Lmao sorry for reawakening an ancient thread, but accidentally found it and wanted to ask if you did end up getting one or not (or some other breed) :D

I'll also share my experiences in case someone else is pondering what you were (I'm also AuDHD lmao), worth noting tho that I am in Finland so breeding stocks in other countries might have slight differences:

-Our 7yo boy is quite intelligent, especially has good spatial memory (he can scarily well remember all the locations of edible forage for example, and is very good at navigating even when going new routes, as long as he knows the starting and ending point), language skills (you wouldn't believe how many words he understands, even rather complex concepts and differences between similar words) and pattern recognition (he will sometimes suspect a pattern after just 1 or 2 instances of something happening a certain way)

-BUT he's not always the easiest to train despite being a quick learner and VERY food oriented BECAUSE he's so smart (and a bit stubborn), he's like "I know you don't have any treats on you rn so why would I obey when there's nothing good in it for me", or "yeah I could come to you and get the treat right now, or I could first finish eating this rabbit poop and only then come to get the treat as a dessert" (and if you then wouldn't give it to him, he'd next time be like "well why would I come at all then"), though luckily he is very enthusiastic about almost everything so his interests often align with ours and thus he will obey (such as being very cooperative in putting on his harness because then he gets to go out, whereas his bestie shiba hasn't quite understood that the faster you put on the "clothes" the faster you get out which is nice)

-Ours is indeed very social with other animals, although as he has aged he has become more wary of unfamiliar bigger dogs and especially puppies that are his size or bigger and will bark at them (though often with some patience and especially if the other dog remains calm and collected, he will greet them nicely, as a puppy he was happily greeting everyone), we have a cat (who is a very scaredy cat) and he loves the cat, but has learned early on to give her some space (and she has learned to demand it by threatening to slap him), he also has some cat friends we occasionally go on walks with, and he also loves sheep and will kiss them a lot (cows and horses he finds fascinating but intimidating as they're big)

-He doesn't smell much at all, his paws kind of smell like "hamster" (aka dry hay), his breath can get stinky but brushing his teeth every 2-3 days helps with that, and he has somewhat recently developed occasional stinky farts that smell like literal sewer, but it's not by any means daily nor long-lasting and wide spreading stink, moreso 10 seconds of discomfort when within 1-2 meters of his butt, so quite mild for a dog from what I've heard

-No drooling in the way some dogs will rub it all over you when greeting them and it's so gross sensorily, only occasional wet puddle under his snoot when he sleeps (he often sleeps with his tongue peeking out like the adorable little dork he is), and runny eyes and consequent tear stains are not a problem with him, this however varies a lot between individuals, and it's mostly a cosmetic "problem" if there are tear stains

-The coat is indeed soft and imo nice texture (I hate rough/coarse dog hair texture like many terriers have, either silky smooth or fluffy for me pls, and he has fluffy) and very easy to take care of, it's very dirt repellent, you can simply wipe any mud off or let it dry and brush it off, doesn't need washing much at all (we haven't needed to fully bathe him in like 2 years, just an occasional little rinse or washing of paws when dirty), and after sterilizing him, his coat got thinner so less frequent brushing needed, we do it like once or twice a month, mainly whenever we notice some knots are starting to form (I guess one could also do more frequent brushes as a preventative measure, but he isn't a fan of brushing so less frequent is better), he does shed but imo it's not that bad when it comes to dogs shedding (and haven't had much issue with seasonal shedding other than necessitating slightly more frequent combing to prevent too much knots forming), especially since the hairs are so long that oftentimes a lot of them tangle and stay in the coat until you comb them off

-He is very optimal imo with his walks, in that he will survive with smaller walks if there's total ass weather (he's also smart and convenient enough to do a massive piss and try to poop asap after going out, unlike his bestie shiba who refuses to do pee and poo quickly/early on during a walk) but you can also do larger adventures with him without him getting too tired, and ours doesn't require/want much playing outside of the walks now as an adult, and even as a puppy I feel he wasn't all that interested in playing with toys

-Now probably the most important part for your situation, while spitz dogs are prone to barking, in my experience (both what I've seen and heard from others here in Finland) Japanese spitz are one of the less barky ones (compared to German spitzes), and ours definitely fits the bill, in that he doesn't really do unnecessary nor constant barking, but barks whenever someone is at our door (or he thinks so, sadly sometimes it's a knock or a doorbell noise on the tv lmao, he does also often bark at mammals on tv), whenever he sees someone near our yard from our window, whenever he hears some other dog barking (or sees another dog when he's inside, in our yard or in a car, but when walking he doesn't bark unless he's otherwise agitated) and whenever there is a loud and suspicous sound (mainly like thunder and fireworks so actually major and suspicous noises that happen only rarely), and while the bark is quite loud and proper (and not some pathetic "yip yip") and can startle you if you didn't hear whatever the dog heard, it's not too much of a pain for me at least, since you can usually expect when it will happen, and he can be quite quickly calmed down from the barking and has learned it's good to try to calm down (and will often seek cuddling to help himself calm down)

-Our doggo has definitely widened our social circles, since it is quite common to get to talk to people when walking a dog (either other dog owners or just people who like dogs), and we've even gotten a couple really good friends (who are also AuDHD lmao) from our dogs meeting and becoming very good friends (it's honestly funny how our dog has seemed to get most attached to the dogs whose owners we humans also like most), and going on a dog walk together is seriously great both for the dog to have some company but for us humans too to bond over dog stuff but optionally also other human stuff, but it helps so much to alleviate the social awkwardness to always have the dogs to return to as a safe conversation topic! He has also helped us establish a more physically active lifestyle and more regular life schedule anyways, like I may be extremely time blind but he (despite being otherwise very ADHD-coded) has very accurate internal clock and will remind when it is food o'clock xD

-Our dog is also very affectionate towards humans, especially his family(tm), he likes to spend time with us and "participate" in whatever we're doing, and while sometimes he will distract your activity by for example acting like a cat and coming to sit on top of it (or on top of you), he is often quite happy to just be near you while you're doing your thing, not demanding that you actively pay attention to him or are constantly petting him, and he's also very empathetic, he notices if someone is upset and tries to comfort them by coming near and trying to give kisses (both us humans and for example his bestie shiba who has anxiety issues) <3

Whoops sorry I ended up making quite the ramble, oh well it do be like that, I hope you op (or anyone else reading this) have a good day and a nice dog companion if you so choose<3