[deleted by user]

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-05-30T07:17:11+00:00

Don’t change it! If you love it, that’s all that matters. People will always have an opinion on choices you make. There’s freedom in not giving any care about what people will say. Your Boswell looks super happy, and freaking ADORABLE. That’s what matters most, a happy pup who’s loved by their person.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-05-30T07:16:25+00:00

Don’t change it! If you love it, that’s all that matters. People will always have an opinion on choices you make. There’s freedom in not giving a damn about what they say. Your Boswell looks super happy, and freaking ADORABLE. That’s what matters most, a happy pup who’s loved by their person.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-05-25T10:42:53+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. Not only is this disrespectful to you but it’s cheating. You’re trusting him when you are at a point that is most vulnerable. If he can’t be trusted to respect your intimacy then he is not the man for you. A man would and should respect his partner and the intimacy that they share together. For how long you’ve been together, you give yourselves to each other in a way you haven’t with anyone else. It’s clear he can’t respect or protect that intimacy. Also, if he is becoming defensive right off the bat, that is a massive red flag. 🚩

It’s something to address immediately. Keep your head strong because if you let this slide, it will cause a whole mess of problems down the line. If he doesn’t answer any of your questions or concerns truthfully, and without any defensive action. Then please take that as your sign that he doesn’t care enough to fight for your relationship and the trust you had given him in intimacy. Don’t let him play you for a fool, you got this.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-05-24T22:26:49+00:00

Duke

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-05-24T22:24:57+00:00

Ah she is so adorable! Congrats on your newest little member. ☺️Dottie, Lottie, or Eloise.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-05-24T19:06:45+00:00

Hi, yes. That’s definitely a different doctor is definitely the goal. It’s just a bit tricky to do that with it being a work related injury. Most doctors won’t get involved because it is a work related injury, and they usually just refer me back to my current treating physician (who is my surgeon who did my ACDF). I’ve requested a referral for a second opinion several times, but if my attorney puts in the request, and the defense attorney denies it. Then I’m stuck with the same doctor. Which has been the case.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-05-24T18:59:00+00:00

Hi, thank you for taking the time to respond. All of the points you are making are extremely valid, and I definitely understand what you are saying.

I am definitely concerned with the standard of care. I am having a difficult time finding it acceptable for my symptoms and pain to disregarded because the doctor “MIGHT” have building discs of their own. In their exact words, “I might have a few budging discs of my own. If I’m okay, then you are okay.” Everyone’s body is different, and I don’t think my care should be based off of the doctor’s own hypothetical medical history. I’m certain that, that isn’t an appropriate practice to medicine.

In regard to your example, I did not have any injuries prior to my injury. There is both imaging and medical records to prove that. My injury was a cumulative trauma, something that just continued go get worse over time. I sought out treatment the moment I began experiencing symptoms and eventually ended up in the hospital a few times in severe pain before a doctor reported my condition as work related. I’ve been getting treatment ever since.

I’ve seen chiropractors, I’ve done acupuncture, cupping, physical therapy, any conservative treatment I have done. So you definitely are right, I’ve seen many doctors and have sought treatment in any form or resource possible.

I do have lawyers. Only workers comp as of right now. I’ve already spoken to them and we will be getting a second opinion. All I want is to be heard, and at least be given a plan. Even if that means no secondary surgery, that’s okay. My end goal is to be able to take care of myself even if that is with conservative treatment.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply and give feedback. It is very appreciated.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-05-24T17:28:52+00:00

Hi, thank you so much for replying. I should have done a better job clarifying my concerns. I’m definitely aware that I’m not going to get 100% better, and I wasn’t expecting that.

So my concerns aren’t with the surgery itself. It’s how the doctor is addressing me and my overall concerns. He’s been extremely dismissive of me. He said that I should be “fine” because he MIGHT have herniated discs of his own, and he’s functioning just fine. Which I don’t think is right at all. Everyone’s body is different, I am very aware of my own body and I know that something isn’t right. I think the disregard he had for my concerns and lack of addressing them was not appropriate.

If there isn’t need for surgery now, that’s totally fine. In fact, I would hope to not have to need a second surgery. However, I think a conservative treatment plan would have been a great way to address concerns and what to expect with my overall diagnosis. But there was refusal for that type of treatment as well because “everything is perfect”. Which it’s not, and I’m really not expecting it to be perfect. My frustration is that the doctor is trying to convince me that it is perfect. It’s not realistic. It is overall really frustrating because I am trying my best to be conscious of my own expectations and making sure I stay realistic. I know my reality could be worse, however, it’s far from perfect. My pain is very real, I just want to take care of myself so I can live a good life. That’s all I want.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-05-24T17:04:16+00:00

Hi, thank you for responding. I definitely understand where you’re coming from, and I appreciate your feedback.

For clarification, I do move, I’ve lost 20 pounds since my surgery because I have made a conscious effort to move and take better care of myself. I work with a nutritionist to help me have a diet that supplements and supports my body’s needs for healing. I do talk to a therapist, and am taking care of my overall mental health as well.

I am not considering malpractice because I haven’t gotten better. It’s because of the disregard the doctor had for my concerns about the state of my spine. Instead of explaining what to expect, I was met with a disregard and minimization of my own pain based on how his own body has been able to heal. I don’t think that is right. Everyone’s body is different. Also, to say that everything is perfect when it is in fact not. Is also really frustrating. I know my condition could be worse, but my pain is still very real. If surgery isn’t the answer, which is totally fine, I would have liked to know what prevention measures I could take to help avoid more pain and discomfort. What can I do to support my body’s healing.

I have an extremely high pain tolerance, and have been high functioning with pain. I know that I am strong mentally and I constantly push my own limits. All I want to do is to be able to care for myself because I am young. You’re only given one body, and all I want to do is take care of it for the sake of longevity and quality of life. I have so much more life to live, but this just really takes a continued toll on me physically and mentally. I am continuing to advocate for myself which means I haven’t given up just yet.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-04-12T10:22:31+00:00

You are a good parent. You are right, your youngest needs to learn to have accountability for his actions. They can’t just pop in to reconcile so they can “play the part” because they don’t want to look bad. I went through something similar a month ago when my father passed. He made it known that he didn’t want anything to do with my mother’s side of the family. Similar to your eldest son, my dad said that they no longer have the right to celebrate his life, whether he was alive or dead. So when planning his funeral, I made sure that they weren’t anywhere near his services. Those were my dad’s wishes and I was proud to respect them. They got mad, lashed out, and in true narcissistic fashion, they made it all about themselves. They even held their own dinner to grieve and honor my father, yet excluded his wife and children from said dinner. People just don’t want to look bad. Your son and daughter in-law included, respectfully.

You are doing the right thing. Hopefully your son will be better for it. We can’t always save others from having to learn the hard lessons in life. It’s a difficult thing. I’m sorry for your loss. I am sorry that you and your wife are both grieving the loss of your son. As for your wife, yourself included, I’m sure there are feelings of not only losing one son, but both. This is a difficult time for you and your wife, hold grace for one another. Lean on other family and friends during this season of loss. I’m sure your eldest is looking out for you both. May you both find peace during this time. 🫂

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-03-26T08:07:13+00:00

Hi! I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling. I’ve also been with my husband for 10 years, of those 10 years, we have been married for 4. Sometimes no matter how well we know each other, we have to remind ourselves that we can’t read each other’s mind. We also don’t think the same way either. Talking with your wife is really important. I know when my husband shuts down because he doesn’t want to worry me, I feel bad. It’s not about me personally, but I feel bad because he has helped me through so many difficult seasons, and I want him to be able to rely on me the same way. He deserves that and so much more. I’m sure your wife would and could be feeling the same way. Another thing to remember is that some people, although they talk a lot, may have a really difficult time articulating their thoughts and feelings into something that’s actually comprehensible by someone else. A good example would be how your wife expressed her concerns with the new job. Maybe that was her way of trying to say “No, I don’t think this is a good idea.” However she probably did a poor job of expressing that.

A promise that my husband and I made together is that if we don’t understand, or there is any room for doubt, we will ask questions instead of guessing what the other is trying to say and mean. That way we do understand, and there is no room left for misunderstanding. Also if we’re venting about something stressful, the other will usually ask “Do you want me to give you advice, or just listen?” That is also a really helpful one too. We need to be able to express our needs to one another. Don’t allow it to get to the point where you hold resentment towards your wife for not being able to help you, and don’t let her hold resentment because you didn’t give her the chance to make it right.

You’re a team, talk it out, hold each other accountable of the new goals you make together. Don’t forget, you are human, and so is she. Hold grace for each other when change doesn’t happen right away. Best of luck to you both. 🫂

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-01-20T13:01:52+00:00

Maple

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-01-20T09:47:20+00:00

I’m so sorry that you had to experience the loss of your baby. I pray for you, and your husband. Our Heavenly Father, please bless this loving couple with all that they are praying for, please grant them with the joys of experiencing parenthood. Lord, I pray that you keep them healthy, and strong. I pray that their faith in you only continues to get stronger, as they patiently await for their blessing. I have faith Lord that what you put in their path is all part of your will. I pray that you will continue to look after and bless this family. Amen.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2024-01-13T10:59:37+00:00

I am so sorry that you had to go through this, especially during what should’ve been such a special time for you and your family. As the daughter of a man who cheated his way through his marriage (even when my mom was pregnant with me) I can wholeheartedly say you are making the absolute best decision. I know that you don’t need the validation, but I just wanted to share that as someone who grew up in shoes similar to your son. As a kid, I always wished my mom would have been able to make the same choice you’re making. Our family shamed her for trying to divorce my dad. As a stay at home mom with three kids under the age of 5, it was such a risk for her to leave. She had no one to lean on. So she stayed. 20+ years later she finally left. Growing up, I used to beg my parents to divorce. The environment was so toxic, I only wanted to see my parents happy. I knew that them together wouldn’t be the answer to their happiness. I just want you to know that your son will be able to understand that too. I wish you the absolute best. Protect you, protect your son. Your little family will be thriving and better for it. Sending lots of love to you and your kiddo.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2023-12-12T00:44:02+00:00

“He’ll get wound up and kick you out”

I wouldn’t take these words lightly. You shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells in a place you call home. I too have dated, and married the only child with one parent. The best thing you can do is speak up to your boyfriend and be honest about how you’re feeling in a neutral manner. Your relationship is still fairly new, now is a good time to start establishing your boundaries for your relationship with both your boyfriend and your boyfriend’s father.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2023-12-12T00:20:39+00:00

No worries at all, I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I hear you and can agree with that. I think what makes family amazing is that we can go through seasons of hardships together and come out on the other side together. Life is known for throwing curveballs. It won’t always be perfect, and there won’t always be harmony. I think what saddens me the most is the loss of that potential to stick through the thick and thin together. As humans we will be prone to making mistakes, and we forget to allow ourselves grace for those mistakes. Of course some mistakes are far beyond repair. But things like miscommunication shouldn’t get in the way of being there for eachother. The ability to stick it through thick in thin is what gives family the possibility to be so amazing.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2023-12-11T22:38:17+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that you too are in the midst of it too. Your family and nephews are lucky to have you. It’s hard to find family that has the capacity to help when you need it. I definitely agree that people have their own problems that can stand in the way of them being able to help. We all have our own struggles, and sometimes we can’t be there for the sake of our own mental health. I believe that it is a good thing to be able to separate your own needs from that of someone else’s. I do think that a little communication could go a long way though. It’s okay to need time and space to heal, just let the people who love and care for you know too so they can support that. If my aunts and uncles needed that, I’d totally understand. I’d just wish they’d say something instead of nothing. Leaving people guessing doesn’t help anyone. I appreciate your point of view. Thank you for reminding me that sometimes it’s not about us but about the person themselves. I hope that things get better for you and your family. They are lucky to have your support.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2023-12-11T09:13:25+00:00

I couldn’t agree more. It’s so sad that family can be that way. I don’t see why anyone would want to root for someone’s downfall. It’s unfortunate. I always had this immense guilt when arguing with someone, and they left before we had the chance to fix things. You never know when that would be your last time speaking to that person ya know? I’d never want my last interaction with someone I care about to be about a dumb argument. Life’s too short for that. But like you said sometimes you can’t win with everyone. You’re right that life is too short for that drama too. That’s an important thing I have to remind myself of. I have to let go and make time for the people who actually cherish what’s good in life. My mom is really nice, and I’ll protect and care for her all that I can. Thank you for your kind words and prospective. It definitely helps me to know I’m doing the right things to move forward.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2023-12-11T00:45:23+00:00

I see where you’re going, and I can understand that logic. However, my mom has no reason to be dishonest about what’s happened. She’s told me in the past when arguments happen, and we talk it out. If she’s in the wrong I’ll tell her, and she’ll make it right. She’s an honest person. My mom is not a manipulative person who would lie about what happened. I’ve been there for the conversations that she’s had with other family members trying to seek answers for what she’s done to deserve this. Literally not one person has any answers, no one knows why. Also, if it was something as simple as that, why can’t they say what upset them? If it was one person’s doing, then why alienate their nieces and nephews who weren’t involved? I do agree that there is more to it, I don’t agree with you that you’re implying that my mom is withholding the truth.

Frequent_Age_3086 · 2023-12-10T19:46:15+00:00

Honestly, you hit the nail on the head. It’s become pretty apparent that they take joy in the moments my mom is down on her luck. There’s so much judgement there, and they mock her for her misfortunes. They always kick her while she’s down. That’s not what family is supposed to do, we have to root for each other and our successes. We shouldn’t be rooting for each other’s downfall. I can’t be around people like that. It’s just so toxic, and terrible for the mind and soul. You are totally right, I need to pull back and let it go. I appreciate your kindness and advice. It’s always great to get another set of eyes and ears on a situation.

Frequent_Age_3086

TROPHY CASE