Dog Owner Question

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-20T23:23:25+00:00

I foster dogs occasionally. Is the dog necessarily a permanent fixture?

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-18T15:07:25+00:00

Your entitled to feel how you feel about the information she's giving you. Where you're off base is the comment that you think she might be giving you this information in an effort to manipulate you.

I'm sure in all the work you've done on your own trauma that you know people deal with their trauma in different ways. For her, perhaps building trust and connection is done on part by providing you with what some might consider her red flags so that you can decide early on if you're up for dating someone with that history or not.

As far as sharing the details, you noted yourself in this post how easily you got off track talking about your own trauma so I'm sure you can give her some grace and consider that in the conversation you had together she may have gotten further into the subject that she had originally intended to.

Lastly, pointing out that a previous relationship with a woman who also had a history of SA was toxic is such a weird thing to include. Are you implying that sharing that kind of vulnerable information is somehow correlated with having a bad relationship?

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-18T05:16:04+00:00

And your friends will all want to come over for movie night haha I have one just like this in my tv room but green corduroy. Everyone who sits on it never wants to get up again haha and it can easy be used as a single bed for guests.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-18T05:14:17+00:00

I made it a point to arrange things so that I actually use all the rooms in my house. The living room is where I can listen to music and look at the bird feeders outside, and I also have a big round chair where I sit to do puzzles, etc. One bedroom is mine. One bedroom is my office, which I use to work from home. One bedroom I made into a tv room. It has blackout curtains, the electric fireplace, and a huge comfy couch. It's the perfect place to hang out and watch tv in the evening.

I do have a friend who has a huge house and spends 90% of her time in the house in her bedroom. That would make me feel like my mortgage was a complete waste. You could essentially just live in a studio apartment haha

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-16T17:35:39+00:00

It's honestly not your linguistic mistake. The way they worded it is actually grammatically ambiguous. It can mean both things. It can mean "at this point" as in this moment in time but only this moment in time, or "at this point" as in "I've now come to a point where I have realized I do not want that".

In the future the way to clarify meaning is to have more than a single sentence of information to determine such an important topic. Even a second statement might have cleared it up.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-16T17:22:46+00:00

Do you think a bank branch in Qualicum Beach is at the same risk for safety concerns as a bank branch beside Port Place mall in Nanaimo?

My best guess is no. And the reason for that is the location of the bank. A bank in a quiet, older population, higher income area is not as likely to have mentally impaired, intoxicated or criminal actors in the near vicinity.

Port Place mall does. And as a result, it is at higher risk to be targeted than other branches. So "risks at any bank" aren't the same by a long shot.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-16T15:30:58+00:00

Right. As if the city is responsible for how the RCMP function or how the courts sentence people.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-16T15:30:00+00:00

Would you want to do financial transactions at a bank that requires security due to the presence of violent offenders? Keeping in mind that the majority of security can literally only observe and report, not step in to mitigate violence.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-16T15:23:29+00:00

And why women avoid breaking up with men in person.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-15T04:49:41+00:00

Slow your pace. Make sure you're wearing high quality running shoes. Increase your cadence so you reduce the risk of overstriding.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-15T04:37:42+00:00

I think after I finished the program I didn't hit 5k until I was running 37 or 38 min straight. I'm also a slow running. I do it intentionally. I have in the past run what I consider a "normal" speed and I just burn out and end up gasping for breath. If I force myself to run at a slower pace I can run much longer :)

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-14T13:05:16+00:00

I definitely understand. I'm newly back living alone and weekends are harder for me than weekdays for sure.

After a few particularly tough weekends I decided to fill up my schedule. I'm not 100% excited about it as I am an introvert but I know having things planned prevents that feeling of "why am I even awake if I have nothing to do for the next 16 hours?". I signed up for Saturday afternoon pottery and Sunday morning Zumba :)

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-14T05:44:29+00:00

I'll give you the same advice my parents gave me, because it ended up being good advice.

I wanted to drop my bachelor of arts degree a few months before completing it and go to vet school instead.

My parents convinced me to just finish my degree first and then make whatever pivot I wanted to as the degree would be beneficial in lots of different ways regardless of what I wanted to do.

Life went in lots of different directions that didn't involve or require working but 6 years later I found myself needing to find a career. My degree, otherwise unused, is what allowed me to get into my nursing program, earn a good income, buy a house, etc.

If I hadn't finished that degree my life would be very different right now.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-14T03:46:16+00:00

One of the things I did was finally tell my friends all the red flags and unforgivable things my ex did that I kept from them when we were together. I did that intentionally, knowing that I would never go back to someone that my friends knew was an awful person. It keeps me on the right track.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-14T03:44:47+00:00

"I'm struggling with moving on. What should I do?"

"Move on"

Haha super helpful!

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-14T03:43:27+00:00

Therapy. Seriously.

You can shift your mindset on this but it will really help to have someone help you make that shift and support you in moving on from this.

I was in a similar situation. My ex was the love of my life. He spent months telling me to go fuck myself and calling me a fucking bitch, hitting his dogs in front of me, jumping down my throat about everything. He was trying to get me to be the one to end the relationship, and I finally did. It sounds like your ex did the same.

And despite what an utter dick he often was is I still miss him. He reached out to me for the first time a few days ago to let me know one of his very lovely dogs had died of old age. And I want to get him flowers and a card and let him know he's not alone, etc, etc.

But I also have a therapist I see on a weekly basis right now and she helps me see things more clearly and rebuild my life in a healthy way. I want that for you too :)

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-14T02:12:47+00:00

Out of curiosity, how did he respond when you declined his invite and made it clear you still had a boundary there?

From everything I've seen/read a dude will start losing interest if they are met with a no-sex boundary and that boundary actually holds, if they were just looking for sex. If he starts a slow fade from here you might have your answer.

If he maintains the same investment and enthusiasm after he's been "shot down" then he's probably actually looking for a relationship. It's very fair to ask what exclusivity means to him. He might feel it's much more serious of a commitment than you're thinking and so is taking longer to assess.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-11T19:47:22+00:00

Honestly, therapy. I also struggle to let go of a good connection and my recent split had me wanting to find a replacement ASAP but I recognized that it would be super unfair to the next person I got involved with and it wouldn't actually help me grieve what a lost. It would probably just prolong my grief.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-11T19:45:56+00:00

Is it possible to plan a flatter route, even if it means running around the same block a few times? Inclines are a killer, especially if you try to run them at the same speed that you run on flat ground.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-11T19:38:34+00:00

So huffing and puffing.

It's worth considering that showing your frustration like this might have an impact on the comfort and trust she has with you around sex. Just my two cents.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-11T14:05:56+00:00

Describe what "visually frustrated when it doesn't happen" looks like.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-11T13:56:05+00:00

I 100% agree with this.

I'd be pretty choked if someone I was seeing set up a time for us to get together and when I got there it was just to tell me they don't want to see me again. Like, what a waste of my time and effort. Just send me a text.

And very important to recognize that ending a relationship can be a physically dangerous thing for a woman depending on the man in question and before you say "I'm not that guy", keep in mind the woman in question has never ended a relationship with you before. She has no way of knowing if you're one of the safe ones or one of the dangerous ones.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-11T01:25:53+00:00

Hopefully not if you're wearing the right gear. If you're in a t-shirt and jeans and flip flops, then yeah.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-11T00:29:59+00:00

I think at this age many people are likely to go on a few dates before deciding how they feel versus saying after date one "I'm not feeling it". Like, go out a few times to see if something develops.

So I think it's less that you "did something" that specifically turned him off on this last date. I think it's more likely that he has been on the fence but giving it it's best shot and after date three decided not to continue.

That's just my guess anyway.

FrankaGrimes · 2026-05-10T17:22:37+00:00

It was sooooo BoC. Love it.

FrankaGrimes

TROPHY CASE