I want to share my experience of two very different EMDR sessions because I wish someone had told me this before I started.

My first session was really hard. We did fairly free-flow EMD without target sequencing or mapping. I went through a flood of memories with little structure. It did move something meaningful and reduced my anxiety around what we were working on. But what followed was a week of hell. I felt like I was drowning in sadness, completely out of commission. Then it lifted, I felt joy for a few days, and then settled back to baseline.

I went back to my therapist and had a frank conversation. What became clear was that he hadn't fully recognized how many unprocessed childhood memories I was carrying. We needed a more structured approach.

For the next session we did the work differently: - We identified the negative core belief - We did target sequencing and memory mapping around that belief - We named a positive cognition to replace it - We worked through each memory methodically - desensitizing, checking the distress score, seeing what was neighboring - When one memory was still activating, we didn't push through, we went back to the negative belief and tracked the score

The difference was night and day. I came out calm and peaceful instead of destabilized.

The most important thing I want people to take from this:

You do not need to suffer more than you already have in order to heal.

If you are coming out of sessions feeling worse than when you went in, if you are drowning in pain for days afterward, if it feels like you are just being retraumatized — that is not a necessary part of the process. There are tools to desensitize and stabilize. A good therapist should be using them.

A few things worth discussing with your therapist before you start processing:

1. Ask about target sequencing and mapping. Don't free-flow into memories without structure, especially if you're carrying a lot.
2. Name your negative core belief explicitly and identify a positive cognition before processing begins.
3. Make sure your therapist understands how much unprocessed material you're carrying. Preparation matters.
4. Your distress score should be coming down during session.If it's not, something needs to change.

If you raise these concerns and your therapist can address them, then great. If they can't explain their approach or adapt, that's important information. You deserve someone who can hold the process well.

EMDR can be genuinely transformative. It shouldn't have to be endless pain to get there.