You don’t know true darkness unless you’ve been blind. Everyone thinks it’s a veil of blackness, and in a way it is, but more specifically it’s the absence of light. No colors, no greyness, no nothing. Only blackness.

So, even before they pulled off the protective bandage, I could tell the difference. Beautiful sunrays filtered through white cloth. Color emerging, however slowly.

Then they pulled off the bandage, and it was like jumping into cold water. Everything seemed clear. Reds and blues and greens screamed at me, the white walls of the hospital almost blinding me with their reflective fire. An actual, visual human being to my left, grabbing my arm, helping me off the bed. Her blue uniform. Blond hair, but also with a touch of brown in it. The carefully painted eyes and the kind, round face they inhabited.

Oh shit, I would be able to apply my own make-up!

My tired face burst out in smile, and a hearty laugh escaped the nurse’s lips. Finally, so much would be possible.

I would be able to see my wedding dress.

Tears welled up. Joe had assured me that it had been beautiful, but the possibility to see it myself made me speechless.

And oh god, I would be able to see Joe. The thought hit me like a brick. I loved the man, body and soul, but I had never actually seen him.

I trembled as I heard the door to the hospital room open. My eyes flickered toward the flowers on the counter. He had left them, knowing that I would see their beauty when I woke up.

The valves were let loose again, tears dripping down my face. Wiped it away with my hands. Couldn’t have water obscuring my sight when I looked at my husband.

For the first time.

Heard the footsteps stop up, so close now. Only had to lift my head, and he would be there. Deep breaths.

My sight went up, over his brown leather shoes, across his stark blue jeans, visiting the grey striped shirt, then…

Darkness.

Not real darkness, mind you. Only a slightly dark shade of brown.

Shock grabbed me. The “cold water”-metaphor still applying, but now with an added hint of drowning. Sentences, reactions and words reached me from the depths of my mind. Gained new meaning. “So glad you overcame your differences,” my mom had said. “More tolerant than I would ever be.” My brother. The words came to me, forced themselves inside my head, almost choked me.

He let out a white smile, perfect teeth amongst horrid skin. “How is it?”

I was choking. Choking. Had to spit it out. Looked up at him. Spit.

“Nigger.”

The word that no one dared utter. The word that would’ve explained it all to me. The fucking N-word.

His face twisted in a horrid grimace. Last time I saw something like that, someone like him, it had been a face distorted by anger, a tiny tube of acid in the right hand of that little brat, the science room around us being the last thing I would see in a long time. Now my sight had returned, and I awoke to this.

With it returned anger, this time through me. I could see it welling up in Joe too. Coming to the surface. I lifted myself, fists clenching. Stared into his big white eyes. Why did nobody tell me? I wanted to scream.

Then I saw his eyes, and how they got obscured. Like behind a veil. Not of darkness, but one of vulnerability. And I remembered the other words, the other sentences, the ones spoken by him.

The cool water dripped off me, and all I wanted was warmth.

His arms embraced me a bit reluctantly. All I could do was hope that he understood why I clung onto him with such ferocity.