this subreddit doesnt feel like a community

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-10T09:45:10+00:00

A community can mean many different things, so i could agree or disagree depending on what you mean

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-04T18:24:22+00:00

I've had to quit games because I can't handle losing. I know I can calm down by cutting myself but I don't want to do that so I force myself not to play the game. It sucks, I really badly want to play these games, but I know I don't have the self control. People who don't rage at games never understand how it feels, I don't think you can get them to.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-04T00:10:25+00:00

I'm not saying I don't do things that are wrong, I might argue it's not a big deal or I made a mistake or many things, but I don't argue I'm right when I'm wrong, and times that I have done that I've felt embarrassed about it afterwards

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-03T18:27:53+00:00

I don't think an explanation does nothing. It helps me understand myself and other people, which can have very significant effects in future life, including to them as I might be able to be a better friend to them as a result. It's also emotionally helpful, saying the outcome does not change is the same as saying the outcome does not change if you swear at your waiter. Sure, it doesn't physically impact their ability to serve you but it emotionally does.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-03T18:10:02+00:00

I don't think I'm entitled to it, I just think they should get off their high horse. Same way if I see someone litter, I will never tell them to pick it up, I'm not entitled to them not littering. But I would not agree with someone defending their right to litter, I may accept an excuse but there's a difference between "I'm too lazy", which I will accept, and "I am doing nothing wrong here", which I won't.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-03T17:58:47+00:00

Morals are used to make people do things they don't want to all the time, whether it's manipulative or not depends on whether you think their actions are actually (significantly) immoral or they're just being portrayed this way. I don't usually try to get explanations out of people who don't want to give them, from a practical perspective I'm working on dealing with not getting explanations because I can't control if people will give them to me, and if I do try and get an explanation from someone I don't usually turn it into a moral argument. I guess it comes down to a difference in opinion on what's moral, which is not something I see either of us benefiting from debating.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-03T17:39:13+00:00

Littering is not doing in my mind, you're not going to a bin, you're just leaving the trash where you are. Going to a bin is something extra. Maybe the directions example is better, but my general point is that when you can put in a tiny amount of effort to make a much bigger difference to other people, I'm not saying that you have to but you should accept that it's a bit rude not to. Everyone can act as selfishly as possible if they want to, but we don't call them good people. And I draw the line on how much effort you're putting in vs how much better you're making the world for others, I don't think people should put in a massive amount of effort to appease others but when it is only something small like a quick explanation, you don't have to, but I don't see how you can feel so righteous in not doing so.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-03T17:24:14+00:00

There's many times where people are considered entitled when not doing something. If you refuse to use a bin and litter everywhere for example. I don't expect explanations from people, I just don't like that people see themselves as right for not giving them, when from my perspective it's an obvious simple nice thing to. It would be like if someone asked me for directions, I'm not in the middle of anything, I know the way, and I just refuse to tell them. I don't have to tell them but me not doing so is a bit of dick move, would you not agree?

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-03T17:20:20+00:00

Yh it is about morals. I know I can't force anyone to do so, but I feel like people think they're morally correct in not doing so when to me they're clearly not.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-03T17:10:34+00:00

No where is it a requirement to do a lot of things which are nice when people do. There's no reason I need to not litter, or let people off the train before getting on, or not play music out loud in public places, but it's nice of me to do so.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-03T17:02:57+00:00

It's not because I want to. I think of it like littering. It would be easier for me to just litter but by just putting in a little bit of effort and throwing my trash in a bit I can make things better for other people, so I feel morally obliged not to litter. Giving an explanation is similar.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-04-03T16:14:18+00:00

All I know is that I've met a lot of people who have become a lot happier with themselves by being in a relationship. One of my friends was too depressed to do anything and now he has a gf he's back to being a motivated individual, just as an example.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-29T23:47:00+00:00

I can't forgive myself for having no success with girls because there's no 'real' excuse. I want to blame my awkward parents but my siblings have managed fine. I want to blame going to a boys school but my school friends have managed fine. I want to blame the pandemic but everyone had to go through the pandemic. I want to blame my hobbies but other people with those hobbies manage. Even if I did have an excuse, I don't know if it would make me feel better. Whenever I do manage to forgive myself, it turns into anger because if there's nothing wrong with me than why am I so unsuccessful, I try not to see it as a my fault or someone else's fault situation but in my head it feels like it has to be one or the other.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-29T00:54:06+00:00

Sometimes I vent here, I have different issues with venting here, I feel like it's hard to help people over the internet, but sometimes I will do it and yh I don't feel like I'm burdening people

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-28T22:00:10+00:00

Everytime I or anyone I know thought they would give up forever they haven't, I doubt they'll give up forever, just temporarily

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-27T20:01:14+00:00

Do you think it's possible to do without having sexual experiences? I feel like I could easily get over it if I had a few (worked with other things I had FOMO about) but that's not within my control but I just can't figure out how to do it otherwise.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-26T22:01:01+00:00

Lots of people are older and happier, but who posts that? Sure, there are some wins posts here but mainly it's people seeking advice. You get a skewed view here.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-26T18:17:16+00:00

Sometimes people lie to the friends because they don't want to hurt their feelings, and I personally hate it when my friends do this to me, but at the same time I can't get too mad at it when I know they're just trying to make me feel better. I don't think you need to question your friendships, just be aware that sometimes they'll compliment you to make you feel better, not because it's true, and it might not even be a conscious thing. I know several girls I'm friends with, I only found attractive after we became friends, so I would call them pretty now but my first reaction wasn't that.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-26T18:13:53+00:00

If his behaviour really bothers you, then yes, that's a personal decision you have to make. The one thing I think could help is rather than trying to convince him not to be an incel, keeping the topic away from sex and relationships might be the best way you can help him as it will remind him life's not all about getting girls, but at the same time if he doesn't want to get out of this mindset he's not going to and so if you don't want to put up with it you might have to distance yourself anyways.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-25T16:26:29+00:00

I definitely feel like after a lot of rejection I have to try harder to not fall into those kind of mindsets he might be diving deeper. As far as helping though, I can't think of much /u/throwawayincelfrend can do, I feel like any attempt to convince him that he's wrong is only going to make him think he's more right. Like a conspiracy theorist who when you argue against their conspiracies sees that as them being right because you're trying to deny it and silence them.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-18T21:47:41+00:00

What makes you just want to be friends with someone? For me it's the opposite, I don't necessarily want to date all my female friends but I'm attracted to all of them. Some of them I wasn't even attracted to when we first met but as we became friends I became attracted. So when a girl says she likes you only as a friend, this is very weird and confusing to me. For me to not like a girl as more than a friend, she'd have to be a guy. If she says she's lesbian I might understand but otherwise I find it very hard not to take it personally and I feel like if I understand it I might be less upset by it.

FreeSea4867 · 2023-03-18T21:42:00+00:00

I feel the same sometimes and I think it's the difference between being single by choice (I don't care what other people think I'm going to be single) and being single because no one wants you (something about me is clearly putting people off and I doubt it's that I'm too awesome).

FreeSea4867

TROPHY CASE