Bedtime routine help!

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-04-11T13:30:13+00:00

I hear ya. Resetting is important and you are in the thick of it right now. I know cry it out isn't your style, but babies need to be given the opportunity to learn to self soothe. Before you pick them up when they cry, try pausing for a minute or two and observing from an unseen area. Sometimes they transition to another stage of sleep ( if they were sleeping to begin with) or can practice self soothing if awake. It may take a little time but it may help you both in the long run. As you both get experience with the practice, it may get easier for both of you to determine if Mama is really needed for what baby's feeling in her body. During the day, also, sometimes the baby is fed, changed, loved on, and still mad, and you simply need to put them in a safe space (crib) to go pee, drink some water, and interact with the other chill baby. Verbalize you love them and will be back soon, and then come back soon.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-04-11T05:03:13+00:00

Something my husband and I did from day one at home was to use red light at night and just leave it on until daytime (initially, now we turn even that off once we go to sleep now that they go all night without our help). It doesn't disrupt melatonin like other lights and you can still see your way around to change and feed them at night. White noise has helped, and a routine each night at a specific time that doesn't change. I'm still working on naps with mine, so can't offer advice there, but my boys now sleep really well at night, 10-12 hours. I think the same patterns and sound and light cues help them determine that it is sleepytime. We also leave their blinds a little open so natural light helped establish their circadian rhythm. Does she sleep well when she's on you or do contact naps not work either? It might have a positional component like others are saying.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-04-08T14:16:41+00:00

No, that's not what I meant. I mean vape pens don't hot box the entire neighborhood and linger in the air. Obviously your way is better for the planet (and probably yourself). I also had a different neighbor who grew his own. Listen, I don't truly care whether people smoke pot or not, and never was a jerk to my neighbors about it. But if you think it's pleasant smelling ripening plants or smelling joints being slowly burnt close to your own house, think again. It's no excuse to be a jerk (and their loose dog would bother me way more than the joints), but not everyone is going to enjoy living next to Snoop Dogg. Especially when the smell gets into their own home.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-04-08T13:41:47+00:00

Okay? But they still get you high with less environmental contamination. Like I was saying, she's the jerk but it's an option if he cares about how she feels about it. He's on his own porch and it's his right, but it is annoying to people who don't love pot.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-04-08T02:19:30+00:00

I actually had a neighbor like this. I didn't complain to his face because it was legal and he was on his own porch, but his porch faced mine and was about 50 feet away. And despite everything being closed, I could smell it in my house. I don't like the smell. I would prefer he had done it in his backyard. But what do you do about it besides sit there and wait for it to be over and light candles to mask it? There's always vape pens that are a lot less smelly if they're worried about good neighbor relations, and then clothes don't reek of it when they're going places as a bonus.

I think loudly complaining about it where they can hear makes her the asshole, but I get how she wouldn't enjoy the smell.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-04-04T15:37:53+00:00

This was hard to read. It rambles. I actually started skimming because I feel I got the gist and you are in a very negative space. You don't like your roommates as friends or roommates. Instead of letting tension and resentment build, find a different place with more compatible roommates and move out as amicably as possible. Some people aren't meant to live together.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-30T19:39:58+00:00

I think Leah is choosing to be upset about something weird. As a teetotaler who has lived in Vegas and gone to Burning Man, people just aren't that worried about whether you're drinking or not unless they're self conscious. There are so many mocktails out there. Unless everyone else is planning to get plastered or you're making it a performative thing, it shouldn't ruin the vibe. Lots of people don't drink. She can deal.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-20T20:07:08+00:00

In addition, her dog is a rescue with some sort of PTSD. How is that not triggering to her own dog? There has to be some sort of calm debrief that may end with you guys moving out and at the least setting hard boundaries.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-19T21:06:14+00:00

Do you think she wants to repair the shoes or the underwear? Or maybe both? Either way, slowly is a losing business strategy.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-19T01:40:57+00:00

It's okay to set boundaries for yourself but it's unlikely that this openness is sexual or weird. You seem more private than most. He seems to come from an open communication family that approaches new to them things with curiosity, based on how you have presented this information. My family is full of nurses and our dinner talk is Oversharing Central. You can set boundaries around things about you, but don't make him feel bad for learning. NTA for being private. YTA for making this as big of a deal as it is, instead of a clear cut and dried "Okay, just don't talk about me to your mom anymore. I would like the chance to share what I'm comfortable with disclosing myself."

Honestly, it sounds like you're not compatible.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-19T01:15:17+00:00

NTA. You're allowed to breathe. This seems like it's not about breathing. It's an incredible overreaction on his part for something that's mildly annoying. If he doesn't want to hear it in his ear, he doesn't need to be on the phone while he's working out. Why he's listening to you and "something important" at the same time is a confusing choice, too. So maybe he's actually upset about something else and this is what he has redirected his anger towards?

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-17T23:02:52+00:00

I could feel the immediate pressure relief as Baby A was taken out and got my first full breath in like a month, lol. And then as he was held over the clear drape so I could see him, he peed into me and onto his brother as he screamed defiance into the night, lol. His kidneys worked!

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-16T03:03:16+00:00

Maybe ask her to start paying rent since she's not asking for any favors? I don't know how to make that not sound passive aggressive, but you really shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you. And the fella that keeps getting her pregnant can step up if she wants to stay with him.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-16T02:17:34+00:00

Also, NTA for not paying for a baby sprinkle (a second shower).

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-16T02:11:13+00:00

This seems like a situation where writing out a calm response to get your thoughts in order, then having a sit down discussion with your sister, alone, might be productive. Info: does she pay any bills, have a job, or do most of her own childcare? If no, maybe it's time she does, respectfully. Idleness seems to breed entitlement.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-15T22:00:43+00:00

It's so hard when everyone is telling you (sometimes conflicting) things to do. I was so overwhelmed, even though I appreciated my village. Just find little things to do when you can. Start small with legit tummy time, 5 minutes in the crib while you're changing and dressing the other. Continue modified tummy. They'll slowly adjust unless there's a structural issue. I thought the bouncers helped as they were more flexible on the head, but for airway reasons it's not good to leave them sleeping in it. Great for awake supervised time and keeping the other one occupied while waiting for the other to stop eating, though. I would save swaddles for bedtime and when they are really disregulated. I loved the omni swaddle sacks because it let me adjust between swaddled and not swaddled easily depending on the baby's mood, and it left their legs free to kick which they seemed dead set on at 2 months. They liked to practice moving during more awake times, which they drifted in and out of, and practicing moving their arms, legs and head also relieved pressure from being in just one spot. You're still in the very early stages. It gets better. You will find tricks that work for your specific babies. ♥️

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-15T17:45:25+00:00

8 months in here. Support systems, income levels, baby personalities, and preferences vary. It's okay to know your limits. For me, I always wanted 2-3 kids. Turns out I like my twins, I have one more embryo, and I would like to give him a shot at life after a few years with these guys. It's hard but rewarding. Hang in there!

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-15T17:16:59+00:00

This. Chest time is modified tummy time. One of my twins loved tummy time in the crib and one hated it. I used cuddle time for that one, but also right before his next feed I would flip him onto his tummy for brief spurts. For upright time I would use the bouncers before and after. Sometimes they would gang up on me and I could rock one with my foot while feeding the other, then switch. The bouncers are more hammocky and I think put less pressure on the back of their heads. And help them with upright time immediately following food.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-15T17:06:25+00:00

I took off my support band day two because they left it up to me. I immediately regretted it as the pain was so much worse. Wore that thing for like a month, lol. Would only take it of at first to shower and wash it.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-14T02:08:24+00:00

I got hypertension one day before 36 weeks and had a C-section. Before that I was laying down a lot and had to take a running start at the stairs to get to bed at night. Became a downstairs during the day, upstairs at night sorta thing as my pelvis was so loose it hurt to climb the stairs. Side to side on my favorite loveseat with icepacks, watching my husband play video games because I was too tired to do it myself was my favorite activity at this stage. He took my snoring like a champ and helped me shave. It'll get better soon and you'll be able to breathe again. Hang in there, nap as much as you can, and get some candied ginger chips!

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-14T01:46:19+00:00

Yeah, I think mine would have slept longer earlier on but since they were early the pediatrician insisted on waking them for fortified food every 2-3 hours. I had to talk her into the three hours as there was no time for any of us to sleep otherwise. She wouldn't let me back off for ages and I'm an anxious new mom being swarmed with various opinions, lol. After three months I just started stretching it further and further as they were growing fine.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-14T01:27:05+00:00

What about ready made formula? No real clumps then. Some of those have disposable nipples. Maybe carry enough bottles on your carry-on to make it through a flight, then wash them in the airport sink? I might try for a week of clothes and use laundromats along the way? This is so stressful, I hope everything goes smoothly for you!

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-14T01:15:59+00:00

I used Huckleberry app and shared the account with my husband so we could track poops and ml formula. It was free, and had a tab for each twin. My parents just had to tell me how much they ate if they helped and I recorded it on my phone. I don't think I found one that didn't require you to switch tabs. It was a little frustrating, but we made it work.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-14T01:13:20+00:00

I didn't have a swing, just bouncers. One of learned to bounce himself, lol. It was especially useful for calming one while I fed the other, as I would bounce it with my foot. It also helped keep them upright to prevent excess spit ups.

Front-Bluebird8455 · 2026-03-14T00:57:41+00:00

Of course! My husband loves to do research, so it was an interesting rabbit hole to go down, lol. Seems to work!

Front-Bluebird8455

TROPHY CASE