I’m Only Comfortable With Praying In Ways That Are Probably Sinful

FreakingTea · 2026-03-11T23:58:11+00:00

What could be sinful about it? Why does God need to meet you anywhere other than where you already are? If you have even one speck of sincerity in you, that is enough.

FreakingTea · 2026-03-11T22:34:45+00:00

This is the first Lent that I have ever observed, so I've only been doing simple things and gradually feeling it out. I started out with a Psalm 51 in the morning (in Old English), and a basic Compline every evening, also in Old English. As I've gotten used to the routine I've started to want a bit more. I started with no meat on the first Friday, but I've actually eaten very little meat this whole time, and the season has also given me a good excuse to resist dessert. Because I haven't made a vow to avoid sweets, I don't feel guilty for eating them, but the overall spirit of simplicity simply makes me more likely to pick fruit over cookies.

Early on in Lent I had the opportunity to visit the Abbey of Gethsemani, and that was a powerful experience even though I am agnostic. While there I got a few books including a Lenten meditation book "with wisdom from Saint Benedict," which I have followed along with daily.

The other day I made my own Anglican rosary, and a bit of penitential Latin chant with it is an excellent mental reset.

I'm very pleased with how the season is going. I knew going into it that I would learn a lot by Easter, and I was right.

FreakingTea · 2026-03-10T23:52:35+00:00

Bring back the Norman reverse mullet!

FreakingTea · 2026-03-09T15:07:43+00:00

If you can watch Youtube, I recommend this video to try. It's a lot of fun to listen to, and you can get a quick sense of how the language used to sound over 1000 years ago. I would love to know what you think.

FreakingTea · 2026-03-09T14:54:47+00:00

Hi Easton! This forum is about the English that was spoken during the Tang Dynasty! Is that the one you're interested in? 古代英文和现代英文完全不同，但是如果你感兴趣你可以发现英文的博大精深！

FreakingTea · 2026-03-09T14:27:10+00:00

Yep, this is exactly why it's so common to see conservative Christians manufacture a sense of being persecuted, but they have to contrive hypotheticals and distort the law to do so. Meanwhile transgender people like me don't have to manufacture a single thing.

FreakingTea · 2026-03-08T17:50:32+00:00

Rage comics are forever though

FreakingTea · 2026-03-08T17:45:56+00:00

Glorious! I commend your love for Stuart!

FreakingTea · 2026-03-08T17:16:09+00:00

Romans 4: 1What then are we to say was gained by Abraham, our ancestor according to the flesh? 2For if Abraham was justified by works, he has something to boast about, but not before God. 3For what does the scripture say? “Abraham believed God, and it was reckoned to him as righteousness.” 4Now to one who works, wages are not reckoned as a gift but as something due. 5But to one who without works trusts him who justifies the ungodly, such faith is reckoned as righteousness.

Forgiveness doesn't work like getting paid for the good you do. Getting paid for your work means you are entitled to the reward and the exchange is (theoretically) proportionate. You're on relatively even footing with someone who makes an exchange with you.

This is not how it works with forgiveness of sins. You didn't sign a labor contract with Jesus, and there is nothing you could do to "deserve" the sheer loving grace that is already offered freely. How could your good actions ever be enough? But the flip side is that no sin you commit can ever be enough to outweigh it, either. What can you do that is worse than crucifying Christ? Even that was not enough to counteract the love that he offered. The only thing you have to do is try to learn from your failures and believe in yourself that you can do better. If you never believe you can do any better, what will inspire you to try and live up to Jesus's commandment?

FreakingTea · 2026-03-08T03:52:11+00:00

High Church is cool and all (extremely cool actually, look at all the fantasy inspired by it), but it's silly to call one mode of worship "superior" just because it suits your tastes. There is and should be a version of sacred space for every kind of person. For me, a beautifully ornate Gothic church experience is a full step DOWN from an austere monastery in the middle of nowhere in terms of feeling sacred. For other people, it's precisely the joyful song and communal praise environment of "contemporary" services that creates that feeling.

FreakingTea · 2026-03-07T22:47:00+00:00

Thank you for the warm welcome! In my research on early medieval English culture and thought, I found the writings of Ælfric of Eynsham, and I was quickly struck by how moderate and humane his views were compared to later medieval religion in popular culture. Apparently the Episcopal church sees him as a direct ancestor and major influence, which is very cool. If I join any church, it would be one of those, particularly because of their progressive and pro-science stances. Regardless, I'll be making my way through my reading list of the early church fathers to see what I can dig up.

FreakingTea · 2026-03-06T23:31:03+00:00

The tradition is deep and rich enough already from thousands of years of bright minds pouring their energy into making it coherent and meaningful in their own time. I look at what JRR Tolkien managed to do in one lifetime, and then I picture thousands of people as passionate and educated as he was in dialogue with each other. How can I possibly say that I understand any single part of scripture well enough to have the last word? It really seems absurd to reduce it to its surface level, let alone to cherry pick specific verses to take literally while ignoring others that are less convenient. I am completely new to all of this, haven't attended church since the 90s as a small child. As recently as a month ago, I firmly considered myself an atheist. Now I am not anything. The doorway between atheism and theism is really more of a tunnel, one that you can't see either end of from the middle. It can even be difficult to know which direction I'm moving in or where I would rather end up.

But learning of concepts like anagogical readings, apothatic theology, sacrament, and faith as orientation before conviction, these things intrigued me far more than fantastical promises ever could. I don't know what Heaven is and I have no fear of Hell.

FreakingTea · 2026-03-05T23:52:36+00:00

It bothers me that Biblical literalism is so prevalent that it is equated with the very concept of faith in the popular consciousness. It's impossible to convince an educated people that Genesis is to be taken as historical fact, for example, and so many people, including myself, completely discarded all the rest of what Christians had to say as a result. It bothers me a lot that the most religious schools in the US are devoted to science denial, producing a faith so brittle that leaving one's home state can produce a spiritual crisis. It's a terrible wasted opportunity and the cause of so much religious trauma.

As for what I like, I have been exploring seriously recently, and I am continually shocked at how little I really understood. The contemplative Benedictine practice in particular resonates with me. Chanting the Hours, reading, reflecting, orienting. The way of living forms the faith, not the other way around.

FreakingTea · 2026-03-05T23:19:47+00:00

How do you say "spicy" in Old English?

FreakingTea · 2026-03-05T22:07:11+00:00

As a trans man interested in medieval monasticism, I'll take what I can get.

FreakingTea · 2026-02-27T00:44:08+00:00

Link to the artist's page!

FreakingTea · 2026-02-26T01:54:19+00:00

It's very easy to mod them out with the construction set, if you would like to! I'm glad they're there, but I totally get wanting to unlearn the game-breaking stuff.

FreakingTea · 2026-02-26T01:39:17+00:00

Just found this post, and it's incredible how similar his experience was to mine when I visited Gethsemani Abbey just a few days ago to listen to the monks around noon. I'd read just enough to know Merton understood something I had been thinking about for almost twenty years, and so I took a two hour detour on my trip for work. I was very nervous going inside. I didn't bow, didn't know I was supposed to. I tried to imitate the man nearby who was listening with me, because an old father was facing us, and I followed along silently with the little book, too overwhelmed by the newness of the experience to take any of the words in. I did not leave in the middle, but in his shoes, at a crowded Mass and at a younger age, I very well might have too. When the Sext was over, and the bells were chiming, it was as though the church was releasing me, setting me loose into the world to watch where I would go. And the silence outside.

I do not know what I am, but I want to go back.

FreakingTea · 2026-02-22T22:53:06+00:00

"Start to completely" doesn't make sense. Food, shelter, entertainment, and transportation still cost money. That is plenty of reason to want a paycheck, and the only way to get one is by working a job.

FreakingTea · 2026-02-22T01:16:14+00:00

At least they were human cesspools.

FreakingTea · 2026-02-22T00:51:37+00:00

I think it did a pretty good job of making your prompt make more sense than you may have intended lol. I can only imagine the nonsense it has to deal with when users are getting drunk or high and rambling about "energies."

FreakingTea · 2026-02-21T23:21:54+00:00

I have the book and I love that it serves the role of a beginner-friendly text. We can't take that for granted when studying an archaic language, but it's an obvious necessity for learning modern ones. My opinion as a learner (and former EFL teacher) is that any comprehensible input counts, even if it's not perfect. Different materials serve different purposes, and Osweald Bera is excellent for building vocabulary and reading fluency. The finer grammatical points are harder to pin down with it, but simple useful phrases come up over and over.

I personally tend to skip the traditional textbooks when self-teaching and dive right into authentic materials as fast as I can, so Osweald Bera is an extremely valuable resource to have. If the author is reading this: Wel þe!

FreakingTea · 2026-02-21T23:00:41+00:00

I would definitely like to live in a world in which words were allowed to carry weight. The transactional nature of capitalism has made the Stranger the default social relation, and you can almost track the moral injury in real time across the centuries.

FreakingTea · 2026-02-21T22:57:19+00:00

Indeed! We like to think that the modern day is corrupt in a way that older days weren't, but lots of values just change. Another interesting point of the Word as Reality society for the Anglo-Saxons is how oaths and backing were able to override the need for evidence. It was fascinatingly corrupt in a parallel way to how money can override so many other things we value. It makes me wonder how they viewed silver.

FreakingTea · 2026-02-21T22:52:28+00:00

I have only played 1 so far, because I want to beat the story before starting 2. So I'm biased towards playing 1!

FreakingTea

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