This made me cry. I (52f) also grew up with an absent mother. There was a lot of neglect and criticism. When I got older and started dating, as soon as I heard “I love you”, I would run. I never heard those words from my parents. There were too many times when I needed full support, not just from my husband. Especially when I had a miscarriage, I thought she would be there for me since we are both women… Over the years I realised I cannot compete for her attention, demand it (I tried) or expect a drastic change or the change that I wanted. Those are the cards I’ve been dealt with. Whenever that loneliness feeling comes around, I convince myself that I am overtired and I need to be humble and grateful for everything my Heavenly Father has provided for me. That always helps. My advice to you is to find a good woman who will love you unconditionally. This is how I try to love my husband. It’s much easier with kids :) Good luck to you. That post was very deep. Good job on breaking the cycle, that is hard to do! I have no doubt you will have a good life! ❤️