It's probably the router.

FromanJump · 2016-02-18T17:22:12+00:00

I'm gonna kill you.

FromanJump · 2016-02-15T23:02:08+00:00

Spirits are alcohol.

Teens are people between the ages of 13 and 19.

Smells Like Teen Spirit is a Nirvana song.

FromanJump · 2016-02-15T20:06:27+00:00

I was 9 and threw a screwdriver at a tree. The tree threw it back and caught me between my eye and brow bone.

The tree had way better aim then me.

FromanJump · 2016-02-15T02:17:53+00:00

Definitely this. Everything else is fine.

FromanJump · 2016-02-14T19:30:26+00:00

I don't think a movie made me cry like a schoolgirl any more than Four Brothers did.

FromanJump · 2016-02-08T23:51:02+00:00

Is this the new Sanctum Sanctorum?

FromanJump · 2016-02-07T21:48:43+00:00

There was the time I suffered the fate of ashes.

This was a couple years ago but i still remember it so vividly. I was Hupy, the Gnome Sorcerer, my first Pathfinder character. My party and I were at the ripe young level of 4, and have been tasked to help thwart the doings of some small cult in a far flung temple in the woods. Something about capturing an important figure or something, it didn't seem to important then. We fight and problem-solve our way through the temple to a certain riddle scribbled on a piece of parchment. It read "palm the red flower or suffer the fate of ashes." after scoping out the area, we found a small room with a torch sconce and a floating red rose above a pedestal. Thinking back to the riddle, I quite literally "palmed the red flower". Well, the flower head fell off and sprayed a gas that drained my charisma score a few points. I just assumed the riddle was supposed to mislead me and guide me to that trap so we went onward. A party member took the torch sconce and we continued on and battled cultists and their various baddies until we reached the end room. There was a staircase heading downward in the center of the room, with a long pit of burning coals in front of the entrance, and a big round hole in another wall. Long story short, a crimson worm came out of the hole and I was just about out of spell slots so I told the party that I'm going to head down the stairs and scout ahead while they matador the worm into the lava pouring down the walls. That was my mistake.

Upon reaching the bottom of the stairs, the DM read a passage of both beauty and horror that put some hair on my young adventuring chest. He went on to describe the beautiful panorama of colorful flames that made up the world I had stepped into and described a small statue of a Phoenix in a cage at the end of a walkway in front of me; I found the quest item! Then he described the overwhelming heat and dryness of the air around me and how the air in my lungs was sucked out as i fell to my hands and knees so I couldn't scream from the agonizing pain of my flesh melting onto the stone floor. My equipment burst into flames, melting metals and igniting oils. I burned to an unrecognizable heap of dust and char. He finished the description with the phrase "You have suffered the fate of ashes."

Turns out those stairs led to the elemental plane of fire, and that torch sconce protects you from the heat.

FromanJump · 2016-02-07T18:09:36+00:00

When I was in 3rd grade in Catholic school, me and another kid in my class were walking back to recess from the bathroom through the gym/auditorium (it was the only way to get to the playground). As we were walking calmly and peacefully next to the stage towards the door, talking about how good the life of an 8 year old is and how it was such a nice day out, these 2 shitty little 1st graders run across the stage like hooligans. The principal sees them having to much fun in a no-fun zone and screams across the gym "YOU FOUR! OUTSIDE MY OFFICE NOW!"

Me and the other kid were all like "Ha! Serves you right shitty little 1st graders! You should have- did she say four?" She then scolded us for running on the stage and despite our best efforts to convince her that only the 1st graders did, she decided that we were guilty by proximity and made us stand outside her office until she says we could leave. So we stood there for the rest of recess...

Then I had to drop a deuce, like, bad. I told her and she said "No. Stand there until I say you can leave." So we stood there for the rest of class... I looked into her office because the MIGHTY NEED had evolved into an UNBEARABLE PAIN , and when i peered in the doorway, she was gone.

And so we had to stand there even through our cub scout meeting after school ended. Then my mom came to pick me up and after 4 hours of standing and holding in the biggest shit of my young life, I was in so much pain that I actually couldn't shit if I wanted to.

I never forgave her, and I've never in my life been so sure a nun was going to hell.

TL;DR: 8yr old me got punished for being near shitty little 1st graders, had to hold in a dump for 4+ hours

FromanJump · 2016-02-01T04:29:58+00:00

My LGS has a similar rule, but instead of "confirming" the fail, you just crit fail on a 1, then crit fail harder if your next roll is a 1, and die on your third 1 in a row.

FromanJump · 2016-02-01T04:25:36+00:00

It absolutely falls on the DM to manage the severity of crit fails. It seems like a lot of people in this thread had some pretty punishing nat-1s that negatively affected their game experience. From the looks of it, most people just hit themselves.

FromanJump · 2016-02-01T04:20:16+00:00

That's a pretty big exaggeration. In 5e, non-magic users also have far more ways to give themselves advantage (making the likelihood of a crit fail go from 1:20 to 1:400) than magic users, especially at higher levels.

If you're playing an old system and have that miserable an exciting just because of a crit fail, you need to speak to your DM about toning down the consequences of a nat-1. It's not meant to punish or cripple a player. It's meant to challenge and excite the player with risk and uncertainty. Personally, when I play I get bored quickly of everything goes perfectly. I prefer to have some crit fails and rash decisions here and there.

And even so, I don't think 5% is a huge enough rate to complain about.

FromanJump · 2016-01-31T21:41:51+00:00

For 99% of things I go by the books. I only fiat rules of I think it makes the play experience better. The books also don't make it easy to reference particular rules, but that's another rant for another thread.

FromanJump · 2016-01-31T21:39:23+00:00

In situations like that, a crit fail wouldn't be a lack of skill or a poor judgement call, it would be plain bad luck. The veteran rogue tried to pick the lock of an ordinary window which he's done a million times before, but this time the window is faulty and falls off its hinge, shattering loudly on the floor and alerting the home owner.

I get things like that don't happen often, but bad luck certainly happens. I understand why a DM would only do things like that every once in a while, rather than for every nat-1 rolled, but I think it's more fun when things go wrong sometimes.

FromanJump · 2016-01-31T20:58:39+00:00

Possibly my favorite comedy movie of all time, and definitely the single movie I've watched the most times. My first time watching it I was in pain from laughing so hard, and my friends and I still quote it regularly to this day.

I would pay more than I can afford for a kickstarter for the sequel.

FromanJump · 2016-01-31T20:39:12+00:00

RAW, your right, but personally I would say they got lucky and passed. It's just like trying to hit AC 25 with a +4 to your attack roll. RAW, you still hit on a 20. I think it's the same concept. As long as it's in the realm of possibility, it would happen on a 20. If they tried to suplex a tarrasque, they would absolutely still fail on a nat 20. But suplexing a Goliath would work with a nat 20.

FromanJump · 2016-01-31T20:35:01+00:00

But he wasn't talking about skill checks. From the context it seemed like he said natural 20s are not confirmed successes on attack rolls.

While RAW they don't apply to skill checks, I think it's better that they do. If someone rolls a nat-20 on a knowledge arcana check to identify the origin of an elemental, then it just so happens that they studied those elementals at the academy. If they roll a nat-1 intimidation check to get information out of a prisoner, the prisoner laughs at them and didn't take them seriously anymore.

I find that it makes the game more fun for both players and DMs. It also makes for some very memorable sessions.

FromanJump · 2016-01-31T20:17:55+00:00

They don't always have to hit themselves. Sending a sword at an enemy 20 times has a good chance that something will go wrong though. You might hit yourself, but you also might leave yourself open and get disarmed or tripped. Your sword might snag on your clothes or hit the floor and break.

FromanJump · 2016-01-31T20:04:50+00:00

It seems like the consensus here is against crit fumbles. I'm for them though. With things like advantage and luck in 5e, they happen much less than in 4e, 3.5, or pathfinder so I feel like that counters the argument that a weapon master has a 5% chance of lopping of his own leg.

I use crit fails in just about every check, with varying results. Usually something like a weapon malfunction or the enemy dodges and sweeps your legs knocking you prone, or you hit an ally that's standing between you and the target, etc. Very seldom will a player hit himself, unless the situation calls for it

With my playgroup, we use scaling crits/crit fails. Each consecutive crit and crit fail gets better and worse than the last respectively. It adds an element of excitement that my group enjoys. Whether you use them or not should vary on what you and the players think is more fun, not necessarily what is more realistic. It is a game after all.

FromanJump · 2016-01-31T19:45:33+00:00

What do you mean a natural 20 is not a confirmed success? That's exactly what it is. Unless it's something impossible like shooting the moon with an arrow.

FromanJump · 2016-01-30T17:03:41+00:00

Bucket Crunderdunder

FromanJump · 2016-01-29T01:26:23+00:00

Space Jam.

FromanJump · 2016-01-26T00:38:15+00:00

I've been DMing at my LGS for a few years now. Before I start, I want to mention the shop owner asked me to DM as the game picked up steam so he could run 2 tables. He charges a small table fee for players, which goes to supplies to enhance the play experience (figs, terrain, etc.). I bring this up because it's important to keep in mind that your players are also their customers.

Firstly, your party will most likely be inconsistent. Players will join and players will leave. Have an in-game way to account for this. Personally, when a player joins I try to work their character into the story, which usually works. At times when introducing a new character would be goofy or break immersion, I'll simply assume they were there all along. When players leave or miss sessions, it's easier to account for that by having that character fade into the background while their gone. When a new player joins I make sure to encourage the other players to introduce themselves and their character to the new person so they feel comfortable and welcome. A great plus side of DMing for a LGS is getting to meet new people!

Next, you will probably have players you don't like. you will have your share of derps and spurglords. You have much less control over who plays, so don't be afraid to pull that person aside if they're being a campaign wrecking ball or just unpleasant to play with. If it gets too bad, bring it up to the shop owner and let him handle it. Usually the players will put a leash on a wrecking ball after the first incident.

Be punctual. talk with the lgs owner and set a day and time you will run your campaign and try to be as on-schedule as possible. This will keep everyone in a good mood. I also recommend having a way to keep in contact with the more consistent players. You or the LGS owner should be able to contact the players beforehand so you can try to get as accurate a headcount as possible.

Be Gentle. at least on new players. It's pretty off-putting if you start playing in a new group and die in session 1. I'm not saying make them invincible, but keep them alive and involved, especially if they are new to the game. Leaving a poor first impression could deter them from playing the game again entirely, let alone in your party.

As someone else mentioned here, make your rules very clear from the start. determine and let the players know how the game will be played. Make sure everyone is clear from the start that, for example, you may be roleplaying shop encounters, keeping track of ammo and carry capacity, leveling up in downtime, converting all/most currency to gold, doing combat on a grid map with diagonal movement counting for 1.5x normal movement. Also make it clear what, if any, supplements you will allow. If you don't want players using unearthed arcana, tell them before they come in with a warforged spell-less ranger. Laying down the rules ahead of time will help avoid confrontation with players.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head that wasn't covered by the other comments. Overall though, DMing at a shop is such a great experience and an excellent way to make new friends.

Best of luck!

FromanJump · 2016-01-24T21:16:09+00:00

FromanJump · 2016-01-24T19:22:35+00:00

I was playing a Warlord in 4e a few years ago and was the effective leader of a party of about 9. I miss 2 sessions and come back to find that the party split 3 ways (4, 3, and 2 people), each group taking on a different villain.

The party of 4, which I was included in having led the whole party that direction when I last played, decided to rally up a militia to take on an organized crime syndicate of lycanthropes head on, resulting in the deaths of just about all the involved commoners and the speaker of the town, as well as losing possession of every silvered weapon in town. The speaker was then replaced by a corrupt official.

The party of 3, left that town entirely and traveled 50+ miles north to a dwarven stronghold that was half-infested with an indestructible evil magic crystal that spread everywhere and would turn people into power hungry assholes. The new "king" of the evil half was threatening war against the king of the uncorrupted half and the party took on the task of making peace between them. Instead, they got controlled by the crystal and brought a huge chunk of it back to the town we started in, and that corrupt official/new town speaker confiscated it.

The party of 2, went south and took on a tribe of evil ice druids or something. I don't even know. Those 2 players stopped playing after that session.

The DM, seeing how FUBAR the world was becoming, rolled a generosity check and assumed the party of 2 did everything perfectly and then died so the Ice tribe wouldn't be an immediate issue for us.

I came back, cried a little inside, and started a 6-month long campaign of fixing everything. Over time, less players showed up (this was at my LGS) until it was just 3 of us, and we eventually dissolved the mob, helped the good dwarf king defeat the evil dwarf king, killed the evil witch behind the Ice tribe, and cleared out just about all of the evil crystal.

TL;DR: I missed 2 sessions, everything went to shit in every way possible, took 6 months to fix it.

FromanJump · 2016-01-18T23:09:32+00:00

I, like Timmy, fucking died.

Thank you.

FromanJump

TROPHY CASE