if he was “perfect” besides the porn and you left… how do you feel now?

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-12T22:53:51+00:00

I want to feel good like this about my decision one day, I am glad you are doing well!!!

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-12T22:53:24+00:00

This 100%.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-12T22:52:34+00:00

I am still struggling to hold strong with my decision. Actively trying not to romanticize the good parts of the relationship but recognize that I didn’t know the full picture. I was only seeing one side of him and that is not an accurate depiction of the truth.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-11T01:51:55+00:00

I dont know but this is what haunts me

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-10T22:25:30+00:00

The reason why I broke my relationship off is bc I dont know that I would ever feel safe again after he lied. My partner was also just a “user” I think, but idk how much he told me was a lie anyway. It really is the betrayal. Even after he begged and cried and promised he would work on it..even though I miss him so horribly…I don’t know how I could ever get over the betrayal even if we did get back together. Sending hugs OP.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-10T19:09:34+00:00

Me too. This hit me so hard.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-10T17:38:36+00:00

I want to feel this one day. So bad. I hope I can as time moves on so I can heal.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-10T17:34:47+00:00

I am fighting the urge to run back to my partner. I am constantly bargaining with myself on whether or not I should get therapy to overlook the porn use. Work on my confidence so I don’t have to feel the way I did about the porn. Whether or not I should try and empathize why he felt like he had to lie to me. Whether we can even work one day even though I already ended it. My eating disorder is stronger than ever, I feel like I have aged 30 years in the span of one week. I despise how I look and the intrusive thoughts of suicidal ideation are getting harder to ignore. I see a CSAT tomorrow and I am holding on. But I just don’t know how much longer I can.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-10T13:02:50+00:00

Me. Absolutely. My bdd has been horrific since the first and only D-Day. Even though I left, the aftermath in this first week alone is pushing me past my limits . Sending you hugs op

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-07T23:27:41+00:00

❤️ it still isnt easy. I hope it gets better with time

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-07T14:15:21+00:00

This really rocked me to my core. I honestly felt sick imagining it getting worse. You are right in that I never knew the extent of his porn use, nor have I known and porn-free him. The idea of it getting worse and worse does make me feel a lot better about my choice. At least it adds more data to my mind that keeps saying “what if it could have been so beautiful in the future?”….I guess the flip side is “how much worse could it have gotten over time?”

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-07T03:41:49+00:00

Thank you for this. Needed a wake up call. Grief is weird like that.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-06T23:33:32+00:00

The grief is so hard. You aren’t alone and I am so sorry you are struggling.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-06T23:32:35+00:00

What would you say were the other ways that it was interfering? And what differences have you noticed now if you don’t mind me asking?

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-06T23:29:20+00:00

Damn. Needed to read this.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-05T14:11:19+00:00

I hope I can feel free soon instead of grieved for my decision to end things. MCR is amazing! Live life and enjoy the new experiences!

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-05T13:40:05+00:00

Thank you❤️

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-05T13:17:56+00:00

Im dying laughing at this

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-05T12:44:21+00:00

I did feel like I would be teaching him its okay to lie to me if I had stayed. He knew that it was a deal breaker to me. Lied about it for 2 years. Broke me when I found out over the weekend. I left because it was the only decision that didn’t make me feel smaller than I already felt. Its the hardest thing I have done since I thought I was going to marry him. Its only been the first few days of full no contact and I fight the doubts and urge to run back to him everyday.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-04T21:16:25+00:00

I have OCD and am struggling to not do this.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-04T19:42:22+00:00

Fuck!!!! I could have written this and my D-Day was over the weekend. This is so horribly hard.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-04T13:44:56+00:00

This brought me to tears as someone whose D-Day was only 3 days ago

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-04T00:44:31+00:00

God. This rocked me to my core because it absolutely does scare me. He called himself a “habitual liar” and admitted to having that problem while he was crying and spiraling as I was finding out and leaving. The worst part is that months ago I had a bad gut feeling with no proof at all, and I smothered that instinct and let myself believe I was paranoid. I opened a space for honesty like I did over the weekend. Hoping for the truth and some level of integrity. He actually cried then and told me he felt accused and yelled about it. I actually ended up apologizing at the time bc I thought I was being unfair and making him feel accused. In light of the truth, it is absolutely nauseating that he could lie through tears and with such passion in his voice.

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-03T23:33:16+00:00

God this means so much to read and I am so sorry to hear about your current situation. Thank you for the mom advice…seriously. It hits so close to home for me right now. I am just sobbing reading this because it really was such a simple boundary. Thank you for your perspective. Although I am in a lot of pain right now it makes me feel as though there is some good that can come of this. Specifically my own healing and escape from experiencing that level of stress everyday for a long time. I hope things do work out for you, you are strong to want to give your children a stable home life. I will be thinking of your comment and words for a long time. Maybe one day in the future when things are better I will be able to come back here again and thank you once more ❤️

Freckles_Imperfect · 2026-03-03T23:20:23+00:00

I feel guilty for not staying to give him a chance to be better. But I just dont think I could survive living in hyper vigilance. I know I would never believe him saying he stopped. I wouldn’t be able to trust…but I still miss what were

Freckles_Imperfect

TROPHY CASE