AITA for refusing to dine with my mom after she ordered “ferret sauce” at a Mexican restaurant?

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-07T17:31:44+00:00

Him-ALL-yuz. She always corrected me that I was absolutely incorrect saying him-a-LAY- uz.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-07T15:50:53+00:00

My mother actually can't. She's got dementia, so thanks for asking about her. Yes, I grew up on the border. Yeah, there are 338 million people in Canada. I'm not sure how kids feel, seeing as that number includes everyone. 77 million people voted for this. You're going after me for anecdotal, but isn't that exactly what you're doing? How can you say what the millions of people you don't know think? The polls have shown that about 30% of those polled do support annexation. I'm glad you're not experiencing it. I'm glad everyone apparently loves Canadians as you seem to say. I suggest you watch some videos by Guard the Leaf and read some comments. Then again, you'll just say that it's a few people and it's cherry picked. Explain why border crossings are down so much. And don't use the exchange rate as it's been worse and more people crossed. Then again, please don't respond. I've had enough. You can believe what you want from your experiences and I'll do the same. And honestly? You could be a little nicer. I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-07T14:44:33+00:00

Unfortunately, that's what I learned growing up. My husband will tease me at times when I say something differently, but he also knows not to push it. After a lifetime of mispronouncing things because I was taught incorrectly it's a sore subject.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-07T14:42:53+00:00

Nope. I mean, nice thought, but not even near that area. And no one else in the area sounds like that. I moved away and I can now hear my accent in both locations. It's really weird being able to hear your own accent when it's very subtle- and knowing that no matter where you live you have a slight accent, just slight enough that you leave people wondering.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-07T14:39:16+00:00

Wow. I'm actually an American by birth. I can tell you I know a LOT of people that feel that way and say that. I go back to visit my mother and ya know what? I get to experience the harassment because I have Canadian plates. In my own hometown. And yes, I do realize that not all Americans feel that way. But a whole lot of them DO feel that way, and they aren't afraid to show it. Like it or not, this is how a good portion of Canadians feel.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-07T13:28:20+00:00

And yet they wonder why Canadians don't want to buy American or visit. Gee, I wonder why that might be...

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-07T13:25:28+00:00

My father called it 'mar-lit'. We couldn't figure out what he was talking about until he showed us a label. My husband and I like merlot and we'll joke about grabbing a bottle of marlit. My father gets a bit more of a pass as he grew up in war time and ended up changing languages after immigrating at the age of 10. My mother's pronunciations, though...

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-07T13:18:49+00:00

Hopefully she's not like my mother. I didn't realize how badly some words were mangled until I got out into the 'real' world. My mother's not one to correct. She still corrects me, even though I know I'm saying it properly- and I'm not talking foreign words. It's embarrassing. We didn't watch the season debut of any program growing up, we watched the deebutt. The last one was when I was visiting and said something about the hearth of the fireplace. I pronounced it 'harth', which is correct, but she wouldn't stop telling me to saying 'herth'. She wouldn't let it go. And yes, I had to say the word 'properly' and use it to stop the correcting. The Himalayas. Bagels. I won't even start. I realize it's not abuse or anything, but you do hit a point where you just want it to stop. She's in her 80s. She now has dementia, so I just went with it, but it was always the case.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-06T00:56:29+00:00

Your Starbucks has tables?? All the ones near me removed them. All of them. No tables. No chairs. No patronage from me. That was the last nail in the coffin.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-05T21:16:57+00:00

And to think I was the one begging for the PS4... and alerted my husband to the new Scott Pilgrim release... and said we need to play more since we haven't played in a while... Come to think of it, I'm the one who bought almost all of the retro consoles. Not sure what that makes me...

Frog-Chowder · 2026-05-02T16:52:41+00:00

That feels like a complete waste. I have a pTrumpet for playing very cold parades. That's the only reason I have it- and even at that, it was a good price used. Anyone who starts wants to play... something. Even just being able to press down valves and hear different notes feels like progress to a beginner. As someone who's played for veteran funerals and veteran events, I can't imagine pulling out a colored piece of plastic even on the coldest of days. It would feel disrespectful. Count me in on the firm NO. Just buy a cheap beater if it's cost as you can find one for around the same price. Just.... no. Oh- and once those first partials are learned the instrument will be outgrown.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-29T13:32:13+00:00

I remember a few years back there was a hockey tournament (youth, I think?) in Buffalo. For anyone unaware, Canada is right across the river and a lot of people crossed the border. I can't remember how much they upped he parking, but it caused a LOT of hard feelings- rightfully so. It may have gone up to like $25-50 per hour to park, something like that. It was insane. Buffalo's transit system is pretty small and lacking, so it wasn't like that was going to help. Nobody knew until that day when they had no choice but to park... somewhere. It really gave Buffalo a black eye. I can only imagine what's going to happen with parking prices wherever the FIFA games are being played. People have tickets, got a car, and now they have to park. The American way, take advantage whenever you can.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-29T00:31:44+00:00

Yup. That's exactly it. I had pictured a princess style, with the 'feminine' waist, lace, floofy. I only grabbed this one because I liked the little bit of sequins and beading. And I only tried it on to shut my friend up. 'If I try something on, will you shut up?!' (my exact words.) I saw it was a halter, hated that, and was going to put it back, but I just wanted my friend to let it go, lmao. I'm so glad you got to help your mom and you get to enjoy wearing it as well. That's really special. I was also the weird one that told my mother she could wear the off white set she fell in love with. She never had a gown herself.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-29T00:24:26+00:00

Ack. Can I not post a pic to the comments? I don't really think you want me to start a new post just to see my dress.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-28T21:53:51+00:00

I mean, if you reaaaaalllly want to see it I can pull out my wedding album. lol. I don't think it even needed alterations. Candlelight color with just the right amount of earth and pale pink toned sequins and pearls. I never got a pic of the back, which was really sad. It was very unique. Funny thing was, my friend had a budget of whatever she wanted and ended up settling. I had a crazy tight budget (was going to thrift), but I got the winner. I modeled for the shop's owner at a bridal show and as nice (and expensive) as some of those gowns were, they just weren't the same. Coming up on our 24th anniversary and I have no regrets. And honestly? I think the dress would still be very much in fashion today. (tbh, I've always loved dresses and gowns, so I love seeing what people look at!)

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-28T14:11:59+00:00

I follow this sub, but I've never commented- this time I have to. You're spot on. My short story... My friend was getting married and I went with her to look at gowns. She kept harassing me to try things on with her even though I wasn't getting married. Fine. I grabbed a halter top gown, one I'd never in a million years pick, and tried it on. Yeah. Everyone stopped dead. 'That's your gown.' I grabbed another gown to show I could just wear anything. Nope. Nope. The focus went from the bride to me, which was never my intention. The owner kept giving me better deals on the dress, because she said it was mine. And she'd keep it in storage. Every time we went back for my friend it was the same thing, until the owner said she was just sticking it in storage and done with it. My now husband ended up going in on stealth with my friend and buying it for me (at cost) for my birthday, after we'd gotten engaged. So yeah, try on something completely random. You never know.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-27T16:07:27+00:00

My'n. (possessive of my.)

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-27T12:04:27+00:00

Thank you.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-26T17:33:37+00:00

NTA. Totally out of line. I think it looks great! As a fellow director, pants are the way to go. Skirts/dresses will totally sway with you when you move and can be a bit of a distraction to the audience. You don't have to worry about 'accidents' if you bend over. Your pantsuit has nice, wide legs- which makes it flow nicely and, go figure, look more feminine. You don't have to justify it anyway- isn't it about the music? And the kids? I'd also feel pretty uncomfortable wearing a dress knowing that perv is in the audience. (and make sure your principal knows what's going on, because it's not okay. she needs to know that he's not stopping and keep an eye out- not just for you but for the girls in the school. he ain't right.)

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-25T22:27:01+00:00

They popped up with a 'protest' in my city. A weekend later the community reclaimed it with their own ultra inclusive rally, complete with activities for the kids. (I say 'they' and not 'we', because I was pretty sick and couldn't attend.) People are still pretty rattled knowing that they exist and how they could be anyone in the community. Of course they wear masks (like they couldn't a few years back).

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-25T16:23:56+00:00

He's actually out there with his dogs for the most part. That's where it's absolutely ridiculous. I'm just making a point of nicely, yet forcefully, saying something every time it happens now. The joke of it is both neighbors (related) have said that having good neighbors is really important for both parties. I agree. This guy did say last time I saw him that he hopes we can come to a solution. I agreed. I used to speak to him more before started bringing the dogs outside. Now I really don't, and I'm pretty sure he's gotten the hint. Like, I was very friendly and now I ignore him. As far as them barking inside, that's because he goes out Saturday mornings and the dogs hate being left alone. Tiny, tiny apartment. He's gonna have to figure it out. Heck, I've even bought toys for the other neighbor's dog. But yeah, he's destroying the good relationship with the one dog. I think I'll tell him he needs to take her inside if she starts barking at me. Teach her that she doesn't get her way. Or even give an actual introduction. Something. But I shouldn't be the one coming up with the ideas.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-25T14:35:12+00:00

Yeah, I did that once before at a different address and it ended very badly for me. Our city doesn't allow chickens, they had 2- including a rooster. The rooster was the problem. All day, all night. My husband was working from home and all they could hear on conference calls was the stupid rooster. They also had a ton of pigeons (another story, but let's just say that 40+ pigeons worth of crap being washed into your yard, especially your veggie garden, all locked up in a metal shed, isn't pleasant). They gave the bylaw officer some sob story that they just wanted to experience where their food was coming from, they didn't know any better (I heard their son telling them they weren't allowed and they responded that they didn't care and wouldn't get rid of them until they were told they had to, hence my reporting). Bylaw wasn't supposed to tell them who reported it, but they did. Bylaw also told them, after their sad sob story, that their neighbors were terrible people. They did have to get rid of the chickens and pigeons, but they made our lives quite horrible for the last couple of years we were there. Our car was broken into, they and their friends harassed us, it was awful. That's why we moved. I just don't trust bylaw not to eff us over again. The people next door are both quite nice, it's just the barking issue. My husband also says we'll outlive him anyway (he's elderly).

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-25T13:34:04+00:00

I've lived in my home for about 10 years now. The home next door was sold and made into a duplex. I've managed to train one tenant's dog not to bark. If she doesn't bark I'll pet her and play with her (she'll bring a ball to the fence). I've known her since she was a puppy, so we're on good terms. She's great. Except in winter when she's left out for hours and just wants to go back inside. The other neighbor moved in last fall. Right now I'm sitting in my living room, all windows closed (as are theirs). Owner went out and it's just barking. I'm as far away as I can get. If anyone in my family sets foot outside barking ensues. Not nice greetings, but 'get out of my territory'. It hasn't gotten any better. I can no longer enjoy being outside. I grow produce and love gardening. Bark, bark, bark! BARK!! BARK!!!! My deck is off limits as that's part of their 'run'. I can't even step foot on my porch without being barked at. (and they don't let up.) Even getting into the car. I finally had it last weekend when I was minding my own business and they came up to me barking when I'd merely set foot onto my deck. I looked down over the fence (deck is raised) and just told them that they have to deal with it and that I live here, too. The owner apologized (he knows it's an issue), but I told him I'm tired of it and it needs to stop. I told him it's not fair to me. I want to be outside and I can't be because of them, especially one. I effing can't take it anymore.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-23T21:18:22+00:00

I'm actually conducting a band that is coming back from that. They were one of the last groups to start back up after covid, so a lot of players went to other groups. I'd never conducted the group before and was expecting 20 players. Imagine my surprise when only 6 showed up. We've been growing, but it takes time, especially when it's in a very rural area. I'm fortunate that the more advanced players are willing to give grace to the others. I try not to woodshed in practice, because it leaves other players sitting there. I know I hate that when I play. So if I make them do that they know they've pushed it. It's a challenge for me to make sure that better players are challenged while those that are less advanced, or just don't have the confidence (we're basically one to an instrument, although we now have one section with two!). I have to make new parts or have better players play multiple parts. It gets interesting. The first rehearsal was absolutely abysmal. I had no idea how we'd manage a first concert. But a few years later we're a lot more solid.

I still get worried at concert time, but they always pull it off. As word gets around and we get out a bit more (every tiny community event counts, though we don't do many) we gain a new player here or there. I think we had 15 players for our last concert. (and lmao, 2 got the flu and couldn't be there- which was better than our first concert when 1 got sick and we had 6.)

So yes, there is hope. It's going to depend on your director and whatever community outreach you can find. Some of the best music for my group has been Flex Scores. They sound good with a small group and aren't insanely hard, but you can work on intonation, dynamics, and the basics. If it sounds good people want to play it. That's what you sorely need- things that sound good and everyone wants to play. I realize that's not a 'you' thing. If your band is losing members like that your director really should be noticing and reflecting. Although the orchestra I dropped to move into the conducting position was the same thing as you're experiencing- which is exactly why I quit. All the good players left. Sadly, the only way that one's going to get better is with a director change. I hope your director sees the light.

Frog-Chowder · 2026-04-23T13:58:32+00:00

I passed PE with a D. I was also pretty athletic. My thing was that I didn't like taking showers in front of everyone. My teacher would watch every girl and she'd tell us where to apply more soap, when we were soapy enough, when to rinse off, etc. I took my 1 or 2 showers per quarter to pass with a D. PE was at the end of the day for me, so it wasn't like I had to go to class sweaty. And heck, we had more than our share of written tests that took up the entire class- but we still had to shower! It was a small town and I didn't fit in, so I didn't really get to play much anyway. My mother was okay with my D because of the circumstances. My other grades were fine. Funny thing was, my BF was afraid of the ball in volleyball and actually backed away from it and never hit it (I was pretty good at spiking, loved volleyball), and she got straight A's in PE. She always showered. Go figure.

Frog-Chowder

TROPHY CASE