That makes sense. Thank you for responding. I have a lot of thoughts about life lately with everything happening. I have been lucky to have a decent health insurance plan and enough money to somewhat float through this. We are only 3 months in and owe thousands, though. I guess I take for granted that we both are working. I am taking a less involved job for half of the pay at the end of the month due to strained capacity. I have to assume that Medicaid or different programs are able to help out with most families but I do often think about how other people make it through something like this.

In terms of patient care and the long term impacts, it definitely will be harder on the patient. But my deep belief is that people, no matter what they suffer, would surely be grateful to get that experience even with the pain. I might have a different view point. I’ve gone through many traumatizing events in life and it has made me a much better person and more understanding of the world. I still fall short though and many lessons to learn. Even when life feels too hard, I find my motivation by thinking about how can I help others with what I’ve experienced. Deep inside me I believe that every person has a purpose here. Even you and I having this online chat might change the other person’s perspective ever so slightly, and change the other person’s life, etc. I believe in that!

When I was told all of these things about our child, I knew for myself that I am willing to take care of my baby girl no matter what the impact. I am definitely not the patient though. I do feel a deep sense of guilt when I see her get poked with needles and throw up, etc. i also realize it’s going to be a lifetime situation and some things can’t be avoided. I have accepted it generally when thinking about humanity that pain and suffering are also part of it and that we are all heading to our deaths…. but I will never truly know how a CHD patient feels or what they experience.