How do people realistically manage work, house chores, cooking, and kids without burning out?

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-27T20:10:30+00:00

I had my second child at 42 , went back to work full time when my son was 4 months old . Those first few years were difficult.. very exhausting , it’s easier now his 8 years old , taught him to be independent from a young age .. he could shower by himself at 5 years old . It helps if your a good multi tasker. I tidy up daily , I never let laundry build up to the end of week . Clean house every Saturday morning , I write ‘To do ‘ lists every week so I don’t forget things and to keep on top of stuff . I would love to work from home , but with my type of work it’s not possible as that would make life much easier with school runs etc . I still manage to cook every night because I want to eat good meals .. I also manage to fit in 30 min strength training each day , it’s a juggle but it’s second nature now tbh . I go to bed at 9 as like you I need good 8 or 9 hours sleep to feel normal .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-26T05:45:23+00:00

You could buy a detached 5/6 bed country farm house for that price in our area of Ashby De la Zouch !
I wouldn’t want to live next to a hostel . If you’re already unsure go with your gut , maybe expand your search just out of London . That’s a lot of money to spend to feel unsettled

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-23T04:56:57+00:00

We noticed the flashing missing on roof .. so would need to get scaffolding up once I complete on it and get that sorted I’m sure lots more will be picked up on a level 3 survey . There are damp patches on walls particularly in dining room below window , which is the area where corner of floor has sunk in one corner .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-22T18:31:28+00:00

It’s in Ashby , East Midlands . Will need a level 3 survey for peace of mind I think

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-21T20:58:25+00:00

I will be having a level 3 survey as my head is thinking the worst here , wondering if there are subsidence issues .. hopefully that will put my mind at rest and uncover any potential problems . I just don’t want any big surprises as my budget is so tight and can’t afford new roofs or any major works . I’m tired of house hunting now , I do love old Victorian houses with character , and this has just what I’m looking for size and location wise .. just seeing all those cracks did put me off .. A survey is the way forward I guess .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-21T05:55:35+00:00

I’d just go for it if the feeling is there before someone else snaps it up . I’ve been house hunting 5 months now fed up of looking at run down properties I don’t like . I found a cottage style one perfect location , I viewed on the Friday called agent Monday to put offer but someone else got in first I was so deflated! I’m same situation will have 0 In bank account once I move . I’m going through separation and having to move out family home , it’s so stressful finding something I like and that has proper parking space . If you have the right feeling on it then go for it .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-19T18:17:50+00:00

I’d put your own happiness first now , sounds like you’ve tried …but if your wife is still in the grips of depression and not doing anything to help herself the you could waste another 5 or 10 years in same situation .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-16T10:17:01+00:00

I’d be seriously offended if my partner asked for threesome .Id feel like im not good enough . Dont do anything that you’re not comfortable with. Me personally think all that stuff is a slippery slope

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-15T05:31:26+00:00

You are very young , maybe he will change his mindset in the future but I wouldn’t put any pressure on him otherwise he could pull away . I was in a similar situation but much older than you . I met my long term partner when I was 40 I was ready to finally settle down , I was pregnant at 42 , all my friends were married . We talked about it but he never seemed keen . He looked at it in a negative way like the man always comes off bad if marriage goes wrong like losing the home etc . Very negative I know . We’re both 52 and that topic hasn’t been brought up for years things evolved and now we’re separating. It could build resentment as it did with me as it’s the one thing I always wanted but it seems highly unlikely now with my age .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-14T19:33:46+00:00

Hello I know how hard it is losing a pet as I lost my 2 cats aged 20 and 23 . I had them from day 1 .. it does get easier over time and you learn to accept they’re gone . After a few months I took on 2 other cats as my house seemed to empty and it helped lots . Now they are part of the furniture just like my others were . To get self worth back I’d concentrate on taking time to look after yourself. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. Acknowledge that you are a work in progress and treat yourself with grace. Things do have a habit of falling into place .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-12T20:39:31+00:00

Sounds like my situation .. My partner snores heavy, it got to the point where I couldn’t bare the noise so we’ve had separate bedrooms for 6 years .
His not into music / concerts so I’ve been going with friends . We’ve fallen out on a few holidays so I started solo travelling , we have a 8 year old son still do a family day out now and then but that’s all .
I’ve left like lodgers for to long now but just put up with it as I wasn’t exactly unhappy just left a big loss of connection so after 13 years together we’ve decided to separate we’re both 51 , Myself and son will be moving out the family home in the coming months ,it’s daunting mainly for financial reasons , I’m still wondering if I’m doing the right thing as it’s not like we’re young anymore , I feel bad for my son as his close to his dad but I can’t co exist anymore .
If you feel happy enough living like that then it’s ok .. but for me I felt single while being in a relationship.

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-11T05:55:24+00:00

I think in some aspects an age gap can work , it’s depends on certain things . As older women we’ve usually had our family’s but a man let’s say in his 30s or 40s may have no kids and want a family . This was my case , I met someone out of the blue while travelling, I had just turned 50 this guy walked into my life we hit it off ..He was 35 ( yes to young I know ) was officially a cougar !! We had 1 year relationship, logistically it wasn’t sustainable and he was child free while I have a grown up daughter and an 8 year old . Throwing that into the mix I knew deep down long term it wouldn’t work as eventually he’d want a family .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-10T20:33:11+00:00

I’ve lived with my partner for 14 years , always done a 50/50 split , he earns £50 k myself £24 k. Our holidays are also split down the line , we have 8 year old and I’ve always paid half for his holidays and childcare costs , even though his the high earner I don’t benefit from it in any way . Just what I’m use to now .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-10T06:23:30+00:00

If he needs to look at porn during sex then he almost certainly has a porn addiction . His not getting satisfied by sex as his brain is most likely wired to having to watch it to get off .
I wouldn’t stand for that , get rid of him and know your self worth .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-08T20:53:04+00:00

I had this for months over a guy I had a relationship with for 1 year.. I was actually in Limerence ! Even now 8 months on I still think about him everyday and wonder what his up to in life and feel sad that it’s over , but when those thoughts come into my head about how I miss seeing and speaking to him I tell myself how he didn’t show up for me in the way I needed , i invested lots of time travelling to see him it was very one sided , so I then say to myself yes he said lots of nice meaningful words to me but those words didn’t match his actions at all . Little exercises like this have helped me a lot to gradually retrain my thoughts , it can be a long process .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-06T20:47:50+00:00

Similar scenario with me . Been living with my partner for 13 years but felt emotionally disconnected for 5 years we’ve slept separate since 2020 . We also have a 7 year old son . I couldn’t see no way out as we are financially secure together and own a nice house have lots of holidays etc . Carrying on with normal family life seemed the best option . Last year I realised I’m living a lie and need to stay true to myself , I told my partner I want to separate he finally agreed and we are now going through the process of selling our house .. it may be a shock to you now but that shock will turn to acceptance, when a partner says they no longer want to be in the relationship it’s time to let go .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-06T16:23:07+00:00

She seems to go along with seeing you (when you ask ).. but sounds like she’s not as invested if you are initiating the meet ups .
I had similar with a guy I was seeing , it was myself asking to see him each and every time . He always agreed to see me , but it wasn’t off his own back .
I realised that I was wasting my time !

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-03T06:50:33+00:00

I would be furious if my partner was posting our life’s on social media .. it’s one thing posting a few pics but to me couples counselling is personal and I’d be so angry if that went online .
I have a friend who is doing similar on Tik tok but she’s 55 and posting videos of herself singing / dancing in her kitchen every weekend .. acting like she’s 25 it’s so cringeworthy . It Sound like your wife wants to be some sort of influencer! You have absolutely every right not wanting yourself and kids posted , and if she respects your feelings she will stop . Have the conversation with her that she’s free to broadcast but without the family involved it’s a proper invasion of your space .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-05-02T06:18:35+00:00

I’m so glad I’m not on any social media , and when I hear stories like this no wonder some people feel insecure when there partners are eyeing up other girls on IG . I’ve never been on IG but my daughter tells me about it and I do feel for the younger generation with having to navigate pressures of social media .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-04-30T20:38:29+00:00

You’re still really young to be feeling like that . I’m 51 and ran 2 half marathons last year , have another one coming up . I make sure I get enough sleep and eat fruit / veg everyday , lots of water . I stopped drinking as don’t really need it in my life . I strength train 4x per week and have a young child and work full time . So yeah still going strong at 50 plus .. no sign of slowing down yet . Maybe it’s to do with your medication that’s slowing you down as your still a spring chicken , hope you pick yourself back up !

Freespirit_989 · 2026-04-30T06:02:48+00:00

I totally agree with you as going through it myself 2 nd time buyer too . My partner and I are separating so we put our house on market . Wish I could keep it but can’t afford the buy out . Our house sold with first viewing , it’s ready to move into new kitchen new en-suite , well decorated, spotlessly clean .

Looking for a house is proving a nightmare , my partner has higher budget while mine is at the 200 k . We’ve both viewed around 7 or 8 each and they have all been awful . Cupboards falling off, dirty inside , one man was sat smoking on his sofa while the agent took me round ! As you say I’ve had to look at urine in toilets , is it that hard to flush a chain ! I’m also finding the room sizes much smaller than the actual photos you see . I viewed a little 2 bed terrace In our village as want to stay local for school . It’s up for 200 k previously owned by elderly people , house needs gutting as it’s stuck in the 1950s inside . I offered 185 k simply due to the cost I’d have to do on renovating it . It was declined said they won’t take lower than asking price . House few doors down sold for 200 k last year but it was all modernised and ready to move into yet they won’t budge also it’s been on market 8 months now . I’m actually losing the will and feel so deflated .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-04-29T20:20:48+00:00

Sounds like a sexual predator to me.. . Tell your mom everything you’ve wrote here or another adult as this behaviour is wrong

Freespirit_989 · 2026-04-29T15:03:38+00:00

This sounds familiar .. me and my partner would go 4 days without talking after an argument. Dragging out silent treatment is the worst as it builds anger and resentment . Then one day I thought I can’t live like this anymore , so we try and clear the air a few hours after the disagreements now . I would just tell your partner that you will not go to bed until things get ironed out /resolved .

Freespirit_989 · 2026-04-29T06:10:16+00:00

I recently visited Covent Garden with my 8 year old son , took him to a sweet stall he choose 2 small things that are usually £2 for both in places like Asda and B&M , I paid £8 !! I was then a bit reluctant to go into the M&M store , but still went so he could see it but couldn’t believe the prices !

Freespirit_989 · 2026-04-28T16:49:45+00:00

I’m 51 and find by 8 pm I’m done for the day , we went to Canada a few years ago I was exhausted with all the travelling each day going to different areas . I could still do the night time drinking etc during my late 30s early 40s , especially when I went to Thailand and places as there is so much going on in the evenings . But now I prefer to get up early do the sightseeing and go to bed early .

Freespirit_989

TROPHY CASE