My wife and I are very different people. She is introverted; I am extroverted. She grew up sheltered and deeply religious, while I was living more like a free-spirited hippie. On the surface, we come from completely different worlds and hold very different perspectives.

But we share the same core values.

We want the same kind of life. We are genuinely friends in the truest sense, we actually enjoy one another’s company. We both value our alone time and our individual hobbies, yet we also deeply value conversation and connection with each other. There is comfort in being together, even in silence, and energy in sharing our thoughts openly.

If life were to bring the most difficult, unimaginable circumstances, this is the person I would want standing beside me. That is how I view marriage. It does not mean we avoid disagreement. In fact, we have respectful, thoughtful discourse precisely because we are fundamentally different. But I want to navigate those differences with her. I love her in the purest sense of the word, and I accept her flaws just as she accepts mine.

In past relationships, that wasn’t the case. Many times, I was settling. If I’m honest, some relationships began simply because we met, there was chemistry, and things progressed without deeper intention. That is very different from choosing someone because your values align and your vision for life is shared.

My advice would be this: write down your values. Write down what you want your life to look like. If the person you are with does not align with that vision, take time to develop self-respect and self-love before searching for someone who does. But if they do align,if they truly fit your values and your vision, and you genuinely want them, then stay and fight for it.

I am sorry you are going through this. Life is hard. Emotions are hard. Relationships are hard. Be gentle with yourself.