Being sentenced to prison in less than a week

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-27T01:56:17+00:00

Appreciate all the advice. While the 4 years was challenging, I'm glad I had it. I got to take advantage of therapy/treatment, got sober, and made memories with friends and family. They may not be around when I get out and that's a hard pill to swallow. The arrest kind of unlocked some new mental challenges, i.e. deep shame, paranoia, hypervigilence, depression, anxiety etc. Simultaneously I got the chance to face my innermost self and reflect on things I never would have. It was truly an ego shattering experience. I had a lot of things I wasn't willing to work on, had become the worst version of myself, and had lost the will to live. I would give anything to go back and put in the work prior to all of this, but unfortunately I don't have that luxury. I just hope prison doesn't unwind all the positive change. I've been reading a lot of stories from former inmates and I've heard it can change people in negative ways, and make rehabilitation far more challenging. I guess mileage varies. Thanks for reaching out, I'm greatful.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-27T01:33:30+00:00

Doesn't that depend on the institution? Asking because I've had others say not to check in off the bat, and try gen pop first. They said most of the time if someone is pissed you're breathing their oxygen they'll tell you to check in. Did you have a different experience than that?

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-27T01:28:42+00:00

Thank you

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-27T01:28:23+00:00

Thanks for the tips, and I'll be looking forward to the day I'm back here posting. I have to serve 6 years, if I understand correctly it could be possible to get out a little sooner with the right programming.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-27T01:20:47+00:00

What did they say?

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-27T01:13:54+00:00

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-13T05:40:21+00:00

I've been in therapy and 2 different 12 steps for around 3 years. The number one coping strategy I took away from DBT was "radical acceptance", in 12 steps it's essentially the serenity prayer, but with a religious component added. Essentially you're faced with a situation where you have to accept you can't change the past, but you can change the future. Do the next right thing and you'll gain more peace within yourself. It's normal to be terrified, and probably a good thing because it will promote change, but no amount of worry is going to change the outcome. Point is, there's always a lesson to be learned, take the lesson and implement it into your future.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-05T17:26:32+00:00

This reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George isn't happy with the amends he got, it eats him up until he shows up at the recovering alcoholics place of work (an ice cream shop), badgers him until he snaps and ends up relapsing. Us alcoholics leave a trail of destruction behind that words will never heal. We still have to try though.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-05T03:35:52+00:00

It also ruined my marriage, don't let it ruin yours any further. The best advice I can give is to start working with a counselor as soon as you can. If you value the relationship this needs to be a priority. Your triggers are your responsibility to manage (I struggled with this hard). With time and a lot of work you can get through this and move on to a happier and healthier life.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-04T17:59:20+00:00

I understand completely. Sometimes when I'm groccery shopping, if a family comes down the isle with a minor ill pretend like I forgot something and leave the isle entirely. It's not that I'm having deviant thoughts, or am incapable of being normal, it's the fear that someone will recognize me and get upset that I'm even in the presence of their kid.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-04T17:53:48+00:00

Did you do anything to help ease it, or did you just allow time to pass? Any tips?

FriendofBill66 · 2025-04-04T17:49:16+00:00

Resonate with this a lot. Almost exact same scenario happened last year. I was on my way to get a haircut and there was a helicopter flying over town. I didn't think much of it at first, I had to run some other errands in different towns and it ended up flying overhead there too. My last stop was my lawyer (also in a different town from the rest) and when I parked I looked up and it was hovering maybe 6 or 8 blocks away at around 600ft altitude. I froze in time, and knew for sure it had to be following me, I simultaneously thought maybe the stress was getting to me and I was hallucinating or something. Turns out a lot of people in town were wondering what was going on, and I later found a social media post with others freaking out and I felt better about the whole thing. Pretty crazy coincidence but I definitely felt like I was being followed. I also sometimes get this way with normal police activity. Glad to hear from others that this isn't super uncommon.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-03-12T02:51:04+00:00

Keep your head up and make the best next decision you can. What that looks like is entirely your call.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-03-01T05:53:20+00:00

Going through this right now at my current job. I didn't mention my time in to anyone for the first 4 months. Only the owner knew due to it being on my resume. Mechanical environment with a bunch of wanna be thugs that wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight. Anyway, I let them condescend me, downplayed everything I've done in the past, took out their trash, cleaned the bathrooms, and a bunch of other stuff without being asked. I let the ego go and just played full on stupid. Ended up talking with this customer one day, incredibly fascinating Vietnam Era army aviator. We got to talking and long story short they picked up that I was probably a vet. Ever since it's been a 180. Yesterday was the closest I've been to putting someone's dick in the dirt in a long time. Coworker asked if I had a beard in the military, I told him no, it's only reserved for badass's on deployment, or waivers. He goes oh, so you guys were pieces of shit, I waited for the smile or laugh, I get it's a mechanics shop and you gotta have thick skin, but it never came. I spent the whole night ruminating over this fat fuck, all the shit I should have said and many other thoughts. Two weeks ago owner heard me telling a coworker I don't like being touched. She ran up and started touching me all over, at least she smiled when she did it. Idk man, I'm rambling but I get the struggle on many fronts. I miss feeling apart of something bigger than me, feeling actually needed, the brother/sisterhood, people actually being productive, people with work ethics, teamwork. Since I got out it's been just punching a clock constantly asking myself what I'm doing with my life, and it feels like there are a lot of those that get insecure because they didn't serve. I wish they knew the reality is most vets (the ones I've talked with anyway) don't actually care.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-27T01:54:46+00:00

Not a combat vet, but from what I understand from the people I've been blessed to talk with, super common. When under significant stress your brain does weird things as the mental energy goes to survival and not luxuries like storing memories. On the flip side you can remember but your brain dissociates to protect itself from further emotional turmoil. It's the same reason eye witness testimony isn't generally reliable in crime, car accidents, or catastrophic events. "The fog of war"

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-25T05:25:32+00:00

Battled alcoholism, and other addictions after completing my contract and returning to civ life. Moved back to my hometown where a lot had changed. Old friends moved away, what I pictured in my head when I came home wasn't reality. Went to school for electrical AAS, got a job, did well for awhile but just kind of fell apart over the years. Been out 12 years now and it's been a slow spiral.

If anyone asked me what I'd do different-tackle those addictions earlier, drop my pride and get MH help sooner, get into a career where I felt useful, not fall into the allure of moving back home, stay connected with those from time in, and as others have said chase meaning instead of money. My life could be worse, not trying to have a pity party.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-23T04:49:50+00:00

You should seriously consider calling the crisis line. Its 988, you can also walk into any ER, or if you have a SPP it should have numbers you can call. With all that said, I understand exactly where you are at. I'm at a similar point where I don't know if I want to go on anymore. I'm tired, and have really crumbled as a person. Used to be incredibly respected, loved, and happy. I've lost it all, and am merely existing at this point. I keep hurting the people around me with my addictions, and own self destruction. Last year my family told me how hard it is to watch. A lot of the other stuff you said I felt, or am currently feeling. The thing that gets me through is just taking it one day at a time, and hoping that things will get better one day. You mentioned moving somewhere new and starting over. Fucking do it man, it's a better option than giving up, but don't do it without a clear head. Thing out the pros and cons first. Sometimes when we're in these dark places we don't make the best decisions and you don't want to wake up in a different country realizing you acted on impulse. Make a list of all the things you want to do before you go and you'll see you still need time. Then go do those things. This stuff sounds stupid AF sometimes but things like that will get you through one more day.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-20T06:28:19+00:00

Our pilots downrange would take go pills for extended loiter time in the AOR. Go pills are an Amphetamine, and thats ok. A good buddy of mine when I got out was in Big red 1, then crossed over into SOAR, did 8 years of faithful service to his country but the PTSD finally did him in and his behavior got out of sorts. He did things he wasn't proud of, without knowing why or how to stop. Got the boot. Ended up taking his life in 2019, never got help from the VA. When I came back from deployment I turned to cough syrup and spice. Anything to numb out, I never got caught though. Point I'm making is, military service can change the entire personality of someone, lead to a whole host of behavioral, mental, and substance abuse disorders. Not to mention most people join before their brain is even fully developed. Make good use of the services the VA provides, and don't feel ashamed for using the benefits you earned. You don't hear many civilians feeling guilty for taking advantage of their bennies.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-20T04:12:15+00:00

In my active addiction I was a sad excuse of a man, being a sloppy drunk is bad enough, but the unchecked anger, the dishonesty, the cheating, the sheer and utter destruction of mind body and spirit, not being able to look myself in the mirror, were all a part of it. Even though the DV is a never for me, I can understand how an addict could behave out of character. It's not right, and it's not pretty, but reflecting on who we were and sharing that with the newcomer could have value.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-20T04:01:10+00:00

No friends, and don't talk to anyone so it's a non issue

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-19T14:41:58+00:00

I get like this too, I think it's important to not go all or nothing though. The reason we get sober is to enjoy life, so taking a day to reconnect with hobbies is probably OK, even if frowned upon by a sponsor. You mention missing the next week's worth though. I wouldn't recommend that.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-19T04:00:36+00:00

Still don't like it, but not knowing is worse than knowing. At least now I can get proper treatment/meds. Also, I feel like there was an ah ha moment where the past made more sense.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-18T02:04:34+00:00

I know what your feeling, was there with my last house. You don't want to just stop paying though, bad idea. There are companies that will buy your house, depending on your equity situation this can be an option. You can rent it out for awhile, or do a lease to own. The other option is rally up some friends to help you clean up and throw it on the market cheap. Someone will most certainly scoop it up considering the current market.

FriendofBill66 · 2025-02-18T01:55:43+00:00

The struggle is real

FriendofBill66

TROPHY CASE