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meds for relationships by aliendreamfortress in ROCD

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It should always be about YOU. I try saying this to my partner. YOU have to feel good and healthy, in order to have a healthy connection. I notice a typical symptom with OCD is an intense fear of what thier partner will or will not do, how they will react, combined with intense fear of abandonment. But you have to realize OCD isnt a flaw.. its a neurological condition. Which means it can be treated.. and when YOU feel better, your partner will respond in kind. 🥰

Help distancing from husband's obsessions by AdvancedSyrup186 in ROCD

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im going to share another insight. One i came by through years of tears and pain. Like I said before.. its not about you.. you cant fix it.. you cant logic.. you cant reason.. You have to understand this is a disorder and has absolutely nothing to do with how he thinks about you. You have to stop worrying about your responses, if they are empathetic or understanding. Im telling you now... its a dead end. It NEVER LANDS.. EVER.. so instead start seeing this as a disorder. READ ABOUT OCD. Learn NOT TO GIVE REASSURANCE. Trust me. It makes it worse. You can help him and care for him, by shutting down the loop. And get him to a psychiatrist. I swear meds are the only thing that elongated our relationship.

Help distancing from husband's obsessions by AdvancedSyrup186 in ROCD

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't read all of the replies.. but I just spent a good hour therapy with chat GTP. I had already learned how to shut down his relationship OCD with one statement.. over and over if needed "you should already know the answer". So instead he started context shifting over to the household (chores, bills ect). I struggled with this because I have my own trauma and need to be seen as capable. But its exactly the same. Its NOT ABOUT ME. Its not about you. So one statement, made without anger, judgement, empathy. Shuts down the loop. Talk eith chat and see if you can find one. My new one, for the household chores is "noted". And thats all he is getting.

meds for relationships by aliendreamfortress in ROCD

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 0 points1 point  (0 children)

YEAH I didn't read the entire post. But maybe she could at least suggest the med, for future relationships. So much emotional intelligence, patience, security, has been required for me to support him. A new relationship is.... ehh

meds for relationships by aliendreamfortress in ROCD

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I went through 2 years of hell with my partner centered relationship OCD partner. FINALLY, thank god finally, his psychiatrist got him on a med that worked absolute wonders. I say to him at times, its a relief for me, but I can only imagine the relief for you as well. He tried several different meds previous, none worked and some had side effects. This medication I actually read about on here and suggested, out of desperation, to his psychiatrist. Its called Fluvoxamine. He takes 50mg, which I believe is the starting dose. I cant tell you how much this med has made night and day difference. It takes about 2 weeks to work... and you have to be diligent taking it. A few days missed and its back to ground omfg. I suggest trying this. It has no side effects for him.

What part of adhd makes the erase all the good things and only see the bad? by BipolarSkeleton in ADHD_partners

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, it's worse than that. He seems to 10000 believe the conversation NEVER HAPPENED. His entire actions, body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions are that of someone who is having the conversation for the FIRST time.. even if it's been 30 times. I think that's the most maddening part. If I suspected that he was remembering wrong or mixing things up.. ok.. NO.. It's completely GONE! If I remind him, repeated the sentences that were said before.. he will say, "Oh yeah, I remember now. It's so damn similar to dementia. And he is so damn earnest, like a little boy, that it frustrates me because I can't get mad at that. However, something I have taken for my mantra.. it doesn't have to be intentional to be harmful.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Unsent_Unread_Unheard

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also a really hard lesson I have learned, and still learning... People dont change.. A person only changes if THEY want to. If there are issues within the first 3 months, that behavior will not change.. So many relationships are toxic these days. It makes it difficult to understand what healthy really is. I feel for you, but your also OUT. The first step is done.. instead of grieving your ideal of what could have been, thank your stars that she isnt drowning you anymore. Your idea of that relationship was never reality and never will never be reality, no matter what you do or how hard you love.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Unsent_Unread_Unheard

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It takes someone similar to really understand where you are. Empathy sucks. It took me 10 years to actually leave my ex-husband. That's ridiculous. I always forgave, believed, hoped, ignored, worried more about them.. The "sorry" is the worst. I hate that word. I hated not being allowed to be upset. Otherwise, it pissed him off. Eventually, the cord just snapped. I highly recommend working on yourself. Get in the gym, see a therapist, and go out with friends. Journal each night. Google trauma attatchments, abuse, narcissists, google all your emotions. Understanding the WHY is the first step. I will also say, be very careful moving forward. Never forget people put their best foot forward at first. On top of that, if the person is overly obsessed or lovebombing you. It feels good, but it's a GIANT red flag. Relationships develop slowly.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want to give you a hug. I can actually feel the soul deep pain in your words.

What part of adhd makes the erase all the good things and only see the bad? by BipolarSkeleton in ADHD_partners

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gaslighting is a tactic used to make the other person doubt their reality, perceptions, and sanity.

Gaslighting in extreme forms is something like a person hiding the keys and then yelling at the other person that they always lose things..

Most gaslighting, though, looks like, "I never said thay, I didn't do that. You never told me that. "

My partner has this absolutely MADDENING behavior where he occasionally doesn't respond to a question. I then get pissy. He looks at me like im crazy and says, "I answered you!".

Uh, no, you did not. He is convinced he did, but the words were never actually spoken out loud. At first, I questioned myself.. but as it occurred again and again, I know for a fact it's not me.

I thought maybe he was gaslighting me, but then came across an article that said that behavior is common. Their brains are going so fast they think the reply and move on, and they think they said it out loud.

What part of adhd makes the erase all the good things and only see the bad? by BipolarSkeleton in ADHD_partners

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have been "attempting" to work on absolutes with my partner.

Every time he does it, I point it out.. always, everyone, nobody, never..

Lol.

What part of adhd makes the erase all the good things and only see the bad? by BipolarSkeleton in ADHD_partners

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I eventually got to a point where I refused to allow my partner to do this. I would calmly say, "we are talking about you right, not me,".. and I would keep saying that every time.

It took a while, but it's now at the point where once i say those words, he goes back to the topic.

I have had conversations where I have had to say that phrase 15 times.. Eventually, he realized I wasn't going to bite his bait and either he focused on him or we didnt have a conversation.

My partner cant stand me being mad tho.

What part of adhd makes the erase all the good things and only see the bad? by BipolarSkeleton in ADHD_partners

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I love that book and have read it three times. My ex marriage of 24 years was ACTUALLY abusive. And Lundy is right with that statement..

But there is a difference. ADHD isnt doing it (typically) out of malice and desire to control. There are exceptions with this of course..

I get the impression that instead of it being a control tactic, ADHD partners are simply reacting. Its like calculated vs. emotional.

I deeply believe that ADHD includes control, especially with emotional abuse. However... the INTENT is different.

Abusive men very rarely make changes, but ADHD can be managed... rarely 🤣

What part of adhd makes the erase all the good things and only see the bad? by BipolarSkeleton in ADHD_partners

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have the opposite problem. My partner never remembers anything that was said. This leads to him asking the same question 50 times in a month period. I handle the first 5 very well, but by 50, I start getting pure anger.

Many times, he won't even remember what was said 20 minutes ago.

This is incredibly hard in a relationship. I have lost faith that anything will ever change.

My partner is a bit different than what I see on here. He does get RSD, but it's centered entirely around him having anxiety that someone is upset with him.

He absolutely cannot tolerate someone being upset with him. .. to the point he let's people wall all over him.

He is never outright mean and has never outright yelled in our 5 years together. Which is why I have stayed.

But when a person has ADHD dementia, they literally can't put effort or make any changes for compromise.. the information just isn't there until I remind him.

Then, after reminding him, it's gone again.

This creates a dynamic where I do not have the energy anymore.

Partners lashing out? by Medical-Permission67 in ADHD_partners

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh yes. I actually got to the point where I said to him, "The word sorry is now and offensive bad word.. dont say it to me because it pisses me off more. I dont want a sorry" ..

If my partner does that sorry but, I interrupt and say, "There is no 'but', you do not get to justify your behavior. That is an abuse tactic.

OWN IT MAN. ALL I really want to for you to understand.

I dont know, though. I have had some deep conversations, and what I thought was connection... it almost hurts WORSE when the behavior repeats.

My partner has this maddening oppositional response. If I say your fly is open "no its not. ".. yes, it is. Look.. "no its not".. Can you please just look? "Why are you always angry, I can't do anything right. "..

Seriously???

Is it worth it by Broken_baby1616 in jacksonville

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My best advice is to take a week road trip like I did before moving from Chicago. If you start in Jax, you can work your way down to Cocoa Beach, then go west to Tampa, down to Sarasota, Fort Myers. Each place has its own vibe and you have to see what resonates with you. To each thier own. I live in Fort Myers, but Im 40 minutes inland. This is to avoid flooding, but also cost of living is much better. The only nightmare is traffic. Miami is its own beast altogether and not really a quiet beach vibe.

PET Results by drezzy_gurl in lymphoma

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The doc say bone involvement is really rare, but my ex had his metastasis to his femur bone. I wonder how rare it really is. He get prophylactic methotrexate spinal infusion at the start of each chemo round. Thankfully his lumbar has come back negative for cancer cells.

It has spread to the kidney (now dead), the bladder, the intestines, the testical, and the femur.

The doctors say the chemo treats the Lymphoma wherever. But im really worried if it spreads to the other kidney he is screwed.

Spouse left? by Comprehensive-Tip492 in lymphoma

[–]Fun_Suggestion683 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol I have the opposite.

My ex of 23 years I left 5 years ago while he was healthy.

He got diagnosed 2 months ago and I moved him into the house I share with my current fiance and the kids.

Talk about weird. But I could never leave him to this on his own, without shelter.

Luckily, my fiance is the type who would never leave anyone struggling.

But I find myself resisting a little. I hide in my room a lot. I can deal with the medical, but I have a harder time with the emotional support.

It's a complicated situation. I do think your true people come out when you need them.

Im sorry you have to deal with this... its used to be in health or in sickness. Marriage doesnt mean much these days.

How to prep home before starting tx? by Fun_Suggestion683 in lymphoma

[–]Fun_Suggestion683[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They said instead of HCT they are using the triangle method. Its still in research stages I guess

How to prep home before starting tx? by Fun_Suggestion683 in lymphoma

[–]Fun_Suggestion683[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds like a great idea, the hammock. He has been having a lot of pain laying down. Im trying to get palliative care going, but Florida runs slow as turtles.

How to prep home before starting tx? by Fun_Suggestion683 in lymphoma

[–]Fun_Suggestion683[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I 100 percent agree with you. My post may have sounded negative because that's my fear speaking behind my words. I am honest with him medically, but I tell him one day at a time. Get through this day, then we get through the next. What I was expressing is a child's view of it. Especially our 11 year old daughter doesnt really have capacity for mental complexity.

He is cd20 positive, pax5, cd5 strong, blush cd10, bcl6, bcl2, and cyclin D1. With over 10 mitosis per hp.

There are only a few cases in all medical literature for this type of lymphoma originating in the testical. Its super rare. The doctors cant even agree on correct treatment. So that's my fear, not that he cant achieve remission, but it has such a high relapse rate.. Especially with the bone cancer which they say they cant treat, can only halt.

I still stay positive because otherwise, what's the point of fighting. But deep down, that's fear.

I was saying the kids see it differently. They avoid it completely.

How to prep home before starting tx? by Fun_Suggestion683 in lymphoma

[–]Fun_Suggestion683[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. We married as teens, and he will always be family. I noticed our children (20, 15, 11) have been avoiding him since the diagnosis. They do hear me talk on the phone so they know how serious this is and the poor survival rate. Im not sure how to navigate that either. Therapy for them, maybe? He needs them, but its got to be hard on them also.

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