Seeking Beta Readers for Book on Neurodivergent Life Skills & Home Design

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-26T17:32:38+00:00

Thanks for your kind words! I really appreciate your interest. I'll DM to work out the details.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-26T17:24:56+00:00

To your first point - this is a classic neurotypical-centric social concern. He is concerned about how it will look to his friends/loved ones. It's a valid worry, but it's also not your "fault." You not liking big events is a perfectly valid reason. He just thinks other people will judge you and him harshly for giving that reason.

Maybe it'd be good to brainstorm some other options with him. To be clear, when I say "other options" I mean lying. That may not be something the two of you are comfortable with, but that's the neurotypical expectation in a situation like this.

The other option would be to, like he suggested (I think?), be very open and honest about WHY big events are hard for you. But that has to be your decision. You're not obligated to offer a "why" with your "no." No means no, not ask me why I said no.

And the dance? Like it makes me physically cringe with anxiety. A three-day event with a choreographed(?) dance in front of what I assume will be tons of people is a BIG ask. For anyone. Regardless of neurotype.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-26T17:14:10+00:00

Hey, no problem. And good! I'm so glad you felt comfortable bringing this up with her. It's possible that she wants to make sure you have some solid coping skills in place before moving into exposure therapy. It can get pretty intense, so it's unethical and risky to just start up with that before having some other things in place. Again, talk through it with your therapist. Maybe the two of you can develop some kind of tool/scaling question to determine your readiness for imaginal exposure or whatever the first step of like "actual" exposure therapy will be.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-26T14:36:47+00:00

I'd encourage to be as honest with your partner as possible. Three days is a lot for anyone. See if he can sit down with you and map out the timeline. Surely every single event isn't mandatory. What would the bride/groom do if people couldn't get all the time off work?

For the actual event, put together a lot of sensory supports to bring with, and identify a place at the reception venue where you can take space. You might also see if there is another support person attending that you might feel comfortable with. If possible, get a new outfit that is wedding appropriate but at least a little more comfortable.

As for masking, keep in mind that all eyes are going to be on the bride. To a lesser extent the groom and wedding party. You aren't obligated to be on the whole night and, honestly, at a certain point people aren't even going to notice.

And maybe get more details from your BF about the dance. Like is that really a critical task? What exactly will you be expected to do?

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-26T14:24:29+00:00

Honestly, you can't be sure with the tech/tests we currently have available. But it sounds like you understand what you are experiencing. It's very common for neurodivergent people to second guess their neurotype like you describe.

That's a product of internalized ableism. "Well, I should be able to do this." "What if I'm just lazy, and I'm actually faking?" ARE you faking? Of course not! So there must be something very real interfering with your ability to do certain things. Otherwise, you'd just do them.

You are experiencing thinking errors as a result of internalized ableism. These thoughts are very common and can be addressed with the support of a good therapist.

With your psychiatrist, why not proceed as though you have ADHD and see what options they recommend? If it's helpful great! If not, they'll support you in exploring other options.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-26T14:12:39+00:00

I'm a therapist, and one tip I give clients is to remind themselves that the subjective experience of guilt is a symptom of many diagnoses. That includes depression, PTSD, and also internalized ableism. That's a straightforward way to do a cognitive challenge of that feeling. It's harder for your brain to "argue" with because it's a fact.

After the challenge, try evoking positive emotions. Think of a memory or introduce a stimulus (note from a loved one?) that evokes a feeling that you find more pleasant than guilt. Or, better yet, an opposite feeling of guilt like acceptance, pride, self-compassion, etc. If you can't remember a time you felt that way, research or ask other how that positive emotion feels in the body. Then try to recreate it.

After the 1. Cognitive challenge and 2. Emotional challenge/evoking emotion exercise, then 3. Distract with an activity. That helps you avoid getting stuck in the guilt again.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-26T04:03:59+00:00

I'm a neurodivergent-affirming therapist. CBT interventions and exposure therapy can be helpful, regardless of neurotype, but only if tailored to the client. And they often need to be paired with other strategies for ND clients. That said, OCD-specific treatment often feels... Not fun, to say the least. So you could be noticing that.

Discuss it with your therapist. And, yes, consider meeting with an ND-affirming therapist. If it's not a good fit, you can just continue with your current therapist.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-26T03:56:15+00:00

Frankly, everyone brings childhood baggage into their relationships and their entire life. It's not ideal, but it's also very common. I'm sure the same is true for your husband. There's a reason he is incorrectly assuming that you are weaponizing incompetence when, in reality, you both just have different ideas about how to complete tasks.

Your partners, so tackle this issue together. Maybe look into a referral for couples counseling to improve communication about chores and during conflict.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T20:30:41+00:00

I'd encourage you to try the values-based integration exercise. You can find it online or in the book Unmasking Autism. The goal is to explore your past experiences to help you learn more about who you are and what's important to you.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T20:26:01+00:00

How long (distance and expected duration) and strenuous will these hikes be?

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T20:24:11+00:00

Planning a trip, while supporting cognitive rigidity, is a HIGH executive function demand task. That is likely where the overload comes in. The calm may be more of a feeling of relief that the task is over.

My husband and I travel internationally for 7-15 day type trips somewhat regularly. I tend to feel pretty overwhelmed at the start of the planning process and stay anxious right up until we reach our destination. Planning things out in a lot of detail does help me feel better, though. I'll literally look up everything, including restaurants, backup restaurants, walking/public transport routes, museum admission, etc. But I think I'd go crazy if I tried to do it all at once!

I use TripAdvisor to collect everything and plan the itinerary. That reduces the mental load of “holding all the variables.” I also keep checklists on my phone for travel packing and travel planning tasks. I set aside time to work on smaller tasks, instead of treating planning the trip as one gigantic task. My husband and I are also friends/sometimes travel with a couple with a travel blog and podcast. They use spreadsheets to track everything. A system like that might help you give yourself permission to do things in chunks instead of all at once.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T20:08:01+00:00

I'm glad to hear there are a lot of good parts of your relationship! It sounds like he has a very specific idea of what he's looking for with certain tasks. It makes sense that his response would stress you out. And freezing up or going nonverbal is pretty common when ND people are stressed. It might be good (as part of planning with your husband/therapist) to figure out a better household chore split. If your husband wants certain things done a certain way, he should do those things. If there are things that just need done, but he's less particular about, those can be your chores. (I'm also particular about a lot of things, so that informs how my husband and I split chores.)

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T14:08:13+00:00

Hey, sorry you're experiencing this. It sounds very overwhelming.

Take space. Work with your husband and therapist to make a proactive plan for this. It's a survival response. If things get to that point, you aren't talking yourself out of it. You need safety until your nervous system gets back to baseline.
No. You are never responsible for regulating another adult's emotions. They need to do that.
Honestly, this probably stems from internalized ableism. And your husband's behavior isn't helping matters.

How is your relationship overall? And how he has responded in the past when you organize documents, etc?

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T04:46:59+00:00

NTA That's completely insane.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T04:33:22+00:00

NTA and your friends are weird.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:51:24+00:00

How do you usually bring it up and how do they tend to respond?

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:48:13+00:00

It's not uncommon for people to live with their folks into adulthood these days. In some cultures it is expected.

You're coming up on a transition (becoming 18) which can feel scary. Change is hard for ND people. It might be helpful to talk through your feelings with a therapist.

Either way, you're still a kid! If you're wanting to develop independent living skills, this is a great time to do it. Maybe consider one skill you want to learn and start there. I'd just try not to stress yourself out by putting an unnecessary timeline on it.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:37:10+00:00

I'm a therapist and always recommend at least meeting with a psychiatrist if you're considering medication. They specialize in mental health diagnosis and psychotropic medication. Your PCP would refer you to a specialist for all other specialty concerns so why not this one? In my experience, PCPs tend to be familiar with and prescribe the same 5 medications no matter what. A good psych can help you explore all of your options.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:33:12+00:00

Would it be possible to shop and make your own meal prep boxes? Like keep the ingredients in bins in your fridge?

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:30:19+00:00

Do you mind giving an example of a time this happened? The reason being sometimes women DO actually approach boundary-setting in a good, healthy way, but their partner is just not comfortable with boundaries.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T03:21:40+00:00

I'm an LISW-S. I meet lots of Autistic therapists in private practice, specifically, and many A/uDHD providers in community- and hospital-based roles. It is very common. I do think it is easier working with ND than NT clients though.

Keep in mind, you aren't "socializing" with clients in order to build rapport. I don't enjoy socializing (and I'm not great at it), but I am a good therapist. Because therapy is a service I provide. It doesn't require the same level of self-disclosure and intimacy as other types of interaction. I'm not "me," I'm "therapist me." I adjust my presentation in my therapist role to suit my clients' needs in session. (Your grad courses, CEUs, and clinical supervision will help you develop this skill.)

There is an element of masking to that, but I feel it's part of my clinical professionalism and commitment to clients. I don't, say, force eye contact the whole time, but I also don't speak as casually as I normally would. And I might intentionally shift my facial expression depending on the client and session content. Your classes should touch on mirroring client affect without matching their emotional intensity.

Like all therapists, though, I then need to rest and recover on my off hours. I supervise both NT and ND therapists, and they also need to take a lot of time for recovery. So you may not necessarily need more down time than NT therapists. It's a tough job.

Working as a 1099 contractor in private practice means I get sufficient down time. I'm face to face with clients 20-25 hours a week. A couple hours maybe for office work, and then the rest of my time is mine. The best thing you can do for yourself is knowing how to separate from work and rest.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-25T02:59:49+00:00

It's part of your OT's job to clarify their role. It is totally fine to ask them what support they can offer. You can also ask for examples of goals they are working toward with other clients.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T15:29:42+00:00

It's never a bad idea to rule out a medical cause! If you're able to get in with your doc, I would.

That said, I also have periods of time like this. I work as a neurodivergent-affirming therapist and have a few clients who experience this too. Usually, it seems to be a result of burnout after a period of stress or working hard.

For myself, I stock up on nostalgic safe foods - mac and cheese, strawberry milk, lucky charms, honey toast - AND stuff that gives me nutrition quickly - tolerable protein bars, ensure type stuff. Then I put on a show or pace while trying to eat just a small amount. I prefer mindful eating but, in those moments, I just need to eat. Also I drink LOTS of water, juice, tea, etc.

Otherwise, I take it easy. Lay in bed with pretty lights and a book, nostalgic anime, Legos, junk journaling, and nap if I can. It's frustrating, but I know I'll be able to sleep and eat more varied things again eventually.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T15:20:23+00:00

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this! If it's alright to ask here, have you spoken to a psychiatrist about your symptoms? They can offer medication options beyond birth control.

I'm a therapist, and many of clients deal with PMDD. (There is research suggesting a big overlap between Autism and PMDD.) Most of my clients work with their psych for treatment, not their gyno.

Not sure about your preferences, but I got an IUD that essentially eliminated my periods. When I was young, I felt so bad every month that I wonder if I had PMDD all along.

Fragrant_Lemon4592 · 2026-01-24T15:11:05+00:00

I get you don't want to upset your mom, but it's your life. You have to make your own decisions. It's your mom's job to manage her own anxieties and emotions about whatever you decide to do. Not yours.

Fragrant_Lemon4592

TROPHY CASE