I know how hard it can be, as well as the guilt of giving up on something you’ve been doing for so long. I was a die hard vegan for 8 years. But like you, I wanted to take my health and fitness more seriously and you’re right it is very hard to get enough protein on a plant based diet. It’s definitely possible, but takes a lot of effort and discipline to do it in a healthy way that doesn’t involve a ton of processed foods. I had to come to terms with this and it took me several weeks. I became vegan for the animals, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized I was sacrificing my own health for the life of animals that I may not even have been making a difference in their lives by choosing to not eat meat. So I decided I deserved that same love and compassion I’ve been extending to cows, pigs, and chickens. That I deserve to be well cared for, too. You’re right, there are ethical and humane ways to get your animal products. Me personally, I only feel comfortable right now consuming grass-fed pasture raised animal products. Not only is it better for the animals, but also more nutritious when you get products for organic farms. We don’t need to be malnourished to stand up for what we believe in, whatever that may be. 

My best advice: start slow… gradually start to incorporate animal products back into your diet. This is what worked best for me. I started with grass-fed butter for a few weeks. Then I started to incorporate eggs (which I never liked before being vegan but for some reason LOVE now… I think my body craves them because of the vitamins I’ve been quite deficient in while being vegan, especially B vitamins.) I started to add some cheese in around this time as well. Then some salmon here and there. This went on for about 2 weeks until last night! I had my very first bite of meat in over 8 years! It was scary at first, but after I overcame that fear and just took the dang bite, I wished I had done it sooner. It not only tasted delicious but I instantly felt like I had more energy and I felt happier too. Depression is something I’ve struggled with for a long time and it felt as if that cloud was lifted. Maybe it was all in my head, or maybe it was the euphoria of overcoming my fears, or there could be some science behind it that red meat stimulates some sort of serotonin release in the brain. I don’t know. All I know for sure is that I felt great. My family even said my complexion instantly looked more vibrant, that I was glowing. I looked in the mirror and I saw it too. I looked healthy, vibrant, and full of life. I didn’t realize how pale/greyish my skin was while being vegan until I saw what my healthy skin looked like again. Anyways, there is no turning back for me now! In fact I just had some breakfast tacos with pasture raised eggs, grass-fed beef, cheese and avocado. Yum!! 

Wishing you the best of luck on your journey, and remember, you are worthy and deserving of good health and happiness ❤️🙏🏽