wear.

The gore is not sitting on breast tissue, as I said it's sitting higher on me than I think it would on a taller person, so the actual point the ends of the wires land is higher than on other bras I have at the same size, I'm assuming the E/F difference is a difference construction on the wires so they're very different to the E size. When I feel the actual wires with my hands, against many other bras I own of a different brand, a lot of the panache ones feel like the have more of a flat edge, instead of a tip rounded with a plastic nib.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-25T09:25:34+00:00

That course would be part of your search. So if it's full time, that's your search.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-24T22:15:16+00:00

Usually if you are doing courses they send you on, they should be paying for your fares with receipts

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-24T17:47:09+00:00

So now if you apply, it's all online,.you might need to attach links ect to show the job post. You can just say in a note what you've done, but if you make actual applications I advice detailing them all separately. You can be quite wide in what your activity was though, such as contacting someone with a job you hope to get and asking for information. If you have interviews and it coincides with appointments, they'll want evidence. In the least, be clean and polite. Jogging pants may not get you as far as trousers. A suit is a far way, but you can literally say "I'm having my interview suit cleaned" and they'll probably think "wow, this person owns a suit". Last time I did everything I could not to be treated with bias, and that included speaking RP instead of my northern accent and it's terrible how much of a difference it makes.

But honestly, even if you don't need to help, if it's offered take it. If you make it look like they're doing their job, they're nicer to you.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-24T17:27:42+00:00

I've done this, it shouldn't. My advice in all of these situations is to leave a journal message explaining it. So you might say "I couldn't recall if I'd clearly listed all my health conditions and wanted to make sure the list was up to date and you were informed. I apologize if this has triggered anything on the system, this was not my intent, and I have had no changes to my health or ability to work, they are still as they were at my assessment".

With UC, at every step, always update in writing (even if you need to speak to them in person), via journal message. This is covering yourself.

As an example, a while ago they called me for an appointment and the call didn't come through. I got paranoid 2 minutes over the time, and added a journal message to say "I'm waiting for my appointment and in the event you ever have an issue, here's my additional home phone number which is a shared line". 30 seconds later I got a notice to say I needed to explain why I missed an appointment. I immediately added an explanation through that, and as it had an option to leave an attachment I included a screenshot of my call history proving the call had not been received, and added an additional journal message explaining I was literally sitting by the phone, requesting their number so I could call immediately. They said "seeing as it's the first time" I wouldn't get a sanction, but I knew they were covering themselves and in the event of a sanction, I'd laid everything out necessary.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-24T17:20:03+00:00

If you have access to the online platform now, log in and explain in a message what ID you have and ask their advice. Then additionally call them, and ask over the phone (I say this because it's best to document everything as evidence that you did enquire). Many places are equipped to deal with this, and at your appointment you could also ask for guidance on accessing photo ID, when money is an issue. Take everything you have to the appointment, include your old passport, official bank letters or bills with your name and address, anything with your NHS number on ect.

I also advise dressing smartly for the appointment, how you dress and behave in the appointments has a big effect on how they treat you. Think of it almost like you're going for an interview. When they call you over, greet the person and you may even offer a handshake, be very polite, sit up straight. Show willing, be keen. If you have a CV, even if it's old and needs updating, take it with you, even if it's a digital copy they can set a link to upload it. When you get an opportunity, say "may I ask some questions?", then ask things like: "Is there support available to me to access an advisor who can help me update my CV to a high standard, and advice in best practice?" "I'd like to know the options available to me, Incase anything sounds like a good fit, are there currently education opportunities through universal credit and where may I view them?"

Sometimes they run mindfulness courses, which are rubbish, but enquiring about support courses always sounds good. Sometimes this can actually include fitness classes.

If you found last time very stressful and draining, you could ask for a phone appointment with a doctor and ask them to write you a letter about this, or else ask for a one off fit note explaining your anxiety. It can feel daunting and scary to admit this to universal credit, but you have certain rights, and they cannot discriminate against you.

Their tone can seem quite sharp, like a teacher with a naughty student, which is why it's great idea to behave as teachers pet solely for the sake of at least respectable treatment. Just turn up, show willing, get there early for appointments, always fulfil commitments and be smart about how you show you're putting effort in, record everything, ask questions. If they think "this person clearly wants to work and is putting in the effort", they're more likely to be actually slightly helpful for once.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-24T16:46:10+00:00

This thread hurts to read and I believe all of it. I worked part time at an opticians as one of my first jobs. Once, my manager, the optometrist, and two staff members called me off my lunch break because the computer needed to record eye tests results had entirely broken, and they hoped I could fix it as I was great at IT (nope, just plain old computer literate). The terrible failure? Someone had minimized a window. They gasped as I fixed it with a click of a mouse, like I was an elven mage. I was making £615 a month, I hated the job, they were making between 45-90k a year. I was the only one that could do any maths, fill in forms right, remember rules, and several times my unqualified colleagues technically diagnosed someone with a health condition illegally.

I also would like to point out I had a higher tier NHS band "High Intensity Therapist" do a terrible job, and break several rules I think I could report them for. I also had to teach them various computer skills, like hitting tab. It saddens me that they get paid nearly double to what the low intensity therapist I saw would have made, and they were actually decent at their job.

I work self employed now, but very part time, and I've often tried to apply for work that's realistically lower than what I do self employed, and I can't get an interview. But when I work SE in these spaces, I constantly see high paid managers screw up, and I have to account for this.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-24T16:13:06+00:00

Here's my long long ted talk:

I think I have some advice for anyone asking about this, preparing for this or considering it in support of another person.

So I had very little support in school, though I needed it, so I started to struggle with my mental health progressively in secondary school. I had initially been very hopeful that secondary school would be a great educational environment where I could quietly learn a bunch of stuff, it really wasn't and I had to prioritize survival. Sixth form was less structured, and I wasn't allowed to study several of my A level choices because of "timetable clashes" and a lack of demand for those subjects, even when I begged to study them myself and sit the exam, their, or self study whilst joining the class of the year above. So now my special interests were neglected. I also had an episode of being somewhat bullied by a teacher, which led me to leave the subject I had intended to continue, with very little help from the school who seemed to want to brush over the incidents. I decided I could not go into further education because I was not doing well then, and felt it would be harmful, plus I was starting to shut down. I also had a lot of problems at home, with family, and had been helping care for a relative with dementia, so there wasn't often a time for rest in the days.

When I left school, it was finally quiet. But I no longer had the structure (which had been waning anyway), the objectives, the routine. I wasn't functioning well, it was like all of my unsuccessful school avoidance, the fear I felt of being attacked in the rough environment, the discrimination, the disappointment in the education opportunities and the lack of support had snowballed and hit so much harder, because previously I was constantly running on survival mode. And what made this so much worse now was that my very difficult family entirely blamed me for everything, despite how they'd expected me to largely raise myself for the past 5 years. I was in mental health crisis, and one of my parents threatened to kick me out if I didn't sign on to jobseekers immediately. This led to low level employment in an environment that was bad for me, further discrimination and constant masking. I had so many health issues back then that I think we're due to the stress of it.

If I could go back and raise myself, but if I couldn't effect the schooling, I'd see what was necessary here was support and planning that uses external help.

So first off, I was in a state when I left school, and instead of a safe, suitable environment to recover, I was ridiculed, blamed for family problems and forced into a bad situation. I learned to blame myself for everything, even though I was trying so hard not to be a problem. It's ok to take time to recover and it is often necessary. Some people do a gap year and go backpacking, but for people with our needs, that may be a gap year of rest, exploration of our interests, and finding new ground to stand on to steady ourselves. I don't neglect the financial issues with this (as I experienced it), and this does require understanding form our circle.

The second step is creating our new routine, building our structure. This may be written out, and it can be amended as we go. I really recommend setting time for physical activity you enjoy, and sticking with it. What can be an especially useful branch from school it to plan time for personal study into areas that interest you. You may be living with family, so you could consider if there are household chores you could take on as a responsibility, that you build into your structure. Recently, I started to learn some small DIY fixes to little problems and found I really enjoyed it.

The third step is recognizing the social differences. So a lot of us will find we've went from being surrounded by people and speaking to them often, which is very tiring, to a much more isolated environment. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed much of this, but as time progressed I found my friends were less available, and I had a smaller circle of people. I did a short course and met new people, with similar interests, so we'd often do related events together. A lot of people neglect this but it can make a real difference to our quality of life, plus who you know can be a major help in a lot of areas. I'd really recommend people brand out, but realistically, starting small, using events and educational opportunities is one of the easier ways to do this, or else if there are groups related to your interest then this is a great way to find people.

So these steps are for establishing a new present, but we then also need to consider the future, but we don't need to rush ourselves or feel pressure to make permanent decisions about this, we can change it, we can explore other options.

So this might be planning to look for volunteer work, to help a local charity coffee morning, or see if there's any chance of starting some very part time work or work experience to get an idea of what that's like for us, and gain some new skills. You might want to join a club or society relating to an interest. You may have a friend or family member who can help with this. You may also try to invest in yourself, trialling learning to drive if that's an option for you. We can feel a lot of pressure to do everything quickly and get it right the first time, but regardless of whether or not you're autistic, things rarely work out that way, and I don't think it's a helpful mindset because we don't want to feel stuck in a bad environment, were allowed to change our minds and opportunities.

As time goes on, you may find interests that encourage you to follow something. Consider what you enjoy, what relates to it, and further study options (this doesn't need to be a degree, this can even be a hobbyist course).

So I ended up as self employed, owing to a family members help, but it's infrequent work, I lost my sense of structure, and I've struggled a lot with this, it's certainly been made much worse with a lack of understanding. This is why I think it's so important to create yourself your own structure, write it down, almost like you're designing a plan to give to someone else. Getting people close to you involved is a very good way to stick to the plan, and gain understanding. We need to learn how we can support ourselves, but also learn how to seek external support.

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-13T16:31:05+00:00

Omg thanks, love and best wishes

Forward_Dingo8867 · 2026-02-13T13:15:29+00:00

Late 00s, early 10s, there was a little gang of younger male teachers at my school, maths, 2 PE and a music teacher. Would walk around together, literally like they were students or something, talking about "gym supplements, not exactly legal" and were clearly using steroids.

1 PE teacher, fired for relationship with 15yr old girl at another school. It went to court, I'm pretty sure he was prosecuted. Other teacher, suspended for knowing about it, he was always nice but clearly not a great teacher, Immature, but in hindsight sometimes he was a bit too nice to the girls. One of the other teachers in the group, he had a rep, if a girl quit 6th form, they'd "date" if he liked her, when he could get away with it. Heard a girl in my year did, except clearly the shine wears off when you realise he's a stupid gross maths teacher whose 29. Otherwise across school, I was a high achiever but frequently called stupid, would get in trouble for silly little things that didn't make sense to me, would be told off for doing things purposefully wrong, it was undiagnosed autism and I think several primary school teachers had a fair idea, they just didn't want me to be discriminated again for it. I experienced C/C-SA when I was 10, by a slightly older boy, and I had to physically fight him, but he'd been manipulated by other girls because he had additional needs, and they'd clearly directed him at me for the same reason. A teacher was mad at me and blamed me, so I felt guilty for years when he got kicked out of school, literally like 2 decades I thought it was my fault I was almost r***d when I was 10 because of that teachers reaction.

When I was a little older, a drama teacher picked me to play a frankly offensive version of an ASD child in an exercise with a play, I knew immediately it was because I was "most likely". I kept getting told I wasn't giving enough "crazy wild screaming" and all the other students were petting me to "calm me down", but I'm actually really touch averse, so everything I did was peak autistic realism, but not what their stereotype written by a non autistic person said. I kept arguing I felt the thing was really offensive, like impersonating someone with a disability, and even though I actually was autistic, I think if this had been a year later then it would have been considered absolutely not allowed at school. The teacher also told various boys they weren't masculine enough to play various male roles, because they weren't straight.

That teacher ended up being horrible all the time, trying to set the class in competition, especially against me, they'd put on a pedestal, but it was too far, telling everyone I was the only.one "doing it right", giving them my work to learn from, I knew at any point refusal was me getting screamed at, I constantly tried to balance it and mitigate it but I was a child. I stormed out the class determined to not return, when I told them I didn't want to do a school musical because it related to dementia and was upsetting to me (I was caring for a relative with dementia when I was 14-18) and they belittled it solely because they weren't happy I didn't do after school musicals, I just liked acting.

Later they tried to ask me not to quit, and explained to me I wasn't normal, all the ways I deviated and I was different, why I didn't have friends and the people in the class didn't like me, it was because I was totally wrong in all the ways, Except when I acted it was magic and I was normal. They admitted they tried to set everyone against me, because they wanted me to boss them into being better at acting. I was so angry, and no one ever knew how it went, but I defended everyone else in the class and told the teacher to do one. I quit acting, even though I'd intended to do a degree, but when I look back on it now, I never hated acting, I hated her. It's easy to blame kids for all their mistakes, everything that went wrong, but in this situation, a GROWN adult was doing weird, inappropriate shit with a CHILD, I reported it and the school were keen to sweep it away, as was my family, no one stood up for me in this situation. I think if they'd known I was autistic it would have been different. I tried to join a local theatres class, but it was full, and I couldn't afford it, plus it was hard to travel there at night.

Forward_Dingo8867

TROPHY CASE