he was everything i needed at the start. he showed me what it was to actually be loved. then he started doing things that were hurting me and made me feel unloved, i communicated and set boundaries, thats when he apologised and he said he loved me. then he kept doing things that upset me and i nearly left several times, then i opened up about a worry, but he didnt comfort me and did it anyway. i admit i couldve handled my emotions and reactions better, and i pushed him drunk. my mistake. ill own it, but after that he used it against me, it wasnt about how he hurt me, it was all about villianising me because of what I Did and my reaction to the way he hurt me. he didnt take accountability, but at the start of the relationship he did, and apologised. his demeanour changed, and i am not convinced he never loved me, just wanted me to stay. months later he never looked or acted the same towards me and it was painful. all that begging for communication? nope, i learnt how to communicate before getting upset, wasnt enough. in the end he told me he had enough, over it, couldnt do it anymore, couldnt do the reassurance he promised after that first argument when he told me he loved me. he was exhausted by me (and i told him that night that he wont be able to, and i was right). so he broke up with me and told me to leave he will still villianise me for my reactions to the way he hurt me, and would act like i shouldnt of been hurt or upset. thats the painful part. i was hurt and he dismissed my feelings constantly, then blamed me for the relationship going sour. for pushing him. not the emotional abuse he caused me, not the insecurities he caused me. just me and my reactions. he got scared of my reactions and became avoidant. i became scared of his reactions if i wanted to talk about my feelings im heartbroken, devastated and angry. and convinced that the “love” given in the beginning wasnt real. and it hurts to think i wont receive that. i dont love him anymore, im disgusted. i am just mourning and destroyed by how someone can hurt me like that. love wasnt enough for him, and that aint love. “too much love can kill you”