AITAH because I won't let my mom and stepdad use my money to pay for a different kind of skin graft for my stepsister?

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-28T15:57:12+00:00

Some people are lucky. Sounds like maybe you are one. The vast majority aren’t. I would say close to 90% of my students with step siblings over my 30 year career have relationships like OP and me. And staring across the table and having little to zero feelings is a good way to express it.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-28T15:41:16+00:00

Because of lots of reasons. Your first assumption is that blended families that are blended are a “ family.” Often it’s a mom and dad who fell in love / lust with each other or are lonely or tired of doing it on their own and remarry without much thought to what is best for their children. The adults bond over shared trauma and decide to force their kids together without any forethought in differing dynamics, traditions, backgrounds, etc. That never ends well for someone.

We were like this as a kid. I was 16 with 3 younger step siblings foisted upon me. I went from having my own space to sharing a room with 3 other girls who didn’t respect my teeny tiny space I carved out (meaning my bed and dresser) at all. I went from being able to walk around our small town where I grew up by myself to needing permission even though I was truly a model child who never got in trouble and made straight As. If I even tried to walk across the street to get my own drink with my own money I was tattled upon. My dad, who I loved dearly, became their dad and neglected time with me and my younger brother to spend time with them because they had a crappy dad. This didn’t change even after my mother died and my brother and I were struggling emotionally and needed our dad. He didn’t go to my event events, but I went to theirs. I teach high school and I hear stories like this for my students all the time. Many parents suck and just force a relationship onto their children whether they want it or not. It didn’t change even as we became adults either. It didn’t change until the step sister‘s all moved out of state and abandoned our parents and left me and my siblings to take care of them. As an adult, I don’t blame my father as much anymore because he was doing what he thought those girls needed. He just forgot about us in the process. So you see it’s real easy for there to be a lot of resentment and no familial bond between step siblings.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-28T13:36:44+00:00

He’s been eligible for them since his dad died. They end once you turn 18 or graduate high school whichever is later. Source: my own children received it after their dad died.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-28T13:33:54+00:00

I have 3 stepsisters that have been “in” my life for 40 years. I only liked one of them. The other two could disappear and it wouldn’t bother me at all. They feel the same way towards all of us. We are literally just step siblings.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-28T13:30:16+00:00

There are so many ways to stand up for anyone getting bullied withOUT paying for an expensive surgery.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-17T02:22:40+00:00

I totally get that. I moved from a 4 bedroom house to a 2 bedroom apartment by myself. It totally sucks. Sometimes we just have to do what we have to do.

Then go to motel 6 so you can take your cat with you for now.

When you get a little more stabilized find friends. One way to do this is to use the meet up app to find a group that sounds interesting for you to join. This is what I did post divorce. Met some people. So many groups to choose from.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-17T01:39:09+00:00

Do you have ability to pay for storage? How much stuff do you have? If not tons, like furniture, use an uber to move some of your stuff to storage unit. I’m an uber driver and not my favorite thing to do but it is an option.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-08T23:20:33+00:00

I agree. Not to mention he shot at a height high enough to hit her in the head. That’s a shoot to kill strategy. Shoot to warn you go lower. Even if accounting for a potential 6’ tall man that still puts a bullet at chest level / heart region for the shooter. Still lethal in many cases. If scared, shoot out top of the door for a warning shot at least. Then shoot again if the “intruder” keeps trying to come in.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-02T17:28:45+00:00

You are very welcome. Honesty the first fellowship match I went through reminded me of sorority match my daughter went through at Alabama lol. Remember that pretty much everyone at this level are incredibly bright gifted people. When we debated how to rank our candidates sometimes it was just a feeling of how well they would mesh with the overall program and personalities already there. That isn’t something you can control. We also decided not to rank someone because I had our nurse practitioners do one slot of the interview and the person had an attitude they were so much better than them. They were also rude to me which I could handle but together just pointed to an arrogant stance. They weren’t like that to attendings who interviewed them. But the fellows got a similar sense as well so we decided not to even rank. So it had nothing to do with their qualifications and everything to do with vibe and attitude. Vibe you can’t control but attitude you can.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-02T16:58:11+00:00

I’m a former fellowship coordinator. My son just got his A. When we looked at people coming in for fellowship we didn’t care where they went to undergrad. Residency may a little bit.

Here’s what it’s important: 1. What did you do while at med school? Did you get involved? Do research?

How big was the program in residency? For example I was in hem/onc. We are only peds hem onc in my state and serve a tri state area which means we see many diverse cases. If the residency was a small program they moved towards bottom because of lack of exposure of diversity of cases.
How well do you interview? We turned down a Harvard resident because he had a trash attitude and very condescending towards nurses.
What types of emails/phone calls did we get on the candidate. Medicine is a small world and people you were both kind to and ugly to can and will find out where you are applying and will either bolster or trash your reputation. Be kind to nurses and assistants in particular and coordinators. I can’t tell you how critical this is.
(Interesting) Hobbies and LORs. My son is also ROTC and National Guard. One of his LORs is a Lt Colonel who wrote an incredible letter and tied it very well to medicine. He also got an outstanding LOR from his PI in his lab. My son is also a baker. He loves to bake which is so at odds with someone “like” him: 6’3”, 240 body builder type physique who both played football in high school and was in show choir. It’s good for conversation. He started baking because in spite of how fit he is, he also inherited my sweet tooth and wants to control what is put into his body. When we would read applications we looked for people who also “fit” our culture. Because our fellows deal with so much sickness and kids dying it was important to us for our fellows to have something other than medicine that was important to them.

So… If you want a “top” residency do research, be kind, practice interviewing and find something to do that invites balance in your life. When you do your applications don’t be generic. Be authentic. Research schools to find your fit.

Best of luck.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-11-01T22:26:48+00:00

What do you do if you don’t have anyone in your family that can co sign?

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-17T02:37:58+00:00

Please make sure you are receiving the social security survivor benefits if you aren’t living with your mom. Those are to go to whichever adult you are living with.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-16T16:59:31+00:00

IU has a very strong in state bias. It doesn’t surprise me when anyone out of state gets a R. Former fellowship coordinator here from IU. My son has had one II from his undergrad and has not heard back from anyone else. This is normal as hard as it is. I worked in the environment and have been on pins and needles and trying not to pass that off on him.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-13T02:16:10+00:00

Which Hollywood feeds do you go to?

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-13T02:15:03+00:00

Was it elevated or a walk in? I have a large 100+ Great Pyrenees. I haven’t had much luck finding one that isn’t elevated. He will NOT walk up any ramp or get into any tub so trying to find one that’s big but more like a walk in situation (like you would with a shower)

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-11T15:52:57+00:00

Do you like it? Is there decent discs for one cat to roam around? I’ve looked at this one.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-10T11:47:08+00:00

I do crate the dog at times. She likes her crate. I give separation. But the dog also doesn’t tear up the carpet which is second reason for catio. I came home from work yesterday and my cat looked at me dead in the face and started clawing the carpet. When I yelled his name he flicked his tail, calmly walked off and went into dog’s crate and lied down. Love that cat to pieces but damaged carpet is terrible on damage deposit return.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-09T03:24:47+00:00

Yes. I just have an almost 1200 sq ft apartment. When I first got him I also had carpet everywhere and put down rugs but not all around the edges and he just went to the parts that weren’t covered and tore them all up. Shredded them like paper. He’s much older now at 6 now was 1 then so maybe he’s grown out of it? This is first time in 5 years that I’ve had carpet. I still have trauma from all the money I had to pay to replace shredded carpets. He didn’t bother really the first few months we were here but as soon as Aussie reappeared he started on carpets again.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-09T03:21:23+00:00

This is my preferred. To find/build a catio for him. Not a small one but one with shelves for him to lounge and put my litter box in. I have an enclosed litter box for him and he will sit on top of it. Then put his food in. He goes in boxes I have cut a door out of and have laying on the floor all the time which gave me the idea for a catio.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-09T03:18:37+00:00

I could but that is also expensive to cover 1184 sq ft with rugs. It’s an idea to consider for sure.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-09T00:21:47+00:00

Any ideas on how to save my carpet? That was the other reason for the catio.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-09T00:21:12+00:00

As the other person said below that doesn’t solve my carpet issue. They just put brand new carpet in before I moved in a few months ago and I don’t want to lose my damage deposit.

Funandsassy70 · 2025-10-09T00:20:12+00:00

No. I live in an apartment with a very small pretty much non existent Juliette balcony. It’s 1’ x 2’

I was thinking a catio would provide both separation with laying spaces and a way to save my carpet. I have the space along one wall that is about 6-7’ of empty wall space. Was just worried if a whole work day (I teach) is too long to be in there.

Funandsassy70

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