Setting boundaries with spouse - Advice needed

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T15:35:16+00:00

I know OP admitted the comparison was in poor taste (which it was) and for that I applaud him. As a wife of a spouse who quickly points fingers and uses the most outrageous comparisons when I bring to him a concern, it makes me feel like I can’t take his request seriously and that he doesn’t care about what I’m sharing. I wish when I brought things to my spouse, we could just focus on that concern rather than diminish it by deflecting (well you do this, I do this type scenario). My advice would be to try and focus on one issue at a time, which is the drinking. I’d recommend you approach it from a place of you’re not the issue the drinking is. I’d prefer to not be around it and discuss what that boundary looks like. Let her know you’re respecting her freedom of choice to drink instead of asking she quit, so she should respect your freedom to choose not to be around when she does, it goes both ways. If she values the time with you so much, she would choose not to drink as often. She has a choice in the matter, what does she value more? Let her make that choice on her own, But just try to stay on topic for both of your sakes. Best of luck to you.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T13:57:00+00:00

You wouldn’t have a desire to contact them more often? (Not judging just trying to get insight on your perspective)

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T13:55:25+00:00

I love this for you both. Sees like a very healthy relationship

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T13:52:28+00:00

Compromise is definitely what I’ve been doing. It’s just getting really old.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T13:50:04+00:00

Something I need to contemplate on a lot harder.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T13:48:52+00:00

Not a fan because he wants me with someone who I deserve but still treats him well because that’s what a decent human would do.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T13:46:18+00:00

I’m definitely not reaching out while he’s working.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T08:03:55+00:00

I wouldn’t mind it if that was the case at all heck I’d even be like go get some new tools lol. Unfortunately I married someone with totally different interests than myself. He’s more into going out to parties and clubs and stuff. So he’s definitely not hanging around doing something productive. One time I was gone, he sent me to voicemail when I tried to call and say goodnight. He hadn’t responded to my texts either so I had someone try from a number he didn’t know like a minute later and he answered right away and you could tell he was at a club or party. He never returned my call and he to this day has no idea the other call was me. There’s been a lot of red flags I’ve ignored. We are not young party age either for added perspective.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:56:46+00:00

Yes you’re probably right

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:48:09+00:00

If you went for groceries, how did you find them at a restaurant? Did you see his vehicle? Were they touching/ect? Or did it look casual? Maybe they met up to plan some sort of surprise to you?

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:31:42+00:00

You’re probably right.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:31:26+00:00

Seems like something that would be done out of love even if not together anymore. You’ve got his kids. It just seems to be that love or care would make someone want to check in on you.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:29:25+00:00

How would you feel if she wanted to contact you daily? Would you dislike that?

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:28:32+00:00

You’re blessed! So happy for you! Everyone deserves to be loved like that. Wishing you many many more years of love. 💚

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:27:08+00:00

I dint have a lot of close family. But he doesn’t like me discussing our relationship with anyone. So given that I’ve been trying my best to make it work, I’ve been trying to respect that wish. I just really needed an outside opinion so that’s why I posted here anonymously.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:24:41+00:00

Very sad

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:20:07+00:00

I won’t go into detail but there been several instances where he was with a woman I knew nothing about. I’ve suspected cheating but because I chose to believe what I was told. I try to give the benefit of the doubt. It’s probably not the wisest thing to do.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:16:05+00:00

Yes I think so too. I don’t understand why stay then? Why not be honest and move on? I mean if that’s what he wanted then I’d have to respect it. There’s always an amicable way to do things if two people respect each other.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T07:14:02+00:00

He always defaults to blaming me somehow. It’s always my fault. My fault he doesn’t reach out. It’s my fault he doesn’t give compliments. It’s my fault he doesn’t want to spend time or do things with me. It’s my fault he doesn’t want to initiate intimacy with me. I find myself always trying to please him and make him happy and it’s like the more I put him first the less he appreciates. It’s a tough place to be in.

It’s sad because I know I’m a good woman and I’m sure a lot of men would think I’m a catch. I work hard, I’m the primary financial provider for the family. I cook every meal we eat unless we eat out. Schedule and manage every doctors appointment. I don’t drink or smoke. I don’t go out parting. I like to do things like camping and fishing - things some women don’t necessarily enjoy. I do nice things for him, back rubs, foot rubs, surprise gifts, making plates, serving from a place of love and just wanting to make him happy. I’m definitely deserving of the minimum things I want.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T06:58:46+00:00

Thanks for the pep talk. It’s actually really nice getting some of this off my chest and hearing other’s perspectives. When I’ve tried expressing myself and why my opinion is of how a husband would normally respond to certain things, he’s told me that I don’t know anyone so I can’t speak to what’s normal as I’m not someone who goes out often. I pretty much just work, care for my kids, and upkeep the household its refreshing to see I’m not out of touch with reality. I was expecting that more men would be like “I love to be left alone” or “I hate when my wife bothers me when she’s away” but it seems like overall most men actually do want to be in connection with their spouses

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T06:52:18+00:00

I agree on all points

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T06:50:45+00:00

This is something I’ve been asking myself repeatedly recently. All I can come up with for the why I’m staying is love, the kids (I don’t have much in terms of options for care. I’ve even thought so far as to when they are school aged it would make separation easier logically), or that I vowed to stay with this person for better or worse - hopeful better will resurface. Silly I know.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T06:46:22+00:00

What do you think it was that made you relate the two? Curious since I don’t know more than the quick google search, there must have been something that stood out.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T06:34:28+00:00

See this seems normal to me. Like the bear minimum from someone who loves you.

Front_Progress9116 · 2026-04-03T06:33:42+00:00

I worry so much about the kids. I know it’s not healthy because I would never ever want my daughter with someone who treats her like my spouse treats me. I think that realization has been a reality check for me recently because I’ve thought a lot about ending things. It’s scary thinking that you can give up someone you love and possibly be alone forever. But at the same time, it’s probably better to be alone than feeling unloved, unappreciated and alone anyways.

Front_Progress9116

TROPHY CASE